Real Life:Diary of an Addict: Detox Week #5
April 28, 2006 by NML · 3 Comments
Pocahantas has settled in after leaving behind her Mr Unavailable and moving to NYC to start a new life. This week sees Pocahantas being surprised at how much she has settled into life in New York, but also trying to reconcile herself with missing him and trying to understand why her culture, or lack of it made him cast the stone of judgement…She still misses him though…
I knew I’d love New York. I just didn’t know how much.
I’ve moved a lot in my life so I must admit that I was expecting the first few weeks to be cool, you know, acclimation to my new job and environment, meeting up with old friends, meeting my co-workers, pretty much stalking the few people that I know out of sheer loneliness.
Fortunately it hasn’t been like that at all!
You’d be very disappointed in me. I found my niche immediately!
My roommates and I went out to this spoken word spot in Harlem last night; it was the hotness. I must say that I wasn’t really prepared. It’s nothing like that little place downtown in ATL where you’d take me.
The artists were so alive. So intense. So real. I don’t know if that’s the right way to say it, but I would have felt embarrassed to get up there. Everyone was on another level. It was like Apollo, right there in Harlem.
It was fabulous.
J, my roommate from the Bronx, wanted me to go out for a drink afterwards, but you’d be proud. I stuck to my “grownupness” and declined -mainly because it was ALREADY 2am, I was already slightly tipsy, it was a Tuesday night, but also because J has been known to duck a tab or two… my other two roomies let me in on this.
My place is cool. It’s really taking getting used to, this sharing a place. I also share a bathroom, with a guy. It’s not cool. J has more hair than me…I know can you imagine. He wears it braided most of the time, but lately he’s been on this afro tip and it’s freaking everywhere! Like I understand why you used to be grossed out. I really didn’t want to share a bathroom with Lily because #1 she’s a total slob and #2 that would require being on the second floor, in a smaller room, which I don’t want to do. I got my piano into the house and I like the fact that I can actually fit it in the space between our rooms. You have to see it. It’s too cute.
I’ve been all over and this weekend, we went into the city to see The Color Purple. You know I just watched the movie for the first time like last year!
You called today. I know you got my number from your aunt. Probably why I gave it to her in the first place. Your message was sweet, a little poignant. And yes, I accept your apology. I know that you were just scared. Trust me, I was petrified. Not just of leaving you, but of the possibility that it actually was the right thing to do.
Truth is, I miss you. Everything about this place reminds me of you. I experienced the New York outside of Manhattan for the first time with you. Brooklyn, Queens, even the Bronx, remind me of you and every time I board the wrong train and end up on the opposite side of the WORLD from where I’m supposed to be I find myself wishing I were lost with you.
Remember that time we took the J train to visit your grandmother and that crazy man with the machete got on the train? I’m surprised that he wasn’t stopped, you know after September 11th and all that, you know, but this is New York, and like they say, anything goes. I’m still petrified of that train. I live like ten minutes from her house by train, but I REFUSE to take it; I always drive. I can’t abide the J, especially not at night.
I went to see Ma on Saturday, I think she’s becoming a little senile like my grandmother; she thought I was Vanessa. It’s all right though. I ran a few errands for her and helped her clean up a little. Ma Strong wasn’t home, and thank goodness because I know that she agrees with your mother’s assessment of me. Hmmm, let me see if I can remember, “I’m a lazy, worthless, shiftless, AMERICAN, with no culture, broughtupsy, or class…” Yep, I think that’s just about it.
It’s just being here with all my West Indian friends that I started to really understand why she hates me so much. I had no idea that, to your mom bringing home an American was the equivalent of my brother bringing home a Caucasian. Not that I thought Black was Black. I’ve always known and respected the difference. But I always thought that I’d be judged on me, not on where my parents were from. Of course I, again, was terribly mistaken.
J told me that his mother accepts him dating whomever he wants, but he knows better than to tell her that he’s considering marrying any of these girls. She will only accept a black West Indian. I asked him did it matter what generation she was, and he said no, only that she “had culture.”
That hurt.
I have culture. Everyone else’s and none of my own, but I definitely have culture. American is just that after all; a melting pot of cultures, a meeting of civilizations, a breakdown of long held and antiquated stereotypes that have defined individual cultures into a functional, fully assimilated society…right?
Is that what the problem is? Is it my “culture,” or, to let your mother tell it, lack thereof?
I still want you. I still miss you. I still call out your name in my sleep.
J & Lily have told me, quite succinctly, that you will not marry me.
I believe them.
I’m so glad I’m gone.
Have a good night dear.
TTYL.
Have you read:
Real Life: Diary of an Addict: Detox Week #4
Real Life: Diary of an Addict:Detox Week #3
Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #2
Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #1
Pocahantas is a 23 year old fiesty female with loads of common sense and yet an unstintingly healthy dose of cynicism when it comes to men and relationships. Tune in weekly for her reality check on single living in the great US of A.
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Tried & Tested - The Rabbit Vibrator
April 27, 2006 by NML · 2 Comments
When I decided that I wanted to buy a vibrator, the first one I thought of was The Rabbit, made famous by Charlotte et al in Sex and The City and I think it’s safe to say that I’m one of many women who had the same thought. The first things that strike you about the Jessica Rabbit (the version that I brought) is that the head is a garish red and the distinct smell of the jelly plastic.
With the Jessica Rabbit you can stimulate both vaginally and clitorally and the handset is built into the base (shaft) of the vibrator. The appearance is very different from what you would
expect from either a vibrator – There is a little rabbit with two
standing up ears protruding from the shaft of the penis which are used to stimulate the clitoris. Midway up, the penis is packed with little beads that are for vaginal sensation and of course, the big red penis head which rotates. Read more
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Vixen’s Guide to: Impressing Your Man when You Don’t Know How to Cook
April 26, 2006 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
In this day and age, it’s getting easier and easier to actually go through life not knowing how to cook. Our mothers were installed in the kitchen at an early age and can whip up meals that leave our senses reeling and have the magic touch with every dish in the kitchen.
Cooking is an essential tradition passed down from mothers to daughters since the dawn of time. It’s actually a rite of passage in some cultures that the females should know how to cook before they reach maturity.
It’s easy enough to get a man, however it’s been proven time and time again that keeping him is the problem. There is even the adage that says, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and other sayings that tell us what we already know. Men love to eat!
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Early Is As Early Does
I found myself having to give some advice to a seventeen year old girl recently regarding acceptable behaviour from a guy that she’s dating. I felt awful for her as I read about him sending belittling text messages which dressed her down and attacked her character and self esteem. They’ve been together all of a wet week and there is this urge to protect her and I found myself having to step back and remind myself of what I was like at that age and ask myself: Does it really matter what choices you make when you’re 17?
When I was 17 I’d had a boyfriend for over two years and we broke up more times than I care to remember as not only did the grass appear to be on the other side, but I also must have thought I was in The OC or Dawson’s Creek as I loved the drama. Fourteen times we broke up and as soon as I saw him within sniffing distance of starting up anything else, I would materialise and ask him to get back together. He was a nice guy although he got a bit agro with a few drinks so whilst he wouldn’t be agro at me, he was a pain in the arse to go out with. On top of that, he would be economical with the truth about certain important things and either way, I didn’t think we had what it takes. In the meantime, I watched various friends date, who thought their bad choices were a bit of fun, only a number of those choices stretched into their twenties…..
Did my later dating habits have any resemblance to my early ones? Well not only did I court more drama than your average teen soap for a number of years, but I did date several guys who were agro with a few drinks, plus most of them, OK actually all of them, were really passive about going anywhere in life. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t bums, but they were the types that felt that my moving forward made them feel like I was leaving them behind, but they didn’t want to move forward, so I would have to deal with the ensuing drama and insecurity.
The way I see it is good choices start early because old habits die hard. Ask any one of us with a penchant for bad boys, Mr Unavailable’s or a fear of commitment and a fear of giving our heart, and nine out of ten times it started early or with the first love or boyfriend. If you start getting a few beatings from a boyfriend in your teens, what will you be doing when you’re thirty-five? If you start dating guys that want to control you in your teens, do you think that it’s something that you’ll stop or that could filter into your adult life? What if you learn really early that the guy that you should really like is the one that treats you mean, keeps you keen and that it often involves you having to vie for his attention with other women?
I remember another 17 year old girl that was dating a guy of 19, who had dropped out of school, had no plans to go to college at that time, didn’t seem too fussed about getting a job and he smoked weed quite a lot. She seemed besotted and I didn’t want to rain on her parade…but I said, ‘Darling, you are 17! You have all the time in the world to start dating men that have nothing to offer you!’
Cynical, but true. It’s a long life you have ahead of you if you put yourself in for the hard slog of dating guys that aren’t actually worthy of your time. Ideally, at some point, you pick yourself up some sense and get wise, but many women don’t. I come across women via this site and many other blogs, who I know are wishing that they hadn’t made some choice somewhere as it started a pattern…that thing that many of us find difficult to shake. Mind you, what do I know? At 28, almost 29, I am only just shaking off mine…..
Of course we live and learn by our mistakes, but it does matter what choices you make at 17 because shit happens and who knows how long you may have to live with that choice for, or what they choice may do to you that impacts on every other relationship you have from that point, whether it’s with yourself or with a guy. It’s not so sweet and rosy to be a teenager these days and they need all the self-esteem they can get, and handing it on a plate to some chumpy boy who doesn’t know his arse from his elbow seems like daylight robbery to me…
Dedicated to a special 17 year old, L.
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How NYM Discovered Great Sex, Part III
To recap from last week, girls are taught from a young age that they’re not supposed to give in to sexual desires. They’re not supposed to “give it up” to boys nor are they supposed to explore their sexuality through masturbation.
NYM: “Never?”
TR: “And I was talking to Tina about how orgasms are different than cumming.”
NYM: Huh?”
TR: “Huh what?”
NYM: “Orgasms are different from cumming? Are you serious?”
TR: “Well yeah.”
NYM: “Erm…and what is the difference?”
TR: “Well, you know…cumming is when you’re doing it with your man and you’re feeling good and you go oooh and aaahhhh. My husband keeps telling me that’s it, but I thought when you had an orgasm you’re shaking and convulsing and your eyes are rolling into your head.”
NYM: “OK, Are you serious? Are you? No way, you’re putting me on?”
TR: “Seriously.”
NYM: “OK, OK…do you mean to say that you think that you need to squirt to have an orgasm?”
TR: “Do you?”
NYM: “No! I’m just asking you if you think that.”
TR: “I don’t know. Can you do that?”
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Feel Better Texting
April 24, 2006 by The Tattoed Debutante · 1 Comment
Especially since my last texted break up, we are all well aware of my feelings on text messages. As often as I use my text services, and as easy as it makes several aspects of my life, it fully complicates other aspects…and not in the good way.
Last night I received a series of text messages from my Mr. Big. For those of you who are not familiar with the SATC reference, my Mr. Big is the major “ex” in my life. The one that I thought would last forever. The one that changed my life. The one that nearly killed me. It has been a long time since I’ve gotten messages like this from him, and they shook me up so I thought I should discuss this phenomenon. These are not booty texts, they are not friendly texts, so they must have a title of their own. Therefore, I will henceforth refer to these little reminders as the “Make Me Feel Better” (MMFB) text messages.
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The Venus Butterfly - Tried & Tested!
Not surprisingly, this little gadget was given to me as a gift from a man three years ago. This type of vibrator appeals to men’s gift giving sensibilities.
That’s most likely due to the fact that it’s pink, resembles wildlife, and is marketed as a device that you can wear under your panties during the day. Men love the thought that women might secretly be stimulating themselves all day long at the office, at the grocery store or at a PTA meeting.
Read more
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Tickle Popzzz
Vibrators in disguise seem to be all the rage and Tickle Popzzz is brought to you by the same people that made the award-winning ‘I Rub My Duckie’. The silicone lollipop-style vibrator massages all of the right spots with vibrations that travel the full length of the shaft.
It actually comes complete with 6 watch batteries (it needs 3) and you twist the top to replace them. It’s very discreet, and works away quietly making it easy to travel with! They’re good, fun gifts too!
Available from Lovehoney for £10.99, $19.18, and Euro 16.10.
Published originally on Pleasekitty, The Sex Toy Blog for Women
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The Power of a Smile
April 22, 2006 by Vixen · 3 Comments
I was talking to one of my male friends the other day and he asked me a question. “How many times a week do you get hit on?”
My response surprised even myself. I get hit on every single time I leave my house. No matter where I am, the gym, the supermarket, the library or just the street, men gaze appreciatively and there is always one overly confident soul who swaggers over to hit on me. It happens on such a consistent basis that I don’t even notice it anymore. I disregard the flirtation and catcalls because I’ve become attuned to it.
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Real Life: Diary of an Addict: Detox Week #4
April 21, 2006 by Pocahantas · 4 Comments
Pocahantas’ journey continues as she settles in to her new place in New York but has to deal with speaking to her ex and realising that he is holding her back and her love for him has being the biggest obstacle to her moving forward. Shaking off a Mr Unavailable that thinks he’s doing you a big favour by ‘loving’ you is hard though…..
I’m so happy that I’m able to get back to you. I’m halfway done with the unpacking in my/our new place and although it took about a week, I finally feel like I’ve made the place home. I’ve got a couple of roommates, but I must say that it’s better then living with family any day! I love my job! I always do, in the beginning.
I will not be a pessimist. I will not.
You put up a valiant fight and I will give you credit for that much. You really surprised me. I just can’t believe that it’s finally over. That tantrum that you threw sincerely disappointed me though; I really thought more of you.
I never thought that you would try to hold me back. I guess I should have noticed that although you’ve always encouraged me to go after my dreams, it’s only been those dreams that kept me within the great state of Georgia—most specifically in Atlanta.
It’s my fault anyways, it’s not like I fought you. I knew very well that I’d have many more opportunities outside Atlanta, and I hate the South, but I never really considered leaving before and the truth is the reason was you.
I adored you. Every moment we spent every memory we created reminded of me of why I wanted to be with you and you just ate it up. You don’t want a relationship with me, but you don’t want me to have a relationship with anyone else. It completely amazes me the level of petty selfishness to which you will stoop to ensure that you get your way.
Funny though, when we first broke up, I believed you when you said that we’d be friends forever, trusted you when you said that you still loved you, had faith that you would accomplish whatever it was that you felt that you needed to accomplish; and then you’d return to me. I know it was foolish, trust me you don’t have to be the one to tell me that, but it’s just hard for me to accept that I was wrong. So wrong.
Thank you for not calling every hour on the hour as you vowed to do, and, sorry to disappoint you, but the number will be changed today. It’s just what I’ve gotta do, plus we don’t have a landline and I can’t give out my work number for everything.
I miss you, and you needn’t be alarmed, your pictures are still up in my room. It wouldn’t be home without you.
You’d be so proud of me, I started to actually clean and organise, you know that four-syllable word that I’m allergic to (sorta like commitment for you), but I’ve gotta get back to work.
Later.
Have you read:
Real Life: Diary of an Addict:Detox Week #3
Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #2
Real Life: Diary of An Addict: Detox Week #1
Pocahantas is a 23 year old fiesty female with loads of common sense and yet an
unstintingly healthy dose of cynicism when it comes to men and relationships. Tune in weekly for her reality check on single living in the great US of A.
My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more
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