I was the other woman in a relationship that sounded eerily similar to yours. In fact, if the ages of your children would have been slightly different, I would have thought you were the wife in my love triangle.

I can assure you that my experience as the other woman was miserable and unfulfilling. The same issues your husband brings to your relationship, he brings to his affairs – including the impotence. In my situation, it was a long lost love who looked me up and we rekindled an intimate friendship that took a sexual turn. I, myself, am a married woman but the allure of an emotionally unavailable man from my past who (I thought) realized the error of letting me go was too difficult to resist. My romantic fantasies were quickly crushed. Long story short, he was a messed up guy who brought his troubles with him.

Your post has given me a valuable insight into what might have really been happening at home. When he said “open marriage” and “wife and I haven’t had sex for 3+ years”, that didn’t mean there wasn’t a good woman in a great deal of torment at home. I ended my affair when the pain became too great. I am on this site, like you, because I am trying to figure out how I devoted so much time to someone so undeserving of me and to move on and heal.

I wish you much happiness and peace in your heart and mind. Your children will forgive you and understand when they are old enough for doing what is best for you and your family.

Best of luck to you! I hope you find all you need in the days and years ahead. Make good friends wherever you go!

Blessed be!

Your children will watch you and your husband, and call whatever process you work out, or attempt, or fumble at, ‘home.’ They will grow up expecting this kind of interaction in the families they hope to form when they mature. An open marriage (shudder) or any separation between you will establish what is ‘normal’ for them. The ideal, I believe, would have you married to a man you respect, trust, and cherish. I think next would be to see you being honest and honorable about your marriage vows, and responsible about your relationship with their father.

Remember when all the viagra commercials started? There are many causes for impotence, including open chest surgery. Most of the affected marriages survive just fine. Although you are ‘in your prime’, consider that other women manage to make do, from married women, to women married to injured or otherwise incapable men, to single women (including those vowed to chastity). As the song goes, “We can work it out.” Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

The biggest risk I see, is that he is in the home, and cheating. The children see him – cheating affects his behavior from lying to not being with his family during the time he is ‘occupied’. Whether the children ever see or hear about another woman, his cheating affects them. I am inclined to want to protect the kids from a borderline sexual predator. And I would want him out of the house until you are satisfied, through counseling, that he is both a solid role model for the kids, and unlikely to pursue his (criminal adultery) cheating. Please *don’t* enable his misbehavior.