Anatomy of a One Night Stand
As I brainstormed for this article, I realized two things -
(1) I haven’t written an essay in years, and,
(2) My very own experience that inspires me to tackle this topic is not by far “typical,” and in the following, I have tried to separate my own experience from anything I might share here….
It seems that everyone has a different story. One might be attached - seeing someone already, married even - or one might be swinging single. One might be an old pro at casual, no-strings-attached encounters and has a LIST as long as your arm… or one might be at a vulnerable stage, picking up a stranger while drinking alone at a bar. One might know the partner like an old friend… or they just met a few hours prior.
I will address the scenario you probably think of first - you don’t know your partner, are intermediate on the emotional scale, and single. There is this huge tumble of thoughts but I’m presenting the taglines that keep popping up in my head over the whole experience and they are as follows….
USE PROTECTION. This is obvious. Do you want a baby? Or having to deal with the decision you have to make at that point? Do you want one night to result in a disease to remember him by forever? One out of four Americans between ages 15 and 55 will catch at least one STD. Isn’t that scary? One can easily avoid the odds and not be that one-in-four.
DO IT ON YOUR OWN TURF. Initially I thought I wouldn’t want to sully my place with an illicit and casual encounter but changed my mind after mulling over the alternative. I had the luxury of holding off the encounter for one night - one you may not have - and should you have to make a snap decision of his place or yours, choose yours. You know the ins and out of your place, where the knives and sharp (or blunt clubbing) implements are stored. You know who might come by your place and when. I hate to say it and dampen the fun but when the person is a stranger, it is a huge risk - and we must consider the worst scenario while hoping the best will occur.
LET SOMEONE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. If you trust someone enough and have the time to contact them, let them know in advance who you will be with and where you will be, especially if you don’t know the person you’re going with.
GIVE A FAKE NAME, PHONE NUMBER. I’ve got a fake name and number lined up - do you? It was fun to concoct one. I tend to gave an alias not so different from my real name and the same goes with my fake phone number. It’s easier to live a lie when it is close to the truth.
LIVE OUT YOUR FANTASY. The way I see it, if you don’t know someone and vice versa, why not take the opportunity to be someone out of character? It could be prime time to live out a fantasy (so long as you do not leave yourself in a dangerous situation, like getting tied up). A twist on the illicit night will ensure neither of you will ever forget it…. The only pitfall I can see - provided you are a mature, consenting adult - is this innate desire for girls to want more. It’s that most all of us are brought up to believe that sex between two people is an intimate act, one that should only be shared by people who love each other.
This leads me to my last pointer : MAKE HIM A ONE-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER. I don’t know if this is truly possible but to shake it all off faster, it is best to know the least possible about him and to accept that the natural curiosity about him that follows is one that might have to be unrequited. There’s going to be an aftershock : the better the time had, the bigger aftershock as evolutionarily speaking, the purpose of a female orgasm is to create a bond. On one hand, you want to have one because it’s a good time (wink wink). On the other hand, this isn’t someone you want to be remembering so fondly as if there was an unbreakable bond formed between you.
It’s funny how when conferring with my mates after the night the conflicting advice I got. You see, I told them how the guy gave me his contact information and told me to contact him. My male pals laughed at the thought of a correspondence after the whole affair. They thought it was pointless and unanimously told me to remember the fun I had and move on. When I told a girlfriend the same thing, she encouraged me to make contact, “then it’s not so much like a one-night stand.” The disparate responses are a fine example of girls and boys coming from different planets. Even if it’s probably socially acceptable to have a fling (or two) if you are emotionally mature and single, as a girl, you want to make each relationship be more significant.
In conclusion, having a one-night stand is freeing and empowering. It might be what you need to get it out of your system but how many times you let yourself succumb to it, well, is your choice. Just always, always play safe.
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With over ten years of experience in dating and relationships, that would make it the longest activity Gwen has dabbled in second only to being forever a fledgling writer. At ‘My Relationship Resume,’ she bares as much as she can bear to. Why add to the mix? Because it is in her express opinion that her experiences are utterly and irreproducibly unique and, alas, even these days there is plenty of fodder for cynical and embarassingly humorous fodder.”
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