Why do we throw ourselves at bad relationships and then wonder why it hurts?
Imagine if you stood on the edge of the pavement (sidewalk) on a busy road. Instead of waiting till it is clear, you purposefully step out as a speeding car approaches. It hits you, but you survive. Now imagine doing this repeatedly and surviving. Yes you’d survive but you’d have surface wounds as well as untold damage internally and it would affect you emotionally, no matter how much you think you’d ‘healed’.
Shades of Grey - Rationalising Your Involvement in a Poor Relationship
There was a time in my life when I would make excuses for why things were not as they should be in my relationships.
I don’t want to pressure him.
He’s struggling to cope with the strength of his feelings.
He’s waiting for his ex girlfriend to move out….
It’s just his ’situation’. If he could finish it with ‘her’ he would but he’s afraid of what she’ll do if he ends it.
Maybe I’m a bit much to handle.
This is different. Even though it looks like it’s bad news, I know him in a way that no-one else does and I know what we have is real.
The reality is that this is called creating shades of grey where in actual fact, it’s really quite black and white. Each time I came up with reasons, excuses, explanations, and all sorts of clap trap, i was buying time, living in denial, and seeing what I wanted to see.
Men That Live With Their Mothers
When I speak to women in crappy relationships, a consistent theme is not only a guy who is either a Mother Lover (Mummy’s Boy) or a Mother Hater, but often these men are living with their mothers.
Now I’m going to say something that no doubt many men won’t like and certainly it should set off [...]
Change in Advice Requests & a Note on Commenting
For the past four years, I have provided advice for free to many readers who have contacted me by email. This is in addition to providing advice in comments and also writing blog posts as well, plus ebooks, plus baby and bump.
Over time, the sheer volume of requests and replies to my responses has become [...]
Relationship Advice: Am I addicted to my lying, cheating ex Mr Unavailable?
Anne asks: “Your post on “When he tells you that he wants to break up versus when he treats you badly till YOU break up!”…… was right on as usual. I was stuck with the second kind of EUM…who would never have ended it until we were both ninety-five. But he cheated on me and [...]
Relationship Advice: Help! I’m not part of his life plan and he wants to move out and sofa surf!
Catherine asks: “I am six years into it with an emotionally unavailable man. It is not that he was dishonest about his unavailability, or that there were any of the red flags missing. He was separated, had lost a a baby, was in the process of divorcing his wife. But we got along so well, had very similar worldview, politics, lifestyle, music, really a great time was had. At least I have that.
Now he has told me that he is thinking about moving out of his apartment. This is where we spend most of our time together, because it has been my custom to ride my bike or bus over, stopping by the grocery store to pick up something to cook. I am an outstanding cook, and it is one of my main ways of expressing love, for my friends and family as well as him. He doesn’t like my house because it is old, worn down, and I’m kind of slobby. I have asked for a more grown-up domestic middle-aged type lifestyle and romance, but he is firm about the No Cohabitation Rule, and besides I’m messy.
5th December: How To Lose An Assclown in 90 Days…
Well it’s later than planned but I finally have a date for the print version of Get Over Him: How To Lose An Assclown in 90 Days….
So what is it about?
Right now, millions of women feel like they’re losing their minds over ‘assclowns’; men that mistreat women, are unable to commit anything yet insist on [...]
Reader Question: Why can’t Mr Unavailable’s either let go of their ex or return to them?
Why is it that emotionally unavailable men/assclowns are unable to let go of or return to the ex wives?
My former assclown has been divorced for over five years and is choosing not to move on from his previous life. They have two adult children (one still in college) and continue to do get together for family events (every other month) and all holidays events. This is the reason we broke up, he refuses to include me in these events and would not cut the ex out for the sake of the kids. I also found out that he continues to do her annual taxes.
He claims he had been hurt very much in the marriage and rejected repeatedly but continues not to move on with his life. The ex had asked for a reconciliation a year back but he refused. I don’t understand this?
He claimed to have loved me and told me that we were working towards a relationship but with typical assclown behavior he never came through. All words no action!!!!
Reader Question: Is it normal to want revenge on my married assclown?
I always thought I was such an intelligent woman with an astounding amount of common sense, until reading Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.
Is it normal to want revenge on “my” assclown?
I work with him, so we have contact all day long. I want to expose him somehow, some way. After putting “2 and 2″ together, I think (know) he’s cheating on me and his wife.
Sometimes I feel like I’m starting to go off the deep end and want to follow him or have one of my friends spy on him. If I could just know for a fact that he is shagging someone else besides me and his wife, I feel that it might finally get me to the “absolutely pissed off” stage I need to be at to push him out of my life. He’s quite the charmer and I am starving for attention so it’s always back and forth with him. Story is waaaaayyyyy too long to go into detail but right now I’m feeling extremely pathetic and want revenge. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
The Backlog of Emails Has Been Cleared!
Well it’s taken a while, but the backlog which has existed with advice request emails for the past couple of months has been cleared.
There is still a 7-10 day wait on emails and that’s because if the next book is to be finished, I can’t run an on-demand service with advice requests, as they are free and trust me, to give the right level of time and effort to each one, they do take a lot of time.
