You still shouldn’t talk about your ex’s! Tempting as it may be to leapfrog to sharing the juicy details of your past relationships, you still don’t know this person and you should be focusing on getting to know them! Remember that whether you like it or not, at this stage of dating, discussing your relationship past can not only cause the person to draw conclusions but they may adjust their own behaviour to fit around what you’ve said.
Steer clear of sleeping with them. In an ideal world, you’d keep it to kissing but whatever you do, don’t let lust, your libido, an apparent connection cause you to get carried away.
Stay positive. If the first date went well, this is great, but that doesn’t mean that you should expect fireworks and cymbals clashing for the second date. Manage your expectations and focus on getting to know them. On the other hand, don’t go in with a negative attitude which assumes that your date is bound to screw up because it’s what you expect from all second dates.
Don’t go to the movies. It is important that you are both communicating and you can’t do this if you’re sitting in the dark watching a film. Whatever your choice of date, ensure that involves a high level of interaction.
Pay attention. One of the biggest causes of dating and relationship issues is failing to pay attention to obvious red flag behaviour in the early stages of dating. Likewise, people do sometimes pretend to be more than what they are, but will always struggle to maintain a complete façade on all dates. You don’t need to play Inspector Clueso – you just need to ensure that you are aware and alert.
Stay away from each other’s homes. It’s too soon for you to be having the date at either of each other’s homes. It’s only a hop, skip, and a jump to the bedroom and it’s best to avoid temptation. It’s also better to be on neutral territory.
If you’re interested, say so. You don’t need to be making big declarations of love, but don’t play games and play ambiguous as it may result in no third date because the person may think you’re not interested. It’s as simple as saying that you’ve really enjoyed yourself and their company.
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim
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1 response so far ↓
1 Brad K. // Jun 28, 2007 at 4:43 pm
I think a bigger problem with going to the movies is the distraction factor. A date, especially an early date, should be a time to observe and learn about this potential life mate. I often pick a movie because I am engaged with the subject, an actor, the genre, whatever. For the period of the movie, a while before, and for some time after, I am going to be thinking mostly about the movie. I assume if she picked the movie she will be distracted.
And the room is big, high ceiling, and our faces aren’t going to be next to each other much. That is, in a small room, a closed car, or dancing, we will be exchanging more breaths, more pheromones, and our bodies will have a better chance to react. This may build a bond, or build antipathy, but in either case we get a good idea if the chemistry is working. I wonder how many couples miss an opportunity to find the biological truth early on, by using colognes and perfumes to gum up their body’s normal exchange of pheromones.
Plus, if one of us is taken up with the story, it can be incredibly annoying to be distracted by whispers, touches, etc. It is very jarring to be interrupted in a good story to try to be intimate, or nurturing, or friendly. One thing at a time, please. Maybe a dull movie that neither of us wants to watch, really?
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