It’s a little early for a Christmas list, so I thought I’d put in an order to the Easter Bunny. We often compare men to chocolate so I thought I’d ask the Easter Bunny to bring me a man. Obviously this can be no ordinary request, this special Easter Man must meet a few requirements.
1. Must be emotionally available. When I say available I do not mean he must pretend to listen to me talk about what is bothering me whilst staring steadfastly at the football on the TV over my shoulder.
2. Must be prepared to work for a living. I’m not a stay at home girlfriend, so if I can get my ass out of bed every morning and go to work and earn a wage, then so can a man. (In fairness I know most men would be appalled at being supported by a woman, but believe me, my track record attests to the fact that there are some lazy men out there just looking for a female meal ticket!)
3. Must not have a pathological fear of commitment. I’m not the type of girl to be looking at wedding rings after a couple of dates, but when you go to the movies and the guy you are with cringes because someone on screen says the “L” word, you have to know he is a commitment-phobe.
4. Must be familiar with the concept of ‘truth’. We have all told the occasional white lie from time to time “Yes Mum my homework is done” or “These shoes were only £20 on sale…” But when a guy starts to tell so many lies that even he starts to believe them, there’s something very wrong!
5. Must not need a road map to find the clitoris. It sounds reasonable doesn’t it? I don’t need a man to be Don Juan, but it would be nice if he didn’t fumble around my knickers as though rummaging for his favourite chocolate in a tin of Celebrations.
6. Must be capable of intelligent conversation. A conversation that doesn’t revolve around football, beer, sex or food.
7. Must be capable of giving compliments. If I have made the effort to look good, I would like the guy to recognise it, not give me a cursory glance and nod before turning back to the football.
8. Must be familiar with a bar of soap. Very little explanation needed. Personal hygiene is essential!
and now for the unreasonable ones….
9. Must have a body like Brad Pitt
10. Must have the face of David Boreanaz
So, I think my chances of finding this guy are about as slim as actually meeting the Easter Bunny…but I can live in hope right?
About the author: I’m a single 30 year old living in Nottingham. I recently dyed my hair blonde (albeit a dark blonde) in a vain attempt to inject more fun into my life, either that or subscribe even more closely to the Bridget Jones-esqe life that I lead. I work as a credit analyst which bores me rigid, but it pays the bills. I have lousy rotten luck with men, and I’m still hoping for my Mr. Darcy. I think there’s a good chance I watch too many chick flicks since I’m starting to lose faith in the existence of a decent man. I have a mildly serious case of handbag addiction and I’m a typical Virgo – I like things clean andneat. Visit my blog
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