Baggage Check: Letting Go

December 28, 2005 by Pocahantas

check in Letting go. People talk about it like it’s a form of therapy, something you can simply make an appointment to do, but let’s face it, its just not that simple. For some people it comes naturally, a carefree approach to life dictating their ability to pass through it with ease, never begrudging anyone for a second. But for the other forty-seven billion people on the planet, it can be a little more difficult. That *person* who cut you off in traffic, took your parking space in the grocery lot, weaselled in front of you in the check out line with one item—that turned into thirty. Whatever it is, it serves to reason that there would be an understandable level of irritation on your part, but how long is it healthy to dwell on such things?

My sister has this mentality that if it happened yesterday—unless I did it—it has no bearing on the events of today. And although I like that view, I must honestly say that it is quite misrepresentative of what happens in reality. On quite the other extreme, my ex-best friend feels that if it happened yesterday, the day, week, month, year, or decade before—it happened less than five minutes ago. The memory of the pain is fresh in her mind, and these said feelings must be invoked as harshly and painfully as possible in my mind every moment that I have the distinct pleasure of being in her company.

How do you find a happy medium? When has it been long enough? For most of us, the little irritations of life that cause momentary annoyance aren’t the major catalysts in our psychosomatic stress issues, it’s the big things, the major hurts, disappointments, and disasters. But is there a time limit that should be placed on “getting over” it, or should each person be allowed to bottle up and hold inside feelings for as long as he or she likes?

Many people feel that New Year’s day is the only time that they can start over, the only time that they can make amends to themselves and others for the abuse, neglect, inconsideration, and pure unadulterated laziness that have characterized their actions in the previous year, but is that really reasonable?

All in one day, really overnight, one is supposed to awaken with a new “lease on life.” A new game plan if you will; putting aside the sins that so easily beset us and suddenly finding great joy in doing the little things that we’ve procrastinated in finishing, or even starting for that matter, but are these expectations really realistic?

There are things that haunt us. Things that we’ve done, about which, even our closest friends, family, and even our journal, have been kept in the dark. These dark and tortured secrets in combination with our very public pains and humiliations can make their ways into the masterfully hidden crevices of our minds, preventing us from finding them to expunge them from the record. When we least expect it, we can find ourselves having flashbacks to that night…that day…that moment…when we did that thing that we never thought we’d do…or said that thing that we never thought we’d say…

Everyone has secrets, hurts, and disillusionments, and there are scenarios and places that our subconscious will often revisit with or without our conscious permission.

There are just some things our mind can hide that our heart can’t handle, so how soon should you let it go?

I say today. Immediately. Right now. Some would rather wait for a momentous occasion such as an anniversary, a birthday, or most frequently, the New Year, but why that long? Why consciously allow a subconscious space to be created for something negative, when you can reserve that very place for a memory that will bring a smile instead of a frown or laughter in lieu of the inevitable floodgate of tears?

Each night when you go to sleep, you must admit to yourself that there are controllable and uncontrollable elements in life and for the things that you did wrong that you couldn’t control, you must let it go—immediately. Simultaneously, the things that could have been controlled that for some reason or another weren’t, must be let go of as well. They are over. It is now in the past. There is nothing that you can say or do or even feel that will change them. Replaying the scenario over and over in your mind as you recount what you could have, should have, or would have done differently had you known, foreseen or…it doesn’t matter. Hindsight is 20/20 and it’s over. I know this seems a bit progressive, especially for me—as I am known as the queen of the rehash, but it’s a lesson that I’ve finally learned after finally realising that I won’t be able to remember my own name if I push any more important information out of my brain to hold on to trivial and, put in proper context, quite meaningless events that have caused me hurt, pain, or embarrassment.

There’s no time like the present for letting go, so why not check our baggage at our bedroom doors? Why not allow ourselves a tabula rossa each day? Why hang on? There’s really no reason to. For some there’s no reason not to, but the truth is tomorrow is a new day, fresh, with no mistakes in it…yet.

Pocahantas is a 23 year old fiesty female with loads of common sense and yet an unstintingly healthy dose of cynicism when it comes to men and relationships. She’s currently single and living in the great metropolis of Atlanta, where half the men have lots of drama and the other half are gay. Tune in weekly for her reality check on single living in the great US of A.