Comments on: Boomerang Relationships & The Yo-Yo Girl

By: Mia

Mia — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:09:34 +0000

I feel so happy that this webpage exists and that there are so many troubled – but STRONG – women out there who are fighting to get back on track with their lives after escaping the claws of MR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE!!
I have just ended a “relationship” of 2 months with a Mr Unavailable which obviously was going nowhere and the worst part is – I kind of knew already within a few weeks of being with him. He was not a bad person, I think – but very, very troubled and not capable of connecting emotionally. He even told me that was the deal. He was unstable but I felt so attracted to him and I wanted to heal and nurture him in any way that I could – silly me. Of course he did not have any desire whatsoever to receive my help – and why should he? His life is his responsibility – as my own life is mine. And the minute I realised that his behaviour of suddenly ignoring me for no obvious reason was an indicator of how things would be with him in the future – I broke it off.

And I actually think that prior experiences with similar guys have helped me A LOT this time. I have been involved with an emotionally unavailable man for two years – when I was 19-21. Today I’m 31 and I’m ashamed to say that these men still attract me – but PROUD to say that I recognized the warning signs after only 2 months – instead of 2 years. Yes – there is hope. And I am determined to find a real man – and not get involved with these emotional vampires again. Good luck to all of you.

By: Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailable’s & Assclowns after you break up?- Part Two | Baggage Reclaim

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:39:42 +0000

[...] All that a Mr Unavailable or assclown does when you offer or accept the dodgy hand of friendship, is parlay your low self-esteem, your inability to be real about the relationship, and your lack of boundaries, into a booty call, regular ego stroke, or boomerang relationship. [...]

By: Abe

Abe — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:50:52 +0000

I’ve been that girl, I however refused to let a guy make me change my number… The keys girls is to be strong no matter how much your heart is breaking…. cry if you must but don’t pick up the phone or call for that matter and pray like there is no tomorrow…. It took 6 months to finally get over him and move on with myself…don’t rush into another relationship give yourself time to heal…in my case I didnt date anyone for almost 2 years. Get yourself back! Now when I see him it doesnt make a difference and I am not bitter about anything…it afterall was a learning experience! You never come out the same and you learn to make better choices thought you fail sometimes…but even when you fail, you recognize the warning signs and move on before it gets too serious or damages you! The most important thing to realize is that you are worth it and a man doesnt define you or your worth. We as women need to realize that society’s definition of relationships does not define who we are….so what if you are 35 or whatever and unmarried, a baby mama or not in a relationship? So what! Big Deal….Enjoy being you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! Being single and happy is a blessing not a curse…. once you have yourself and that confidence men will start flocking you like bees on pollen….then you get to chose and not be chosen! Just believe in yourself and let the loser go! It’s hard but if I can do it, so can you… you are much stronger than you REALIZE

By: The Trap of the (Returning) Childhood ‘Sweetheart’ Part 1 | Baggage Reclaim - Dating, singles, relationships, sex tips and advice blog for men and women.

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:32:56 +0000

[...] and ask yourself if they meant you any good? As every woman who has been on the receiving end of a boomerang relationship and been a Yo-Yo Girl or general Fallback Girl can testify to, the truth is, it doesn’t spell anything [...]

By: David

David — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 04:21:38 +0000

Talk about an emotionally unavailable person having a built in home device. I just deleted all of the emails, voice mails, and email address of my emotionally unavailable friend Lisa who I had finally thought I had gotten over in these past 6 months, and guess what — within 4 days, she contacted me again by emai. I’m trying to figure out the best response so things can just fade away.

By: Why you’ll always be a Yo-Yo Girl if you don’t maintain the No Contact Rule : Baggage Reclaim - Dating, singles, relationships, sex tips and advice blog for men and women.

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:20:52 +0000

[...] excerpt from new ebook, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, I explain the assuming that keeps a Yo-Yo Girl (YYG) in her boomerang relationship with her ‘bad penny’ Mr Unavailable. This excerpt is [...]

By: D

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 05:25:30 +0000

I really needed this site! Wow! I am the Yo Yo girl. I can’t beleive it! I have been seeing this guy off and on for over 2 years I have walked away 3 out of the 4 times we were on or so I thought we were on…he called me everyday and he saw me 2 times a week usually end up having sex but he would tell me he could not commit and that he wasn’t seeing anyone else but he was not ready for a commitment. I beleived him and still do is a drinker so I think that alcohol is the other woman in his life and he is extremely selfish. He does not just let anyone into his life and I know this because I have known him for 2 years so I supposedly use that to think “Wow I must be special then because everytime we run into eachother even 5 months after me breaking it off he wants to pick it right back up again! Calling me like everyday and texting me but never committing to a real date or real time I break down and want to crawl into his bed with him because I think he is so damn sexy and then the next thing you know he is back in control. I hate it I am so sick of it! He is a real ASS and I am his ego boost because I am a damn good catch and he knows it! Whatever I am going to take the last night booty call I made and not look back….I left his place this morning he wanted to me to stay all night so I did but then of course no call today and no plans of when or if we will get together again. I will hear tomorrow probably, it will go something like “how are doing? What are you doing? I’ll give you a call tomorrow.” No plans will be made for a date nada! What BS I have been so fooled into thinking this guy really cared about me OMG I am so stupid. I am going to do my very best this time to chalk it up to he was just a booty call to me I am the one who intitiated it so I have serious issues I need to work out and this guy is not helping matters. I want to have a commited loving relationship someday and if I keep going over to Mr J’s house and taking his calls I will never get it.

By: Advice: He had his dating profile active and we’re in a relationship

Advice: He had his dating profile active and we’re in a relationship — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:03:47 +0000

[...] again especially when he senses that you’ve started to forget about him. These guys are like boomerangs with a sixth sense for recognising when you’re starting to move on and get happy. He is [...]

By: Advice: Why is he having sex with me if he doesn’t want me and knows how I feel about him?

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 21:54:33 +0000

[...] Recommended reading Boomerang Relationships and The Yo You Girl [...]

By: Kate

Kate — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 02:44:41 +0000

KK,

You know, I’m thinking about it and I’m not so sure we stayed with these guys as long as we did because we are insecure as much as we wanted to punish ourselves for getting duped in the first place. Maybe some guys and gals can pick up and leave even if they are treated crappy because they don’t have the warped need to punish everything in their life that isn’t perfect.
I like what my Dad says about dating. My Dad is a writer-also he was a long time bachelor so he knows what he is talking about. He says that writing is like being in the rejection business-just expect to get rejected-then you might get lucky and get published. He says dating is the same thing-it is like being in the rejection business-you find someone if you get lucky-but rejection and maybe alot of it-is just part of the whole experience. So don’t feel like crap if you get rejected its not you-its the human experience-happens to us all. It will get better-just wait and see.

By: KK

KK — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 01:36:19 +0000

Good evening from the USVI ladies. I loved this article it is right on time for me. I am a yo-yo girl of two years, unfortunately for me though I now have a two month old with my extremely unavailable Mr. AXE (play on EX). I am angry, but honestly I think it is covering the hurt and humiliation of knowing i let someone do this to me and i went along with it and the rejection. On and off over and over, making myself available for the emotional whipping. But something came to me as I read all the entries. Am I crazy, is it just me, or does it seem that the number of jerky men is larger than us yo-yo girls? What I am saying is, outside of this Axe, I am outgoing, fun-loving, genuine, caring, thoughtful and more. I am somewhat insecure and because of that one flaw I pick up the a-hole I did? Naw, I think we ladies are probably great women whom STAYED because of the insecurity whereas another would have left (and poured the drink sooner-lol- bet he was stunned!). Yes, I am sure we need some closer looks and more work, but in general I think there should be a blog where like AA, these @!$*# can write in about how dysfunctional, disconnected, delusioned, etc. they are! Because if there are so many of them, once we finish our work and are FABULOUS! they will still be the same old dumps and there’ll be less great men to choose from.
I have cut off contact as of Sunday, after being told for the 1000th time he doesn’t want to be emotionally involved with me and giving up on hoping and waiting for his emotional love to kick in. I have waited, placated, submitted, been silent, walked on eggshells, been the booty buddy and now baby mama. At this point, I don’t care what he wants anymore, he can stuff it, cause his wants come 5th, if even that, to mine. Hope he stubs his little toe everyday several times a day for the next 12 months.
Much strength, peace and love headed your way ladies. Thanks for sharing!

By: Gloria

Gloria — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 15:27:25 +0000

I think men that use women like this should be castrated! I know that it’s our job not to allow ourselves to be used and recognize the signs of an unavailable man, but a woman that is with Mr.Unavailable obviously has some issues. A woman with these issues simply needs help or counseling and DOES NOT deserve to be taken advantage of by these cold-hearted, bastards! The messed up part is, these men know that they are taking advantage of women in this circumstance and instead of just letting them go, they continue to use the women for what they can get, despite the fact that they have absolutely no intention of ever committing to them. These guys seem to do this without any remorse and will keep using you until you stop them! This can devistate a woman. Especially if she is going through alot in her own life and is reaching out for someone to simply give a damn. Yes, we should love ourselves, but it is in human nature to want a mate to be a true part of our lives.Some women don’t even have family in there lives and one of these good for nothing male predators will come along, bring companionship to there live and pretend that they care about them…..then drop the “Friendship” bomb because they don’t feel like having to committ to one woman or committ to the work of a relationship.This can devistate and even traumatize a woman, but they don’t seem to care. They get “all the pleasure and none of the guilt” of being with us. This has got to stop…today! These males are sooo freakin stupid! Why would someone rather go bed hopping, than be with someone that they obviously feel comfortable with and share real feelings for? Women that are with Mr.Unavailable are usually good women who would be there for these guys through thick and thin. That’s what really matters in life, not how some one-night-stand’s vagina feels! Most of these unavailable men are getting great sex from the women that are chasing them and don’t even deserve it! What the f***!I guess in this day in age, they are able to get all of their needs met by several different women without having to ever committ. I mean, think about it ladies, men are able to get sex, friendship, companionship, love, support and even children and share a household with a woman these days without ever, ever having to be married or even in a relationship. Damn it, I think ALL WOMEN need to BOYCOTT this behavior. We must hold these males (not men)accountable for their actions from now on! If we did, these males (not men) would have no freakin’ choice but to “man up” and committ to woman instead of using them to fulfill this need or that need! COMMITT TO ALL OF ME OR GET NONE OF ME! Seriously though, I’m afraid that I will end up completely hating men because I see so much of this crap happening. Where the hell are the so-called good freakin men? Even the so called good and available men don’t seem to know how to treat good women these days. Men don’t even seem to know how to solve problems in their own lives and especially not in relationships. Our society has produced an error of punks who don’t have any God consciousness about them. If we hold men accountable today by changing our behavior as women, maybe the next generation of men and women will have a chance of real love and fulfilling what God created us to be. Starting now,how will you hold men accountable for their actions in your own life? I know from a similar experience that we teach people how to treat us……… What will you teach a man today?
Stay Strong Ladies. You are beautiful! Peace

By: Ally

Ally — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:56:34 +0000

Wow! I’ve been the Yo-Yo girl in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man for 2 years and broke it off in September, but have had sporatic contact since. I’m so glad to hear that it is not just me! And thrilled that there is hope that I can overcome this attachment I have for him. Not sure how, but I feel stronger to try. Thanks ladies!

By: Kellie

Kellie — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 14:31:44 +0000

ha ha Kate thanks for your comments. i’ve never done the beer thing before but this guy has been so abusive/cruel etc to me i thought, what have i got to lose. and it’s not like i havent been patient, kind, loving, attentitive to him -even when he was rubbing **** in my face.

which brings me to your comments, Mary (love that name!)
throwing beer into someone’s face is not nice, that’s kind of the point of it. it certainly isnt decorous or kind.
but you didnt seem to notice the rest of the passage – perhaps i didnt elaborate enough on the things this boy has done to me (and yes, which i have allowed him to get away with for so long).
the person who has been abusive in this scenario is not me! not for two beers! no. the person who has been abusive has been him – for lying to me, for setting me up, for insulting me sexually in public (ie making fun of me), for gossiping, for letting me down, for not turning up to plans he made with me – etc etc etc – so i disagree with you about the abuse part.

i also dont think it’s a matter of blame – it’s a matter of saying to myself, you are participating in your own abuse from this guy – this emotional, mental, spiritual abuse – and you need to make your choice.
so i made it.

and as for the beer – was it rude? yup. you bet ya..
Do i regret it? no.

have a good one!

By: Kate

Kate — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 01:23:11 +0000

Mary R.,

Congrats on being sober for 2 years-tough stuff.

Kellie,

I think your spirit is amazing!!! As well as your insight into how yo-yo guys are bad for your health. The fact that you refuse to let your self be abused is a huge step-I think you have hit on a key too-about other guys now giving you more attention. Guys are attracted to a girl who is confident in herself. I’m not sure about the drink in the face-I’m sure everything he did to you was worse-it might be good to use that tactic sparingly though:-)

Kate