Comments on: About http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:03:13 +0200 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-254472 NML Fri, 19 Mar 2010 16:45:25 +0000 #comment-254472 Hi Sherry, very belatedly seeing this comment. You'll often realise when you have to go through a difficult time or that you put boundaries in your life, that certain people don't support you in the way that you expect. This is why I always say that if you're struggling to use the forum and also to make sure there is one person who you can genuinely rely on. You have an unbalanced friendship. It's not about keeping score but it is about making sure that one person is not having the friendship on their terms... like a Mr Unavailable. Take care x Hi Sherry, very belatedly seeing this comment. You’ll often realise when you have to go through a difficult time or that you put boundaries in your life, that certain people don’t support you in the way that you expect. This is why I always say that if you’re struggling to use the forum and also to make sure there is one person who you can genuinely rely on. You have an unbalanced friendship. It’s not about keeping score but it is about making sure that one person is not having the friendship on their terms… like a Mr Unavailable. Take care x

]]> By: Secretlifeofjane http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-253976 Secretlifeofjane Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:47:43 +0000 #comment-253976 Love this blog. I relate to so much of it. Thank you for writing it. I hope you'll pop over to my blog, which deals with similar content as I deal with ending my affair. Jane Love this blog. I relate to so much of it. Thank you for writing it. I hope you’ll pop over to my blog, which deals with similar content as I deal with ending my affair.

Jane

]]> By: Sherry http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-252900 Sherry Thu, 25 Feb 2010 07:11:51 +0000 #comment-252900 Hi NML, One of the things I think should be brought up is support during NC after break ups. At least I haven't seen one. :) One of my oldest friend has become MIA while I was reeling in and upset about my recent split when I was dating Paul. I called her, texted her, emailed her asking her to call me, but she never returned my calls. She never texted me back nor emailed me back no matter how much I'd pleaded with her to please contact me because I'm in pain and I needed to talk to someone and she was supposed to be my best friend, asking for her to console me, needing for me to lean on her. But she never called or came to console me. Yet, whenever she needed me, I was there for her. When she'd call me crying about a recent break up or if she needed a sounding board, or another man has used her, I was there for her. We've been friends for over 30 years. Even when my father passed away last year, she wasn't there for me. I believe it's time to end this AC of a friend and bid her farewell. This recent event made me realize that she's a fair weather friend. At times when we go through a painful event in our lives, we need someone to lean on. I'm usually being leaned on, but on rare occassions, I need someone to lean on and I thought this one would be there for me. A good friend, a good support is essential for our well being. It's also good for us to have a sounding board that would put sense into our heads during times when nothing makes sense. Just a thought. I didn't know how to email you, but a friend, a good one is essential during those times of grieving or during the time when we're in a toxic relationship and someone needs to tell us the blunt truth. Thank you, Sherry Hi NML,

One of the things I think should be brought up is support during NC after break ups. At least I haven’t seen one. :)

One of my oldest friend has become MIA while I was reeling in and upset about my recent split when I was dating Paul.

I called her, texted her, emailed her asking her to call me, but she never returned my calls. She never texted me back nor emailed me back no matter how much I’d pleaded with her to please contact me because I’m in pain and I needed to talk to someone and she was supposed to be my best friend, asking for her to console me, needing for me to lean on her.

But she never called or came to console me. Yet, whenever she needed me, I was there for her. When she’d call me crying about a recent break up or if she needed a sounding board, or another man has used her, I was there for her. We’ve been friends for over 30 years.

Even when my father passed away last year, she wasn’t there for me.
I believe it’s time to end this AC of a friend and bid her farewell.

This recent event made me realize that she’s a fair weather friend.

At times when we go through a painful event in our lives, we need someone to lean on. I’m usually being leaned on, but on rare occassions, I need someone to lean on and I thought this one would be there for me.

A good friend, a good support is essential for our well being. It’s also good for us to have a sounding board that would put sense into our heads during times when nothing makes sense.

Just a thought. I didn’t know how to email you, but a friend, a good one is essential during those times of grieving or during the time when we’re in a toxic relationship and someone needs to tell us the blunt truth.

Thank you,
Sherry

]]> By: nicole http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-154597 nicole Mon, 12 May 2008 00:23:28 +0000 #comment-154597 When a man blows hot and cold it usually means that he can only think of one thing and a time. If he is having other drama's in his life like, money, job, family worries etc, he can only focus on that instead of you. Like I said one thing at a time, as we can multitask, men can't. It can also mean that you are doing too much for your man, let him do the work and don't mother him, no man want's to marry his mother, be his best friend, lover and partner. Let him do the chasing, when he does his cold tricks back off yourself and do your own hobbies and your own interest, this usually takes a day or two then he's back from his man cave and in your arms again. Just because he blows hot and cold doens't mean the end of your relationship, just give him space. Also don't be too needy as this puts a man off, look after yourself and your own needs first and love yourself, he is lucky to have you in his life. If you give that vibe out he will realise how lucky he is to have you. I have a man that blows hot and cold and you do feel unloved, but he had a long marriage where he did the same but they were very much inlove until she passed away from cancer at the age of 43. I feel my partner must needs my love and support, but when he is cold i give him space and i'm not all over him, i just do my own things then i know he will be back again when he deals with his problems. Let the man be the man in the relationship and don't try and change him. When you're are upset all you want from your man is love and support and affection, but the man can't understand this and feels he has to fix your problem, let him know all you need is his love. When a man blows hot and cold it usually means that he can only think of one thing and a time. If he is having other drama’s in his life like, money, job, family worries etc, he can only focus on that instead of you. Like I said one thing at a time, as we can multitask, men can’t. It can also mean that you are doing too much for your man, let him do the work and don’t mother him, no man want’s to marry his mother, be his best friend, lover and partner. Let him do the chasing, when he does his cold tricks back off yourself and do your own hobbies and your own interest, this usually takes a day or two then he’s back from his man cave and in your arms again. Just because he blows hot and cold doens’t mean the end of your relationship, just give him space. Also don’t be too needy as this puts a man off, look after yourself and your own needs first and love yourself, he is lucky to have you in his life. If you give that vibe out he will realise how lucky he is to have you. I have a man that blows hot and cold and you do feel unloved, but he had a long marriage where he did the same but they were very much inlove until she passed away from cancer at the age of 43. I feel my partner must needs my love and support, but when he is cold i give him space and i’m not all over him, i just do my own things then i know he will be back again when he deals with his problems. Let the man be the man in the relationship and don’t try and change him. When you’re are upset all you want from your man is love and support and affection, but the man can’t understand this and feels he has to fix your problem, let him know all you need is his love.

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-151985 NML Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:19:34 +0000 #comment-151985 Hi Laura, please email nml [@] baggagereclaim.co.uk - remove the brackets around @! Hi Laura, please email nml [@] baggagereclaim.co.uk – remove the brackets around @!

]]> By: Laura http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-151984 Laura Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:17:18 +0000 #comment-151984 Hi - trying to contact you, please let me know how! Thanks, L Hi – trying to contact you, please let me know how!
Thanks,
L

]]> By: brendaf http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-150973 brendaf Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:37:46 +0000 #comment-150973 Hi NML! Wonderful site and I've got something that is really relevant throughout your blogs. We are conducting the world's largest survey of the female orgasm!! We need all the publicity we can get to meet our target of 100,000. Please help. The link is www.orgasmsurvey.com Brenda Hi NML!
Wonderful site and I’ve got something that is really relevant throughout your blogs. We are conducting the world’s largest survey of the female orgasm!! We need all the publicity we can get to meet our target of 100,000. Please help. The link is http://www.orgasmsurvey.com
Brenda

]]> By: Mukesh http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-143320 Mukesh Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:59:33 +0000 #comment-143320 It's great to come across sites like yours that look at dating from a new perspective. Kudos. It’s great to come across sites like yours that look at dating from a new perspective. Kudos.

]]> By: Simon http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-137445 Simon Fri, 07 Mar 2008 10:16:05 +0000 #comment-137445 WHERE? At the Singles Festival?!! March 22nd. WHERE? At the Singles Festival?!! March 22nd.

]]> By: Simon http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-137444 Simon Fri, 07 Mar 2008 10:15:11 +0000 #comment-137444 Will you be there?! :o) Will you be there?! :o )

]]> By: no hope w/mm http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-131497 no hope w/mm Mon, 25 Feb 2008 04:52:53 +0000 #comment-131497 to day on comment let mm go ,they all lie.cant trusth them ,bilive me ,i had one ,i felt like a qween ,but they do that so they can have the cake and eat it to ,,,,,8years i lost to love a mm,now i am strong ,,,,he is out .let them go ladys ,,not worth it ,,,,,,,all they live you pain in our hearts .... to day on comment let mm go ,they all lie.cant trusth them ,bilive me ,i had one ,i felt like a qween ,but they do that so they can have the cake and eat it to ,,,,,8years i lost to love a mm,now i am strong ,,,,he is out .let them go ladys ,,not worth it ,,,,,,,all they live you pain in our hearts ….

]]> By: marcie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-122060 marcie Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:58:12 +0000 #comment-122060 Do you gain any self respect in the eyes of the unavailable man when you end the relationship? Do you gain any self respect in the eyes of the unavailable man when you end the relationship?

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-3546 NML Tue, 10 Oct 2006 20:50:04 +0000 #comment-3546 Hi Caroline, check in tomorrow where I will post my response to your comment. Many thanks for taking the time to share your story and please stop speaking to this chump! Hi Caroline, check in tomorrow where I will post my response to your comment. Many thanks for taking the time to share your story and please stop speaking to this chump!

]]> By: Caroline http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/about/comment-page-1/#comment-3537 Caroline Tue, 10 Oct 2006 13:05:46 +0000 #comment-3537 I would like some sharp talking advice in order to be able to understand where Im at, why Im acting as I am and why my ex is. We were together for eight months, it was a very intense relationship from day one, it was long distance and he phoned/visited very regularly. He spewed his undying love for me very quickly, he said he'd never met anyone like me, loved me, wanted me to have his baby right from the word go. He was emotionally very diverse, one minute he'd be crying, telling me he felt insecure and was petrified of losing me, other times he'd be quite volatile, shoting and swearing etc. After six months, he wanted to move to be with me, I told him I thought it might be too quick, he threatened to kill himself that his life would be over etc. He had a car accident and moved in. I did everything I could for him but things seemed to go from bad to worse. We both had problems, but in spite of it all I loved him to bits, and him me. In the end though, I asked him to move out because we seemed to be arguing constantly and I didnt feel happy. I guess I really believed he'd try and fight to keep me and he did for months, however, I kept letting my hear rule my heart and keeping him at arms length until I could take the pain no more and went back to ask him if he wanted to get back together. that was in July, he told me he had to concentrate on his son etc. who was coming to live with him. Its worth mentioning at this point that he has two children, one the product of a one night stand years ago,whom he does not know really one with a woman he was in a relationship with for 10 years on and off, the second child was conceived during an off. The other he missed growing up as most of the time he was in prison for armed robbery. He was also a drug addict etc, but has come out all fresh and a 'changed' man. After a few months of texts etc, I found out that he is seeing somebody new , a young girl with a few children, she is pregnant and when I texted to ask him why he was still texting me when he was seeing someone else, and that he had used and sponged off of me, his answer was, whatever. I was heartbroken, all the things he had said to me, I couldnt accept it was over and that what we'd shared wasn't real. I tried doing all the stuff you should do, going to work, going out with friends, looking after my child and faking that I was ok, until he sent me a text. Then I started seding them to him, culminating in us talking on Sunday, him telling me he wished we could be friends, that he loved me, he missed me, and my child, that he had moved on because I didnt want to have a baby, this was untrue, I had told him I wanted to butwe were no longer secure.He said the pregnancy was an accident, but like i said, you seem desperate to just have a baby with anyone, not becuase I was so special. And so he seems great, getting on with life, new gf, new baby on the way, and all of my dreams and plans are broken, am so heartbroken and seem to be having such a hard time letting go and moving on which is just so unlike me....any sound advice appreciated I would like some sharp talking advice in order to be able to understand where Im at, why Im acting as I am and why my ex is. We were together for eight months, it was a very intense relationship from day one, it was long distance and he phoned/visited very regularly. He spewed his undying love for me very quickly, he said he’d never met anyone like me, loved me, wanted me to have his baby right from the word go. He was emotionally very diverse, one minute he’d be crying, telling me he felt insecure and was petrified of losing me, other times he’d be quite volatile, shoting and swearing etc. After six months, he wanted to move to be with me, I told him I thought it might be too quick, he threatened to kill himself that his life would be over etc. He had a car accident and moved in. I did everything I could for him but things seemed to go from bad to worse. We both had problems, but in spite of it all I loved him to bits, and him me. In the end though, I asked him to move out because we seemed to be arguing constantly and I didnt feel happy. I guess I really believed he’d try and fight to keep me and he did for months, however, I kept letting my hear rule my heart and keeping him at arms length until I could take the pain no more and went back to ask him if he wanted to get back together. that was in July, he told me he had to concentrate on his son etc. who was coming to live with him. Its worth mentioning at this point that he has two children, one the product of a one night stand years ago,whom he does not know really one with a woman he was in a relationship with for 10 years on and off, the second child was conceived during an off. The other he missed growing up as most of the time he was in prison for armed robbery. He was also a drug addict etc, but has come out all fresh and a ‘changed’ man. After a few months of texts etc, I found out that he is seeing somebody new , a young girl with a few children, she is pregnant and when I texted to ask him why he was still texting me when he was seeing someone else, and that he had used and sponged off of me, his answer was, whatever. I was heartbroken, all the things he had said to me, I couldnt accept it was over and that what we’d shared wasn’t real. I tried doing all the stuff you should do, going to work, going out with friends, looking after my child and faking that I was ok, until he sent me a text. Then I started seding them to him, culminating in us talking on Sunday, him telling me he wished we could be friends, that he loved me, he missed me, and my child, that he had moved on because I didnt want to have a baby, this was untrue, I had told him I wanted to butwe were no longer secure.He said the pregnancy was an accident, but like i said, you seem desperate to just have a baby with anyone, not becuase I was so special. And so he seems great, getting on with life, new gf, new baby on the way, and all of my dreams and plans are broken, am so heartbroken and seem to be having such a hard time letting go and moving on which is just so unlike me….any sound advice appreciated

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