irritated woman“Hi NML, I read your post about coping with work drama and I am worried. I have been dating a guy at work (most people don’t know about it) and he is really starting to p*ss me off. I suspect that he’s trying to get this other woman that we work with but he has the front to be asking me for sex. I’m sure he has even told her about us and they are laughing at me. When I ask him where this is going, he tells me to ‘relax’. He says that he cares about me but I keep hearing little things about him flirting with other women Even though he is p*ssing me off, I’m really in love with him and I don’t want to believe that I have wasted my time with him. Help me!”

This is one of those situations where it is, what it is. Sometimes all you need to do is write down what is happening to you and then read it back to yourself. Seriously.

I’m going to be blunt – Don’t p*ss on your own doorstep unless you are pretty damn sure that 1) it could have some serious potential, 2) he’s not a playa, or 3) you’re only working there on a temporary basis or planning to leave anyway. Or as another reader put it “Don’t sh*t where you eat” – crude, but true.

The fact of the matter is that you don’t want to believe that you have wasted your time and you don’t want to be believe that he’s an assclown that you’ve wasted energy on.

But….Sometimes…it is what it is… This is most definitely one of those times!

Ladies, sometimes, in fact, often, we over analyse and try to see shades of grey when in actual fact, black and white is what’s needed.

From the moment he’s trying to juggle you with another colleague, even if he is just flirting with them, he is making a mug out of you. This is extremely disrespectful and instead of doing what a lot of us make the mistake of doing and trying to compete or wondering what the hell she has that we don’t, cut the mofo off and start ignoring him. He’s spreading himself thin.

Alert – Guys that don’t mind shagging around at the office also don’t mind looking around even when they’re just supposed to be with you.

Men don’t like aggravation and you get two types of men who have ‘relationships’ with people at work:

1) The guy who would only take the risk of being involved with someone because he was crazy about them

2) The guy who thinks work is a dating pool full of fish to shag. He just can’t resist all of the fresh ‘meat’ around him and often he’ll be like the welcome wagon for new women that arrive at the office. Inherently lazy, instead of going out and hooking up with people outside of work, he is constantly on the lookout.

The latter guy is the one you have and he is a total waste of your time and energy.

These men use work to manipulate you, much like cheaters that you meet at work – they use the fact that you are at work to make out like there are restrictions to how much you can be with each other because of the work environment, when in actual fact, it’s because they’re assclowns with a wife, or other women that they are chasing and if you had free reign, you could hamper his ‘activities’ and he may even be forced to treat you halfway decently.

Workplaces give a perfect opportunity for ‘legitimate’ secrecy.

Whatever it is you love about this guy, you’re on your own because this is not a two-way flow. I have seen this type of guy time and time again, and he will continue to make a fool out of you as long as you let him. This guy is using you and getting off on the fact that you want him and love him in spite of the fact that he’s no good.

Always remember: if he’s prepared to disrespect you right in front of you in your own workplace, what the hell would he do when your back is turned?

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