I got drunk, cried, expressed the hurt he had caused me by never reciprocating my feelings of love. My then boyfriend thought I had gone crazy. I also got really drunk and then left the party we were all out, in below zero weather, called my dad from overseas and told him I was going to lie down in a field and die from exposure to cold and that I ‘love him’.

Looking past all the obvious issues that I have (and am now trying to work through with help from NML’s book), the ‘closure’ wasn’t really a closure at all. It was an unpleasant reminder of how strong of an effect this EUM assclown still had on me. Why would I worry about someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me?

And furthurmore, if he ever really cared about you, he wouldn’t have done those things to begin with (cheating). So basically you’ll be having a one-sided conversation with someone that doesn’t have any feelings – whatsoever. He won’t sympathize, apologize, or change his opinion of what happened…you’ll just feel pathetic again.

Advice: He won’t change, he probably doesn’t understand, really, what loyalty and integrity are, or why you would care about character in your partner. He is also highly skilled at attracting others — he will *not* be abandoning life skills that give him rewards (i.e., he won’t be changing).

The choice. Either accept that any contact with Bozo will *certainly* end up in bed. Accept that you will be vicariously be sharing sexual contact with multiple women, and anything contagious they might have to share. Accept that Bozo will only be available for limited contact, limited obligations, limited responsibilities You might even consider asking Bozo to just bring the fan club home with him for you to meet directly. I read somewhere that some relationships get into some interesting tangles. And accept that, like an alcoholic, Bozo is *not capable* of telling the truth. This is not the same as lying, lying usually has a goal or a point.

Or, you can decide you want to count your direct and indirect sexual partners on the fingers of one hand, with the thumb and three fingers folded down.

A final hint: Don’t talk to him about change, about what happened, about lies, etc. Since he has proven himself incapable of telling the truth, there is nothing to discuss. Decide for yourself, and go whichever way you choose. He won’t need or understand an explanation.

OK, a last, really final hint: Don’t look for guys that are really slick at attracting partners. No matter how pleasant they are, they have developed a life skill that is poison to a long term relationship.