Comments on: 10 Truths You Need to Accept About Breaking Up: Part 1 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:33:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sharon http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-242489 Sharon Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:00:21 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-242489 I am reading this now, and I see you posted this years ago. I will say, I recently was phoned by the OW under a guise that she was looking to relocate to North Carolina. I moved three years in to a relationship with my assclown. However he flipped a switch and decided to propose marriage a month after I left. He never made a move towards following me, and never would set a date. He wanted me off the market, and it worked. He was going along and visiting at least once a month for the first year, and we spent all of our vacation time together. Then things changed, and all the red flags were in full swing. I chose to ignore them until the OW called me the horrible morning when she proceeded to tell me she too was engaged to my assclown. I immedately confrtonted him, and initially resolved myself to dumping him. Of course he talked me out of it. I also have the usual self esteem issues so I soon knew I was going to keep him just because I had invested 5 years. Well things changed and he said he wanted to take a break. I was so angry and hurt. I asked "why did you not just let me leave you two weeks ago when I found out about Candy". At any rate, he conitnued to say he wanted a break. Then he text messaged me fairly regularly, and there were the occassional phone calls. I made the super error in actually sending off that long ranting email. It ended up with him apologizing like crazy and saying we needed to talk face to face. I responded by saying that was not necessary because there is nothing to work out or discuss. He turned it around and said I made it a permanent break. I was quick to point out that he made it permanent when he took up with the OW. At any rate, his contact has stopped and it has been 14 days with NC. I am feeling better every day, but is is so very hard. I want to reach out because of the "movie in my mind". He really was not good for me, and I know it, but am quite sure I feel the pain in greater strength because he had the affair, and then dumped me. I will say that Candy will have a good first year, but watch out...He is a playa! Wish me luck....I need to move on, cut my losses, and take the lessons....I need to ensure I do not settle again! I am reading this now, and I see you posted this years ago. I will say, I recently was phoned by the OW under a guise that she was looking to relocate to North Carolina. I moved three years in to a relationship with my assclown. However he flipped a switch and decided to propose marriage a month after I left. He never made a move towards following me, and never would set a date. He wanted me off the market, and it worked. He was going along and visiting at least once a month for the first year, and we spent all of our vacation time together. Then things changed, and all the red flags were in full swing. I chose to ignore them until the OW called me the horrible morning when she proceeded to tell me she too was engaged to my assclown. I immedately confrtonted him, and initially resolved myself to dumping him. Of course he talked me out of it. I also have the usual self esteem issues so I soon knew I was going to keep him just because I had invested 5 years. Well things changed and he said he wanted to take a break. I was so angry and hurt. I asked “why did you not just let me leave you two weeks ago when I found out about Candy”. At any rate, he conitnued to say he wanted a break. Then he text messaged me fairly regularly, and there were the occassional phone calls. I made the super error in actually sending off that long ranting email. It ended up with him apologizing like crazy and saying we needed to talk face to face. I responded by saying that was not necessary because there is nothing to work out or discuss. He turned it around and said I made it a permanent break. I was quick to point out that he made it permanent when he took up with the OW. At any rate, his contact has stopped and it has been 14 days with NC. I am feeling better every day, but is is so very hard. I want to reach out because of the “movie in my mind”. He really was not good for me, and I know it, but am quite sure I feel the pain in greater strength because he had the affair, and then dumped me. I will say that Candy will have a good first year, but watch out…He is a playa! Wish me luck….I need to move on, cut my losses, and take the lessons….I need to ensure I do not settle again!

]]> By: Karen http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-225061 Karen Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:09:50 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-225061 Its funny how I find myself still having to come to this section. Its been 4months since I broke up with the A**clown and I still have moments that I ask myself the WHY's. I find my thoughts still trying to replay the relationship in my mind wondering how on earth I could have been the only one who thought/believed that he loved and cared for me. Well, perhaps it doesnt help that that is WHAT he said to me and continued to do so even when I found a million texts and phone calls to another woman. It was because I checked his phone that turned him off he said. I could just scream! I am really not a suspicious person until you give me reason to believe otherwise! And yes I checked your phone because I had to become "detective" since your sorry A** didnt have the balls to come clean and admitt it. I needed to have the proof myself. And even when I did, he still lied to my face about it. Telling me that what I was seeing wasnt really that-- that i was the one creating these thoughts in my head and making something out of nothing. Oh and how i allowed myself to believe him (or better yet--- gave him another chance) because well,,,,, I loved him. I wanted to believe him. I really really wanted it to all be my imagination. Sadly-- it wasnt. So, I ask myself.... to break up with someone who isnt willing to do the dirty work sucks. I had to muster up every ounce of strength and courage to end it because I knew I couldnt and didnt deserve him lieing and cheating on me. I gave my all in those two years. Support, understanding, love, affection, my credit cards for godsake!!! I was there thick and thin for what? So in the end to find out that the whole time he hardly appreciated it? To find out that his I LOVE YOU's were empty? For in the end for him to tell me that ... I turned him off??? Could he not see the bigger picture and everything I HAD DONE and all the help and Love I gave him? How come I was willing to look over the fact that he was texting and calling someone else....but he couldnt ignore the one thing that he says turned him off: ME CHECKING HIS PHONE??. I tell you--- if there is ever a lack of balls it was shown in this man. And here I am still trying to get through the emotional havoc that he and his lies did to me and my heart. You would think that I shouldnt even waste one more ounce of energy in asking why...... but here i am and i still do. I have come a long way in 4months but it still shocks me to know that i can have moments such as this. Am I insane?? Because sometimes I think I am. Can it really be that i was such a turn off because of one thing? Could it really be that he believes this or is it just an excuse? I have tried being angry at him and not talking at all, I have tried the amicable route and trying to keep things platonic but I cant help to always wind up in the same place.... hurt and baffled and not sure of what to do with these residual emotions. I truly wish I would have had my eyes open a lot wider. I truly wish I would have payed more attention to the actions than the words. I truly wish he would have never lied to me. And I truly wish I wouldn't have invested so much of myself with someone who didnt appreciate it. Breakups are hard.... but I feel I am left with nothing. He didnt leave, he didnt break up with me, he didnt stop calling me.......I was the one that had to end it. I was the one left to do the dirty work for him.........and all I get is: Well if you wouldnt have been so quick to jump to conclusions. If you just wouldnt have checked my phone. Since that time you put a bad taste in my mouth. Really??? Wouldnt any other decent man have broken up with me if that really bothered him instead of stringing me along, telling me that he loved me? He said: I just didnt want to hurt you (that was his reason for not telling me the truth). Really? After I had cried endless times telling you that what I wanted was to NOT GET HURT and that if you had found someone else that the best thing to do was to let me go? But instead you told me that I had nothing to worry about. That I was the one that was being jealous and insecure.....and I listened to you instead of listening to myself. ITS MADNESS and I feel empty like I was the only one who was in that relationship. So I dont know whats worse. Im trying to forget about him.......meanwhile--- he had forgotten about me a looong time ago even before I broke it off. How do I deal with that pain? How do I forget someone who to me meant the world.........but to whom I was simply no one? (Or at least thats how I feel) :( Its funny how I find myself still having to come to this section. Its been 4months since I broke up with the A**clown and I still have moments that I ask myself the WHY’s. I find my thoughts still trying to replay the relationship in my mind wondering how on earth I could have been the only one who thought/believed that he loved and cared for me. Well, perhaps it doesnt help that that is WHAT he said to me and continued to do so even when I found a million texts and phone calls to another woman. It was because I checked his phone that turned him off he said. I could just scream! I am really not a suspicious person until you give me reason to believe otherwise! And yes I checked your phone because I had to become “detective” since your sorry A** didnt have the balls to come clean and admitt it. I needed to have the proof myself. And even when I did, he still lied to my face about it. Telling me that what I was seeing wasnt really that– that i was the one creating these thoughts in my head and making something out of nothing. Oh and how i allowed myself to believe him (or better yet— gave him another chance) because well,,,,, I loved him. I wanted to believe him. I really really wanted it to all be my imagination. Sadly– it wasnt. So, I ask myself…. to break up with someone who isnt willing to do the dirty work sucks. I had to muster up every ounce of strength and courage to end it because I knew I couldnt and didnt deserve him lieing and cheating on me. I gave my all in those two years. Support, understanding, love, affection, my credit cards for godsake!!! I was there thick and thin for what? So in the end to find out that the whole time he hardly appreciated it? To find out that his I LOVE YOU’s were empty? For in the end for him to tell me that … I turned him off??? Could he not see the bigger picture and everything I HAD DONE and all the help and Love I gave him? How come I was willing to look over the fact that he was texting and calling someone else….but he couldnt ignore the one thing that he says turned him off: ME CHECKING HIS PHONE??. I tell you— if there is ever a lack of balls it was shown in this man. And here I am still trying to get through the emotional havoc that he and his lies did to me and my heart. You would think that I shouldnt even waste one more ounce of energy in asking why…… but here i am and i still do. I have come a long way in 4months but it still shocks me to know that i can have moments such as this. Am I insane?? Because sometimes I think I am. Can it really be that i was such a turn off because of one thing? Could it really be that he believes this or is it just an excuse? I have tried being angry at him and not talking at all, I have tried the amicable route and trying to keep things platonic but I cant help to always wind up in the same place…. hurt and baffled and not sure of what to do with these residual emotions. I truly wish I would have had my eyes open a lot wider. I truly wish I would have payed more attention to the actions than the words. I truly wish he would have never lied to me. And I truly wish I wouldn’t have invested so much of myself with someone who didnt appreciate it. Breakups are hard…. but I feel I am left with nothing. He didnt leave, he didnt break up with me, he didnt stop calling me…….I was the one that had to end it. I was the one left to do the dirty work for him………and all I get is: Well if you wouldnt have been so quick to jump to conclusions. If you just wouldnt have checked my phone. Since that time you put a bad taste in my mouth. Really??? Wouldnt any other decent man have broken up with me if that really bothered him instead of stringing me along, telling me that he loved me? He said: I just didnt want to hurt you (that was his reason for not telling me the truth). Really? After I had cried endless times telling you that what I wanted was to NOT GET HURT and that if you had found someone else that the best thing to do was to let me go? But instead you told me that I had nothing to worry about. That I was the one that was being jealous and insecure…..and I listened to you instead of listening to myself. ITS MADNESS and I feel empty like I was the only one who was in that relationship. So I dont know whats worse. Im trying to forget about him…….meanwhile— he had forgotten about me a looong time ago even before I broke it off. How do I deal with that pain? How do I forget someone who to me meant the world………but to whom I was simply no one? (Or at least thats how I feel) :(

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-219754 NML Tue, 10 Mar 2009 08:12:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-219754 Garry, if you can point out the line in this post that says that all men are assclowns, I would be truly amazed as it doesn't exist, which means your point about generalisation etc is rather redundant. I even did a search of the "all men" that you refer to on this post and you're the only one to use that term... I then did a search on "assclowns" and again, there is still no sign of this "quote" and the word is actually used twice and very specifcally in the post above. The first reference said "Men don’t like to look like assclowns…even when they are…" This means that when a man is an assclown he will still try not to look like one. This means he has to be an assclown in the first place, not just a man... The second reference "certain types of men (read: assclowns)" couldn't be more explicit in what that means. As Gaynor said, this is how *you* have chosen to intepret the post but when you jump on a thread and start making accusations, I suggest you get your facts right. <abbr><em>NML’s last blog post..<a href="http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/trading-on-your-looks-sex-appeal-part-3/" rel="nofollow">Trading On Your Looks & Sex Appeal Part 3</a></abbr></em> Garry, if you can point out the line in this post that says that all men are assclowns, I would be truly amazed as it doesn’t exist, which means your point about generalisation etc is rather redundant. I even did a search of the “all men” that you refer to on this post and you’re the only one to use that term… I then did a search on “assclowns” and again, there is still no sign of this “quote” and the word is actually used twice and very specifcally in the post above. The first reference said “Men don’t like to look like assclowns…even when they are…” This means that when a man is an assclown he will still try not to look like one. This means he has to be an assclown in the first place, not just a man… The second reference “certain types of men (read: assclowns)” couldn’t be more explicit in what that means.
As Gaynor said, this is how *you* have chosen to intepret the post but when you jump on a thread and start making accusations, I suggest you get your facts right.

NML’s last blog post..Trading On Your Looks & Sex Appeal Part 3

]]> By: Gaynor http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-219740 Gaynor Tue, 10 Mar 2009 04:58:18 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-219740 Garry, No one here said all men are assclowns, this is how you're choosing to interpret the post. We are discussing a small percentage of the male and female population-yes there are emotionally unavailable women- who are selfish, using, lying jerks. These people only keep others around to get an ego stroke or to get some occasional sex. Many go as far as telling us they are in love with us and they foresee a future together, thier behavior is cruel and sadistic. Garry,

No one here said all men are assclowns, this is how you’re choosing to interpret the post. We are discussing a small percentage of the male and female population-yes there are emotionally unavailable women- who are selfish, using, lying jerks. These people only keep others around to get an ego stroke or to get some occasional sex. Many go as far as telling us they are in love with us and they foresee a future together, thier behavior is cruel and sadistic.

]]> By: ts http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-219727 ts Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:12:28 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-219727 Hey Garry, I don't disagree with you on the generalization aspect. You are right, in that, all situations are different and unique from each other and we should not box everyone into a category. Also, there ARE shades of gray, I think. Not all the men that most of the women here are trying to sort out and move beyond are all that horrible. But, some most certainly are. Just read New Day's experience. That is definitely an ASSCLOWN. This site is about specific women trying to get past men, who string them along without offering much. Other than the words and sentiments they can blow out to seem like they care or aren't really doing what they are doing, i.e. NOT really being in a real relationship with them. You say some men just want to keep it cool (sic), oh well, sometimes, the truth is not so cool. Sometimes, you have to admit what is you really want , say it, suffer the consequences, and move on. I have a question for you. Why did you feel the need to post and respond on the site, also, why did you find it? I am sure everyone here would love to hear more of your opinion. Take care, ts. Hey Garry,

I don’t disagree with you on the generalization aspect. You are right, in that, all situations are different and unique from each other and we should not box everyone into a category. Also, there ARE shades of gray, I think.

Not all the men that most of the women here are trying to sort out and move beyond are all that horrible. But, some most certainly are. Just read New Day’s experience. That is definitely an ASSCLOWN.

This site is about specific women trying to get past men, who string them along without offering much. Other than the words and sentiments they can blow out to seem like they care or aren’t really doing what they are doing, i.e. NOT really being in a real relationship with them.

You say some men just want to keep it cool (sic), oh well, sometimes, the truth is not so cool. Sometimes, you have to admit what is you really want , say it, suffer the consequences, and move on.

I have a question for you. Why did you feel the need to post and respond on the site, also, why did you find it?

I am sure everyone here would love to hear more of your opinion.

Take care, ts.

]]> By: Garry http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-219705 Garry Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:19:20 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-219705 Some of the words used on this post are pretty sexist and unfair, not all men are "assclowns" as quoted above. In respect to the 'can we still be friends' thing. There are guys who simply want to remain amicable about the situation. Not all guys want this so they can control your life. This is too much of a generalization, by classing all men as the same. Similarly, there are alot of men who would class all women as the same, something which is clearly untrue. Some of the words used on this post are pretty sexist and unfair, not all men are “assclowns” as quoted above. In respect to the ‘can we still be friends’ thing. There are guys who simply want to remain amicable about the situation. Not all guys want this so they can control your life. This is too much of a generalization, by classing all men as the same. Similarly, there are alot of men who would class all women as the same, something which is clearly untrue.

]]> By: brokenheartagain http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189698 brokenheartagain Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:22:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189698 NML......we have been down this path before so I am doing NC right now. He's called and IM"d me but I can see now that no matter what I say it won't make a difference. Thank you for your input. Astelle.....The egregious thing he did was cheat on me AGAIN. He promised he would never see this woman and I foolishly took him back but he lied and I found out. So there is no going back now..... De.....I agree with you about "the talk". It goes no where. Just as you said, we are the ones that end up sobbing and somehow they turn the tables and try to make it all seem so normal. So I'm going with NC...day 3. I 'm so addicted to this man...I can't eat and hardly sleep but I'm determined to get through this. I won't continue to live my life this way. I just hate the pain of getting through the breakup. NML……we have been down this path before so I am doing NC right now. He’s called and IM”d me but I can see now that no matter what I say it won’t make a difference. Thank you for your input.

Astelle…..The egregious thing he did was cheat on me AGAIN. He promised he would never see this woman and I foolishly took him back but he lied and I found out. So there is no going back now…..

De…..I agree with you about “the talk”. It goes no where. Just as you said, we are the ones that end up sobbing and somehow they turn the tables and try to make it all seem so normal. So I’m going with NC…day 3. I ‘m so addicted to this man…I can’t eat and hardly sleep but I’m determined to get through this. I won’t continue to live my life this way.

I just hate the pain of getting through the breakup.

]]> By: Honey http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189697 Honey Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:22:30 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189697 NML, thanks, that's funny ;-) Basically he was a jackass when we broke up and I forgave him (after a significant amount of NC, I had moved 2200 miles away after all so it was easy) much later. He'll tell you the same. Perhaps we'll post the deets someday, who knows... NML, thanks, that’s funny ;-) Basically he was a jackass when we broke up and I forgave him (after a significant amount of NC, I had moved 2200 miles away after all so it was easy) much later. He’ll tell you the same. Perhaps we’ll post the deets someday, who knows…

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189685 NML Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:27:49 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189685 Wow! Thanks for all of your comments ladies. Annoyed - Don't engage, don't discuss, don't explain, and definitely don't hope. He has shown what he wants so you have no reason to keep him in your life. Cut him offffff! HAF - I agree. Kneejerking, threatening it, and then backing up makes you look silly, plus deciding to break up and doing it in one day lacks a lot of thought. You need a consistent feeling plus it means you won't backtrack. Stacy - it's never easy to start dating and if it doesn't get better you can always step out of it. Maybe you aren't ready to date and that is perfectly fine. Do things for yourself and enjoy yourself with family and friends brokenheartagain - if you've never broken up before, one explanation is fine, otherwise no contact. If he's a Mr Unavailable, I would definitely employ no contact, and if he's done lots of bad things, say SEE YA! Either way cut off. Honey - You know I'm fascinated by you two! :-) ShootingStar67 - Reading through your comments - complicated. Definitely read my post on the Get Out Plan because yours is not a clear cut plus whatever happens, it looks like you may have some contact. It means one of you has to be stronger and get on with their lives - I was in your position. All you can do is stick to your guns, ignore anything inappropriate, and cut them off when they cross the line. De - Cut contact as you're just prolonging the agony. I see your thought process but trust me, he'll just mess with your mind. I understand your fears, but feel the fear...and cut off contact anyway. Astelle - Wow! Trust me ladies, this is coming from a woman who has been there and done that. She is sparing you pain! Cynnie - Very wise words. You have learnt a lot! Angela - I will do a post specifically on this subject. Tulipa - Your wallow period could be a month if you felt like it, it's just that at some point, it's got to end. A day seems very strange but on the flipside, wallowing for an extended period of time says pity and no-one should pity themselves. If it benefits you, then great, but the problem is that 99% of people I come across see no benefit from extended wallowing - just pain. What you can take from their advice, is maybe it's good to set a deadline, indulge yourself, and then pick yourself up. Wow! Thanks for all of your comments ladies.

Annoyed – Don’t engage, don’t discuss, don’t explain, and definitely don’t hope. He has shown what he wants so you have no reason to keep him in your life. Cut him offffff!
HAF – I agree. Kneejerking, threatening it, and then backing up makes you look silly, plus deciding to break up and doing it in one day lacks a lot of thought. You need a consistent feeling plus it means you won’t backtrack.
Stacy – it’s never easy to start dating and if it doesn’t get better you can always step out of it. Maybe you aren’t ready to date and that is perfectly fine. Do things for yourself and enjoy yourself with family and friends
brokenheartagain – if you’ve never broken up before, one explanation is fine, otherwise no contact. If he’s a Mr Unavailable, I would definitely employ no contact, and if he’s done lots of bad things, say SEE YA! Either way cut off.
Honey – You know I’m fascinated by you two! :-)
ShootingStar67 – Reading through your comments – complicated. Definitely read my post on the Get Out Plan because yours is not a clear cut plus whatever happens, it looks like you may have some contact. It means one of you has to be stronger and get on with their lives – I was in your position. All you can do is stick to your guns, ignore anything inappropriate, and cut them off when they cross the line.
De – Cut contact as you’re just prolonging the agony. I see your thought process but trust me, he’ll just mess with your mind. I understand your fears, but feel the fear…and cut off contact anyway.
Astelle – Wow! Trust me ladies, this is coming from a woman who has been there and done that. She is sparing you pain!
Cynnie – Very wise words. You have learnt a lot!
Angela – I will do a post specifically on this subject.
Tulipa – Your wallow period could be a month if you felt like it, it’s just that at some point, it’s got to end. A day seems very strange but on the flipside, wallowing for an extended period of time says pity and no-one should pity themselves. If it benefits you, then great, but the problem is that 99% of people I come across see no benefit from extended wallowing – just pain. What you can take from their advice, is maybe it’s good to set a deadline, indulge yourself, and then pick yourself up.

]]> By: shootingstar67 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189600 shootingstar67 Tue, 16 Sep 2008 04:15:13 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189600 Astelle The reason I still talk to him is I work for him And I have to complete this project. He and I have both decided mutually to start no contact in Oct. Astelle

The reason I still talk to him is I work for him And I have to complete this project.

He and I have both decided mutually to start no contact in Oct.

]]> By: tulipa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189586 tulipa Tue, 16 Sep 2008 02:06:11 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189586 When you are in the middle of it all the break up that is .. you honestly don't think there is an end to it ... I went through anger and sadness and thought how long does this take to get over and I tried to rush things but you can't and eventually you do get over it but it takes time. Some books I have read think you should spend just one day wallowing over a break up then move on... I don't personally feel this is possible. It does take time When you are in the middle of it all the break up that is .. you honestly don’t think there is an end to it … I went through anger and sadness and thought how long does this take to get over and I tried to rush things but you can’t and eventually you do get over it but it takes time.
Some books I have read think you should spend just one day wallowing over a break up then move on… I don’t personally feel this is possible.
It does take time

]]> By: De http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189551 De Mon, 15 Sep 2008 22:13:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189551 Astelle, thank you...I will from now do my no contact for me! I hear you! De brokenhearted I was where you are now three months ago and the 'talk' ended with him raging at me, me crying and apologizing to him! I realized then any contact would mean giving him the opportunity to drop bombs on me whenever he wanted to. remember, any attention is attention for them, they eat it like candy. give them an argument and to them it means they still have you hooked which they love. They do not CARE about you. No contact will give you the peace of mind, honest within two weeks I was over him. this latest contact on his part is him reminding me of all the good things he has done for me, honest he listed them!! Luckily I am able to counter point them with a nasty thing. weighing it up, the mean cruel things outweigh any good time and the pain was the only thing I was holding onto. let it go, you will get to a better place really quickly, that a promise :) Happiness is waiting for you, give it to yourself, you deserve it, but it only comes when he is not there to destroy it. Astelle,

thank you…I will from now do my no contact for me!

I hear you!

De

brokenhearted I was where you are now three months ago and the ‘talk’ ended with him raging at me, me crying and apologizing to him! I realized then any contact would mean giving him the opportunity to drop bombs on me whenever he wanted to. remember, any attention is attention for them, they eat it like candy.
give them an argument and to them it means they still have you hooked which they love. They do not CARE about you. No contact will give you the peace of mind, honest within two weeks I was over him.

this latest contact on his part is him reminding me of all the good things he has done for me, honest he listed them!! Luckily I am able to counter point them with a nasty thing. weighing it up, the mean cruel things outweigh any good time and the pain was the only thing I was holding onto. let it go, you will get to a better place really quickly, that a promise :)

Happiness is waiting for you, give it to yourself, you deserve it, but it only comes when he is not there to destroy it.

]]> By: Astelle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189545 Astelle Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:34:34 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189545 brokenheartagain, what did he pull?? brokenheartagain, what did he pull??

]]> By: brokenheartagain http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189543 brokenheartagain Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:28:02 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189543 Cynnie........I'm truly done with him. We've had breakups and good bye talks before but it's always been me sobbing and saying goodbye, then doing NC., followed by him pestering me to no end. If the NC goes on longer then a month he really turns up the heat and blows very hot. The bottom line is I can't take this anymore, I don't want to live this way anymore and want him out of my life. This is probably one of the most painful relationships I've ever been in, it must be similar to "kicking a hard drug". The reason I wondered about whether to just initiate NC or have "the talk" and then do NC is that in the past, I've never really had the chance to tell him how I feel or what damage he's done to my psyche. I guess in the scheme of things it probably won't matter much to him what I say but it's important to me. He just doesn't get to walk all over my heart without at least hearing about it. So I think I'm going to have "the talk" but only if he calls. I won't call him to initiate it. Then it will be NC for good. Thanks for your concern and advise. I know I can get through this because he pulled something so egregious this time that there is no going back. I HAVE to move on for my sanity. Cynnie……..I’m truly done with him. We’ve had breakups and good bye talks before but it’s always been me sobbing and saying goodbye, then doing NC., followed by him pestering me to no end. If the NC goes on longer then a month he really turns up the heat and blows very hot.

The bottom line is I can’t take this anymore, I don’t want to live this way anymore and want him out of my life. This is probably one of the most painful relationships I’ve ever been in, it must be similar to “kicking a hard drug”.

The reason I wondered about whether to just initiate NC or have “the talk” and then do NC is that in the past, I’ve never really had the chance to tell him how I feel or what damage he’s done to my psyche. I guess in the scheme of things it probably won’t matter much to him what I say but it’s important to me. He just doesn’t get to walk all over my heart without at least hearing about it. So I think I’m going to have “the talk” but only if he calls. I won’t call him to initiate it. Then it will be NC for good.

Thanks for your concern and advise. I know I can get through this because he pulled something so egregious this time that there is no going back. I HAVE to move on for my sanity.

]]> By: Loving Annie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-truths-you-need-to-accept-about-breaking-up-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-189541 Loving Annie Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:14:34 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1238#comment-189541 augggh, it ate my comment !!! augggh, it ate my comment !!!

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