Guys for Laughs
I’ve had a few moments recently where I’ve caught myself and wondered if I have turned my dating life (and sometimes the lack of it) into an entertainment piece for my smug attached and married friends. Today I got a text from a close friend telling me that she couldn’t wait to hear my ‘stories’ and knowing how it normally goes, this means my funny guy stories. They mean well, and to be fair, I’ve given them more than enough fodder over the years, but when did I become the clown to roll in for entertainment on an evening out?
I don’t think I ever made a conscious decision to make light of it all and I think some of my exes would keel over if they knew how much I’ve taken the piss out of them but I think my general tendency to make a joke of it is my defence mechanism. If you don’t let something bother you and make them the object of entertainment, I guess things don’t hit you on any deep level.
It’s strange and funny to admit, but there have been a few occasions when I’ve thought, ‘Wait till I write about this on the Baggage Reclaim!’
I think my friends hold me up as the pillar of singledom and for them, I probably represent everything that’s fun about being single, but on the flip side, it all represents an insecure existence that they’d rather not participate in. They’d rather watch from afar, get the laughs, and then run home and snuggle under the covers with their significant other, clinging a little tighter than usual.
Am I purposefully choosing guys that end up nearly making me or someone else wet themselves laughing? That would be a resounding ‘NO!’ but for whatever reason, my dating life is often pure comedy. It’s not my fault that the night that a guy goes out with me and decides that eau de natural (B.O) is the scent of choice, or that they should question me as if it’s a job interview and then proceed to analyse the date in front of me, or that the babymama that he failed to mention should turn up and start cussing me Jerry Springer style, nor the time when I bumped into the ex fiancé dressed in varying shades of brown from head to foot, looking like a lump of poo.
There was the Bee Gees style dancer who couldn’t help mentioning threesomes every three minutes, the one that couldn’t keep his mouth shut (literally gaping and catching flies), or the guy that said the dirtiest things that I have ever heard on our very first date. I most particularly can’t forget the guy that acted shy, retired and unassertive for all of our dates, then I invited him back for dinner and he suddenly developed overexcited teenager syndrome and couldn’t keep his willy in check!
Not one of the guys I have met or dated has ever displayed when I first meet them, what eventually has been their demise and made me laugh so hard. The funny thing is that these guys ego’s (read:penises) haven’t even registered how entertaining they are and they’d be bewildered if I spelt it out for them.
So I guess the reason why I’m the ‘clown’ is because I made myself the clown. There will come a time when I won’t be any longer and there will be a steady guy that has made it past the first few dates by not doing any of the above. When this happens, my friends had better watch out, because I won’t have so much to say anymore and they’ll have to find a new ‘act’. Hopefully they won’t expect me to relive the past through re-runs with ‘Go on! Tell us about that twat of a fella that couldn’t keep his willy to himself!’
You’ll know when I really like someone, as I won’t be able to take the piss so much. Until then, I’m laughing all the way!
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim. She also has her blog Tired of Men
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She Said/He Said: A Guy’s View on Afterplay…
January 31, 2006 by Special Dark · Leave a Comment
On occasion I feel that it is in the best interest of our readers that both sides of a subject be treated. Now, my esteemed colleague, Vixen, wrote an intriguing article on what men should do directly after sex to further please his woman. This was actually a very good article that touched on a lot of key issues, however I am compelled to add a couple points from a guy’s point of view.
1. High Maintenance is not sexy - We as men have just now started to get down the importance of foreplay and now this “afterplay” stuff is sprung on us. I think that any good relationship needs compromise and the first thing that needs to be understood is that for men, having sex (and especially an orgasm) causes us to get fatigued (at best) or downright sleepy (at worst). I think it is highly unreasonable to always expect us to do the things you like cuddle, whispering into your ear, or gearing for more sex if we cannot be allowed to sleep from time to time. It should be a 50% split down the middle. As much as women like their “afterplay” activities, men are deeply fulfilled by having great sex and then falling into a well-deserved sleep.
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Fixer Upper
Every woman has some idea in her mind, of what her ideal man will be. What he looks like, smells like, acts like, etc. But, at one time or another, every woman has compromised her standards. She dates someone poorer, taller, shorter, hairier, less trustworthy, less stable, less good looking, less intelligent, less sexy, etc. This happens for a few different reasons. No one is perfect, so sometimes a man with other outstanding qualities comes in and sweeps a woman off her feet. He may not meet all of her criteria, but he meets enough of the important ones to be a suitable partner. But sometimes a woman becomes desperate to be in any relationship with any man because she’s afraid to be alone, and other times a woman is just insecure and craves attention from men in order to feel good about herself, so a man who is far from her ideal is able to pursue her and she enjoys the attention so much that she caves in and dates him. Read more
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Bad Habits of Men: All Eyes on Breasts
January 30, 2006 by Special Dark · 1 Comment
Women’s breasts. Need I say more gentleman? We search for them, yearn for them, are willing to do almost anything to see them. Did any of us ever ask ourselves why? Or do any of us consider what might happen if we get too much of a good thing? Well Special Dark is here to hopefully answer a few of the questions that us man folk have.
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To Tell the Truth
January 30, 2006 by Pocahantas · Leave a Comment
There are eternal truths about women that men are well aware of and women find it essential to deny all the while simultaneously indubitably embodying these self-same traits. The truth about men is that although men and women do speak different languages: men have a translator, a guide, and an archaeologist trained in all facts about women: they know just enough about us to get what they want from us, but not enough to give us what we really need.
Read more
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Is Online Dating the Way Forward?
January 27, 2006 by Serendipity · 15 Comments
Being a total Friends addict, I refer to a quote from that very show to puncuate the point I am trying to make with this article:
“I can´t believe my parents are pressuring me to find one of you people!” Monica Geller.
Since I split with my last serious boyfriend at the age of 28, I have had far too many conversations with my mother about when I’m going find a suitable young man to settle down with and pride her with much longed for grandchildren. Each time the conversation rears its ugly head I recoil in mock horror and protest at the lack of decent eligible men.
Having tried internet dating as well as the more conventional methods of meeting men, I find myself still resolutely single. What I do have for my troubles is a slightly battered heart and a mild case of paranoia when it comes to overanalysing the things men say and do.
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Book Report: How to Succeed With Men
January 27, 2006 by Annie Dennison · Leave a Comment
Our resident love guru Dr. Annie reviews “How to Succeed with Men“, an insider’s guide to getting and keeping the man you want.
“The truth is, men can handle a powerful woman.”
That’s the opinion of David Copeland and Ron Louis, co-authors of the ambitious book, How to Succeed with Men. And you know what? I agree with them.
In fact, I think they’re spot-on when they start the book with “Eight Myths About Dating You Can’t Afford to Believe”:
1. Men Can’t Handle a Powerful Woman
2. All the Good Ones Are Married or Gay
3. Men Have Fragile Egos
4. All Men Are Jerks
5. All Men Want Is Sex
6. Only Women Suffer
7. Men Understand What You Want and Are Just Being Difficult By Not Giving It to You
8. Men Can’t Commit
If I’m honest with myself, I probably hold on most tightly to Myth #7. And yet, I have no problem understanding why women hold on tightly to any, or all, of these generalisations. After all, even these male co-authors admit that “…having a man in your life can be one of the most annoying experiences you’ll ever have.”
Of course, all people — men and women — can be annoying in dating and relationships. That’s why we need to ask ourselves, “How much annoyance do we tolerate?”
Apparently, Copeland and Louis feel that one of women’s biggest mistakes is not being tolerant enough, especially during the earliest stages of dating. My first reaction to that crazy concept was, “You’ve got to be kidding! Women accept unacceptable things from the men in their lives all the time.”
As I got more into the book, though, I think I saw their point. They’re referring to what they call a “male shell of jerk energy” that is thin and penetrable. It’s that rough-around-the-edges quality that some (maybe many?) men have. But it’s mainly about doing occasional jerky things, which is not the same thing as a man with a jerk core. A man with a jerk core is a waste of your precious time.
How to Succeed with Men tells you how to separate the guys with the jerk shell from the guys with the jerk core. I didn’t always agree with the way the authors defined that separation, but I still think they provide solid suggestions for pre-qualifying, qualifying, and disqualifying any man you date.
By the way, Copeland and Louis warn a woman against having sex too early, before she has the chance to fully “qualify” a man for a potential relationship. The faster sex happens, the more likely a woman is to look for reasons to justify why she had sex in the first place — when she might really need to be disqualifying the man. I definitely agree.
So, does Doctress Annie recommend this book?
I do. And speaking of “I do,” there’s a significant section in this book devoted to the topic of commitment. That includes “15 Commitment Killers,” “8 Signs He Is Ready for the Commitment Conversation,” and “14 Steps of a Successful Commitment Conversation.”
This book might just change what you do with men.
‘How to Succeed with Men’ is available from Amazon for £6.99
(© 2005 Annie Dennison – All rights reserved)
Annie Dennison, Ph.D., is a dating adviser, psychologist, and writer. Her blog Smart at Love, provides a steady stream of practical love life advice to smart single women. She lives in Southern California, and is happily married to an Englishman with nice sideburns.
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Vixen’s Guide to: Afterplay
January 26, 2006 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
Afterplay is an essential element in sexual encounters but, more often than not, tends to be overlooked by the male species. A well versed male knows that afterplay is crucial, and has been known to elevate your status from a “he was ok” to a “he was pretty good.”
You falling asleep right after the encounter does not count as afterplay. Neither does a pat on the back and a quick kiss as you rummage on your nightstand to find the remote control or cigarettes.
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Sharing the Skeletons in Your Closet
A skeleton is a secret, a past indiscretion, an error in judgement and choices that you have made in the past. Something that you may be ashamed of, but ultimately have learned from.
Everyone has skeletons in the closet. I’m sure off the top of your head you can come up with a few scenarios that you wouldn’t want your significant other to know right away. It’s not that you are lying per se, it’s just that you don’t tell every him or her the minute you meet them your whole life story. After all, you have to maintain your aura of mystique, the charming allure that allows people to want to know more about you.
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Are You Faking It?
I watched an episode of Nip/Tuck a few months ago where the character Julie McNamara had been faking it for months and after a sex session, her husband came out of the bathroom to find her finishing herself off and she revealed that she’d been faking it for months.
Personally I’m at that stage in life where I can’t be bothered to fake it for anyone. I don’t see why I should massage someone’s ego and allow him to think that I’ve got my rocks off when I haven’t. If you’re in a relationship with someone and faking it consistently, it’s dangerous because your partner probably has no idea if you are and how the hell are they going to learn what you like if you keep pretending?
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