A Lesson For Cheapskate Dates
August 1, 2006 by NML
I was cracking up laughing when I read the tale of Darren Sherman, a New Yorker that bombarded his date ‘Joanne’ with emails demanding that she pay him $50 (£26) for the meal that they shared because she failed to call him after the date! This cheap excuse for a date not only threatened her with a summons(!!!!) but even attempted to get the money back from her via the restaurant! Little did he realise that she had gone out of town for a few days and had intended to get in touch on her return. On discovering the emails and phone meesages, she advised him that she had intended to be in touch but his ‘extremely tacky’ emails had scuppered that. Naturally, in what has become the norm, she posted his emails and phone messages online. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned eh?
Whatever next guys? Women demanding compensation when guys don’t call after a date or sex? I see a sudden influx of overnight millionaires… On a serious (ish) note, Darren Sherman represents a breed of guys that is hopefully rather miniscule but also representative of the skewed attitude towards dating. Unfortunately, the very act of putting yourself out there for dating means that you take a chance. The energy and pathetic ego used chasing $50 from his date could have been better spent…growing up and moving on!
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Check out the movie ‘Kissing Jessica Stein’. That caricature of a penny-counting date is years old - there have to be guys out there pulling these stunts.
What next? 50 years ago it wasn’t that surprising for the guy to get a car for a date — but need help with gas money. With cars so expensive, and gas so expensive… Plus, I would expect to see commitments about cell calls. Not everyone has unlimited minutes, some are prepaid and not overgenerous. A talkative date could ruin phone availability for months over an ‘intimate’ weekend.
And perhaps there could be an obligation for accepting an engagement ring, similar to a pre-nupt.
The tale of the date may be a mistake of timing, may be a gross failure of etiquette, and may be a serious character flaw. I would recommend at least a three-month no-contact ‘cease fire’ period, then see if either is interested in asking the other for a *first* date, and attempt to start over. On the other hand, publishing personal correspondence, even email, without intent to benefit the person(s) involved, is a pretty egregious breach of etiquette.
So, the lesson is to make any financial arrangements and expectations clear, beforehand, or accept whatever happens? Or to double-check why you are being ignored before getting upset? Or that ‘calling the next day’ either happens within 20 hours or reveals a serious character flaw? Or, as Fred Jones would have it for teachers, take a calming breath, and allow for the 28 minutes adrenaline takes to leave the body before responding to an emotional event. Plenty of food for thought, however you look at it.
Nah, if you’re gonna be insane like that, publishing the crazy is what you deserve.
Dating is a financial and emotional risk. If you try to blot out all possibility of loss, you don’t stand to gain much in the end.
Brad K - This was a classic comment that hit on all the points that Darrens behaviour implies for the future of dating if we were all to take on his Scrooge attitude. The key is to accept that dating comes with a certain amount of risk.. and to live with it.
Constant Dater - People are becoming risk obsessed and with attitudes like Darrens, they take the fun out of dating and turn it into a horrible experience that suddenly requires an ‘agreement’ as to the proceedings. Darren is clearly a dipstick anyway…
[...] Darren Colliver 30, yet another example of a deranged cheapskate flew into a range and threatened to beat up his girlfriend Ms Franklin when she got home. Like many a woman who has tried to placate a man who clearly isn’t worth her time, she stayed away from home that night and when she turned up the following day, she was bearing a piece of his favourite cake. Seemingly the cake wasn’t good enough for a man who desperately needed to inflate his ego (cough, cough)..I mean penis and when she arrived he smashed a draw over her legs and poured shampoo into her eyes and mouth! He then threw her onto the floor breaking her leg! [...]
I am a poor but attractive woman who started to date a retired attorney who is pretending to be poor. On several dates, he thought I should pay my share when the check came. Out of pride I paid, but when he asked me out again I told him that I was broke and could not afford to go out. Now he thinks that I am blowing him off because I am some kind of golddigger. The truth is that I just don’t have the money to go out to eat in espensive places, go to the theater, go to movies etc. He doesn’t understand what it means to be poor. I don’t want to just go to his house and sleep with him. I just don’t feel like it. I am not a juppie. This is a yuppie dating game. He needs a yuppie girlfriend. I saw pictures of his past girlfriend, and she was a dog. Just because someone looks like a million dollars doesn’t mean they have any money at all. He just doesn’t get the fact that some people are really poor.