You got it!!!!!

You are not being too tough. You are forcing me to look at reality and I appreciate it GREATLY! Stick with me girlfriend!

I hope I wasn’t too tough but it’s what got me to see reality.

I find it very disturbing that you had to ask him to take down his profile, he should have done this once it was established you were together. I still don’t get the dog thing. You have three and yet he only has one, this doesn’t make sense. It’s all in the actions or should I say inaction!!!!!

I think you need to ask yourself what you get from this ‘relationship’ besides misery. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like he’s contributing much of anything. How can you miss nothing???? When I went NC from my Ex-assclown it was so liberating, b/c you know what, I got my self-esteem back and that’s more important than any man could ever give me. I really think you need to look within and ask yourself why you believe you deserve so little in your life.

What helped me was keeping very busy. I got involved with volunteer activities, Salsa dancing, meditation, courses in school, etc…. Not only did I discover fun activities I also made a lot of new and wonderful people. This is up to you, you can choose to hold on to something that is painful and destructive or you can choose to do what’s best for you. As I stated before, the world will end if this man is no longer in your life.

I wanted to let you know I was where you are about 2 months ago, (only it was for the umpteenth time for me). My last EUM only texted though (that was his management tool, to manage my expectations down). I obsessed for a while and I was the one that cut contact. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter because what my perception was and what his was were two different things and there wasn’t any relationship to begin with. I got on this site and it’s made a world of difference in my life. I too, had to read and reread before I got it and I am still working on it, only working on me!

At any rate, this is a suggestion, Do Not give away your dignity to this guy by calling him, texting him checking up on him, it’s a waste of your time and energy (I know, easier said than done). You will look needy, it’s just not worth it and you came to the right place to help with that. Forget about the “Rule” obviously he is not playing in the same sandbox as you so there are no “Rules” and be glad that your investment is limited to 7 months rather than years down the road….Gail

Today has been good and bad. The anxiety attacks continue, but at least now, I am vascilating between wanting him to call/text and not wanting him to because I have sworn to myself I will not contact him – and so far I haven’t. When I am wanting him to text/call, it so overwhelms the practical side of me (the side that hopes he doesn’t). Its as the fear that he is mad at me still, rejecting me, disappearing/abandoning has to be removed before I can rationally take action to end the relationship. Stupid, I know, but the pain is killing me.

One of the male posters (Mike) said when men text they only want sex. That hit me square between the eyes because for the first several months of our relationship, all we did was text unless we were making plans to go out. He RARELY called. It wasn’t until I told him I would like him to call more often that he did. But, the texts at the beginning of the relationship were always about sex….what I was wearing (panties), were they wet, etc. It was very erotic and exciting. Speaking of sex, when we would have sex, he’d pull my hair and say I’m such a whore because I like it so much. At the time, again, it was very exciting and erotic, but when he did it last week when we were on vacation, I was offended because I feel we’re past that – yet, I didn’t say anything.

I would appreciate any good words of wisdom on how to stop obsessing and wallowing in limbo hoping and praying he’ll text/call. I’ve tried the keeping busy, working out, etc. I even tried one posters suggestion to sing a song because it redirects you and makes you feel happy. (Funny, the song I keep singing is from the Spongebob CD, Plankton singing, “You will obey. Body and soul, you will obey.” Can’t get it out of my head). Nothing is working. I can’t even sleep.

How far into the relationship was his online profile up? Also, I don’t get why you’re always going to this clown? If he wanted to spend time together he would have made an effort to come to you on a 50/50 basis. Remember, it’s all in the actions!!!!

You also asked why you come in “second best.” Perhaps this is because you have not set any boundaries with these men-I did the same in my last relationship-why would they want a woman who does not respect herself enough to stand up for her beliefs and values, would you if the situation were reversed???? We must implement boundaries or we will continue to be doormats in every aspect of our lives. Go back and reread the series on boundaries, and also focus on the comments made by the male posters.

Then why stick around???

You know all the signs, he screams EUM. Do you think he’s going to change??? We cannot expect people to change, this is who he is.

I think it was Mike who commented that we all seem like intelligent women who are above these guys. My EUM should be thanking is lucky stars to have someone like me. I am very well-educated, multiple degrees – he graduated from flight school in the Army. I have a 6 figure salary that is almost 4 times his. I could go on and on and on. Yet, here he is holding all the cards, exercising all the control. I NEED to force myself to break contact (although, we’re in one of the periods where there’s been no contact for several days) and having such a difficult time with it.

Why is this relationship in his control, there are two people involved here??? What percentage of this relationship are you happy???

I realize that you love this man-we all have-but the world will not come to an end, you must recognize that another cannot have so much control over your life and actions.

Lastly, this guy mainly texts? Big red flag. Also, you said he you can go five-days w/o NC, this is not a relationship. Judy, I’m sorry but you have to recognize what this situation is and move on or you will or you will lose yourself and your self respect. Not worth it!!!!!