He was so sincere, impossible not to love but he’s still married to the woman he jilted me for.From all our talks he married her for the lifestyle no kids. I had a child. He didn’t love her. Doesn’t love her now. We lived together after he got married. He beat us both up at will so I left him. she’s still with him. He thought he could do better with her. They prospered thru the years Actually, I think he made the right choice at the time. I’m a widow I was looking for love and companionship with him. He gave me that at first but he’s never kept his promises. I didn’t want him to leave her I just wanted more time with him so he made promisess he didn’t keep. i felt she stole him from me in the first place so I don’t feel guilt that he’s cheating on her now but I realize he’s not going to do anything for us. He can’t. they have financial ties. I’m his booty call is how I feel and he’s having his cake and eating ti too just like before.I can’t do this anymore. II guess he contacted me because we shared a past even though it was a bad past. He didn’t have to “do the dance” with me . He works a lot doesn’t have the time.I guess he was fed up at home. He hasn’t talked about it.

I recently acted on the NC thingy….I erased, deleted and rid myself of anything and everything that contained any info of the person I am having NC with.

It is empowering!!!!….and after feeling a bit embarrassed with myself for my display of lunacy for lack of a better word, I decided that I have nothing to feel embarrassed about! I too found myself doing and speaking and behaving the same as many here…but now it just makes me laugh….I look back and say what the hell was I thinking???

I’ve come to realize that men are really quite simple, what they say without words is their biggest and truest communicator!!! I am learning to listen to the unspoken words (action) instead of all the empty words…..I am learning to really listen to my woman intuition and see the flags for what they are and am stopping all the analyzing….it’s too exhausting!!!!

Being with an EUM has actually taught me what I def DO NOT WANT!!! So for this I am grateful……These type of men are so lost in themselves they cannot possibly GET IT!!!! They will change if and when it is suitable for them…it’s that simple!

I have vowed to love myself enough that if someone else does not value me, I will move on rather quickly…there is no more talking, asking or analyzing a situation….it really is what it is!!!

Within minutes, my self esteem skyrocketed!!! I am too cheerful a person to spend another minute thinking why?….no more…and it feels great!!!

I don’t care if the next woman is apparently being treated better…it would probably be good for him and means that maybe he learned something too!!! If they try to come back into my life, I will make it clear I don’t take seconds, sorry!!! I have forgiven and wish you no ill or harm, but I no longer will make room in my life for someone so negative who caused so much confusion and/or pain or indifference, period.

I am grateful that for me I got to the place of “Being sick and tired OF Being sick and tired” and am done!!!!

Life is Good!!!

Good Luck and tell yourself, to yourself everyday that you are worth it!!!!

I miss him and I will keep going forward away from him. I can’t keep thinking did I mean nothing to him. Nothing at all?

It is such a lonely place right now,

I met my MM 3 years ago, I am also married and met him through a girlfriend of mine who needed to use me as her excuse and in first meeting him I was unimpressed, ( yes he is 18 years older and looks every bit of it, I would never pick him out of a crowd and chase him) but throughout the course of the next few months the gifts, phone calls, text, trips to see me where incredible. He taught me things both emotionally, professionally, and sexually, he took a much younger woman in need of someone to listen to her…and got me hook, line and sinker. I not only gave up part of me, I also took time away from friends, family, my job, and worst of all my children…the guilt of baseball games missed, nights at home reading to my children is almost enough to destroy me. And worst of all…once he had me, he started his selfish behavior and wouldn’t re-arrange his schedule to see me…he would say…I am going to be here on Wednesday afternoon if you would like to see me and the sap that i am…I’d jump & once he had grown so used to me doing so he just used that to the nth degree….of course his wife found out more than once…and the final straw the third time she found out she called my husband and told him. Now most people with half a brain and/or enough strength would have gotten out then…nope not me. I continued it for a rocky nine months following…a terrible critical motorcylce accident on his end after one of our heated fights lead to him in my mind almost taking his life, and so i felt like I needed to let him know that I still loved him but just couldn’t be with him anymore, that was 7 months ago. I have now gone a week without speaking to him but feel stronger than I ever have, we had our three year anniversary and I brought him gifts, sent him a card in mail, paid for the hotel room and as we were in the moment “she called” and he finished and hit the road…no card for me, no gifts, nothing but the feeling of “what the …..” am i doing….

reading the stories of everyone is incredible…..some want revenge, some want peace, some want them back, but what is true in all of this is the fact that we gave up so much of ourselves to try to make them love us…I know the hardest thing will be not sharing my accomplishments with him ( another thing we do to try to make them love us more than their wives) we want to make them proud, make ourselves more pretty for them, do things sexually that I’m not proud of to try and keep their interest, want to “just one more time” show them who we really are. I thought through the revenge, the call to his wife and tell her that even after the “last time of getting caught” we were still seeing each other…..but why? She loses in the end, she gets him. I was the latest in many affairs on his end….he shared this with me the first time together….and old classmate, his secretary, his neighbor….and along came me…his babydoll (the only woman he ever made up a pet name for) for christs sake…I am laughing writing this….can you believe I fell for that bullshit line?

I have found so much strength in this site, so much strength that my feelings of “maybe” just ‘maybe” what he is saying was true maybe he really does love me…but then the actions and how terrible I felt so many days wasn’t just me going nuts….he drove me to it…his claims of ” I never told you I was leaving my wife, we are each others ..escape from reality…we need to keep this in perspective….what I do with my wife I do for us…so that i can get away with you next week….you are too good for me…too cute…I could never make you happy…you deserve better than me”

he made me lavish him with compliments, with attention…with my undying love……”SUGARLAND” the song STAY says it all…..

I’ve given you my best…why does she get the best of you. But the next time you want to leave her bed for mine…why don’t you stay….I’m up off my knees I’m so tired of being lonely..you can’t give me what I need…why don’t you stay.

If I have learned anything from reading all of your stories it is that we need to walk away and never look back, cold turkey is the only way…no more one last phone call…no more one last time telling him how much he hurt you..no more one last kiss goodbye…they are a drug to us…and the only way to recover is to seek help and quit cold turkey…he can no longer exist in my world…..I am at such peace knowing I have the strength.

Good luck to all of you struggling to find the strength…if you’ve typing in this website you already know what you need to do, you just need to find the strength.

waw i am so glad to have found this site.
I recently met a man on the plane, we met after and there was a certain interest/chemistry but he is married with a young child.
he has been very honest (are maybe not from what i read here) about his life.
funny how main things keep coming back: no connection with the wife anymore, left his first wife to be with this woman, now this marriage isn’t working, no sex for a year?!!, a 2 year old child.
You fall into this role so easily and i haven’t had the best experiences with men so i know that this one isn’t also good for me cause anyway it will end in a bad way.
I believe I deserve better then to wait for a men to be with me!
I saw a show on dr Phil about it and it clearly said first finish the business in your marriage, either you work on it or you end it. end then, only then start a new relationship!
but its easy for the men right, it (seems) to be so bad with their wives that any other cute, funny girl seems much better then the boring wife but for how long….?
any comments/advice is welcome.

The years went by. I kept waiting for when he would say he would leave her and we wld be together. i would have left my husband for him. But then during my bday this day, he flew down to be with me. He told me our lives are parallel lines that meet sometimes but seperate and run on. They are like train tracks.

What BS. It kind of opened my eyes – these words. Now I don’t mail or call him anymore. He doesn’t understand what’s happening but I know in my mind that im over him. He told me his wife cheated on him once and that she doesn’t love him – thats how I fell for him in th first place – but she’s on Facebook and seems like she’s a wonderful woman. I can now see their holiday photos, their bdays and celebrations, their kids pics. What am I doing with him?

So anyway now Im almost out of contact with him. Iv decided to play with him – make him suffer a bit before dumping him. And I’m gonna make up all this foolishness to my poor ignorant husband who’s a wonderful guy. I won’t confess. But i will now live my life the way it was meant to be – with a guy who love sme and gives me all of himself.

Please do let me know what you think of my story.

Is this where I can give an update (if anyone is interested)? I was using the ‘how to be a mistress’ to post, but the page is no longer there. Help!

off to read part 2 now…