I have now reopened comments on this post – please ensure that any new comments are on topic and in line with the guidelines which are highlighted at the top of the comments box. Thanks

I think the point here is that you tried idiots and bozos before. Now is the time to bolster your self confidence, and start checking a guy’s character, before whatever you have been checking out.

Being more active, connecting and interacting with more people may help with the depression. Paul Harvey claimed that someone’s research found that listening to rock music worked faster and was more effective that anti-depressants. Another thing – look at the lighting in your home. Depressed people often prefer shade and darkness. Deliberately letting in more light can make a big difference. Sleep patterns are another place to look – make sure your sleep area is dead dark. Even a night light can affect your sleep, sleeping with TV or lights on definitely ambush that healing sleep. Ask at your pharmacy about melatonin, taken in the evening it can help make sleep patterns more regular.

What I really meant to say, before I got side-tracked, was that sometimes we need a break to heal. But we have to work at healing, too. Once the initial freedom-from-pain hits, we have to work on rehabilitation, getting reflexes and strength back in line to go on with life. That may be with a partner, or may not. In either case, you will be better suited to proceed with life with a good understanding and belief in yourself. For one thing, if you believe in yourself, you won’t tell a guy that gives you crap to stop – you will tell him to hit the road, permanently. Call it boundaries, call it self esteem and values, character – there is a world of things to see and do, before deciding you don’t dare try love again.

Luck.
.-= Brad K.´s last blog ..br: Comments on Compatibility, Your Type, and Common Interests part 4 =-.

With so many women willing to play house with a man, there is no incentive for a man to have anything really long term.

I think many can have the 3-7 year relationships and then move on to another model when the are bored.

Women give the men everything without them having to make a commitment.

“What I don’t understand is why the EUM wants to hang on and keeps coming back to preserve a relationship the he’s “managed down””.

What I meant to say was that to be healthy, we have to recognize that sometimes things end. We move on as best we can. Healthy adults should have learned that living in the past denying what went before and what ended, wastes our time, our effort, our love, and is unfair to those we cherish.

Why does the EUM hang on past the bitter end, grasping to renew the dregs of what might have been? Mostly because he doesn’t know any better. Partly because he fears having to start over, partly because losing “control of his wimmin” is unmanly and tarnishes his self image and reputation. And, yes, I do think such a dude deserves pity and not condemnation, as long as you keep a safe enough distance away. Three states seems to be about the right distance.

@ SomethingSomethingDarkSide,

You said, “And it’s funny that so many of these unavailable assclowns have hundreds of friends on their space. They’ll post very vague, ambiguous statements on random pages.”

I consider most EUM’s to be perpetual daters. People with no concept of home, no interest in sharing lives, and resentful of anything that might interfere with their next date. Their life-skill of winning bed partners is *important* to them, and they continue to practice up for the rest of their lives.

If you want a puppy to enrich your home, get a puppy, not a cat. If you want a life-mate, run away from the bed-partner chasers.

“when he was saying he should have a right to decide who he saw or not he meant *me* i.e. that I had no right to deprive him of the right to choose to dump me” – wow, what an ego. Not to mention that he likes to “objectify” women by calling them (us) “birds”, and by telling *you* all about the pretty women he saw. Hmmmm, not sure I’d want compliments from this man either, no matter how hot he was blowing!

I’m beginning to wonder if this is because you have been touched by super-inspiration or because I am finally ABLE to really understand – deep inside my heart and soul – what ou are saying and what the truth really is …

Maybe I’m healing after all?

@Meant – hi sweetie. They DO blow hotter than normal – it’s now become one of my red flags. Case in point a week or two ago “You better get used to compliments because there are going to be a lot of them” sayeth he … sounds great doesn’t it? I was instantly wary – next time we talked (and i mean the next time) he was all “there were loads of really pretty girls there” and telling me about the “birds” – I ended it not too much later and he was furious saying that he should have a say in who he saw or not … I was quite sad about this as I thought we would have a lot to talk about (and we would have, and I think we know where it would lead, right?)

@Serena. Something … yeah he talked about his exes ALL the bloody time. I actually said to him the first time I walked that I hoped I wasn’t going to become one of his sob stories (“she wanted me but she married someone else” was one which came up twice and made me go HMMM but I didn’t listen to my instincts … never again!!!!). I’ll be “She wanted me but then she left and went to a country in Europe” no doubt. Idiot

My ex EUM was constantly comparing me favorably with his exes. Ex: “She did _____ but you aren’t like that. She did _____ that made me uncomfortable but you don’t.” yada yada yada I always thought it was very strange that he’d verbalize his comparisons to me in this way. This guy thought out loud alot!! I don’t think this constant comparison is normal. Looking back, I think what was going on in his mind was, “you’re better, you’re better, you’re better, you’re better . . . BUT, you’re not good enough.” He had much earlier described himself as a perfectionist to me. Toward the end of the relationship he said, “You’re 75% of what I want and I don’t know if I should settle.” I did not respond kindly to that!! I think he is on a quest for the perfect woman which we all know doesn’t exist except in fantasy. Someone said to me he’s looking for a five star hotel when he’s only a two star.

I understand “not wanting the day to end” as it pertains to those of us hanging onto the fantasy of a healthy relationship with an EUM that in the beginning seemed like a day at Six Flags. What I don’t understand is why the EUM wants to hang on and keeps coming back to preserve a relationship the he’s “managed down” from a day at Six Flags to a swim in a murky pond. Why doesn’t he leave the “pond water” relationship behind as he moves on to other “Six Flags” relationships. If he’s managed the relationship down to “pond water,” what’s he getting out of continuing to swim in the murky pond? I would think Six Flags would be enough to hold all his attention and the pond water would be little more than a distraction.

Have you girls ever been in the same situation?

Yes he wasnt treating me well since the begining.He admited that he would take out on me his anger from other problems that had nothing to do with me.And he would set up chatts and dont show up(and didnt let me know he couldnt make it too),ignore me when he was mad and so on.It went like that for the first 3 years we were together.What you said made me think.Yes he was “super hot” in the begining,I mean he said he was falling for me and wanted to come over on his holidays to meet me just after 3 days that we been chatting.We were just chatting by then,he had never seen me in real life yet.We would talk a lot about sex too,I remember that on the first day we started chatting we talked about it already (so I think that can go under just can express fellings phisicaly).I think maybe I was so anxious to find a bf that I just jump in too fast without giving it time to know him more.I took what I saw from him on the begining and thought that was how he was.Thank you for your answer and yes Im on one of my good days today Hugs.