Book Report: The Game
January 6, 2006 by Annie Dennison
At the beginning of his book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists,” bestselling author Neil Strauss makes this plea:
Like any self-respecting woman who thinks she can’t possibly be manipulated, I immediately took his plea as a challenge. Of course I was going to be outraged with this player and the story of his undercover, two-year rise to guru status in the shallow, seedy brotherhood of pickup artists (PUAs).
Instead, whenever I started to work up some good outrage, this book cleverly manipulated me. Or, as Neil Strauss and his PUA brothers might look at it, I got seduced. I probably even enjoyed it sometimes. It was like simultaneously appreciating and resisting the moves of a guy you just don’t trust.
So, what seduced me?
In large part, I think it was the author’s efforts to put a human face on a de-humanising social phenomenon. Because, let’s be real here. When men get obsessed with the game of seducing women, as this book describes in gory detail, and women participate, everyone involved is interchangeable and replaceable. Strangers who have had sex with each other remain strangers afterwards.
The human face of The Game is both male and female. Pictured through Neil Strauss’ eyes, it’s a sometimes funny, sometimes sad face, and, apparently, hard to look at for long without numbing yourself out with more sex and celebrity parties. From where I’m sitting, it’s a pretty bleak picture, and rarely titillating. Well, unless you find laundry lists of sexual partners and descriptions of awkward casual sex titillating.
I do have to give him this: Although he tried to eroticise The Game, at least Neil Strauss didn’t try too hard to romanticise it. Throughout much of the book, you do wade through a lot of heavy-duty male bonding and high-fiving around successful acts of picking up women. But, by the end of the book, I think he basically debunks all that, especially when the band of PUA brothers ultimately puts the screws to each other.
By the end of his two years undercover in the PUA brotherhood, the author transforms from geek to self-confident stud, develops what he calls an unhealthy attitude toward women, and then kind of outgrows it. Or maybe, he just got bored with it after a while.
Anyway, to my relief, he does acknowledge that seduction is a “dark art,” and PUA techniques used to seduce end up violating every principle necessary for maintaining a relationship.
Fortunately, the book does have its lighter moments. Flirtatious teasing between men and women can be a beautiful thing, and some of the less twisted PUA techniques capitalise on that. Coming from a long line of teasers myself, that’s why I couldn’t help but smile when the book revealed the secret of PUA negging.
A “neg” is a backhanded compliment or “accidental” insult levelled at the “target,” a woman that the pickup artist, and other men, find attractive. It can be something seemingly-innocent like, “Wow, you kind of have man hands.” I have to admit, a teasing comment like that, delivered well, has always been a good icebreaker with me. And I’m pretty sure that quite a few women would agree. A man with a wicked sense of humour and good timing can get your attention.
But, a man who obsessively uses variations on the same pickup routine with every woman is just a player, and women who have something interesting to offer will eventually figure that out. That’s why one of the PUA masters in the book notices that no matter how many women he successfully seduces, he can’t keep a girlfriend, and he’s basically alone.
What did I get out of reading this book? Some insight into how I probably got played in the past and didn’t even know it. That was kind of unsettling. But, I took comfort in the book’s explanation that when it comes to PUA gaming, “The smarter a girl is, the better it works.”
Reading the book also left me with an unspeakable desire to sit in on a PUA workshop. I think it would be fascinating, in a really horrible kind of way.
So, does Doctress Annie recommend this book?
I mildly recommend it, if you promise to hate The Game, but maybe not Neil Strauss, by the time you finish reading. If you find descriptions of awkward casual sex titillating, you could probably leaf through those bits at your local Barnes and Noble.
But, if you’re a geeky, insecure man aspiring to be a master PUA, I’m going to try to talk you out of buying the book. After all, pickup artists scam women, and this book might make that sound appealing to you. Besides, “The Game” is really more of a pop culture read than a detailed instructional manual, and you can find lots of free information at various PUA websites. But please, don’t tell anybody I sent you.
Buy it on Amazon UK for £6.79
Annie Dennison, Ph.D., is a dating adviser, psychologist, and writer. Her blog, www.smartatlove.com, provides a steady stream of practical love life advice to smart single women. She lives in Southern California, and is happily married to an Englishman with nice sideburns.
(© 2005 Annie Dennison – All rights reserved)
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Cheers,
Void