Comments on: 12 Empowering Thoughts for Valentine’s Day http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:03:06 +0200 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252576 NML Wed, 17 Feb 2010 20:08:05 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252576 @skelly No problem at all! @leeluh Well at least you're honest and what you do know is that you're valuing and lusting for illusions - you like the surface of him but there's not much substance. At least you know what you need to work on - getting real. What use is an unavailable hot guy? @LadyDB Amen! @Naaz It can be difficult being away from family as you'll want to reach out to the next most familiar. Maybe start focusing on gradually building up your life and making new friendships. @MaryC I know it must have been tough. "Tomorrow the sun will come up just as it always has and I go on with my journey." - Amen! @Gill Gosh that's so lovely and thank you for your kind and generous words. It is heartwarming to hear that you've had some sort of epiphany moment. At some point we realise that enough is enough. Bankruptcy? Oh *hell* no! Better to see it than to never see it. At least you can start getting back your life. Yes it will hurt but you have people around you that are looking out for you, including me, hugs xxx @Debbie Thank you! It's a tough day - I've been there, but it gets better. @Rokstarr Excellent comment that elicited a giggle. Real is best even when it's uncomfortable. You don't stand a chance with a narcissist - it's like David vs Goliath and Hyde @Shoelvr Amen, amen, amen! Love is not just about men otherwise we'll be bereft when we don't have one. Nurture and enjoy yourself - stick with it and stick with you. In time, you'll meet someone far more worthwhile than any EUM xx @Aurora In light of your comment on the post that followed, I'll hold that thought ;-) Glad you have some perspective on things x @Aphrogirl I think you're right to an extent about the human nature to help, however, when we have decent self-esteem, we realise how dangerous it is to try to fix, heal, and help someone else's problems that existed long before you were there. These people who need 'help' have little or nothing to give. Congrats on enjoying V-day - flaky and unstable is a headache and what wonderful progress to no longer want him. You are healing and your self-esteem will no doubt be picking up. Good for you! x @Sam An AC alllllll the way. Don't dignify him with anymore attention. All you can do is learn from the experience and now you know that he's a 'hollow man' - illusionary with no substance. The moment he started seeing someone straight after his winter depression excuse, is the moment you knew he was a lying jackass. Winter depression my arse - that's one of the best I've heard! It's not about you - he's an AC and he says and does what suits him best to gets his needs met. He told you a lie to make you feel sorry for him and opt himself out of responsibility - talking to him is futile. I feel sorry for his new 'girlfriend' - he's a lying flake. @skelly No problem at all!
@leeluh Well at least you’re honest and what you do know is that you’re valuing and lusting for illusions – you like the surface of him but there’s not much substance. At least you know what you need to work on – getting real. What use is an unavailable hot guy?
@LadyDB Amen!
@Naaz It can be difficult being away from family as you’ll want to reach out to the next most familiar. Maybe start focusing on gradually building up your life and making new friendships.
@MaryC I know it must have been tough. “Tomorrow the sun will come up just as it always has and I go on with my journey.” – Amen!
@Gill Gosh that’s so lovely and thank you for your kind and generous words. It is heartwarming to hear that you’ve had some sort of epiphany moment. At some point we realise that enough is enough. Bankruptcy? Oh *hell* no! Better to see it than to never see it. At least you can start getting back your life. Yes it will hurt but you have people around you that are looking out for you, including me, hugs xxx
@Debbie Thank you! It’s a tough day – I’ve been there, but it gets better.
@Rokstarr Excellent comment that elicited a giggle. Real is best even when it’s uncomfortable. You don’t stand a chance with a narcissist – it’s like David vs Goliath and Hyde
@Shoelvr Amen, amen, amen! Love is not just about men otherwise we’ll be bereft when we don’t have one. Nurture and enjoy yourself – stick with it and stick with you. In time, you’ll meet someone far more worthwhile than any EUM xx
@Aurora In light of your comment on the post that followed, I’ll hold that thought ;-) Glad you have some perspective on things x
@Aphrogirl I think you’re right to an extent about the human nature to help, however, when we have decent self-esteem, we realise how dangerous it is to try to fix, heal, and help someone else’s problems that existed long before you were there. These people who need ‘help’ have little or nothing to give. Congrats on enjoying V-day – flaky and unstable is a headache and what wonderful progress to no longer want him. You are healing and your self-esteem will no doubt be picking up. Good for you! x
@Sam An AC alllllll the way. Don’t dignify him with anymore attention. All you can do is learn from the experience and now you know that he’s a ‘hollow man’ – illusionary with no substance. The moment he started seeing someone straight after his winter depression excuse, is the moment you knew he was a lying jackass. Winter depression my arse – that’s one of the best I’ve heard! It’s not about you – he’s an AC and he says and does what suits him best to gets his needs met. He told you a lie to make you feel sorry for him and opt himself out of responsibility – talking to him is futile. I feel sorry for his new ‘girlfriend’ – he’s a lying flake.

]]> By: sam http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252570 sam Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:52:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252570 After 4 months of an up and down relationship, AC broke things off with me in December siting that he had winter depression and didn't want to be close with anyone and preferred to be friends. Within that time frame he started seeing someone else as a girlfriend saw him with the new woman. After sending him seething emails, and receiving his responses, I finally decided to let go of my anger towards him (at least in his eyes). Over the past 2 months I've been holding it together and haven't lashed out at him like I would have done in past relationships. On Valentine's Day he sent me red roses / red carnations with a simple card that read "Happy Valentines Day". As it's proper manners to call and say thank you, I did, and left a simple message that the flowers were beautiful and thank you. That was almost a week ago and because I haven't heard from him, I've spiraled down again. AC sends me flowers on VDay, when he's still seeing someone else and thinks that that's not the wrong message? Yes, I know, he sent them because he's an AC. After 4 months of an up and down relationship, AC broke things off with me in December siting that he had winter depression and didn’t want to be close with anyone and preferred to be friends. Within that time frame he started seeing someone else as a girlfriend saw him with the new woman. After sending him seething emails, and receiving his responses, I finally decided to let go of my anger towards him (at least in his eyes). Over the past 2 months I’ve been holding it together and haven’t lashed out at him like I would have done in past relationships. On Valentine’s Day he sent me red roses / red carnations with a simple card that read “Happy Valentines Day”. As it’s proper manners to call and say thank you, I did, and left a simple message that the flowers were beautiful and thank you. That was almost a week ago and because I haven’t heard from him, I’ve spiraled down again. AC sends me flowers on VDay, when he’s still seeing someone else and thinks that that’s not the wrong message? Yes, I know, he sent them because he’s an AC.

]]> By: aphrogirl http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252512 aphrogirl Mon, 15 Feb 2010 21:35:46 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252512 I dropped in on a friend yesterday who had the tv on to a channel that was running a day of dysfunctional love movies ! Nothing like a little balance to the usual greeting card sentiments. Also just finished a great little book called Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, that explained very clearly how we all tend to seek love and approval from others, especially partners, how hopeless that is and and how we will only be satisfied when we know that love and approval from deep within ourselves. However, I do believe that all the self love and approval is no match for the worst of the EUM/ arseclowns of this world, if you are unawares. It is human nature to want to " help." So pay close attention to the reality of how it is going when you find yourself involved with difficult people waving red flags ! I had a wonderful illusion free Valentines day, I am happy to say I am finally free of the wanting and wishing of the EUM to become a solid and stable guy. And I am now so wise to all that goes on with the drama of people who like it flaky and unstable. I am grateful to this NML for this site and for everyone here in the past year, as I worked emotionally to get myself out of that disheartening relationship . I dropped in on a friend yesterday who had the tv on to a channel that was running a day of dysfunctional love movies ! Nothing like a little balance to the usual greeting card sentiments. Also just finished a great little book called Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, that explained very clearly how we all tend to seek love and approval from others, especially partners, how hopeless that is and and how we will only be satisfied when we know that love and approval from deep within ourselves.

However, I do believe that all the self love and approval is no match for the worst of the EUM/ arseclowns of this world, if you are unawares. It is human nature to want to ” help.” So pay close attention to the reality of how it is going when you find yourself involved with difficult people waving red flags !

I had a wonderful illusion free Valentines day, I am happy to say I am finally free of the wanting and wishing of the EUM to become a solid and stable guy. And I am now so wise to all that goes on with the drama of people who like it flaky and unstable. I am grateful to this NML for this site and for everyone here in the past year, as I worked emotionally to get myself out of that disheartening relationship .

]]> By: Enlightened http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252503 Enlightened Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:23:39 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252503 @LadyDB couldn't have put it better myself! LOL!....... It is very lovely to do something cute and celebrate (I can vouch for tha myself!) but you can do something cute and celebrate that loving feeling any moment, any day, any time..... Why does one have to feel bad about not making a big show of affection on Valentine's Day? @LadyDB couldn’t have put it better myself! LOL!…….

It is very lovely to do something cute and celebrate (I can vouch for tha myself!) but you can do something cute and celebrate that loving feeling any moment, any day, any time…..

Why does one have to feel bad about not making a big show of affection on Valentine’s Day?

]]> By: Aurora http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252497 Aurora Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:25:55 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252497 I'm sorry, NML. I didn't feel any of that yesterday. It just sucked in spades. Sometimes I cannot pretend I don't want or long for love. I cannot think myself onto the bright side or be positive about how lonely it feels, or rationalize why everything else I have in life is enough. Today may be better than yesterday because I have grim determination to try to think of other things. But Valentine's Day as a single not in a mutually healthy, loving relationship just sucked. .-= Aurora´s last blog ..<a href="http://1intuitive1.blogspot.com/2010/02/clouds.html" rel="nofollow">Clouds</a> =-. I’m sorry, NML. I didn’t feel any of that yesterday. It just sucked in spades. Sometimes I cannot pretend I don’t want or long for love. I cannot think myself onto the bright side or be positive about how lonely it feels, or rationalize why everything else I have in life is enough.
Today may be better than yesterday because I have grim determination to try to think of other things.
But Valentine’s Day as a single not in a mutually healthy, loving relationship just sucked.
Aurora´s last blog ..Clouds My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: shoelvr http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252496 shoelvr Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:51:28 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252496 Another great post! I agree with gill - this site has helped me tremendously - which made this the BEST Valentine's Day ever! I have decided to love me, be my own valentine, and I had an awesome weekend w/ my friends and family - people who care about me and love me. I didn't waste another day on an unsatisfying relationship where I put in all the effort and got nothing back in return. Every day that I work on myself and living the life I want, I am giving more and more to me, not an EUM. I am feeling great and plan to keep this up until I truly love myself so much that I will never allow another EUM to even dip a little toe into my life! Another great post! I agree with gill – this site has helped me tremendously – which made this the BEST Valentine’s Day ever! I have decided to love me, be my own valentine, and I had an awesome weekend w/ my friends and family – people who care about me and love me. I didn’t waste another day on an unsatisfying relationship where I put in all the effort and got nothing back in return. Every day that I work on myself and living the life I want, I am giving more and more to me, not an EUM. I am feeling great and plan to keep this up until I truly love myself so much that I will never allow another EUM to even dip a little toe into my life!

]]> By: Rokstarrr http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252495 Rokstarrr Mon, 15 Feb 2010 13:24:38 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252495 I spent Valentine's day researching articles and watching Youtube videos about Narcissistic personality disorders. That kept it VERY real for me. So I know now every time I feel like I might have had a real relationship, I can revisit those sites and realize I never had a chance. I spent Valentine’s day researching articles and watching Youtube videos about Narcissistic personality disorders. That kept it VERY real for me.
So I know now every time I feel like I might have had a real relationship, I can revisit those sites and realize I never had a chance.

]]> By: debbie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252490 debbie Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:38:05 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252490 What a great post!!! Valentines day brings so many conflicting emotions!! What a great post!!! Valentines day brings so many conflicting emotions!!

]]> By: gill http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252486 gill Mon, 15 Feb 2010 02:26:30 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252486 I am convinced you are a gift from God, because of your amazing insight and the fact that you must help hundreds of thousands of women, who are intelligent enough to understand you, but who are unable to deal well in the romantic arena, for whatever reason..... I would like to thank you not only for my free copy of the NO CONTACT RULE that you awarded me,but also for your care towards all of the women who read your posts and your obvious passion to educate .....im a woman with children and grandchildren, who look up to me and need me, but who have scratched their heads in disbelief as I have struggled for 6 years with a Mr. Unavailable who has screw ed my head round and almost lead me to the bankruptcy courts !! Why couldn't I see it? i can now, and I've ended it, and my friends and family don't believe it, because I've been so controlled, but I woke up 2 weeks ago!!...how? I don't know, something just clicked off and I believe its because all your words came true !! Thankyou and I know that I would have been lost if I couldn't have come here when I needed to get through the next day....x I am convinced you are a gift from God, because of your amazing insight and the fact that you must help hundreds of thousands of women, who are intelligent enough to understand you, but who are unable to deal well in the romantic arena, for whatever reason…..
I would like to thank you not only for my free copy of the NO CONTACT RULE that you awarded me,but also for your care towards all of the women who read your posts and your obvious passion to educate …..im a woman with children and grandchildren, who look up to me and need me, but who have scratched their heads in disbelief as I have struggled for 6 years with a Mr. Unavailable who has screw
ed my head round and almost lead me to the bankruptcy courts !!
Why couldn’t I see it? i can now, and I’ve ended it, and my friends and family don’t believe it, because I’ve been so controlled, but I woke up 2 weeks ago!!…how? I don’t know, something just clicked off and I believe its because all your words came true !!
Thankyou and I know that I would have been lost if I couldn’t have come here when I needed to get through the next day….x

]]> By: MaryC http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252485 MaryC Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:52:52 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252485 @Naaz....I too am at 4 months NC and still very very sad. But V-Day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I kept busy, O' yes I wanted to text but I re-read alot of NML's posts and it did give me perspective. Tomorrow the sun will come up just as it always has and I go on with my journey. @Naaz….I too am at 4 months NC and still very very sad. But V-Day wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I kept busy, O’ yes I wanted to text but I re-read alot of NML’s posts and it did give me perspective.

Tomorrow the sun will come up just as it always has and I go on with my journey.

]]> By: Naaz http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252484 Naaz Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:49:58 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252484 Thank you ! I cried it was frustrating that after 4month of NC it still hurt, I guess i have no family where i live not many friends so i feel isolated, I know he was not right for me I just need to tel myself that i do not need any drama I got this :). Thank you for posting the thought of contacting him was coming in mind like every 5 min this will help a lot Thank you !
I cried it was frustrating that after 4month of NC it still hurt, I guess i have no family where i live not many friends so i feel isolated, I know he was not right for me I just need to tel myself that i do not need any drama I got this :) .
Thank you for posting the thought of contacting him was coming in mind like every 5 min this will help a lot

]]> By: LadyDB http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252483 LadyDB Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:44:13 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252483 Happy VDay to all, Loving youself or loving them, that can't give back or don't know how. It's just a day on someone Calendar to get your money or make you feel bad about yourself. Count your Blessings!!! Happy VDay to all,

Loving youself or loving them, that can’t give back or don’t know how. It’s just a day on someone Calendar to get your money or make you feel bad about yourself. Count your Blessings!!!

]]> By: leeluh http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252482 leeluh Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:43:32 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252482 I was trying to avoid feeling sappy this day, following your tips and my friends, but somehow I find my self sad for a Mr. Unavailable who hasn't even call. Asking why would be foolish because I know why. Still I held on to my illusions. I think I have done it simply because he is hot and it would be nice to be with somebody hot and show him around. It's sounds stupid, silly, inmature, but is the only reason I can think of. I was trying to avoid feeling sappy this day, following your tips and my friends, but somehow I find my self sad for a Mr. Unavailable who hasn’t even call. Asking why would be foolish because I know why. Still I held on to my illusions. I think I have done it simply because he is hot and it would be nice to be with somebody hot and show him around. It’s sounds stupid, silly, inmature, but is the only reason I can think of.

]]> By: skelly http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-252475 skelly Sun, 14 Feb 2010 23:27:28 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-empowering-thoughts-for-valentines-day/#comment-252475 NML, excellent article. After reading it, I felt positive and strong. V-day is just another day! Thank you.. NML, excellent article. After reading it, I felt positive and strong. V-day is just another day!
Thank you..

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