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Listen don’t just talk
People think that you need to talk a lot for good communication but there needs to be a balance between talking and listening. If you’re doing most of the talking, something’s not right.
Be careful of hearing and not listening
Some of us hear what we want to hear or are to busy formulating a reply or drawing conclusions to actually take in what is being said. Focus on what the other person is saying.
Lose the verbal diarrhoea
You don’t need to verbalise every single thought, feeling, and emotion that you have as it can be pretty overwhelming for the recipient, especially if a lot of it focuses around expressing negative stuff or trying to talk the crap out of them in the hope that they verbalise their thoughts. Verbal diarrhoea dilutes the effectiveness of what you are saying and people become numb to your opinions. Just because you have a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that you can’t express some of your thoughts to your friends or family….
Say what you mean and mean what you say
If you say things to get a reaction, as a way to issue an ultimatum, or to make promises that you always fail to deliver, it’s a slippery slope to misery. Not only will you not be taken seriously if you ever stop doing these things but you become someone who talks a good game but doesn’t follow through.
Don’t be accusatory
If you want to put people on the defensive, being accusatory is a sure-fire way to ensure it. It immediately gets peoples backs up when you point the finger and unless it’s one of those definitive things like “You forgot to take out the binâ€, it’s better to steer clear of being accusatory and saying things like “You never pay any attention to me.â€
If in doubt, ask
Instead of having unnecessary tension because you think that he might have meant something negative with a particular comment, ask. Many relationships flounder through confusion and misunderstanding that hasn’t been communicated because we fear looking the fool or having our assumptions confirmed.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
How about, “No gossip”. Say nothing about any person other than your date, and nothing anyone else said about anyone. Not even, ‘My mom says Elvis is dead’. For the 1% of the time you tell the wrong person, you are forever labeled a conspiracy nut, and not to be trusted; for the rest of the population you are labeled as weird or silly, and not to be trusted.
I consider gossip one of the true social evils. Nothing good can come of it.