Comments on: Are men really like rubber bands? The Bigger Picture (Part 3) http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:03:13 +0200 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Hot Alpha Female http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-2/#comment-233878 Hot Alpha Female Tue, 07 Jul 2009 08:08:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-233878 Girl, I'm like loving this post. As soon as I saw rubber band effect and then the name John Gray I was hooked! I'm a big fan of his and loved his book Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. Not only does it give great insight into Men but also into ourselves. Why we act the way we do and why we have the tendency to feel insecure. I loved many of the points you made especially about the pulling and pushing affect. I think it made me realise that this is something I do a lot with my men, the reason being that I'm just not that into them. However, it could be something much deeper! Thanks so much for the insightful post! Your blog is looking might grand! Hot Alpha Female The Only Woman You Should Take Dating Advice From <abbr><em>Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..<a href="http://hotalphafemale.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-really-like-him-now-what.html" rel="nofollow">I Really Like Him - Now What?!</a></abbr></em> Girl,

I’m like loving this post. As soon as I saw rubber band effect and then the name John Gray I was hooked!

I’m a big fan of his and loved his book Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus.

Not only does it give great insight into Men but also into ourselves. Why we act the way we do and why we have the tendency to feel insecure.

I loved many of the points you made especially about the pulling and pushing affect. I think it made me realise that this is something I do a lot with my men, the reason being that I’m just not that into them.

However, it could be something much deeper!

Thanks so much for the insightful post! Your blog is looking might grand!

Hot Alpha Female
The Only Woman You Should Take Dating Advice From

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..I Really Like Him – Now What?!

]]> By: Jer http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-2/#comment-226145 Jer Thu, 07 May 2009 14:51:47 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-226145 Well, we had a talk yesterday... Sometimes I'm quite foolish when it comes to her. I know her better than to think she'd try and pull away from me, and once we talked I came to the realization that she's really doing this for us. I also came to the realization that I am, indeed, smothering her and making her responsible for my happiness. That's a lot to put on someone's shoulders, and it's not a burden I should be making her carry. She knows how much pain I'm in, and it hurts her everyday to put me through it, but she has complete belief that this will help our relationship and that everything will be so much better once we move back in. She tells me that she's not pulling away, and she's noticeably hurt when I say it seems like she is... because she knows it's taking a negative toll on us putting distance between us like this. She's having a hard time keeping faith in her decision, but she's always been headstrong and that's what I love about her. I know she loves me, and now I know she's doing this for the right reasons. It's just going to be hard until we're both ready a month or two down the road. And yet another thing that I realized is that I can't keep asking other people how to solve my relationship problems... I know her and our relationship better than the people I ask for advice, and I should be the one making the decisions for myself. Thanks for all of the help. I really think things will be okay now. Well, we had a talk yesterday… Sometimes I’m quite foolish when it comes to her. I know her better than to think she’d try and pull away from me, and once we talked I came to the realization that she’s really doing this for us. I also came to the realization that I am, indeed, smothering her and making her responsible for my happiness. That’s a lot to put on someone’s shoulders, and it’s not a burden I should be making her carry.

She knows how much pain I’m in, and it hurts her everyday to put me through it, but she has complete belief that this will help our relationship and that everything will be so much better once we move back in. She tells me that she’s not pulling away, and she’s noticeably hurt when I say it seems like she is… because she knows it’s taking a negative toll on us putting distance between us like this. She’s having a hard time keeping faith in her decision, but she’s always been headstrong and that’s what I love about her. I know she loves me, and now I know she’s doing this for the right reasons. It’s just going to be hard until we’re both ready a month or two down the road.

And yet another thing that I realized is that I can’t keep asking other people how to solve my relationship problems… I know her and our relationship better than the people I ask for advice, and I should be the one making the decisions for myself. Thanks for all of the help. I really think things will be okay now.

]]> By: sadthing http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-2/#comment-226036 sadthing Wed, 06 May 2009 19:27:38 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-226036 Hi Jer, I'm sorry you are going through this, I'd guess that a lot of us reading this understand how you feel, we've all been in these imbalanced relationships, that's why we are here! The thing that stands out to me, is that your need for her, is much greater than her need for you, and believe me I've been in the same position as you for the last 6 years. I've spent that time analysing my X to pieces, it's got me nowhere. He is what he is for whatever reason, and more importantly I've been chasing him despite the warning signs that things were not working. My advice to you? Step back, try to focus on yourself and consider your need for validation from someone who is giving out such mixed signals. It's not an easy thing to do, I needed professional help to tackle it, but until you can clearly see what the dynamics of this relationship are really about, it's going to be difficult to move forward. <abbr><em>sadthing’s last blog post..<a href="http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/" rel="nofollow">Waiting To Exhale</a></abbr></em> Hi Jer, I’m sorry you are going through this, I’d guess that a lot of us reading this understand how you feel, we’ve all been in these imbalanced relationships, that’s why we are here!

The thing that stands out to me, is that your need for her, is much greater than her need for you, and believe me I’ve been in the same position as you for the last 6 years. I’ve spent that time analysing my X to pieces, it’s got me nowhere. He is what he is for whatever reason, and more importantly I’ve been chasing him despite the warning signs that things were not working.

My advice to you? Step back, try to focus on yourself and consider your need for validation from someone who is giving out such mixed signals. It’s not an easy thing to do, I needed professional help to tackle it, but until you can clearly see what the dynamics of this relationship are really about, it’s going to be difficult to move forward.

sadthing’s last blog post..Waiting To Exhale

]]> By: Jer http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-2/#comment-225867 Jer Tue, 05 May 2009 16:09:34 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225867 Well, she tells me that she needs to do this for us. I feel as if her doing this, however hard it may be, (and believe me, I know she misses me... she cries and tells me she does) is her way of trying to help. Whereas I have this completely different way of dealing with my problems... I turn inward and fix myself if I need to. She told me today that not everyone can do that, and that she can't and she needs this to be able to change. Am I right in believing that even though she's pulling away... she's doing it for the right reasons, and I should support her if I really love her? Well, she tells me that she needs to do this for us. I feel as if her doing this, however hard it may be, (and believe me, I know she misses me… she cries and tells me she does) is her way of trying to help. Whereas I have this completely different way of dealing with my problems… I turn inward and fix myself if I need to. She told me today that not everyone can do that, and that she can’t and she needs this to be able to change. Am I right in believing that even though she’s pulling away… she’s doing it for the right reasons, and I should support her if I really love her?

]]> By: truthhurts http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-2/#comment-225864 truthhurts Tue, 05 May 2009 15:52:05 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225864 Hi Jer, I think it is always wrong to chase someone around like that. For the other person as well as for yourself. In a healthy, committed relationship no one should have to chase. You obviously put more commitment in then she does, stop asking yourself what she needs but ask yourself why you do it. Are you getting enough in return? And does it make you happy? Are you hoping she might change? It might give you more insight to you read some of the other articles here as well. Hi Jer, I think it is always wrong to chase someone around like that. For the other person as well as for yourself. In a healthy, committed relationship no one should have to chase. You obviously put more commitment in then she does, stop asking yourself what she needs but ask yourself why you do it. Are you getting enough in return? And does it make you happy? Are you hoping she might change?

It might give you more insight to you read some of the other articles here as well.

]]> By: Jer http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-2/#comment-225863 Jer Tue, 05 May 2009 15:40:44 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225863 First of all, I feel as if this is important... I'm a guy. I happened upon this article as I searched for answers as to why my girlfriend keeps pulling away from me during certain times in our relationship. Our relationship is rather weird, as our roles are somewhat reversed (I'm very sensitive, loving, touchy-feeling, and she's very distant, unresponsive, etc.). The issue is this: Her and I moved in rather quickly... about 3 months in. We've been together close to a year. It was great for awhile, but eventually the struggles of trying to relate to the other person while moving that quickly took it's toll I suppose. We were fighting every other day or so. We thought it was normal for awhile, but then she started breaking up with me... seemingly to get a reaction out of me. She told me it was the only thing that would "make me see her point of view". It went on for months until she finally left and packed her things when I was at work. The next day she told me that she wanted to be with me, and that she left because she needed to work on herself before she could come back and live with me. She named her anger as a primary influence. She wanted to see a therapist to deal with it. Another issue we touched upon was her unavailability emotionally. We're in our very low 20s, and I always want to make love to her. I'm an emotional person and I always want to be passionate. Over the last few months she really hasn't wanted to as much as I'd say is normal... but it doesn't stop with sex. I find myself touching her and caressing her all the time I'm around her, but she kind of just sits there and doesn't really do much... I feel as if it's really one-sided. I'm hurt when she doesn't return the intimacy. She said it needs to be worked on on her side of the fence. Apparently, she believes she has problems with it. I've been having a difficult time with all of it, especially giving her space. I try and hang out with her pretty much everyday and every hour that we're not working... maybe a few hours a day? Today, we got into another fight, and her anger came out of nowhere and never let up. She said some pretty hurtful things to me... questioning why she even moved out if we were just going to fight all the time anyways... like it's the same now as it was then. The entire time I was just trying to calm her down and talk to her about it, but she just kinda did exactly what she was doing before all of this. She told me there was nothing to talk about and to leave. I stayed and calmed her down somehow, but had to go before we talked it through. Before I left, she told me that I'm too sensitive, and that I can't be over there everyday and that she's repeatedly told me that she needs space to deal with her problems. With everything that I've read, I can't help but see some similarities... between this archetype in the article and her behavior. Is it wrong for me to be chasing her around like this? Does she really need time to work on herself? Or does she need time away from me? Is it healthy that she feels as if she needs to be away from me to do this? How should I be interpreting all of this? First of all, I feel as if this is important… I’m a guy. I happened upon this article as I searched for answers as to why my girlfriend keeps pulling away from me during certain times in our relationship. Our relationship is rather weird, as our roles are somewhat reversed (I’m very sensitive, loving, touchy-feeling, and she’s very distant, unresponsive, etc.).

The issue is this: Her and I moved in rather quickly… about 3 months in. We’ve been together close to a year. It was great for awhile, but eventually the struggles of trying to relate to the other person while moving that quickly took it’s toll I suppose. We were fighting every other day or so. We thought it was normal for awhile, but then she started breaking up with me… seemingly to get a reaction out of me. She told me it was the only thing that would “make me see her point of view”. It went on for months until she finally left and packed her things when I was at work. The next day she told me that she wanted to be with me, and that she left because she needed to work on herself before she could come back and live with me. She named her anger as a primary influence. She wanted to see a therapist to deal with it. Another issue we touched upon was her unavailability emotionally. We’re in our very low 20s, and I always want to make love to her. I’m an emotional person and I always want to be passionate. Over the last few months she really hasn’t wanted to as much as I’d say is normal… but it doesn’t stop with sex. I find myself touching her and caressing her all the time I’m around her, but she kind of just sits there and doesn’t really do much… I feel as if it’s really one-sided. I’m hurt when she doesn’t return the intimacy. She said it needs to be worked on on her side of the fence. Apparently, she believes she has problems with it.

I’ve been having a difficult time with all of it, especially giving her space. I try and hang out with her pretty much everyday and every hour that we’re not working… maybe a few hours a day? Today, we got into another fight, and her anger came out of nowhere and never let up. She said some pretty hurtful things to me… questioning why she even moved out if we were just going to fight all the time anyways… like it’s the same now as it was then. The entire time I was just trying to calm her down and talk to her about it, but she just kinda did exactly what she was doing before all of this. She told me there was nothing to talk about and to leave. I stayed and calmed her down somehow, but had to go before we talked it through. Before I left, she told me that I’m too sensitive, and that I can’t be over there everyday and that she’s repeatedly told me that she needs space to deal with her problems.

With everything that I’ve read, I can’t help but see some similarities… between this archetype in the article and her behavior. Is it wrong for me to be chasing her around like this? Does she really need time to work on herself? Or does she need time away from me? Is it healthy that she feels as if she needs to be away from me to do this? How should I be interpreting all of this?

]]> By: lisa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225849 lisa Tue, 05 May 2009 13:34:58 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225849 Thecat, Do you really want to be in any kind of contact with a guy who uses the words "Jealous Bitch" to describe you? That is so disprespectful, and if I were you, I'd run far the other direction and never look his way again. No Contact works. It is hard when you first start, but it works. You get your sanity and dignity back, and they eventually go away and leave you alone when they realize that you are not playing "their game" anymore. The adrenaline yo-yoing that it takes to keep up that kind of relationship drama is not worth it. Stay away from "pubs" and other places where you know he will be until you have totally gotten that AC out of your system. Thecat, Do you really want to be in any kind of contact with a guy who uses the words “Jealous Bitch” to describe you? That is so disprespectful, and if I were you, I’d run far the other direction and never look his way again. No Contact works. It is hard when you first start, but it works. You get your sanity and dignity back, and they eventually go away and leave you alone when they realize that you are not playing “their game” anymore. The adrenaline yo-yoing that it takes to keep up that kind of relationship drama is not worth it. Stay away from “pubs” and other places where you know he will be until you have totally gotten that AC out of your system.

]]> By: truthhurts http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225846 truthhurts Tue, 05 May 2009 13:13:34 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225846 Delicia, hahaha, are you dating my ex? Cause I was getting a lot of "i miss you" and "I am in the neighbourhood" emails. Good you are unloading him, you don´t need someone who turns you into a crazy and insecure person. Delicia, hahaha, are you dating my ex? Cause I was getting a lot of “i miss you” and “I am in the neighbourhood” emails.
Good you are unloading him, you don´t need someone who turns you into a crazy and insecure person.

]]> By: thecat http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225844 thecat Tue, 05 May 2009 12:56:53 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225844 Oh my god he has sent me a text saying ' You stop saying stuff about me you are only jelous bitch'. The other woman has obviously told him what I said!!! This woman must be still with him what an absolute crazy person! She must like the drama of the 'so called relationship'. I text him saying why would I be jelous I am seeing someone else. He said thank god I have got you off my case. Note to myself change number and go no contact for my own sanity!!!! Oh my god he has sent me a text saying ‘ You stop saying stuff about me you are only jelous bitch’. The other woman has obviously told him what I said!!! This woman must be still with him what an absolute crazy person! She must like the drama of the ‘so called relationship’. I text him saying why would I be jelous I am seeing someone else. He said thank god I have got you off my case. Note to myself change number and go no contact for my own sanity!!!!

]]> By: Delicia1973 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225836 Delicia1973 Tue, 05 May 2009 12:03:38 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225836 I am dating a guy who is still telling another woman he misses her online and trying to see her by telling her he will be in the vicinity of her residence. She doesn't respond affirmatively but he still tries. I have decided to unload him. I thought it wasn't that big of a deal cause he told me that but it is to me so I guess I must be crazy and insecure cause I looked at his email and found all these emails to her. I suppose I would be upset too if I was hiding something. I don't have any emails like that? Hmmmm. I am dating a guy who is still telling another woman he misses her online and trying to see her by telling her he will be in the vicinity of her residence. She doesn’t respond affirmatively but he still tries. I have decided to unload him. I thought it wasn’t that big of a deal cause he told me that but it is to me so I guess I must be crazy and insecure cause I looked at his email and found all these emails to her. I suppose I would be upset too if I was hiding something. I don’t have any emails like that? Hmmmm.

]]> By: De http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225824 De Tue, 05 May 2009 09:23:32 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225824 Wow, you sure have earned your name thecat! All I can say is good for you for sticking up for yourself! Please now leave it alone, it will just make you bitter and angry and believe me I can see him salivating at all the attention, what a jerk. But more so, all this adrenaline you are creating in your body is negative energy. You have to change this in yourself otherwise you will go drama seeking forever, it's not a good look and it will wear you down. Stop it and get some positive adrenaline going, go to the gym, listen to music, get your head in the right space and place. and oh my god stay out of pubs, I know this is a tough one but alcohol is fuel for the fire, take your mates out and do something different, go to a movie or go to dinner or a show or ten pin bowling or skating or anything other than siting around with a drink and gossip, it's the worst thing you can do. I wish you so much happiness. hope this has helped a bit. De Wow, you sure have earned your name thecat! All I can say is good for you for sticking up for yourself! Please now leave it alone, it will just make you bitter and angry and believe me I can see him salivating at all the attention, what a jerk. But more so, all this adrenaline you are creating in your body is negative energy. You have to change this in yourself otherwise you will go drama seeking forever, it’s not a good look and it will wear you down. Stop it and get some positive adrenaline going, go to the gym, listen to music, get your head in the right space and place. and oh my god stay out of pubs, I know this is a tough one but alcohol is fuel for the fire, take your mates out and do something different, go to a movie or go to dinner or a show or ten pin bowling or skating or anything other than siting around with a drink and gossip, it’s the worst thing you can do. I wish you so much happiness. hope this has helped a bit.

De

]]> By: thecat http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225818 thecat Tue, 05 May 2009 08:52:24 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225818 Hello All Well I am here again after a drama fueled weekend with my Ex EUM. Friday afternoon came after not hearing from him for 2 days. The usual withheld number at 6.30pm whilst I was in the shower. I went out on that evening and the third pub I was in had a strange funny feeling that the 'other woman' was in the same pub. Isn't it weird how you sort of get a gut instinct? So anyway I aksed a friend who was in the pub if a woman called .......... was in there and sure enough it was her. I then went to another pub for my ex to walk in and I just launched at him which I am sure he loved the attention of. I feel ashamed and embarrased for giving him that much attention. He then SPAT in my face and I was totally gob smacked. I spat back but the humiliation had already been done. This other woman was in the same pub talking to another man!!! Anyway went to the next pub and again he was in there. So a guy I know from school started talking to me. My ex sent me a text saying ha ha whilst I was talking to this guy!! Then another one saying ha ha you can't make me jelous.I mean what the hell would you send that for if you weren't jelous. I wasn't talking to the guy to even make him jelous! I spoke to my ex EUM outside of the pub and told him I knew who the other woman was who he was seeing and that she wasn't a patch on me and to be fair she isn't she is a short, dumpy blonde and above all else OLDER than me!!! I am 28 my ex is 40 so she older than him but more his age. He still lied saying he didn't know who she was and that nothing has ever happened. Anyway I decided to ask her once and for all and she confirmed she has been seeing him for four months while he has been on/ off with me!! I change my mobile number and NC for weeks and then see him again and it starts again. She said she has splet with him which felt like someone punching me in the stomach. Guess where she slept with him??? At his mothers house!!!!!!! That is where he lives. The thought of his mother hearing him have sex oh my god. Anyway that was that so yesterday I decided I wanted to have something to eat and was driving down a road and went into a fish and chip shop. Low and behold the WOMAN WAS WORKING IN THERE. I was shocked to say the least and thought she will think I am stalking her which I have to say I was not I did not know she worked there it was by pure chance. I said to her I am not stalking you and sorry for coming up to you the other night and talking about that prick. She told me he was out last night texting her to take her home! I could tell by the look on her face she had that and I did not have my usual withheld calls on the evening or the morning. I told her that one night when he was trying to get back with me I saw her name rining his phone and he was putting it down!!! She said oh was that Valentines night when he was suppose to me me??? It wasn't but it sounds like he playing the same trick with her as he was with me arranging to meet up and then being uncontacable. Wonder who he was with that night as it certainly wasn't me. After me and my friend left the shop my friend said she is still seeing him you can tell by the way she was going on. I just laughed because I thought she will be in this cycle with him for as long as it takes her to realise he is not relationship material. I mean what woman goes back to a house where the mans mother lives????? I have my own house I am glad to say. I sent him texts saying I had spoken to her and that I know she went back the night before. All this after she knew he was seeing me whilst he was seeing her. More fool her I say she welcome to him. I now need to go not contact. I have had a withheld call at 10:30pm last night I ask though why is he withheld calling he is not texting now at all or calling from him mobile number but why keep withheld calling is it part of his game. Anyway thats enough brain time spent thinkning about that!! Any thoughts other than I am stupid and need to break out of this drama!!! Hello All
Well I am here again after a drama fueled weekend with my Ex EUM. Friday afternoon came after not hearing from him for 2 days.
The usual withheld number at 6.30pm whilst I was in the shower. I went out on that evening and the third pub I was in had a strange funny feeling that the ‘other woman’ was in the same pub. Isn’t it weird how you sort of get a gut instinct? So anyway I aksed a friend who was in the pub if a woman called ………. was in there and sure enough it was her.
I then went to another pub for my ex to walk in and I just launched at him which I am sure he loved the attention of. I feel ashamed and embarrased for giving him that much attention. He then SPAT in my face and I was totally gob smacked. I spat back but the humiliation had already been done. This other woman was in the same pub talking to another man!!!
Anyway went to the next pub and again he was in there. So a guy I know from school started talking to me. My ex sent me a text saying ha ha whilst I was talking to this guy!! Then another one saying ha ha you can’t make me jelous.I mean what the hell would you send that for if you weren’t jelous. I wasn’t talking to the guy to even make him jelous!
I spoke to my ex EUM outside of the pub and told him I knew who the other woman was who he was seeing and that she wasn’t a patch on me and to be fair she isn’t she is a short, dumpy blonde and above all else OLDER than me!!! I am 28 my ex is 40 so she older than him but more his age.
He still lied saying he didn’t know who she was and that nothing has ever happened. Anyway I decided to ask her once and for all and she confirmed she has been seeing him for four months while he has been on/ off with me!! I change my mobile number and NC for weeks and then see him again and it starts again. She said she has splet with him which felt like someone punching me in the stomach. Guess where she slept with him??? At his mothers house!!!!!!! That is where he lives. The thought of his mother hearing him have sex oh my god.
Anyway that was that so yesterday I decided I wanted to have something to eat and was driving down a road and went into a fish and chip shop. Low and behold the WOMAN WAS WORKING IN THERE. I was shocked to say the least and thought she will think I am stalking her which I have to say I was not I did not know she worked there it was by pure chance.
I said to her I am not stalking you and sorry for coming up to you the other night and talking about that prick. She told me he was out last night texting her to take her home! I could tell by the look on her face she had that and I did not have my usual withheld calls on the evening or the morning. I told her that one night when he was trying to get back with me I saw her name rining his phone and he was putting it down!!! She said oh was that Valentines night when he was suppose to me me??? It wasn’t but it sounds like he playing the same trick with her as he was with me arranging to meet up and then being uncontacable. Wonder who he was with that night as it certainly wasn’t me.
After me and my friend left the shop my friend said she is still seeing him you can tell by the way she was going on. I just laughed because I thought she will be in this cycle with him for as long as it takes her to realise he is not relationship material. I mean what woman goes back to a house where the mans mother lives????? I have my own house I am glad to say.
I sent him texts saying I had spoken to her and that I know she went back the night before. All this after she knew he was seeing me whilst he was seeing her. More fool her I say she welcome to him.
I now need to go not contact. I have had a withheld call at 10:30pm last night I ask though why is he withheld calling he is not texting now at all or calling from him mobile number but why keep withheld calling is it part of his game. Anyway thats enough brain time spent thinkning about that!!
Any thoughts other than I am stupid and need to break out of this drama!!!

]]> By: Kissie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225756 Kissie Mon, 04 May 2009 22:13:12 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225756 Claire, The man you describe is a typical EUM/AC. If you are new to the site check out NML's How to Spot an Emotionally Unavailable Man (EUM). He was all over you in the beginning and then began to cool his pursuit of you, typical EUM behavior. He actually told you that he was emotionally unstable. Believe it. It's true, he is... and you don't need him or the inevitable drama he will bring in your life. Him actually telling you that he's emotionally unstable is a blessing. Take it for what it is, see him for what he really is and run...fast. He WILL NOT change. DO not pursue him. DO NOT think that being nice and lowering your standards (or having no standards or boundries), bending over backwards for him and making excuses for his crappy behavior will make him like you and be with you. It WON'T!!! You deserve more, much more than he is capable or willing to give. Take it from someone whose has had quite a few EUMs in her time and is just now, at 35, learning to love myself enough to not put up with these men and their non-sense. Love yourself enough, Claire, love yourself deeply enough so that you don't go through the pain, hurt and disappointment that is surley to come if you pursue and stay with this man. Good luck to you. Claire,

The man you describe is a typical EUM/AC. If you are new to the site check out NML’s How to Spot an Emotionally Unavailable Man (EUM). He was all over you in the beginning and then began to cool his pursuit of you, typical EUM behavior. He actually told you that he was emotionally unstable. Believe it. It’s true, he is… and you don’t need him or the inevitable drama he will bring in your life. Him actually telling you that he’s emotionally unstable is a blessing. Take it for what it is, see him for what he really is and run…fast. He WILL NOT change. DO not pursue him. DO NOT think that being nice and lowering your standards (or having no standards or boundries), bending over backwards for him and making excuses for his crappy behavior will make him like you and be with you. It WON’T!!! You deserve more, much more than he is capable or willing to give. Take it from someone whose has had quite a few EUMs in her time and is just now, at 35, learning to love myself enough to not put up with these men and their non-sense. Love yourself enough, Claire, love yourself deeply enough so that you don’t go through the pain, hurt and disappointment that is surley to come if you pursue and stay with this man. Good luck to you.

]]> By: finallyseenthelight http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225749 finallyseenthelight Mon, 04 May 2009 21:41:44 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225749 My ex EUM is a perpetual dater and he's damn good at it...but bad at being a boyfriend. I thought I could ignore the NC rule - it doesn't work with these predators...I've been obsessing since the last time he emailed me...I have to go NC again...when will I learn...there's no being friends or keeping contact with these ACs...I'm not even sure they are human. HUGS everyone! My ex EUM is a perpetual dater and he’s damn good at it…but bad at being a boyfriend. I thought I could ignore the NC rule – it doesn’t work with these predators…I’ve been obsessing since the last time he emailed me…I have to go NC again…when will I learn…there’s no being friends or keeping contact with these ACs…I’m not even sure they are human. HUGS everyone!

]]> By: brad K. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-225723 brad K. Mon, 04 May 2009 16:39:01 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-men-really-like-rubber-bands-the-bigger-picture-part-3/#comment-225723 Claire, there are many things that a guy will say, that you have to verify before you believe. "He actually said he thinks he’s broken, emotionally unstable and has locked himself away " - that sounds like something to take as proven fact, each and every time. Doctors and support people have a mission, a skill to help those that need help. We have to help our mates, family, friends, when they need it. But never, when considering picking a guy to bring into your life and heart, never ever look for a fixer-upper. You have to know and believe he is sound, whole, and wanting the kind of home you do, to make anything happy happen, and to build a life together. Shoes don't stretch, and men don't change. If he thinks he is confused - he is confused. If he is still flirting - he isn't in a relationship with you, and doesn't care that much if he ever is. This guy might not be a perpetual dater, but he sure as heck isn't living like he wants anything more. Luck. <abbr><em>brad K.’s last blog post..<a href="http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2009/04/29/mate-finances/" rel="nofollow">Mate finances</a></abbr></em> Claire, there are many things that a guy will say, that you have to verify before you believe.

“He actually said he thinks he’s broken, emotionally unstable and has locked himself away ” – that sounds like something to take as proven fact, each and every time.

Doctors and support people have a mission, a skill to help those that need help. We have to help our mates, family, friends, when they need it.

But never, when considering picking a guy to bring into your life and heart, never ever look for a fixer-upper. You have to know and believe he is sound, whole, and wanting the kind of home you do, to make anything happy happen, and to build a life together.

Shoes don’t stretch, and men don’t change.

If he thinks he is confused – he is confused. If he is still flirting – he isn’t in a relationship with you, and doesn’t care that much if he ever is. This guy might not be a perpetual dater, but he sure as heck isn’t living like he wants anything more.

Luck.

brad K.’s last blog post..Mate finances

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