I think ultimately what im trying to say is that we want people who are on our “level”. Ive dated people who have extremely supportive of my dreams and ambitions and therefore have strived to go after their own. But at the end of the day its not enough ( for me anyways) to have that. They need to be able to support, challenge and even inspire you a little bit. There is something missing if you don’t have that.

I guess everyone is different and its hard to say that everyone falls under one banner. At the end of the day there are exceptions to the rule, so everything is possible.

I have seen successful women with beta men. They are extremely happy and good on them. That whole ideal doesn’t appeal to me though, so nor do i want to believe it.

Each to their own

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

I understand times are changing. Before WWII there were far fewer divorced women struggling to raise their children. Yes, there are successful people, male and female, with exciting careers and great family life. But still most marriages fail.

Look at the great leaders. Very few manage to combine marked success with good personal skills – we pay lots of attention to them, they are so rare.

Also not rare, are those that glow in pride of their family, their company, their nation, without needing to be the one to lead to victory. A bunch of dorky engineers got into management, many long years ago, and demanded idiotic garbage for personal evaluations, including ‘what position do you see yourself in, in five years?’. This crap is evidently taught at Engineering school. Many people, from Librarians to farmers to what used to be called software programmers and small business owners, would be content to be doing the same job, well. Maybe with a bit more class, a shinier set of comfortable, dependable tools.

And I think a man that has built up a successful business or career is at risk. What he is most likely familiar with are subordinates – people that implement instructions, support his plans, and don’t distract things. You suggest he would want an equal – but would that feel, emotionally, to him as a challenger, a rival? He may indeed want a trusted companion, a co-equal – if he has developed his personal relationships and bonds with friends and family all his life. In which case he is less likely to have left finding a companion until the exciting, rewarding parts of his career are over.

Enjoy!

Obviously realtionships involved supporting one another and i know that in most relationships there is always the more dominant one. So are you saying that all women should just be passive and support their men?

If you didnt notice .. my name includes “Alpha Female” so i have difficulty in grasping this concept and agreeing with it.

I think that a relationship will work the best when two people are working towards a common goal. That doesnt mean its the man’s goal, it doesnt mean that its the woman’s .. it means that they came up with that goal TOGETHER and can support eachother in the attainment of that.

“Women with no potential for personal advancement”??!! Your killing me here. Do you mean no personal advancement in career’s? I dont think any human being can not want to perosnally advacne in some way. Its a human NEED for you to be able to GROW.

And who says that men are allowed to have personal advancement and women are not?!!

Wake up to mofer times buddy, smell the roses and all the women who have beaten all their male counterparts to get to the top. There are many successful, ambitious women out there who have extremly happy marriages

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

But don’t you worry? That a guy looking for a woman with ambition, career goals and great personal drive, isn’t looking for a competent person to have a relationship with? That they want an easy-keeper room mate they don’t have to spend any time or attention on? That they just want someone (decorative) that will take care of themselves?

If you pick such a guy, why would you think that at some point a disinterest in caring for your needs will turn into a caring and nurturing co-parent, or even long-term partner?

In the old days, a woman ‘all about relationship’ would be a co-partner, supporting her husband. And integral part of his social and political life, whether in public office or as blacksmith. They worked together. A woman without individual career ambition needs to pick a mate that will work with her. That kind of relationship will work beautifully.

Vera, in Secret of My Success, tells Brantley, “You don’t ever want to be a Corporate wife” – and yet there are thousands. Corporate wives, pastor’s wives, small business wives, farm wives. Women with no potential for personal advancement, deeply involved in nurturing the family enterprise. Farmers are in about the same boat, little room for ambition. Until WWI maybe 70 percent of Americans were farmers or involved with farming. The experience, the adaptations, the *love* that made our ancestor’s families couldn’t have been all wrong. I think it is how we accommodate ambition that we should be particularly careful.

I worked with a guy in Minneapolis. Steve was pretty quiet, a skilled programmer (1982, a real weenie). At a MinneCon (science fiction convention) one of girls adopted Steve. She married him, cleaned him up, increased his social life. Took care of him. They were both happy as clams.

I look at the near-thugs coming from the local high school – the wrestling and football teams are highly revered, here. Lots of pit bulls, semi-organized dog fights and cage fighting. The bad boys get the quiet, pretty girls. The local women’s shelter is over-subscribed for the level of population. I don’t think your theory of attracting similar people holds up very well. I think a change is needed, one that isn’t funded by Budweiser, Vogue, Victoria’s Secret, and the NFL.

I think that am ambitious woman will not only aim to have a successful career, she aims to have successful relationships, great health and contribute back to the world. She is ambitious in all areas.

People have this myth that you have to choose your career or relationships. What im saying is that you can totally have both. Say you have a chick who is all about relationships. No ambition what so ever. Does not want to move forward in life, but just wants to focus ALL her energies on a happy relationship.

I can guarantee you that relationship wont last because she is an incomplete woman. And being only half a person in a relationship does not equal healthy!

i would say that, you attract people into your life who are like you. If you want an ambitious, independent and loyal partner. Then you are going to have to focus your energies in becoming that yourself.

If you want someone with little ambition, bad manners and no sense of humor .. practice being that kind of person and im sure you’ll find someone just perfect for you. It works both ways I guess.

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

First about ‘ambitious’ – I meant aggressive in pursuit of her goals. Nothing wrong with that – it just doesn’t leave room for close personal bonds. Someone seriously focused on life goals, other than family, has less time or energy to accommodate someone new in their life. Guy or gal, getting to know someone, to court a partner or mate, to form close personal attachments, will take time and effort that would already be strained for the ambitious.

Guy or gal, ‘knowing what they want from life’ must balance with family-type relationships, and making things all come together for everyone at the same time – just look at how many people it doesn’t work for.

I kind of resent the way you describe ‘doesn’t take care of herself at all’ when I mean soap and water, a comb or brush, a toothbrush – basic hygiene – is what a person needs to be healthy. Remember? Probably how your *father* wanted you to prepare for going to middle school.

There is a lot a person can do between vying for the cover of Vogue and ‘who is quiet and just sits there’. One is to be sure to live and work with responsible, respectful people. And to let (married) friends know you are interested in a good partner. Networking works. Sitting there resembles not being available. Normal daily activity lets you notice people, gives you an opportunity to smile, say hello to people that interest you. Like a diet, just stating to friends that you are looking makes it more true for yourself.

I watched Disney’s Mulan the other night. I think a girl like that would be worth considering. Bold, stubborn, respectful, honorable, aggressive. Notice that she manages horse and cart with cannons in addition to the duties that she shares with everyone else.

Maybe Sandra Bullock in ‘While you were Sleeping’. Or Patricia Neal in ‘In Harm’s Way’.

Cosmetic use became widespread after WWII. And it was the divorce rate that increased, not length of marriage. The ‘Summer of Love’ in the 1960′s launched the ‘sexual revolution’ which further trivialized making a conscious choice to select a responsible partner (rather than the best provider, the best co-parent, the best mate). And the number one cause of children going into poverty is divorce, in the US.

The myth that a woman with dreams, with plans will offend men is only partly true. Yes, some men have the fantasy of the Playboy bunny satisfied to serve. But the real issue is whether they still have a capacity to embrace an intimate relationship. Many men aggressively chasing career or other goals fail for the same reasons, lack of interest or respect for their partner’s needs. Partnering an ambitious person requires a lot of sacrifice and a sense of service, which doesn’t suit everyone.

As for me, I don’t have much ambition at all. I would be more interested in a partner, a mate.

So who said anything about the fact that if your ambitious you have no respect for yourself?! Its the ones that actually know what they want to do with their lives which are scary to men .. coz your afraid you are going to left in the dust.

So the next girl that comes along, that doesn’t wear high heels, doesn’t take care of herself at all, who is quite and just sits there (silently hoping that someone will approach her) is your kind of girl brad?

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

And that might have been ‘oops’. lol!

Stilletto heels are warning sign, for me. I may think the wearer attractive, but not a person I might care to know.

I know that every woman wearing heels (of any height) isn’t deluded into thinking her only claim to value as a person is her sexual desirability, that she isn’t a living example of the deceptions and images promoted by Vogue and Cosmo, that she might still have character qualities I would appreciate (discipline, honesty, respect). But I wonder.

I think a girl can be quite forward in approaching a guy, if it is *not* done as part of the dating game. That is, if she keeps her approach as non-sexual, non-relationship oriented as possible.

I doubt the kind of guy you interest with flirting will be the kind to stick around.