Anna asks: I recently saw an ex and he said he was nervous around me! I asked why and got the you’re gorgeous and it is tough to be around line. So later on in the evening we got to talking and he seriously said he was scared of me. But, he wanted to get it on, which made no sense if he is scared of me.
Anyway I think I could be scary to some people since I am into extreme sports, educated, and tend to do a lot of things on my own. I am not afraid of much, but I don’t do drugs, vegetarian, buddhist, and rarely drink. What is so scary about that???
I also had this said to me by some other guy a couple months ago. I have asked my male friends what they think of it, and they think he is a pussy (sorry, just verbatim). What do you think of the “I am scared of you” line? He does have some problems with manic depression and is also a cop. . . . Hmmmm!! If it is me, I want to know so I can be aware of it.NML says: I have to say that these are very odd comments however, as these men are Mr Unavailable’s, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Sometimes certain types of men find women like you intimidating. You’re independent, have strong interests, and your passions may be unnerving. Your atypical Fallback Girl even if she has interests often shelves them for the guy that she meets.
On the other side of it, sometimes guys say this in a passive aggressive manouver that takes the focus off his poor behaviour and suddenly has you wondering if you have done something wrong.
Do women with other hobbies ask themselves the same thing? Or those with independence?
Manic depression – maybe he is nervous of you but if he’s a cop, I feel sorry for his police department if your personality makes him nervous!
However, what I do suggest if you’re planning introspection is to look at the bigger picture – why are you attracting and attracted to Mr Unavailable’s?
Take this guy – how does your lifestyle and mentality fit with his? He has some pretty big problems to deal with – don’t fall into the trap of believing you’re the solution.
At the end of the day, hobbies, education, and a spiritual lifestyle are not reasons and many women do mistake these as reasons. Instead, if you want to look for answers, look at your relationship patterns and look at your characteristics. I was very independent and thought it scared off men – it does scare off assclowns if that is the genuine reason but in hindsight, sometimes I came across as disinterested, stand offish, and even arrogant. I’m not saying that is you but changing those aspects of your life is not going to make an impact on what these men say, especially if they have nothing to do with it.
I always say – we are the only common denominator so look at what your consistent relationship behaviours are and understand your pattern.
My new book How to Lose an Assclown in 90 Days is due out soon but if you want to get ahead on understanding waste of space men, there is also my ebook, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and download.