The issue: breaking up. Getting back together is almost always easier (less change) than finding a new partner. Notice how many times we take back an inappropriate partner? So making a real break, just letting go, takes more courage than trying to patch things up for the moment.

The details: why you broke up. Just about anything has been forgiven by someone at some time, from misunderstandings to horrible atrocities. Stuff happens. What you should consider each time you approach a reconciliation – getting back together – is the details. 1) Can you live with what happened; 2) Do you understand that if it happened once, it will likely happen again (anger, violence, cheating, withdrawal, sulking, etc.); 3) Do you benefit enough from staying together?

When you leave a job, job counselors warn about the ‘counteroffer’ – your current employer offers more salary, fix some condition, to get you to stay on. The problem is that if you agree, the employer wins – they get a leisurely period to transfer your skills and responsibilities to someone else, and replace you – you have just proved to them that you aren’t loyal to the company.

I have seen this in relationships – get back together long enough to tidy up finances, prepare for a final separation, maybe even find a replacement partner. Sometimes this is done deliberately, sometimes without even realizing it. A breakup proves that one of the people cannot be trusted to be loyal to the other. Maintaining respect and staying together long enough, and working hard enough, to re-earn the trust that was damaged is tough. You have to consider whether you might be doing something like this when getting back together – or whether he might be. This is a horrible trick to play on anyone, and does awful things your own character if you do it to someone.

You mentioned that when a guy breaks things off he often explains why. What he says might be true – or might not. But you can be about 99% sure that what he tells you isn’t the biggest reason for him. Don’t grab that one tidbit and think that is the only obstacle.

Will he try to contact you? Look at how many women have trouble sticking to the No Contact Rule the first time. Look at how many women admit that taking him back was a big mistake. It seems likely that he will contact you – it would be easier for him that letting you go.

You can agree with him on all the details, yes he is sorry, yes he understands how awful cheating is, yada, yada. Just stick to the issue – you broke up, he is no longer your partner, he has no right to any intimate thoughts or feelings from you. Forgive, and move on. And do forgive yourself, too.

hhehe sorry

I don’t what it is about the dating game. But we are always going after the guy that is unavailable?! LoL Like hello?! is there anybody home?

Do we not think that we deserve better? I think we need to stop eating the rotten fruit on the floor. Look up and pick the ripe fruit from the tree!!

We have way more self respect than to waste our time on boys that are not worth a second thought.

Because there are a million other guys out there, who are looking for a girl just like you and are prepared to give it there all in a relationship with you!

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

what’s that saying?
fool me once, shame on you
fool me twice, shame on me?

Been there. Oh god have I been there.

Again, good one!

Thanks again for answering my question and helping us to hold to a higher standard – that we shouldn’t settle for less than what we deserve. You are wonderful.

Candace – I’m glad my question has helped you as well.

I do think that any guy who breaks up by withdrawing, for whatever reason, is not man enough to do the right thing and end the relationship respectfully, which in my opinion, displays aspects of an EUM.

Basic decency and courtesy surely are traits of a man who is a good communicator; in touch with his emotions and thinks about the impact his actions may have on others.