Comments on: Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2

By: NML

NML — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 10:07:27 +0000

Hi Jen, that woman sounds like a real assclown! Assclownary is not limited to men and there are some real female predators out there. The trouble is that unfortunately people often have to get their fingers burnt to learn the hard way. It’s just unfortunate that this womans first experience is with a manipulative, egocentric clown of a woman getting a kick out of breaking her in. Mrs EUM’s reaction is not unusual – she’s not in control and the feelings that this brings about convince her that she’s fallen for the woman.

Comments are closing on this post – this will be happening site wide for posts over a certain age but setting up some NC areas in the forum plus have some new posts on No Contact coming up.

By: jen

jen — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:34:56 +0000

well, my mom is trying to convince the Mrs. Unavailable, but Mrs. EUM is rather thinking about conquering my Mom as well than listen to her advice, But my Mom is resisting, and she has to dry a lot of tears of all the women, that Mrs. EUM hurted. Mrs. EUm is going on vacation with long term fallback girl, while she is texting another woman, how much she misses her. It’s unbelievable, And she is not even beautiful!!! Quite the opposite. But she must be so charming, that kind of psycho dangerous charm, that all that EUM seem to have.
The 45 years old, is new in that group, and she cried her heart out, that she found out, by falling in love with Mrs. EUM, that she is lesbian. Awefull!!!
And no, the woman that went completely on NC, is someone of her past. My mom just told me, that to an event, that EUM expected that woman to might appear, and she was sooo nervous, and full of fears, that she might could meet her. My mom said, that was the first time, she saw behind her masque.

By: Gayle

Gayle — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 02:24:03 +0000

Jen,

Thanks for the clarification.

Wow, that’s terrible. I can’t believe some can be aware of what they’re doing and be so heartless. Has anyone called her on her behavior towards others?

Is this the same woman who went NC with Mrs Unavailable?

By: jen

jen — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:14:07 +0000

sorry…in this group was a woman, that fell in love with this Mrs. Unavailable, and that woman just with 45 years old, realized, that she is a lesbian, so this were her first experience in love things with a lesbian woman. My mom told so this Mrs. EUM, to not play with that woman, cause she anyway is already vulnerable, after realizing, that she is loving women, not men, that is a hard and crazy thing, when you says yes to those feelings so late. And unluckily she fell in love with EUM. But the Mrs. EUM didn’t care at all, she sais she likes comquerin a woman, she loves the chase….that’s what I ment with it, sorry, I am german, english is not my mother language,

xxx

By: Gayle

Gayle — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:48:08 +0000

Jen,

I’m sorry, I don’t understand the following: ” that told her she shouldnâ€™t play with a certain woman, that just had a coming out and fell so hard for her. She doesnâ€™t give a damn.”

By: jen

jen — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:04:40 +0000

I am on day 5 of NC

I wanted to share a story with you to encourage you (and me too) to stay strong.
My mom is a lesbian and has a group for lesbian over 50. In this group is a woman that equals Mr. Unavalable. She is like a femal Mrs. Unavailable. She has all the symptoms. The narcistic harem and so on. And she is still “good freinds” with all her EXs. It’s all about the chase ” to conquer a woman”, so she explained once to my mom, that told her she shouldn’t play with a certain woman, that just had a coming out and fell so hard for her. She doesn’t give a damn.

Well but what was funny, there is only one woman in her life, that this woman is not getting over, is still talking about and is afraid like hell to ever meet her again. It is the woman, that completely broke contact with her, and wasn’t interested in any kind of friendship with her any more.

I know NC is not for affecting their lifes, and to get validation in that kind of form, but if we use NC to get back to our lifes and to what we really are, that most of us have forgotten (me included), it’s kind an extra bonus to think about, that this might anger their ego …the full NC.

xxx

By: NML

NML — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:40:51 +0000

Hi Ria. Due to the length of your comment and various questions, this is more suited to the forum. Within the next week, all comment threads on old posts beyond the last month or so will be closing so for an ongoing discussion please post your story in the forum. Thanks

By: Ria

Ria — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 02:25:13 +0000

Okay so here’s the deal -today was day 25 of NO CONTACT with my ASSCLOWN who treated me so bad, disrespected me and pretty much made me feel like i was nothing/nobody!! i wanted him soo bad and he made it very clear to me that he did not want a relationship with me and that i would never be his gf-which in turn made me question time and time again what the hell was wrong with me that i just could not make this guy see me for the sweet nice girl that i really am and make him want to feel for me what i felt for him-after deciding that it was not only a good idea but actually very necessary for my state of mind and overall well being to let this guy go i decided the no contact rule was the best way to go actually the only way to go…

The first week was probably the hardest because i was so used to calling/texting/messaging him every single day that it felt weird not to do anything at all but as the days went by it got a little bit easier and i started to think about him less and less and even today although i did think about him i knew that there was NO WAY i would initiate any contact with him and its made me feel so strong and proud of myself BUT then today my phone rings and who happens to be calling well none other but THE assclown..i was very surprised to say the least and for a minute i thought maybe i shouldn’t bother picking up but two seconds later i did-and with that i broke the no contact rule!!:(( but at least it was him calling me and not me calling him..anyways i just answered because i was curious to see what he wanted maybe he missed me, maybe he felt like seeing me and talking about things, or trying to work something out…hahah i should of known better than that!! the reason he was calling was to ask me for “a favor”,,,which sounded all too familiar because last time i hadnt talked to him for a long stretch of time he called asking me for “a favor”..not a favor that involved seeing him or anything but just getting him some information that he needed and this time he is calling me for the same reason-so being the sweet nice girl i am i agreed to do this favor for him..but my QUESTION is this-am i making a mistake by helping out this guy who has hurt me so much?im still not completly over him but i would like for him to realize what he’s missing and show him that despite everything i am the bigger person??should i call him back and give him the info that he needs or not even bother??does no contact mean never seeing or speaking to him again?? is he actually just testing to see if the “door is still open” or just make sure that i dont forget about him???who knows but i do need some much needed advice as to what to do before i fall for what may just be a trap and go through the cycle of hurt and pain all over again -thank you!!!!!!:)))

By: Teena

Teena — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:29:15 +0000

I have been reading these posts.and it is nice to realise I am not alone. I called him today and told him that
being friends was not going to work for me. I need to be by myself without contact from him. If or when I was ready to contact him, I would do so. He seemed to think that seeing me once a week without calls during the week was just fine…. I did not think so. So today is Day 1 of No Contact and I feel more empowered just telling him that I would be the one to make contact if I so desired. Thanks for reading and any guidance would greatly be appreciated.

By: Ria

Ria — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 03:35:28 +0000

I suggest making it permanent for men that add little value to your life. There is no point in keeping contact for egoâ€™s sake, as it will be mostly his ego that gets massaged.

**i was about to text him after no contact for 9 days reading your article saved me from doing it..its time to let go once and for all its his loss and i just hope that one day he will realize that

thanks for your great inspirational articles!! so glad i stumbled on this website!!

By: Nikki

Nikki — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:38:28 +0000

I am so glad i found this website. I am going through some shit….Okay let me start from the begining. I have was with my ex for almost a year. Let me remind you that he has two kids and I have three. We all stayed together and I only wasn’t a mother to my kids, but to his as well. I stop doing alot of things to be with this man…but honestly I am at that point of my life to where I needed to cut some of the things I was doing. On Monday I told him to get his things and get the hell out of my house since he didn’t want to take any consideration on how I felt about him staying out so late. This wasn’t his first time staying out late. I had tried to talk to him and let him know how I felt this was hurting our relationship, but he wasn’t trying to hear me out. I have been to alot more things with this man, so at this point I just had enough. I started the NC that day(Monday) I wonder if he will ever called. I was really good to this man. How could he do me like this. It hurt so bad, but I know GOD will work in my favor!!!!! Help me ladies……

By: kayleigh

kayleigh — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 20:08:52 +0000

I wish i had found this site earlier today. Me and my ex of 5 months (short i know but still hard none the less) decided 3 weeks ago to take time out for a week or 2 and see what happens as we had begun fighting and the honey moon period was over.. He made me feel quite insecure towards the end, i was always initiating any intimacy and he rarely wanted to do it. Now, this guy told me he loved me very soon into the relationship.. like after 3 weeks or something. He told me he had never met anyone like me and wanted to spend all his free time with me and basically swept me off my feet.. I soon recipricated his feelings and genuinely loved him and still do. Anyway, we went NC for a week, then i bumped into him in town and we spoke for about 5 minutes and said we would speak again soon. So, a few days later i called and he asked me if i had been thinking about the situation and i said of course i had and asked if he had and what he wanted to do. He basically said that he wasn’t prepared to put up with me getting angry with him over the lack of intimacy and other things that bothered me so he said he wanted to break up. That was 3 days ago, i went NC for 3 days but today i text him. I basically wanted to tell him that i was not the only person who would complain about lack of intimacy in a relationship and that any girl would have a problem with it and that i wasn’t looking for anything out of the ordinary from him. I told him that yes i would like us to be friends and that i missed talking to him. I now feel so stupid as he has not replied and that was hours ago. Back to square one now and day one of NC starts all over again.

By: Leonine

Leonine — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:09:58 +0000

Enuff,

from what I gather, he’s NOT going to change and you can’t do anything about that. You can only work on YOU and then you’ll start to draw the kind of relationship you want.

Meanwhile, NC is difficult when you work together but I know (from experience) that theway to deal with it is to stay rigidly professional – do not be tempted to talk about anything other than work. Do not join in chatter about the football, office sweepstake, new boss, etc. Deal with work issues only when you have to and the rest of the time HE DOES NOT EXIST.

How long it goes on for depends on how much work you are prepared to do on yourself. The more you work on you and start healing and moving forward, the quicker you’ll be free of him and walking into a happier life and relationship.

Try not to build it up in your mind, or remember it incorrectly and prettily.

It was not a good relationship – if it was, you and he would still be in it. NC will help you realise how much better off without him you are and it will diminish his “importance” in your life and memory.

You have an opportunity to be what he can’t be: someone another human can relate to on an intimate level for a long time to come.

Get well and go find the right type/s for you. And, meanwhile, business as usual and NOT A THING MORE.

Best Regards, Leonine

By: Enuff

Enuff — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:54:01 +0000

How do you implement the NCR when you work with your ex-boyfriend? I work with mine and broke up with him about three weeks ago, but I still have to see him at work when we occasionally run into each other or in two to three weekly meetings. Also, there was mention of implementing the rule from one to three months. What do you do when your ex never got missing? My ex never got missing. He just has some serious issues that I could no longer contend with. Therefore, I needed to leave the relationship, which he didn’t fight because he knew that if he stayed, he’d continue to hurt me with his inexcusable behavior. Having said that, I implemented the NCR even before reading these posts. I guess it’s my ego. I know I’m better off to get to a point of healing and beyond, but I also won’t allow myself to go running behind someone just to boost his ego. I won’t lie, I miss the relationship. I’m just hopeful all that I feel will eventually diminish. In the meantime, how do I deal with the NCR at work? And if I’m to enforce it for “period of time,” how long would that be. Keep in mind, I’m not eager to run out and “get with him” today. I would love it if he changed so that I could be with him. But I’m smart enough to realize the likelihood of that is slim to none. Anyway, enough of my incessant rambling. Thanks for reading.

By: Butterfly

Butterfly — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 13:17:35 +0000

I actually think the cruellest thing of all the idiotic things that came from this man’s mouth was “I love you and I think I always will”.

Wait for it. It gets better.

This was on MSN and I wanted to TALK to him – he said he was in a voice conversation on a game we play and that he “couldn’t just leave that would be rude”. THAT is the point I should have realised he was full of it – undying love declared and not wanting to immediately talk to the source?

Makes me wonder what he was actually doing and saying when I was sitting there bored off my chump when he was “working on his website” and talking to me on MSN …

What an arse.