You are a whole lot wiser than me. If I had taken seriously the outrageous statements I was handed early on, I would have spared myself year of grief down the line. The lines I heard were masqueraded within sarcasm, a generally dour personality and a poor me approach to life. Never will anyone get this kind of stuff past me again.

After I broke up with my EUM the first time (dated for 2 years, lived with him for one), I instantly got involved with the first man that paid any attention to me….I even married him!!!! After 10 months, we separated and the EUM was right back in my life. I just got divorced in January, and by February I was already trying to win back my EUM!!!!!

I realize that I have MAJOR issues, but it makes it very difficult when these men give you just enough to hook you, then they jerk it away. What a sick and twisted game!

I understand excatly what you are going through.

This is the third time that I’ve tried to get back together with my EUM. He doesn’t really even have to do much and I come running. He can be rude (even cruel) but I tell myself that he is just joking, that that is his way of flirting. But there is something deep inside that says “Why the heck are you even making excuses?”

It amazes me that I have resorted to this. I get the courage to leave and then he acts depressed. …then I am filled with guilt that I have crushed his soul. What a cop-out! What about my soul?

“Why can’t he see that we could be incredible together?” That was the silly little song that played in my head. I always thought that, if he would just give it a chance, we could have something amazing together. But, as you pointed out, that ‘something’ was a figment of my imagination.

Listen to Colbie Caillat’s Realize…”If you’d just realize what I just realized, then we’d be perfect for each other and never have to wonder…” UGH! It was written for women betting on potential. I’d listen to that stupid song for hours and cry wondering why he couldn’t see it.

Obviously, I needed to read this post! Hurry up and get #2 out already! hehe…jk! And, yes, I know I quote song lyrics way too much!

I’ll write this – as a confession of sorts – and to provide an example. I know that my ex’s birthday is in May. We didn’t date during his birthday and he’s very weird about telling me the day when I have asked in the past. He’s told me, but I would always forget so – anyway – he’d be cagey when I asked.

Today – I was actually thinking of ordering him a t-shirt as a joke gift that has an expression on it – which is a bit of an inside joke for us. (we hooked up about five weeks ago after being broke up for about six months – we are NOT getting back together, but I still feel the temptation to go back and try to change him or get us back to where we once were)

I got as far as the screen to enter my credit card number for the t-shirt – I was going to have it sent to him with a card. And – I just couldn’t do it. I stopped and thought to myself:

1. what exactly do I want to accomplish here?

(answer – to get him to thank me and want to spend time with me – which he has already said – he doesn’t want to get back together because we are in two different times in our lives and want different things. (yet he peppers his honesty with saying things that keeps me endeared to him – nice mix – not))

2. Why do I think my sending him something – when he won’t even tell me his actual birthdate – is something that he would respond to?

(answer: it WON’T – it would be a weird thing to do and is a little stalkerish/crazy ex-girlfriend or FB like)

3. Most importantly – what does it say about me that I keep trying to throw good water after bad – and capture the attention or CHANGE this guy that so clearly does not want to change.

(answer: either I am just so used to this pattern that it’s hard to break the habit OR I don’t feel I deserve better)

I’m not sure if it’s true that I don’t think I deserve better. But there are some esteem issues here – I am sure. Hopefully it’s a good sign that I am holding back on my impulses now.

But – I do think that I’m addicted to the chase-back away cycle that I’ve had with him for two years. Right now, he’s in back away cycle and I’m in chase (or at least trying not to chase).

Even if I hold back now – will he start his chase again? Maybe. THEN I will need to just say – NO BETTING ON POTENTIAL – or wishing things could permanently be “good times”. There is NO potential and no more good times for us – it’s just done. And if he ever starts his chase again, I will need not to respond. It’s been so over for so long. Part of me is frustrated because I haven’t met anyone else that is interesting. I do think that’s because I have my own stuff to work on.

So – here’s to continuing with the work!