8 Tips for Dating Two Men At A Time

1. Keep it short term

It will get very complex if this drags out for more than a few weeks, especially if they are unaware of the existence of another. The longer you drag it out, the less likely you are to make a decision, and the more dishonest you have to be.

2. Be Honest

It is OK to admit that you are dating other people, but it’s dating suicide to give specifics, especially if you’re discussing each party with the other. Remember though, honesty may result in a defining the relationship discussion, or, he may start dating other people too. You’d be surprised how many people don’t like to be on the receiving end of their own behaviour! Also, they may start competing with each other.

3. Or, Keep It To Yourself

I’m not suggesting you make a regular habit of being dishonest, but in this situation that you have created, complete honesty may open a can of worms. Think of it more as withholding information. However, keeping it to yourself is only something that you should do on a short term basis and you should keep in mind that there is a possibility that if you are found out, he’ll ditch you for ‘duping’ him. Obviously if he asks you straight out whether you’re dating anyone else, be truthful!

4. No Sex

Sex will confuse things, not make it easier to choose between the two. Whether they know that there is someone else or not, most people aren’t comfortable in the knowledge that you’re screwing them both. Sex, if you’ve continued dating them, suggests that the dates are developing, and if they’re developing, make a decision before you ‘open’ up. Kissing is fine as it’s a good way of sussing out the chemistry and I would be wary of getting into doing everything but sex with either guy.

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Back Soon - Off To Have a Baby

There will be reduced posts for the next couple of weeks as I’m off to have my bambino. As a result, not only will there be less posts (automated), but I won’t be able to respond to comments, emails, or posts on the forum.

Take care

NML

Editor Baggage Reclaim

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7 Arguments That You’ll Have But Are Best to Avoid

Exes
They’re called an ex because they’re in The Past and every damn time either of you bring them up puts them in your present. In order for relationships to prosper, both parties need to be over their ex partners with closure, and you also both need to get over each other’s exes. It’s a redundant argument this one that cannot go anywhere and will put serious dents in your relationship. Don’t compare yourself to each other’s exes, don’t bitch about them, don’t bloody well discuss them. And don’t EVER judge each other’s pasts.

You’ve got your period/PMS haven’t you?
Now that I’m pregnant and I don’t have monthly tete a tetes, I have been forced to acknowledge that hormones and horrid periods do increase the likelihood of arguments. The tension starts when you won’t acknowledge that having your period or PMS is impacting on your mood/or ability to be rational in the disagreement. Insisting that it’s not PMS and trying to rationalise your way out of it will just aggravate the situation more. Sometimes it’s easier to say yes so you can move on to soothing yourself with a hot water bottle, chocolate or cuddles! Likewise, if he knows that it’s likely that it’s PMS, instead of being sanctimonious and provoking by bringing it up and inflaming the situation, he could just step back and let the tension pass.

Family
You can’t choose where you come from and neither can he. Having slanging matches about each other’s families is a surefire recipe for disaster, especially if either one of you are especially close to your own families. If you’re serious about each other, you need to find a middle ground and a healthy respect for each other’s families. He might be a mummy’s boy (I feel sorry for you if he is) but kicking up murder about it is likely to drive a wedge between you and give his mother something to crow about. You don’t need to love each other’s families, but civility and avoiding putting the boot in, will go a long way.

Shopping
Unless one of you is the sole breadwinner, arguing over that pair of shoes that you brought on sale (or maybe you’ve pretended they’re on sale) will turn petty. If you have financial responsibilities together, then obviously ensure that you don’t both end up on the breadline over frivolous purchases, but you do have a right to retain a level of independence over your earnings and what you do with them.

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Sugar Daddy Dating

As if the world of online dating needed to be any more screwed up than it is, along comes seekingmillionaire.com. No longer do you have to hang around in all the right places with your chest on show, hair flicking, plumped lips, and artful seduction techniques at the ready. Just log on to seekingmillionaire.com if you’re a beautiful woman that wants a sugar daddy and prepare to compete for these men.

“SeekingMillionaire.com is designed specifically to help rich, successful and beautiful singles find real love. For those who do not want to be playgirls, this new dating website will help them find and marry a millionaire, or in Anna Nicole Smith’s case, a billionaire.” says Brandon Wade, webmaster.

Apparently there are 10 women to every man which means that these millionaires must be practically beating the ladies off with a stick. This type of superficial, shallow, materialistic bullsh*t really irritates me, not least because it caters to the idiotic notion that all a man needs is a lot of money in the bank, which if you’re a millionaire or billionaire will take certain amount of intelligence. Yet all a woman needs is her looks. Mind you, if what happens in online dating is anything to go by, I sense that someone is bound to get conned. Dating sites are chock full of people that struggle with telling the truth and have no shame about ‘enhancing’ their profile; never mind all of the people that get swindled out of parting with their hard earned cash! I think members of seekingmillionaire.com may get more than they bargained for…

And surely if people meet via this site, the woman then knows that the man is only interested in her looks and the man knows that she’s just after his money. What the hell is attractive about that?!

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When He’s Not in the Mood for Sex

There seems to be a lot of focus on women not being in the mood for sex these days. Everything from television sitcoms, magazine articles, talk shows, and books deal with low sex drive in women. But what if the problem is the man? Women are taught at an early age that men are sex machines; driven by animalistic instincts to have sex whenever and wherever possible. After all, a man would never turn down sex right?

Wrong. Men are just as at risk for low libido as women. However, it’s a “problem” that seems to be overlooked. Statistics say that 20 to 25 percent of men suffer from a low sex drive. If these numbers are correct, there are a lot more women suffering than we realise. When our partners aren’t in the mood over a period of time, this can have a devastating effect on a relationship as well as for the person being constantly rejected. Before you panic, take heed as there are many reasons for low libido in men.

1. Stress and anxiety. These are sex zappers. People react to stress in different ways and it is not uncommon for a stressed person to not feel in the mood. Job, family, money, and health can all make sex take a back seat. Often when the source of stress or anxiety is eliminated, sex will return.
2. Medication. There are numerous medications that cause low libido as a side effect and some of them include antidepressants, anti-anxiety, Propecia (for hair loss) and some heart medications. Ask a doctor if similar medications with less sexual side effects are available. For instance, Wellbutrin has the least sexual side effects of all the antidepressants.
3. Boredom in the bedroom. As couples lose the “warm fuzzies” of a new relationship, sex can often become boring. If this is the case, it’s time to introduce something new. I don’t mean that you necessarily have to swing from the chandelier (could be fun though!) but bringing in a new sex toy, some dirty talk, or video, might be just what you both need to get the juices flowing. No pun intended.
4. Body Issues. Women forget that men can have body issues just as we women do. If he is focusing on his beer belly more than you, you can pretty much guarantee no sex. Bad body image usually goes hand in hand about how one feels about sex. Often getting a simple exercise regime will help this. If the issues go deeper, its time to seek therapy.
5. Infidelity. Sorry ladies but this has to be mentioned. If he is getting it somewhere else then he may not be interested in getting it at home. Certainly this should not be the first thing that you think of when sex drive has gone down however, if there are other signs that he may be cheating, you may want to investigate further.

It is also important to note that low libido is not the same as sexual dysfunction. A low libido means one has low interest in sex while sexual dysfunction is the lack of response to sex; for instance, inability to have an erection. While these are two different issues, sexual dysfunction can be another reason for low libido in men.

Certainly the above list is not conclusive but they are some of the reasons your man may not be ready to roll in the hay. It is important to remember that like all things in a relationship, sex can wax and wane. If the relationship is for the most part healthy, meaning there are no underlying emotional issues one has with their partner, a short break in sex isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it can make the next time, that much more exciting.

This post was contributed by Rose City Girl. She’s a fine food and wine loving mixed media artist that travels a lot and stays away from men that mistreat her!

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How To Be a Bad Date

1. Be me, me, me, it’s all about the me

OK, so you’ve got a lot to say and you’re a great person. You’ll be even greater if you zip up a bit more and give him a chance to find it out of his own accord. Talking about yourself incessantly isn’t attractive – you’ll sound self-absorbed, self obsessed, and…boring.

2. Do all of the talking

Let him get a word in edgeways. Even if he is shy, he needs to make the effort to contribute to the conversation and the date. Be careful of letting your over-exuberant, self confident personality dominate the date because they are likely to take this as an indicator of how you would be in general.

3. Talk/bitch about your recent ex

Are you crazy? Don’t exchange ex stories until you’ve been on a few dates. There is more than enough to talk about on dates and slagging off your ex or telling the story of your break up is not a way for him to get to know you.

4. Breakdown in tears

You shouldn’t be on a date if you feel that emotionally fraught! If you cry over your ex I would suggest that it’s game over, no credits! Tears on dates scream drama and out of control emotionally, something that most men beat a hasty retreat from.

5. Correct and criticise your date

Who died and made you Queen of the World? It is grossly inappropriate to correct someone’s speech/grammar, or feel the need to criticise their actions or choices, or question their intelligence. Superiority complexes don’t belong on dates.

6. Display unnecessary anger/hostility

It’s unattractive when a guy can’t control his temper or is rude to waiting staff on a date and it’s not any more attractive when you do it. Likewise, be careful of sounding angry and hostile when you speak about your exe’s as it screams that you’re not over them.

7. Be cynical and hard nosed

If you feel that jaded about dating and look at the date as ‘Yet Another Bad Date’ before you’ve even had it, it comes across very negative and I have to ask: What the hell are you dating for?
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Tips for Sending Dirty Emails To Your Lover

Don’t do it on work email! Some companies have very strict email policies but you may also get the content put through a filter which could be very embarrassing if it gets flagged up.

Only send these emails to a trusted lover. Trust me when I say that if you are sending these types of emails to a guy that could fit into the ‘prick’ category, he may not be the only person that’s reading them. You don’t want to find that your well intentioned email has become an email forward winging its way around the world.

Build up the ‘dirt’ over a few emails, especially if you’ve not emailed each other like this before. It might be better to start with ‘I’ve been thinking about you bending me over the kitchen table and taking me from behind’ rather than ‘I want you to tie me up and strangle me’…. You can start out by stating what you want and then using subsequent emails to expand into the finer details. By doing this, it gives him the opportunity to ask questions like “What will you be wearing?’ etc.

Be descriptive. It’s a bit pointless going to the trouble of sending a ‘dirty’ email if you’re going to be tame. The great thing about writing an email is that you don’t have to get all tongue tied and you can be as explicit as you like without having to see facial expressions. Tell him:

- what you’ll be wearing. Don’t say ‘I’ll be wearing underwear’ say ‘I’ll be wearing silk knickers with a suspender belt over them, high heels and peep show bra’

- when this will be happening
- where
- what you want him to do
- what you want to do to him
- any specific instructions (no talking, for instance)
Drip feed these details to build up the anticipation!

Check that you’re sending it to the correct person. I don’t know what it is, but when you need to send something dirty or secretive, you can somehow find yourself accidentally sending it to an ex lover or even a parent! If you’re multi-tasking whilst writing your email, double-check that you’re sending it to the right person!

You can continue offline by having Post-It notes leading to the bedroom, or text messages on the way to your get together.

Also check out general tips for talking dirty in Talking Dirty to Your Man (The Starter Edition)

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Breaking Up With No Reason

Right now somebody somewhere is being broken up with. It’s horrible, it hurts, it can be devastating, and it can feel like a kick in the nuts, even if you’re not in possession of a penis and two testicles! One of the difficult things about break-ups is the reasoning. If you struggle with a break-up, it’s likely that you spend a lot a lot of time trying to rationalise the reasons for it. In fact, until you get to the acceptance phase, you’ll reject the reason and find ‘loopholes’. But what if you’re not even dignified with a reason for your break-up? Or what if you want to break up with someone for no reason?

Well here’s a newsflash: There is no such thing as ‘no reason’. The very suggestion of it implies a lack of responsibility for your actions and thoughts. If you want to break up with someone for ‘no reason’ it’s because:

1) There is a reason but you don’t want to acknowledge it
2) There is a reason but you haven’t put your finger on it yet
3) You just don’t want to tell them because you fear confrontation or you just don’t feel like it
4) You fear something about them or the relationship (e.g. Commitment-phobia)
5) The reason is about you but your ego doesn’t want to put the onus on you, so you prefer to leave them guessing.

Breaking up with someone and claiming that there’s no reason is a recipe for disaster that will ensure that closure is as likely as snowballs being thrown in hell. Or at the very least the poor person on the receiving end of it will think you’re a tosser. A cruel one at that.

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Vortex Vibrations Suction Vacuum Cleaner Vibrator

Jaysus what a mouthful of a name…or should I say what a vagina full…. I always think I can’t be shocked further by sex toy products and then I get to hear about this product which attaches to your vacuum cleaner and lets the flow of air stimulate the clitoris. Is it just me that doesn’t want to mix household products and sexual gratification? Or should I regard this as multi-tasking and the enhancing of ‘product features’?

This patent-pending toy is made up of two ‘units’ - The Introducer and The Seducer. The first has a single opening which causes a stronger suction which apparently gives prolonged orgasms of up to a minute and ideal for using initially to create a build up of orgasm. The latter unit has gives an increased air flow which the clitoris gets caught up in (I don’t think they mean literally ‘caught’) and vibrates at a rapid speed, for a rapid orgasm.

Something suggests that with the promise of this type of orgasm, there won’t be much housework going on!

Available from Lovehoney for £34.99/$69.19/euro 51.09. Check out the video on YouTube

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Should Women Just Ask Guys Out?

I can hand on heart say that I have never asked a guy out and you know what, there are more women out there like me, than ones that aren’t. Some of us may make noises about being independent women (click, click those fingers with me), you don’t own me, I don’t see no ring on this finger, I can pay my way on dates, men and women are equal, but let’s be real: Just like the issue of who pays on dates and why, women asking men out is not a mainstream activity.

Clearly a clinging to traditions and expectations is at the heart of the resistance to us ladies asking men out and there is also that fear of rejection. But let’s be fair now, who says that men have to have carte blanche on being rejected?

I don’t see anything wrong with women asking men out, although that’s easy for me to say when I haven’t done it. Thinking back, I have made eyes at some hot guys in the past and faltered at the idea of making the first move so I know that I expected guys to ask me out. As it is, I’m loved up and settled, but if I wasn’t, I would have had to make more of an effort instead of hoping that someone would just ‘show up’.

If you want to have more control over your dating opportunities and not just be waiting for some guy to show up and ask you out, you’re likely to increase your chances of success in dating by taking an active part in the initial process. We shouldn’t just expect to leave our home in our gladrags, make-up and beaming personality, and hope that that cutie in the corner wants you as much as you want him and that he’ll approach. What’s to lose by asking the guy out?

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