Comments on: Advice: Help! I’m the Other Woman to the Other Woman – Does this sound like a man in love?

By: T-Bird

T-Bird — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 20:18:49 +0000

Hi Brad,

Your letter brought tears to my eyes.
He is manitpulative and emotional abusive. I would never thought he is who he is. He had me well! I still have him in my heart. I know that we are all broken in someway and I forgive him.
Brad, I hope you are well and I thank you for your support.
xoxoxoox

By: Brad K.

Brad K. — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 02:06:20 +0000

T-Bird, The grief of parting is real, and happens whenever we lose someone from our lives – whether they pass away, leave, or we kick them out. The anger and hurt and denial stages all pass as we adjust to a life with a hole in it.

I hope life fills in around the empty space so full you seldom notice it anymore.

Blessed be.

By: T-Bird

T-Bird — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 23:33:07 +0000

I have been in love with a married man. we broke up 2 months ago. I loved him, he used me. He seemed like a perfect gentleman and I fell for it. It hurts like hell and each day is a struggle for me. I just want you all to know that you are not alone.
The sad part is I still love him while he is ready to jump on his next adventure. He even asked me for a phone # of one of my friends. Too sad for words, eh?
T-Bird

PS. He is a Scottish living in the US right now.

By: amy

amy — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 16:28:20 +0000

Yes L., I do know those things and they hurt. I have to continue to remind myself that I should let people reveal to me who they are instead of building a person in my mind and then being crushed when they don’t ”live up” to my image of them.
I sincerely hope that you haven’t had similar experiences with EUM, the emotional ‘dance’ we go through is horrible. I doubt my friend is hurting at all….I know I was just a means to fill a need. But then comes the question of why should I care how he’s feeling? Could it be I’m not as over it as I thought, hoped, I was? Oh Horrors, I pray that I am beyond being hurt by this jerk ever again.
Many blessings to you. Stay strong.

By: L

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 04:49:24 +0000

The sad truth is,,,you know two things about him you’d rather not know, and you can never get away from. He can lie,,and he can cheat. No matter what else you think you know about this guy, could you ever relax if you “got” him?
Of all the things you know,,,you know you can’t trust him.
I’m so sorry.
I know this hurts.

By: Tracey

Tracey — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 04:15:15 +0000

Amy- Is his name John because he sounds like my married man. We lasted a year and I told him at that point the fantasy of us getting married was over. Actually I told his wife. She drained the bank account and he went back to her. So I know it wasnt love for me it is love for his money! Dont blame yourself. My ex guy promised he would get divorced, loved me like no one else. We traveled a lot, Paris Amsterdam, NY, Vegas etc…It was awsome. But money isnt worth it to me. We women can make our own. I still believe John loved me to death and it wasnt a waste of time. I learned a lot from him and appreciated everything. I just got fed up continuing sharing what I felt was my true relationship. It wasnt my imagination. I have 1136 emails to prove it. Maybe in another lifetime…. we are all meant to learn and take what we can from our experiences!! Its just life. Take Care!

By: amy

amy — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:03:48 +0000

Thank you so much ltlSharon. Your kind words, the fact that you’ve ”been there”, mean so much to me. Fact is, as you know, it takes 2 to make a marriage work. Years of trying to get to the point where my husband would even consider that there was any problem at all. He still would rather end the marriage than go to counseling. He will never consider than he had any part in ”my” problem” or my unhappiness with the relationship. NEVER

Sharon, I wish you all the best in your quest to find the world a less lonely place. I’m 60 years old, I’ve lost a number of important people in my life, and I know life is very short. BUT these assclowns, while they seem to offer hope and love, are the ultimate in hurt and pain. So at this point alone is how I’ll stay for the time being. I can SO, so relate to the coming back (20th time), to the ”caving in” to a few kind words from him, but each time you close the door you learn a little bit more about how little there is REALLY there.

You have my heart girl. Hang in there and I’ll try to do the same. I love this site. It has meant more to me than therapy ever did. Take care of you….and again, I’ll try to do the same.

By: ltlSharon

ltlSharon — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:32:40 +0000

Brad, sometimes you should just say sorry.

By: ltlSharon

ltlSharon — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:01:13 +0000

Amy, I hope after sorting through all of these comments you come to mine. I am a regular reader but a rare commentor. My words are this: There are many reasons why women feel trapped in a marriage. Financially, socially, religiously, the kids or we don’t feel we have the energy or power to make a huge change. When we have outside sexual liasons, it is about finding attention, love, excitment, to make our days of lonliness bareable. I understand, I was in your place 4 years ago. Find someone unjudgmental and professional to help you. It is easy for people to say “work on your marriage” but it is more about working on yourself to find you confidence back to make a new life for yourself (with or without your husband–and he needs to work too) and not find quick fixes with affairs. I have been divorced for 3 years this November and my lover is still with his wife whom he has saying he will leave. I have ended it for the 20th time and finally feel I have closed the door.

By: Brad K.

Brad K. — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 02:21:42 +0000

@Kendra – Please don’t put up with his constant texts and calls. Letting them continue sends the wrong signal. Blocking him out, or changing your contact numbers and names, will let you take a bit more control over your life, and whom you choose to communicate, identify, and associate with – which is critical to finding a happier place, then living there.

@Blaise, Yes, I know I mentioned STD’s, but I worry more about the distraction of his attention by additional, hidden intimate relationships, and by the very real interactions that occur between bodies as hormones are exchanged and affect each other – even from shared breaths. Contact of any kind isn’t needed to see people interact at the physical level. Statistically, STD exposure can and does happen. But hormone interaction, emotional and attention interaction happen *every* time.

By: lisaq

lisaq — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 22:45:30 +0000

OMG girl! Run, run like the wind!

By: Kim2

Kim2 — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:06:48 +0000

Step one has got to be seeing these guys for who they really are – selfish users who care for no one but themselves. The more you give the more they take and treat you like dirt. You wonder what is going on… totally confused because the sex is great and you have fun with him and you’re nice to him. You know you don’t deserve this so you back off and he contacts you. He’s nice at times but just when you start to relax and quit worrying the whole thing happens again. He’s playing you.

By: amy

amy — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:52:49 +0000

Thanks Brad for the clarification. I’m a little sensitive right now…sorry. Your remarks in the past to others on this site have always seemed kind, well-intended and thoughtful. I appreciate your taking the time and effort to write about my particular situation.

By: Kendra

Kendra — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:49:06 +0000

Hi Brad K!!!! Im still around….all has been well. Since the past wk-hes looking for me again-intense, daily txts or calls..saying he misses me, blah blah i havent slipped but it sucks..I mean Im FINALLY happy again and he does this!!!Anyway good to see you’re still on offering ur two cents… Amy trust me Brad means no harm….

By: amy

amy — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:45:55 +0000

THANK YOU Sheila.
Grabbing that rope!