I have now reopened comments on this post – please ensure that any new comments are on topic and in line with the guidelines which are highlighted at the top of the comments box. Thanks

@Butterfly – there were a few more words there, but basically just agreeing with what I said and thanking me. I didn’t tell him I blocked him, but maybe he guessed since I didn’t get the MSN messages he sent last week. But yeah, kind of feeling like he’s an unfeeling “user” now.

@Meant … now that you see one word, and sent to your work mail (he knew you’d blocked him cos you told him or cos he just knew?) what he really is, yeah?

Just curious Butterfly, what do you do? If you don’t mind. I am also a healer type, nurturing and caring and am considering a career change so that I can put those gifts to use, rather than wasting them in my personal life and ending up drained. I actually saw an Astrologer once, and she said that if I didn’t become some type of healer – that I would be drained by needy people in my personal life. Hmph. I think it’s great that you can channel that way through your work!

Thanks so much

Even though I sent the “final email” to his personal email addy, he sent a reply to my work email that more or less just said “Agreed”

So, day 1 has begun for real….

I am so proud of you =) see how strong you are!

Also read other posts http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/recognising-things-about-yourself-in-the-man-you-profess-to-love-part-1/
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-we-throw-ourselves-at-bad-relationships-and-then-wonder-why-it-hurts/
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/positive-woman-positive-relationship/
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/so-what-is-commitment-phobia/
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/introducing-miss-commitment-phobe/
These are just some of the posts that address this subject.

His email is quite cold but he is also being direct and I would take him at his word. I wouldn’t keep sending emails like this to someone who does not appreciate this tack because you will alienate him with this type of email which could be perceived as psychoanalysing him or trying to guilt trip him to giving more than he is prepared to give. Thanks Natalie

Wow what a insensitive and rude reply.It seems that the only thing he cares about is himself and you arent a prority to him.And since you two are together he should care about your fellings.This man has EU writen all over him.I know what Im talking about,he looks a lot like my ex.My ex used to act like if being with me was a bother and that expending time with me was something he just did when he had nothing better to do.This man is the same,he just want to deal with you when is convinient for him and in the meantime he keeps throwing you crumbs(like the one text a day).I understand you love him but for your own good I think you should just walk away and look for somebody that treats you how you want and deserve.

He dated two other women after his divorce. According to him, each lasted about 6 months. One relationship the family did not get along with her so it made it difficult for him to continue the relationship. He ended it without calling and no contact. The second he claims was very dull. Didn’t like to go out or drink and did not have a sense of humor. She was also a cancer. He ended the relationship with no contact.

Five months later, I responded to his personal ad. He wasn’t replying back. Therefore I sent a message saying I guess he wasn’t interested or perhaps met someone. If I am wrong, my number is _ _ _ _ _ _, please feel free to contact me. A few hours later, he called me. He mentioned that he did reply but I was not getting his messages. Anyway , he asked me out that Friday. He called me on a Wednesday. We went out and it was great. There was definitely chemistry. On Sunday, he texted me asking me to go out with him, which I did. One thing lead to another and here we are 18 months later. It has been an emotional roller coaster. He did mention to me that he had a lot on his plate and was not ready for a full blown relationship.

We continue to go out every other weekend when he didn’t have his kids. I did eventually meet the kids and his mother and gradually he was inviting me over his house. We have great times together. But he does not express his feelings or reassures me. He did say he does care a lot for me and thinks about me when we are not together. He mentioned his daugher and his mother like me a lot. His boys are adorable and they love me.

Anyway, I have been feeling neglected lately. His contact with me is minimal. Only one text in the morning. No calls througout the day. I know he is shy and that is why I initiate the contact. Well, I am feeling ver neglected and I sent him several long emails expressing my feelings. All I get from him are short emails telling me, that if we are not on the same page, it’s not going to work. He says I am a great and beautiful woman and he loves being with me.

Anyway, I sent him a text inviting over to my home for abut an hour, which he use to do in the beginning. I did not get a reply. Therefore, I emailed him the next day saying I think it was rude that he ignored me. Here is my last email to him….and at the end will be his reply. I do not know where to go from here. I did not go to his house on Sunday. When you read this you will see what I mean. I’ve had no contact with him since this last email.

Hi honey:

As you know, I have a tendency of communicating openly and honestly. Where I come from and how I was raised, manners are really important to me. It’s just good manners, no matter where you come from to reply, take calls, all of it. I want to have the comfort of knowing that we share the same concerns.

Your actions show me that you don’t want me to bother with you. It’s like you push me away and that hurts. I know you are a strong passionate, loving, gentle and understanding person who lives in a world of feelings just like me. The difference is, I express my feelings outwardly and you bottle them up. But yet I feel like I understand you in ways that would perplex an outsider and I want to say the right thing when the chips are down. I want to nurture what we have; therefore, I will not offend nor hurt you.

Please understand that the urge to want to be with you grows each time. I understand you are a devoted family man whose schedule is limited. I know you enjoy your home and everything associated with it, but a girl can try. I never set my expectations high. I am secure with myself enough not to allow myself to get disappointed. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I need to learn to use my coping skills when this happens. Although I understand some circumstances prevent you from responding to my text immediately, it is discouraging when I receive absolutely no reply. Then you become increasingly distance as my tally of neglect grows. In this respect, it’s either all or nothing. It can lead to a relationship getting either progressively better, or progressively worse. I understand you can be unpredictable with a little bit of everything at different times. I care for you 20 times a day every day.

I am hoping we can both work on our issues. I know it won’t happen overnight, but I need to communicate my concerns to you. I am hoping you can do the same.

Once again, I will see you on Sunday around noon!

His reply….
Hello , why do you send me these long emails. It drives me crazy! I’m stuck in my ways, also I’m busy and tired. I’m not trying to be mean but if I don’t want to deal with any thing don’t force me. Please back off and if this doesn’t work for you, you know what to do. I know your trying to express your feelings but I do not want to nor do I care to.

I think this was a very cruel email and it hurt me. I care for this man a great deal and do not know what to do.

Hugs

Did I challenge him on it? Actually I did. I told him straight that what he had just said made me pause – bearing in mind that this was during the phase when he was running superhot (i.e. he was “in love with” me aka he was obsessed with the perfect lover he was casting me as in his mind). I sadly can’t remember now what he said or did, the mind having such a great ability to blot out pain.

I knew though. These days I have to agree with you Leonine, and I had an interesting conversation the other night with someone who had been trying to chase me with “soon” as the watchword. You can imagine that my reaction to “soon” is “that’s what you think sunshine”. When I talked to him on MSN he was still trying to chase and it was so perfect and practiced that it had the exact opposite effect. He said that my replies had not been encouraging (not surprised, they were boundary city) and still fenced around the “soon” and the on-off nature of chasing. He simply could NOT answer anything straight, said “can we start over? I am aware that I have missed a great opportunity with you” and “I don’t see why we can’t meet up for some fun whenever you are in the UK”.

I told him why not – why the hell would I want to waste my time.

This ended with him saying that he wanted to start again and I said “OK ball is in your court then” because I knew full well what would happen. It did. It was all “well the conversation is over for now, but … soon …”

I said to him as I have to any other guy who tells me when I am allowed to speak or not, i.e. “The conversation is completely over”.

You said it though. There are people who do need a shoulder now and then, or practical advice/help, or a well timed kick up the arse, who do something as a result and yes these are the ones worth spending time with