Book Report: How to Succeed With Men
Our resident love guru Dr. Annie reviews “How to Succeed with Men“, an insider’s guide to getting and keeping the man you want.
“The truth is, men can handle a powerful woman.”
That’s the opinion of David Copeland and Ron Louis, co-authors of the ambitious book, How to Succeed with Men. And you know what? I agree with them.
In fact, I think they’re spot-on when they start the book with “Eight Myths About Dating You Can’t Afford to Believe”:
1. Men Can’t Handle a Powerful Woman
2. All the Good Ones Are Married or Gay
3. Men Have Fragile Egos
4. All Men Are Jerks
5. All Men Want Is Sex
6. Only Women Suffer
7. Men Understand What You Want and Are Just Being Difficult By Not Giving It to You
8. Men Can’t Commit
If I’m honest with myself, I probably hold on most tightly to Myth #7. And yet, I have no problem understanding why women hold on tightly to any, or all, of these generalisations. After all, even these male co-authors admit that “…having a man in your life can be one of the most annoying experiences you’ll ever have.”
Of course, all people — men and women — can be annoying in dating and relationships. That’s why we need to ask ourselves, “How much annoyance do we tolerate?”
Apparently, Copeland and Louis feel that one of women’s biggest mistakes is not being tolerant enough, especially during the earliest stages of dating. My first reaction to that crazy concept was, “You’ve got to be kidding! Women accept unacceptable things from the men in their lives all the time.”
As I got more into the book, though, I think I saw their point. They’re referring to what they call a “male shell of jerk energy” that is thin and penetrable. It’s that rough-around-the-edges quality that some (maybe many?) men have. But it’s mainly about doing occasional jerky things, which is not the same thing as a man with a jerk core. A man with a jerk core is a waste of your precious time.
How to Succeed with Men tells you how to separate the guys with the jerk shell from the guys with the jerk core. I didn’t always agree with the way the authors defined that separation, but I still think they provide solid suggestions for pre-qualifying, qualifying, and disqualifying any man you date.
By the way, Copeland and Louis warn a woman against having sex too early, before she has the chance to fully “qualify” a man for a potential relationship. The faster sex happens, the more likely a woman is to look for reasons to justify why she had sex in the first place — when she might really need to be disqualifying the man. I definitely agree.
So, does Doctress Annie recommend this book?
I do. And speaking of “I do,” there’s a significant section in this book devoted to the topic of commitment. That includes “15 Commitment Killers,” “8 Signs He Is Ready for the Commitment Conversation,” and “14 Steps of a Successful Commitment Conversation.”
This book might just change what you do with men.
‘How to Succeed with Men’ is available from Amazon for £6.99
(© 2005 Annie Dennison – All rights reserved)
Annie Dennison, Ph.D., is a dating adviser, psychologist, and writer. Her blog Smart at Love, provides a steady stream of practical love life advice to smart single women. She lives in Southern California, and is happily married to an Englishman with nice sideburns.
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