Give Yourself Some Loving With a Bit of Rhythm!

I recently brought an iPod for my mother and I am seriously tempted to add a buzz to her life by giving her one of these! The iPod seems to have permeated into the very core of the world’s existence, which means that not content with beds, clothing, cars, they have now decided to actually penetrate ladies knickers via this iBuzz product!

I am about a click away from ordering this! It’s a sex toy which plugs into your iPod. The vibrating bullet is music activated and vibrates in tune to your favourite tracks. I already envision a Maxwell session, but I’m curious to find out what will happen when I put on Jay-Z or R Kelly!

Us ladies aren’t ones to be selfish which means that the man in your life can benefit with the stretchy ring which turns him into a vibrator or he can use the soft sleeve for a tune-tastic sensitive simulation.
Even if you don’t have an MP3 player, this handy device has 7 different patterns for you to while away the time with.

This is the ideal gift for a guy to give to his girlfriend if he’s not remotely insecure about her using sex toys, but this also makes an ideal gift to your female friends (I’m thinking girl giving girl here!) or, just a gift to yourself to say thanks for being such a lovely person!

Available exclusively at Lovehoney for £29.99 or $51.62.

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Sex with The Ex (or, To Do or Not To Do - that is the question)

Well, I did the inevitable. Met up with the latest ex. Hung out, went to
dinner, very casual, then, discussed whether or not we should sleep
together. DISCUSSED it. My prompting (of course) as he would have
happily just jumped into the sack without one iota of thought as to the whys and the what thens. A boy’s brain is so simple sometimes (I’m
referring to the lower one, of course). 
 
Now, let me premise. I am NOT against the idea of non-romantic sex. I have, in the past, entertained the notion of a purely sexual relationship sans emotional ties, and executed on it. And it was fine. *I* knew what I
was getting out of it, *he* knew what he was getting out of it, everyone was fine. 

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Narcissime: Falling in Love with Number One

Definition: Narcissisme (french) actually means self love. Webster’s defines self love as “The instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being; regard for or love of one’s self.” This isn’t talking about conceit or pride, but rather, the type of love that helps you reach Self Actualization.”

Self love is crucial to any human looking for their ‘other half’. Many people try to find love from an external source, ie from others; because they are unable to fully love themselves. They love because they are looking for someone to love them as well. This love is strictly conditional and based on reciprocation, and often fades faster than you can say Rumplestilskin.

Any love that needs constant external validation and reciprocity hasn’t reached the depth of true love yet. If your need of being indispensable and significant is the driving force behind you seeking love, than you aren’t ready for true love yet. What you are is emotionally needy, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but should stop being mixed up with true love.

True love should not be the thing that completes you, you should be happy in your life with or without it. True love should be like the icing on the cake, you have everything else you need to make you fully happy, friends, family, work, hobbies etc and can be fine with or without it.

Once again, it all starts from childhood. If we were rejected in any way by our parents, that can in some way affect the way you view love. You might feel that you aren’t worthy of true love, and end up rejecting true love in favor of the shallow relationships and elusive Mr. Unavailables just to save yourself from future rejection. If you hate yourself, are angry for past actions or have negative layers that seeth in you in a cauldron of pain, grief, abandonment and despair, it’s hard to open up to true love. Often we construct barriers to protect ourselves from ever going through the hurt and heartbreak again. All these just hinder true love.

When you achieve Narcissisme, only then can you truly open your heart to fully loving someone else. Inner peace, inner love, inner happiness, all of these are ingrediants for narcissisme. We only love as much as we think we deserve to be loved, and the more you love yourself, the more love you are capable of sharing.

In summation, Baaad Girls love deeply because they love themselves deeply.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide

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Boudoir Knickers: The New Staying-In Uniform

I have mentioned on my blog quite a few times that I sometimes spend my Friday night in wearing not much else but my boudoir knickers and started a tiny little trend. The pair on the left is an example of one of the pairs I own and when I wear them, I feel sexy, liberated and commander of my bacholorette pad. This is my guide to boudoir knickering it NML style.
What Makes a Knicker ‘Boudoir’?
Your boudoir knickers should SCREAM sexy. They should feel and look feminine and sexy, but most importantly, you should feel like a sexy woman without a man being within 50 paces when you have these on!
They are not thongs/g-strings! You can not spend the evening lounging around in a thong, chaffing the arse off yourself on the furniture or feeling the breeze up the crack of your arse! This is all about full back leaving an air of mystery but also giving you the ability to lounge comfortably.
When you are purchasing boudoir knickers, think frills, lace, ribbons, embroidery, detail, silk, mesh, va-va-voom prints such as animal print and even girly patterns. Boxer knickers are allowed but must be sexy!
As a guideline, the more boudoir they are, the less likely that they will actually ever leave the house as they don’t fit under your clothing. Baggage Reclaim girls don’t have VPL’s (visible panty lines) and I don’t care how much you love your boudoir knickers, don’t create lines!

How to have a Boudoir Knickered night in

1. Prepare your home for a night in. Decide what you’ll watch, tidy up so you don’t feel antsy about tidying the place, light some candles or burn some incense. Oh and turn the heating on.

2. Either cook/order the takeaway and eat beforehand, but don’t do the cooking once you’re in the boudoir knickers! You could burn yourself but most importantly for a vain girls is that you don’t want to ruin your effort in the shower and on the scents by wreaking of whatever you’ve cooked! I tend to have a little dessert to add to my decadent evening.

3. Start as you mean to go on and either have a long hot shower or a deep bubble bath. Play some relaxing music as you bathe or towel off and feel the day drain out of you. I suggest Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite, The Best of Al Green or a some Joss Stone.

4. Moisturise with something ultra feminine. I’m a Victoria’s Secret body spray and lotion girl when it comes to my nights in and the key is to pick something that lingers.

5. Get those knickers on and if you’ve still got the music on, do a little dance if you’r feeling funky! What goes on top you ask? Nothing if you have the heat on and feel like being bare on top, or you can wear a sexy vest (not granny cotton!) - I’m thinking the matching camisole/vest or invest in a couple of mesh, lace or satin camisoles in black or white (or whatever relevant colours you need) so that you can mix or match. Oh and you could of course buy the matching bra!

6. The rest of the night is up to you but the key is to enjoy it, revel it and make the most of your night in. Staying in is not something for the afflicted, the undateable. It’s for women that are confident and comfortable with their life, their choices that feel like having some ‘Me-Time’. Recharge your batteries and if you’re attached he can come home and find you fast asleep in your sexy underwear that you wore all for yourself. If you turn yourself on lots, I suggest you try out a sex toy like The Future Tech Ultra 7 Jessica Rabbit, to finish off the evening and send you to sleep with a smile on your face! If you want to play some music whilst you vibrate in your boudoir knickers, I definitely suggest the latest must have toy, the iBuzz Music Activated Sex Toy which hooks up to your beloved iPod.

7. It doesn’t have to be a Friday night but it does feel even better at the weekend!

Where to Buy Your Boudoir Knickers

I brought my original ones (pictured at the top) in TK Maxx (TJ Maxx) in the US and have been unable to find them anywhere online other than eBay! They were made by Made You Look..Made You Stare.

The other boudoir knickers pictured are from Figleaves

Other recommended stores are:

Victoria’s Secret - I still live in hope that they will open a store in the UK.
La Perla
Agent Provocateur

Check out brands such as Love Kylie, Elle Macpherson Intimates, Mimi Holliday, Pretty Polly and Damaris which can all be found at Figleaves.

Enjoy your boudoir knickers night!

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim and often spends her evenings in her boudoir knickers. The rest of the time I’m in scary trackie bottoms or PJs!

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This Girl’s Perspective on Getting Dumped…

Breaking up is hard to do. It’s hard for both parties, the initiator and the reactor. I have been on both sides of the totem pole more times than I care to admit, and have to say that it’s painful on both sides. But it totally sucks ass worse if you are the Reactor, because most of the time, you don’t even know that it’s coming.
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Add a Dash of Colour & Fury to Your Kitchen Counter.

A knife holder that puts all others to shame, this artsy piece from Kitchen Contraptions sends a shiver of fear into the hearts of every guy that sees this displayed on your kitchen counter. It screams, “Don’t mess with me,” in every single language known to man.

The knives are quality, stainless steel and easy to handle. My favorite knife would probably be the one poking through his black heart.

It retails in the UK for £59.95 from Firebox…sorry folks, I don’t know where it sells in the US yet.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide

 

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Anatomy of a One Night Stand

As I brainstormed for this article, I realized two things -
(1) I haven’t written an essay in years, and,
(2) My very own experience that inspires me to tackle this topic is not by far “typical,” and in the following, I have tried to separate my own experience from anything I might share here….

It seems that everyone has a different story. One might be attached - seeing someone already, married even - or one might be swinging single. One might be an old pro at casual, no-strings-attached encounters and has a LIST as long as your arm… or one might be at a vulnerable stage, picking up a stranger while drinking alone at a bar. One might know the partner like an old friend… or they just met a few hours prior.

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Wake Up & Communicate:The Marriage Issue

I know a number of women that are in relationships with their men and wanting to take the big step of marriage. When the subject of marriage has been broached, they haven’t been met with a diamond ring but instead with a brick wall. They’ve had hot air conversations about the ‘one days’ and ‘maybes’ and ‘intentions’, but for some, years on, nothing has changed.

Marriage or engagement is not something that comes easy to everyone and they are huge steps that should require a lot of thought before making these decisions. It is not a given that just because a woman wants to get married, that the man must say yes. However, if you’re a man that’s with a woman who has made it clear that she wants to get married and have children sooner rather than later, it is unfair to keep stringing her along if you don’t think you want to do either of those things with her. And if you’re a man that’s been with a woman for years and you’ve been dragging your feet and leading her on a merry dance – Shame on you!

More…Marriage and engagement are subjects which pose serious communication problems within relationships, on both sides. On one hand you either get a woman who keeps bringing it up or the woman that after bringing it up for a while, doesn’t speak about it so openly and it’s a sore subject that she’s hoping the partner will recognise and resolve. She’s trundling along in the relationship silent but with gritted teeth and a tense stomach. On the other hand the guy tends to either avoid the subject completely, or comes up with ways to put the subject on the back burner.

This may be where engagement slips into the relationship. It becomes a way of meeting her half way supposedly and keeping the peace. However, it’s all well and good getting engaged, but not if there aren’t actually any intentions to get married! I have seen this little trick time and time again, and I wonder how and why the woman puts up with the obvious subterfuge.

Guys that have been dragging their feet and making endless promises are not being honest with her and they’re not being honest with themselves. They say what is needed to keep the peace until the next tense ‘discussion’, never really addressing the problem at hand. He shirks the issues and comes up with every excuse under the sun, never actually saying what he means.

Why can’t a man say what he means, and mean what he says? What is all this cloak and dagger shit? I have no patience for this. If my man (well if I had one!) kept spinning me a yarn every time the subject of marriage came up, I’d tell him to get lost, and come back when he can learn how to communicate with me properly. These men are full of hot air and are incapable of following through with true actions or words.

I believe that when a man wants to get married, he will marry his woman. It’s not necessarily an easy process, but as a guideline, it won’t take years and years for him to decide to do this. It is different if he is not into marriage and communicated it to his partner from the outset. Some people change their minds, others don’t and if a person is being honest about their choices we must respect them. This is very different from someone saying that they want to get married one day, but ten years later there is no sign of a ring and present opening on Valentines day or birthdays become tense occasions. Does he mean that he wants to get married one day soon, or one day in the next century?

What’s frustrating is that women continue to allow men to communicate in this way. They allow these guys to evade the issues because they want to believe that the guy isn’t messing her about and that he will take her down the aisle one day. Human nature means that we often don’t want to face what is staring us right in the face, but it does mean that we often spend excess time in relationships, when realistically we should have called time and walked away.

Men need to learn how to communicate. It is not enough to say ‘I’m a man’, as if that is defence enough for the inability to discuss, answer, or frankly say anything straight. It is a rare man that will do this, and they tend to be gay. Need I say more?

Many women will agree that it is difficult to get a man down the aisle as it is, without having to get out a phrasebook to translate their every word on the subject. It’s almost as if they would rather have a Babymother than a wife. One seems to carry less weight and responsibility. For a woman it’s the opposite, and the latter brings a certain amount of security and solidity to your relationship, even in these uncertain times of high divorce rates.

My ex referred to our engagement as taking out a lease on a woman with an option to buy, a la Eddie Murphy. He also coined the phrase ‘Engagement is all about intentions’. Translated to a woman, this means I intend to marry you one day, just not necessarily in this century!

For women out there that are unfortunate enough to have a man who is leading you on a merry dance about marriage (this will be a lot of us), you have my utmost and deepest sympathies. You have your work cut out for you and it may or may not work out, depending on what you view as a success.

If you get them down the aisle with the minimum of aggravation that to me is a success. If you have to knock yourself out and the two of you are tussling over his supposed wonderful bachelorhood until it practically drives a wedge between you before you both get down the aisle, it is not.

There is another type of success. If you are a strong woman, who is independent with strong core values, many of the characteristics of a man who determinedly dodges commitment, but doesn’t mind getting you knocked up, will eventually wear on your very last nerve. There is something great and successful about any individual that can step back from a situation and realise that there may be love, but this person is not worthy of your attention. Even if you end up alone for a while with a sore heart, your honesty and integrity is in place.

For the women, who are prepared to go the distance, I wholeheartedly salute you, because you too have your own determination, and you’re going after what you want. Just be careful. When you do eventually get it, ‘it’ may not be all it appears or is cracked up to be. Worse still, it might not have been what you really wanted in the first place.

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim

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NML’s Tale of The Unavailable

I didn’t get to know so much about unavailable men by never being with one (or several) so it only seems right that I should tell you a little bedtime story about one of my own experiences.

I first met BeeGee (loved to dance like a 70s freak no matter what the music. Ugh!) when I was almost 21 years old and I was completely uninterested in him. He seemed a bit arrogant and too self-assured, never mind the tan that screamed sunbed, the slightly too tight trousers and his too tight belt. He pursued me for months and I dated his friend to show my gratitude, and I guess I was a Ms Unavailable. When I broke up with his friend he was conveniently around to take me out for dinner and ply me with booze. A drunken evening which involved me laughing at his semi naked body as he danced out of his clothes followed and I woke up the following morning going “What the f*ck!”. We broke up over two years later.

To cut a long story short, I remained Ms Unavailable for a while but eventually became worn down and agreed to go out with him as he just wouldn’t give up. We were living together within months and after about three months he became Mr Unavailable and suddenly things switched and I was chasing him! The same guy who used to say that he couldn’t believe his luck going out with a girl like me, that used to flaunt me around like a trophy piece was an arrogant mummy’s boy that suddenly needed lots of time on his own, was aloof, difficult and a complete pain in the arse. I shed so many tears in my naive state and because he was the first guy I had lived with, I thought that we were supposed to be and that I had to work at it. He sold his house and we moved back to each of our parents and things continued downhill. I finished it with him after just over a year and we were apart for a few months. My friends were relieved because they thought he was a complete pervy arsehole, who by the way, wasn’t too unavailable to keep suggesting threesomes!

We got back together after a few months but I was completely different. I didn’t care if he called each day and was slow to respond to his texts. Whereas before I would ‘hop to it’ and always go where he wanted and stay at his place, make efforts with his family and friends, I focused on work and having a good time with my friends. There was no more understanding and accommodating me. He was still a Mr Unavailable, I just didn’t pander to it.

Two years into the relationship I headed off to the US for a few months and partied it up. Things were ‘undefined’ so I defined them myself and I was a bad girl and had a few snogs and started to date another dipstick. Things came to a head when BeeGee phoned one Thursday and turned up on the Friday claiming he’d stay for three weeks. It took 4 days for it to come to a head and when I got back to our room he was packing his stuff saying that he didn’t like the ‘new’ me and that I had changed too much. “What, I’m not someone that puts up with you being an asshole?” It all came out that day and I turfed him out of my life and sent him back to Ireland.

When I returned home months later, Mr Unavailable pestered me for five weeks begging my forgiveness and asking me to marry him. He drove me insane and I ended up on sleeping tablets as he emotionally blackmailed me. I called time on it by telling him that I was moving to London and that I didn’t care what he said; he was still an unavailable, soulless person. I found a new strength and rose up and I’ve had nothing to do with him since.

I still have a lot to learn and I’ve had a few experiences since then as old habits have died very hard, but I’m getting there. I think back to that time and it’s a horrible dark period I’d rather forget, except for the partying of course! However, don’t forget that our past shapes our present and future and it’s something to learn from, but it doesn’t have to define us.
NML is the editor. If you’re into unavailable men, why not check out our new blog dedicated to the subject

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Circle of Life

A circle of life is essential to every female on God’s green earth. This is your inner core group of friends. The people that are most important to you, the ones you MUST talk to pretty regularly, your fellow divas, your girls, your clique.

Every Dream Girl must have a Circle of Life. It’s a prerequisite that is as important as breathing. Research has shown that having even one close or best friend can improve and extend your life. So think how long and improved your life would be if you had 2 or 3?

I’ve come across several women that had never had a close female friend before. What’s up with that? Their response was that women are backbiters, back stabbers and gossips. So they stick to having close male friends. My response…guys can even be as vicious and sometimes way worse than women. Haven’t you seen Strip Search, Kept, Big Brother? Besides, there is so much you can learn from a female friend that you can’t from a man. He’s not going to understand the relationship between your broken heart and a quart of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. He doesn’t have the Sixth Sense and can’t help you intuitively sort through riffraff. He can’t help you pick out an outfit, or understand why you cried when Jerry Maguire said “You complete me.” Guys are good for alot of things, but they cannot be the sole elements of your circle of life.

The problem is not that women are inherantly evil, the problem is that you didn’t pick the right women to be your friends. I never have to worry about any of my Circle of Life friends doing me dirrty, stealing my man, or stabbing me in the back and twisting the knife. You don’t just elevate a casual acquaintance to bosom buddy level either. They have to work their way up there. And that is how you weed out the ‘tried and true, time tested and Mother approved’ best/close friend from everyone else.

Now according to an article in September’s Marie Claire, Dr. Jan Yager enumerated the 10 most important types of friends. Now I would list them all here, but I do have a life, so if you want to read more, just delve into her website. (Or into Marie Claire pg 264)

Anyway, as I read the article, under each section, I wrote down the friend who best fit the description under it. I am pleased to inform you all that I really do have 10 super great friends, all contributing to the enrichment of my life in a positive way.

It’s very important to have your Realistic friend, who grounds you and helps you stop building castles in the sky. Equally essential is the Nostalgia friend, someone that you grew up together to help you see where you have come from. You need your own pep squad, the Motivator who inspires you to keep trying, and the Nurturer who is there for you at all times. I cannot live without my Close friend, the one I confide my private feelings to without fear of repercussions, and my Best friend, who has been with me through everything, closer and more intimate than anyone else to me.

The Role Model is someone that I admire alot, who has shared her life experiences with me, and I want to be a strong woman like her (when I grow up). The Same Sex friend is at the same place that I am, a woman in search of everything life has to offer. My Male Friend happens to be the one guy that I ask all the “so why is He doing this” questions to, who helps me see the other perspective. The Casual friend is your girl who is always up for hanging out, you guys have fun together in numerous activities. You don’t delve into each other’s personal lives, you are just activity partners.

These are the people that are nearest and dearest to my heart. This is my circle of life. Without it, I am naught.

Bear in mind that when you do land a man, or hook up with Mr. Right4Me…don’t be the ungrateful heifer who jilts all her other friends to spend time with only him. This just smacks immaturity, it’s soooo high school. You still need to have your friends, they are the ones that help you live from one relationship to other, help you get through all the stages of your life. They are the ones that will help you identify the jerk-like qualities, and help you grieve once the guy is gone.

A Baaaad Girl knows that men come and go but friends are forever.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide

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