Pairing up for business reasons, or to share expenses, you still have the option – start with someone of good character. See them being good with children and small animals, see them getting along with your friends, their friends and family. Get to know them before getting intimate or making a commitment.

And keep in touch with friends. Email, text messages, phone, and even *gasp* actual snail-mail letters can tide you over even when you are traveling.

Blessed be!

You need friends. Separating, even when things are bad, takes support. People experienced with the grief, the separation, the doubts, the denial and anger – people that can help guide you through the adjustment to a new life.

Allow for the responses and ways you have learned to survive in a bad environment. And keep friends around to help remind you there are other ways, better ways. Pastors, counselors, women’s shelters can be a big help in understanding the adjustments you face. And maybe help keep you safe as you move on with your life.

Blessed be.

Become pro-active. You know the guys that don’t hit on you, The ones that are “beta males”. The ones that you aren’t sexually attracted to at first.
Well big surprise(sarcasm), they are the ones that will treat a girl the best. You sit around in clubs waiting to get appraoched by a guy then think that he actually wants a long term relationship? Fat chance if he has the smooth moves wise up, if you want to be sexually satsified, and we all do sometimes, thats who you go with for a one nighter. If you are looking for someone to treat you emotionally well try talking to the shy guy, he will probably blow your mind in bed once you get in the groove with him anyway.
The same traits that unconciosuly make you attracted to the arseholes are the reason why they don’t make good partners.

Tell your readers to wise the fuck up, get into some new age stuff, I know this because i used to be the nice guy, and in order to get girls to give me the time of day i had to start acting like the Alpha male arsehole.

I understand NML’s focus on anger. What hits my trigger, though, is the disrespect. The massive disrespect he is showing to you. Disrespect always gets worse until someone gets hurt, unless you deal with it. Kids, horses, co-workers, partners. Respect is required for a relationship to be healthy.

Unless you are accustomed to bar room brawls (being involved in the thick of things, and winning (whatever that means) at least 1/3 of the time, I doubt you will find a way to correct anything with this guy. In a horse herd the lead mare will kick the snot out of an uppity youngster, and assure that the lesson need not be repeated. And that sounds to me like the only way to bring your boyfriend into line. So unless you are skilled enough and trained enough to soundly beat the crap out of him, the first time you try – leave him for other life’s lessons to bring around.

In the mean time you are making him worse, by enabling his anti-social behavior. Disrespect is a problem, if you aren’t fixing it you are allowing him to continue and get worse. Just like buying drugs or alcohol for an addict, you provide the opportunity and excuse for his addictive behavior. And I agree you *will* get hurt.

You mentioned how his anger isn’t directly related to his ‘reasons’ – disconnects from reality like this often require help from a mental health professional. This is not something a lay person, nor a family member or girlfriend should get involved with. Treating your boyfriend might help the mental problems, but would create another kind of corrupt and abuse-prone relationship.

Bet with the odds. You won’t change him. And you have to leave him to protect yourself. Funny how this topic complements Annie’s post on Smart At Love, ‘Are you ready to change yourself – not him?’
http://smartatlove.typepad.com/annieweblog/2007/09/ready-to-change.html