escape key on the keyboardYes some people have met the love of their lives and had lots of fun with online dating, but more often than not, it’s a pain in the ass. I did try it when I was single and I was a touch scared of the weirdo’s that are out there and how confrontational, over familiar and downright creepy people can be when they instant message or email you. Most of all, it’s other people’s experiences that lead me to really dislike online dating…
1. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Jaysus if you want to find the largest cluster of deluded liars, check out online dating sites. Many of these people could be done for violations of the trade description act if it applied to dating. False photos, pretend careers, false personalities, pretend lives, forgotten marriages, forgotten children, and much more. There is so much dishonesty it’s difficult to trust that someone is actually being honest when they are.

2. Unsolicited d*ck shots. For quite a lot of guys, it seems that making contact with a woman online means that it’s time to get their penis out, photograph it and send it to her. When Baggage Reclaim did a Penis Parade in the old forum over a year ago, there were literally hundreds of penis shots submitted by women who had got them from their online dating escapades. At least if you chat to a guy in a bar, he’s unlikely to whip his penis out unless he wants to get arrested….

3. Dumb profile names. As if anyone is supposed to believe that you’re not looking for a shag when your name is Hotdick69, Cumtomebaby, Sirlicksalot, Siliconelove, Barebacklover, and much more. Ugh!

4. Overfamiliarity breeds contempt. It’s like there is no decorum. Someone sees your photo and if you’re online, they IM you with an innuendo or send BS emails about how they are in love with you, want to meet you, or want to touch you, and all because they saw your picture and read your profile. When you’re face to face with someone and they make sexual innuendo’s when you barely know them, it’s not good. When it’s done by email or IM it’s downright laughable. I was amazed at how many guys skipped over introducing themselves and went straight into seduction!

5. Weirdo alert. You get a load of winks and there is always one guy that takes umbridge about the fact that you didn’t wink back or get in touch with him. Or they send an introductory email and let’s say you’ve had a busy week so you don’t look at your emails for a few days, they’ll be a string of increasingly terse emails from guys who are clearly highly insecure about the lack of reply.
6. Cheaters central. Online dating is the haven of people who should be logging off and spending time with their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend. Instead they’re soliciting dates, having a flirt, sending dirty emails and arranging dirty get togethers with either unsuspecting individuals or other equally devious people. They even have special websites just for this type of extra-curricular activity…
7. RFTP. Read The F*cking Profile. I’d like to meet a guy between 25-34 based in London solicits men ranging age from 18 to 80 living in may different countries… People spend time writing profiles about interests, likes and dislikes, only for people who clearly didn’t read it to get in touch. And that’s all because these people aren’t really that interested in reading the profile, they just want to get into your pants.

8. It’s that Eighty:Twenty Rule. One set of people ruins it for the others. I’m sure there are honest people genuinely looking for friendship and love, it’s just that there is clearly an overwhelming majority who want to wreck it for them by abusing the opportunity to meet someone new and putting online dating in a bad light.

9. Why would I want to pay for a headache? Most of these sites get you to pay to avail of all of the communication options and to get full use of the site. But really, you’re just paying for lies and weirdo’s making their way into your inbox and potentially into your life.
10. Technology actually hinders communication in dating. Emailing, IM’ng and texting should not make up the bulk of any persons contact when they really want to embark on a relationship or even open up communication to start dating. Tone is open to interpretation and these type of communications ultimately make people lazy. But then again, making face to face contact with some of these crackerjacks could be more than you bargained for…

Learn more about values and common interests with my special ebook bundle. You can also check out my ebooks including The No Contact Rule, a dedicated guide to getting over someone by cutting contact and injecting some boundaries into your life so that you can move on to a happier you, and Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl, a no holds barred guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them, in my bookshop. For personal advice or analysis of your relationship/situation, check out my consultation service.

Natalie Lue is the founder and writer of Baggage Reclaim and author of the books Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship and more. Learn more about her here and you can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter – @baggagereclaim .

Natalie (NML) – who has written posts on Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue.


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23 Responses to 10 Things I Hate About Online Dating

  1. brain dancer says:

    What, I’m not the only one who gets unsolicited d*ick shots? See my post: “Why do you think they call them mushrooms?” for an “indepth” analysis.

  2. kyle says:

    Why you are paying for lies and weirdoes to make their way towards your inbox. Might be into your life! Get rid of those rusty services. Kisscafe.com (www.kisscafe.com) is providing cool dating services. Just go for it!

  3. So there aren’t plenty of annoying drunks at the bar as much as they are online? You just gotta turn that filter on high sometimes…

  4. Eryn says:

    I say there should be another Penis Parade soon.
    I find the whole online dating thing to be ridiculously contradictory.
    No matter how adorable the website, how happy the couples on the commercials look, or how romantic the profiles of those who ‘e-woo’ the unsuspecting lady, the unsolicited d*ick shots still come out of the woodwork after the initial meet and greet via chat room.
    Personally, I think there must be a more creative way to approach dating.
    I met my boyfriend in the emergency room of a hospital.
    Desperation is perhaps the problem that fuels this hassle of lechury.

  5. jane says:

    I agree with much of what has been written and would still be willing to give it a try. However after considering online dating and reviewing a series of possible sites, why is it that men most commonly are looking for women 10 or more years younger than themselves? Further why, is it that men in 45-50 age group still want to have kids?

    As far as I can tell men outnumber women on sites 4:1, is this real? If it is then there are a great many men between 35 and 50 who haven’t gotten it together and don’t know they haven’t done so!

    Confused but not really surprised,
    jane

  6. Hey great post! Online dating, there are so many things wrong with it, its not funny. But you forgot to mention the part where you whole family finds out that you have an online profile somewhere and then bombards you with letters that include all the horror stories of online dating. But hey i can only speak from personal experience.

    Yeh there are a lot of psychos out there, but you walk out on the street and go shopping and you’ll still find them out there in the real world too. They are just better dressed, that’s all =)

    With that said, provided that you majorly filter out all the crazy, horny, old, fat, ugly people you should be fine. I tried online dating, got masses of responses and so it was a GREAT ego boost. If you want to call it that.

    I did go on dates, but i made it really hard for them to get me out on one. I was constantly testing these guys (not like we don’t do that with your average guy anyways). Anyways didn’t end up finding someone to date seriously, but i made a shite load of guys friends who are completely normal and hot (might i add) as well as a best friend who i talk to everyday and see on a weekly basis.

    There’s good and bad to it I spose =)

    Hot Alpha Female

    http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

  7. cheekie1969 says:

    Ah, not a fan of the online dating world at all.
    Too much fantasy, not enough reality.
    Be whoever you want to be, and when you meet, bam, nothing there.

    More bad experiences than good for me, and I have tried a few of them…I think the guy to girl ratio is so ridiculous that guys go right for the pounce sometimes.

    Which is too bad, cause I know a lot of ‘real life’ people who are online dating and not having any luck.
    But they would meet someone if they walked away from the computer and actually tried something new in reality…

    :)

  8. Mims says:

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who (now) finds online dating on par with yanking my own hair out strand by strand. I’ve never felt so rejected, dismissed and “nexted” as I did when I tried an online site. One charming man said it was just a “process of elimination”– gag how sad is that? So the point isn’t to get to know people but to eliminate them? That’s not the attitude I want to have when I interact with people.

    I’m convinced people are seriously deluded with their “find my soul mate” mentality.

  9. Celina says:

    On Line Dating – I’m glad I’ve tried it but personally it’s been more hard work than anything.

    Meeting sooner rather than later is a must. Building up rappore on the phone or via email doesn’t necessarily mean there is chemistry when you meet. It’s so disappointing what is great on paper doesn’t even come close.

    The dates I’ve been on have all gone well and was pleasant enough but it was just a formality. I trust my instinct and if there’s no chemistry it’s the first and last date.

    Ignore the weirdos or the one’s who send irate emails because you didn’t reply back immediately.

    Always read the age limit on their profile. A 40 y.o. man with a range between 18-60 isn’t a quality I’m looking for. Apart from the obvious, what can a 40 y.o. man have in common with an 18 y.o woman?

    Men who you haven’t even met claiming undying love or who is far too serious than they should.

    Women tend to lie about their weight. Men lie about their height!

    Things will happen when they happen whether meeting naturally or on the internet.

  10. LL says:

    Hmm…. paying money to advertise myself on the internet in order to solicit the attention of strange men who claim to be looking for a “relationship” requiring “chemistry”?
    No thanks.

  11. [...] I’ve talked before about the negative impacts of men using email/text messaging/IM as primary forms of contact, and I’ve made no secret of my dislike of online dating [...]

  12. Julie Larson says:

    from my experience it is the online dating providers that bother me more then anything they advertise “free communication” but what they mean is you can send some stupid one liner they wrote to someone without paying but to freely communicate or to even read what someone has sent to you you must first pay. also E-Harmony especially will not let you see anyone pictures til you pay but they URGE you to post yours saying you are more likely to hear from members if you have a picture but as them why you can’t see a picture before buying they say it is because they are trying to match you on a deeper leve beside physical appearance. if this is the case why urge me to post mine. plus. the people who join these sites are rating themselves if someone says that they have an “athletic build” but in the picture they clearly do not. does E-harmony confront them or change what they put ? obviously not. besides If they are matching me with guys based on “deep compatability” WITHOUT A PICTURE ALL MY MATCHES SOUND LIKE THE SAME GUY. and lastly I don’t need a perfect 10 guy to be interested but if there is no physical attraction at all ( and this a personal opinion not universal, I may find someone not universally considered attractive very attractive) then this great guy who I am so compatible with will be nothing more to me then a really close friend of which I have plenty already and is why I am looking online to begin with. I told E-harmony before I removed my profile that I would not buy shoes or anything else for that matter without being able to see what it looks like first and I am not starting now. Why they can’t just offer temporary free FULL trial memberships is beyond me, if they had what I am looking for I would join. also the match thing I say an age range and other specifics and they even ask how important it is to you, even if you put Must have they still send you “matches” that are opposite of what you said you must have ?? like they know what I want or need better then I do. I AM 46 YR. OLD FEMALE I LOOK YOUNG FOR MY AGE, I AM IN GREAT SHAPE AND VERY ENERGETIC AND ALL I GET FIXED UP WITH ON THESE SITES ARE MEN 10 OR MORE YEARS OLDER THEN MYSELF THAT ARE FAT AND BALD ????? Ehy would i want to pay good money for more of this.

  13. JJ says:

    Online dating sites are just empty voids…. From experience before my last relationship I did the online dating and met a guy who it was going quite well actually and he VANISHED….. I did not hear from him ever again and i found out that he had gotten a girl pregant and gotten married around the time that we we talking. That was my epiphany moment to say that I would never do online dating again… No matter how vunerable I may be feeling.. Not to mention I am well on my way to healing… No rebounds needed and definitely won’t be wasting my time on any internet dating site… When a man finds a woman he finds a good thing.. He’ll have to be God sent this time around.

  14. JJ says:

    By the time that you consider doing the online dating I think that you ‘ve pretty much given up on letting love and the right person find and come to you. Not saying that dating sites haven’t been successful but its clearly like a timing thing… Its like a dam needle in a haystack… Sometimes you can land one and some times you don’t but to each its own…

  15. JJ2 says:

    I agree about online dating sites. I have refused to try E-Harmoney or Match, because…. my opinion (and its only my OPINION) is that those kinds of things are for…. “desperates.” However, someone told me about SeniorMatch.com, I put up a BORING profile just to check it out. If you pay, you get to do more thorough “matches,” but for FREE you get to wade through dozens and dozens of profiles, but at least it’s limited to your state. I’m not taking that seriously, I just did it to “check it out” so I could make an opinion. My philosophy always has been, and continues to be…. “If I’m meant to have a guy, one will show up whether I want him to or not….” It has always worked for me. However, the recent one that “showed up….” well……… that didn’t go too well…..

  16. JJ2 says:

    I personally think online dating sites are for….. “desperados.” However, someone told me about a dating site for seniors (50+). So, I thought I would “dip my toe in” just to see how it works.

    Well, on the “Free” version, when you get a “wink,” there are “26 permutations” of how to reply “yes I’m interested.” However, you can’t reply “No thanks” unless you PAY. The site’s guidelines allude that on the “Free” version you can do a “free webmail reply” to a webmail sent to you, but when I tried, I kept getting directed to “upgrade.” Also, the website’s guidelines “suggest” that you “try NOT to reveal your email address” until you have corresponded via the web site. Well, on the “free” version, the ONLY way you can say “no thanks” is to reveal your email address. Fortunately, this site allows you to shut down and close out your account. Which I will be doing soon!

  17. Tim says:

    Technology has definitely made for weird relationships. I had a friend who was in a relationship for 9 months and the two never once talked on the phone. Everything was arranged via text. Is it much of a wonder that it did not work out?
    .-= Tim´s last blog ..Best Online Dating Sites =-.

  18. [...] but fruitless foray into online dating on Match.com. I don’t think it’s for me (I actually severely dislike online dating), but my few weeks of dealing with winks, emails and scanning what were complete violations of the [...]

  19. NC says:

    My experience with dating web sites is somewhat different. I’m a fairly descent looking guy, I stay in shape, I have all my hair and am intelligent with a good job. I don’t send rude photos or make lewd suggestions. I read profiles and send light witty emails that show that I’ve actually read their profile. And I don’t send irate emails when I don’t get responses.

    I’ve tried multiple different sites and have yet to have date one from any of them. I’m not sure if it is because I don’t make things up to make myself seem better than I am but it’s really frustrating. That’s probably why people make everything up because if you don’t, you get ignored.

    I guess honesty doesn’t work on these sites. I’m swearing off them!

  20. journeytothemoon says:

    Guilty as charged.

    I will say that I tried the online dating thing once. I was completely honest in my profile!

    The profile of the one guy who caught my eye was intriguing so naturally I became interested in getting to know this guy better. I wanted to meet him in person first (in public of course) because I feel more comfortable that way.

    Some of the things on his profile weren’t entirely true. I could see where there could be grey areas but even if there were red flags flying in my face, I chose to ignore them. Anyway, we ended up dating for a couple months as boyfriend/girlfriend. I even did a clarification question to make sure we weren’t dating anyone else. We both said “No”. I know I wasn’t lying and trusted he wasn’t either.

    Crash and burn.

    Long story short, he did the slow fade then did the disappearing act.

    Tried to contact him at least one more time to no avail a few days later after disappearing. Looked online to find out he had changed the “Looking for” from “Long-term” to “dating” on his profile (the fact he still had his profile up should have been a major red flag if not a sh*tstorm of red flags lol).

    I believe not responding was an answer. lol.

    In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting an engagement ring anytime soon, if at all. I was just casually getting to know the person. There was something going on in his life at the time but I remained a listener even though I had suggested a solution before he shot it down. That’s when I decided I’m just going to listen and let him figure this one out on his own even if I have 98237490283740298374 suggestions. lol.

    Another long story short, perhaps we could/would/should have communicated better but we didn’t and I take responsibility for my half. Even at that, we probably weren’t right for each other and it was probably all an illusion.

  21. agina says:

    What I find hilarious is that sometimes you meet men ‘normally’ ie not online, and as you start getting to know them they replicate their ‘online’ behaviour…often the bad behaviour.
    The internet is a great place, but not so much for insecure people – both men and the women they date. For the men, having the ‘options’ of dating sexygurliz from anywhere in the world including moustachistan gives them a great ego boost that nourishes assclownism… and for the women they date, if insecure, gives them the great ego burst …aw he may just dump you if you dont send a ‘peach’ shot back when you receive an unsollicited mushroom shot.

  22. Brian Pratt says:

    10 Things I Hate About Online Dating

    a list of cliche things women put in their profiles

    1. The Interests

    Everybody likes music, and art, and traveling, and the outdoors, and sunshine, and having fun. These are not things that give any insight as to who you are as an individual. I wouldn’t even really describe them as interests but more just standard features that come with any human being. It’d be like shopping for a used car and coming across an ad that says “Great vehicle, runs on gasoline, tires are round, has matter and density.” I still don’t know the make, model, year, milage, accident history, horse power etc. If anything I view the vaugness as a trap into buying a lemon.

    2. I’m shy but I’m not shy

    A lot of girls can’t decide on what they are. “I’m shy but I can also be very outgoing.” “I’m just a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl that loves to get dressed up and go out too.” “I’m a realist but I have a bit of a hopeless romantic side. . .” When filling out your “about me” section you should use a “Which of the following best describes me?” approach. Like an SAT question, choose the letter that best answers the problem, don’t fill in every bubble.

    to see the rest copy and paste this link to my blog

    http://www.ourthursday.com/2010/06/25/10-things-i-hate-about-online-dating/

    • Eve says:

      but I do wear jeans and t-shirts AND like to get dressed up…..just not when going to the local store.

      ;-) it’s both accurate and true.

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