Attractiveness Scales: Seeking Balance

March 22, 2006 by Special Dark

SCALES This article skirts dangerously close to superficiality. For that I apologise in advance. But, the truth of the matter is that some things (when it comes to dating) operate more on surface reactions than substance reality; which leads me into the topic for this time.
I have dated women who I thought were much better looking than I am. Now the observation itself is not a self-esteem issue, it’s just that these women (regardless of my or their personal bias) were viewed as good looking by a large majority of the people, both male and female, that they’d encounter. These were women who could more readily get dates over and against normal looking folk. They had a vast array of options and, as such, had access to a higher quality of dating choices—at least insofar as appearances.

You would think that dating someone that is more attractive than you would be a satisfying accomplishment and, perhaps, for some people it is. But I find a little voice in the back of my head constantly reminding me of the physical imbalance and suggesting that the relationship can’t last. It’s like I always feel I’m flirting with disaster (no pun intended) because the other person’s opportunities to date good-looking people far outweigh my own. I always think that they are going to see some flaw in me and take the path of least resistance by finding someone better (better looking, more intelligent, more charming, etc.). What’s worse, I start to doubt their integrity and think that not only would they be capable of being intimate with other people but that they might do it even after we’d agreed to be exclusive to one another.
Now whether or not that’s true almost doesn’t matter (although I think my insecurity will have to be overcome eventually—fingers crossed). What matters is the perception and how to deal with it. There are lots of issues in a relationship that don’t logically have to end in a break-up but unreasonable expectations, deluded perceptions and overriding pessimism can have a snowball effect so that one small event rolls out of control and crashes through the mutual happiness you have with you significant other. If you are dating someone who’s gorgeous my advice to you, and to myself, is to treat them with kindness and love but no more so anyone else whom you care about. Don’t put them on a pedestal and here’s why.
My mother was rich in homespun wisdom and she always cautioned me to “be in a relationship and not in worship”. If the person you’re with knows she’s hot then treating her “normally” will either be refreshing by making her not feel like she’s always being treated differently because of the way she looks or she’ll dump you for not treating her like everyone else has before you. Either outcome is favourable to you. Not only will treating her like a regular girlfriend do more for your bank account, it will also eat away at the notion that you aren’t in the same league as her. It creates a balance whereby you know that she’s with you for you and not for what you do for her. This goes a long way to readjusting your internal self-esteem so that you know that while she may not be with you for your looks; she’s chosen to be with you and no one else. And, for the record, confidence is very sexy.
Now, of course, it would be foolish not to be mindful of signs if she actually is cheating on you but that’s true with anyone. If you want your relationship to be healthy, you have to give the person you are with the benefit of the doubt. The lesson here is, regardless of looks; don’t date anyone you can’t trust and be secure in what you have to offer.
Heeding this advice will go a long way to levelling out the scales and making you and your lady friend, partners and peers.

Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species.