Comments on: Advice: Am I right not to be too quick to commit? http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/advice-am-i-right-not-to-be-too-quick-to-commit/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Brad K. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/advice-am-i-right-not-to-be-too-quick-to-commit/comment-page-1/#comment-55492 Brad K. Fri, 03 Aug 2007 06:46:27 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/advice-am-i-right-not-to-be-too-quick-to-commit/#comment-55492 Great response, NML. I understand one study shows it takes 2 1/2 years to get over a loss or separation, 3 1/2 for women. That time allows one to overcome the 'baggage' of assumptions and habits we got into to live with the lost partner. We need time to grieve, to get over the denials of what we did, of our loss, the anger, the acceptance, and coming to terms with our loss and ourselves. It takes a lot of time for the 'dust to settle'. It takes time for your body to 'reset' from adapting to your lost partner, from its adaptation to the hormones and pheromones no longer in your life. Unless you pick an identical twin of your lost partner, with the same habits, virtues, and vices, all the same strengths and weaknesses, you cannot regain that lost relationship. And if you pick a complete match to the lost partner, you will relive that old relationship, almost, always falling back into the same habits and expectations, and often jarring into (unwelcome) surprises. It takes time to drop the excess baggage. And that will leave you ready to be a functional partner, engaging only with any new prospect without the old habits and ghosts haunting your days and nights. Until then you may be interested, but like a kid with a week-old broken arm, still healing. Great response, NML. I understand one study shows it takes 2 1/2 years to get over a loss or separation, 3 1/2 for women. That time allows one to overcome the ‘baggage’ of assumptions and habits we got into to live with the lost partner. We need time to grieve, to get over the denials of what we did, of our loss, the anger, the acceptance, and coming to terms with our loss and ourselves. It takes a lot of time for the ‘dust to settle’.

It takes time for your body to ‘reset’ from adapting to your lost partner, from its adaptation to the hormones and pheromones no longer in your life.

Unless you pick an identical twin of your lost partner, with the same habits, virtues, and vices, all the same strengths and weaknesses, you cannot regain that lost relationship. And if you pick a complete match to the lost partner, you will relive that old relationship, almost, always falling back into the same habits and expectations, and often jarring into (unwelcome) surprises.

It takes time to drop the excess baggage. And that will leave you ready to be a functional partner, engaging only with any new prospect without the old habits and ghosts haunting your days and nights. Until then you may be interested, but like a kid with a week-old broken arm, still healing.

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