I recently had a great first date where we flew a kite in the park. Then I learned he had made that suggestion because he was already planning to do that anyway. Since it was only a first date and we had fun, I let it pass. But yesterday he asked what I’m doing this weekend, and said, “I’ll be flying my kite again on Saturday afternoon. Why don’t you come join me. Just come whenever.”

Hmmm. We’re at the second date and the only effort he can make is to invite me along for something he’s going to do anyway…again? My wise mother calls these offers ‘tag-alongs’, and she warns strongly against them. Later in a relationship, invitations like these are endearing because they show he wants to share his life with you. But this early in the process, it shows that he doesn’t want to go a milimeter out of his way for you, which is a big red flag.

If you say yes to a tag-along, Mom continues, you show him that a) you have nothing better to do with your time, b) you have no other prospects who would treat you better, and c) you’re willing to make all the effort. Bad, bad, aaaaaand bad. You’re basically handing your dignity over on a silver platter.

You (and I) deserve better. “Just say no” to tag-alongs.