Break-up Etiquette: Avoiding the ‘H’ Word

While succumbing to the urge to employ firearms during your farewell may seem perfectly legitimate, Special Dark’s here to help you obtain something more important than vengeance. That is the dignity and grace that comes with understanding that it’s over no matter how badly you fuss and fume.There’s an old adage that goes something like, “Our character is best shown at our worst moments”. I think there’s a lot of truth to that. It is easy, for most people, to be gracious and hospitable when the situation around them is favourably positive. But a person’s true mettle can only be shown through the bad times and how they handle their worse moments. A break-up can be one of those times.

This message isn’t just a pie-in-the-sky treatise on “character” and “integrity”; being the bigger person can go a long way to strengthening yourself while weakening the other person’s position.

When you hate someone, they are consuming as much emotional energy as someone you love. Yes, the feelings are reversed but they are just as potent and indicate that you still care (for better or for worse) for the object of the feelings. What that means is that the person you hate is still affecting your behaviour because your feelings are motivating you to do things you wouldn’t otherwise. The fact that you are willing to drive across town and wait until late at night just to throw a brick through his window means that he has power over you. Think about it, if you are willing to go long distances, do inconvenient actions, and even risk getting taken away by the paddy wagon just to “hurt” him, who’s holding the power in this post-break-up relationship–you or him?

The bottom-line is that (in the example above) you are willing to sacrifice yourself in order to affect him somehow. Quite frankly, that is a bad place to be in emotionally. This also means that no matter how hard you state the contrary, you are flattering his ego because he knows how much he still means to you (again, for better or for worse). Add to that the fact that the emotional state of hate creates a blockage that doesn’t easily allow you to move on and you’ll quickly find that the only person you end up hurting is yourself. Hating can potentially anchor you in the past which serves his purposes and not your own.

This is where my suggestion of taking the high road comes in. If you are able to achieve the emotional maturity to just let go, you are doing yourself a huge service and him a disservice. Becoming indifferent to a person is far worse (for them) than hating them. Indifference means that their actions (positive or negative) don’t matter to you at all and that removes any power they can potentially have over your life. Granted, it is very difficult to shut off your emotions but the sooner you get control of yourself, the better off you’ll be for your next relationship.

Practice not calling him names, not blowing up at him and not wasting emotional energy when dealing with him. In this way you’ll be able to get the best revenge of all; you’ll be able to live well.

Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species.