Comments on: Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 3

By: NML

NML — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:42:44 +0000

Please post your stories in the forum if you are looking to discuss your issue or get personal advice. Thanks

By: Ria

Ria — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 02:27:20 +0000

Okay so here’s the deal -today was day 25 of NO CONTACT with my ASSCLOWN who treated me so bad, disrespected me and pretty much made me feel like i was nothing/nobody!! i wanted him soo bad and he made it very clear to me that he did not want a relationship with me and that i would never be his gf-which in turn made me question time and time again what the hell was wrong with me that i just could not make this guy see me for the sweet nice girl that i really am and make him want to feel for me what i felt for him-after deciding that it was not only a good idea but actually very necessary for my state of mind and overall well being to let this guy go i decided the no contact rule was the best way to go actually the only way to go…

The first week was probably the hardest because i was so used to calling/texting/messaging him every single day that it felt weird not to do anything at all but as the days went by it got a little bit easier and i started to think about him less and less and even today although i did think about him i knew that there was NO WAY i would initiate any contact with him and its made me feel so strong and proud of myself BUT then today my phone rings and who happens to be calling well none other but THE assclown..i was very surprised to say the least and for a minute i thought maybe i shouldn’t bother picking up but two seconds later i did-and with that i broke the no contact rule!!:(( but at least it was him calling me and not me calling him..anyways i just answered because i was curious to see what he wanted maybe he missed me, maybe he felt like seeing me and talking about things, or trying to work something out…hahah i should of known better than that!! the reason he was calling was to ask me for “a favor”,,,which sounded all too familiar because last time i hadnt talked to him for a long stretch of time he called asking me for “a favor”..not a favor that involved seeing him or anything but just getting him some information that he needed and this time he is calling me for the same reason-so being the sweet nice girl i am i agreed to do this favor for him..but my QUESTION is this-am i making a mistake by helping out this guy who has hurt me so much?im still not completly over him but i would like for him to realize what he’s missing and show him that despite everything i am the bigger person??should i call him back and give him the info that he needs or not even bother??does no contact mean never seeing or speaking to him again?? is he actually just testing to see if the “door is still open” or just make sure that i dont forget about him???who knows but i do need some much needed advice as to what to do before i fall for what may just be a trap and go through the cycle of hurt and pain all over again -thank you!!!!!!:)))

By: Sweetie187

Sweetie187 — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:58:17 +0000

I have just received a voicemail message on my mobile from my long standing assclown. I have been seeing him for 22 months [since November 2007] and he always told me he never wanted a relationship. On top of that he hardly ever took me anywhere, and whenever we did go anywhere it was always me who instigated it [and paid]. Basically, i let this poor excuse of a man use me for all that time and i got miniscule crumbs in return. And very poor treatment at times.

Then in June this year, he randomly announced that he had a girlfriend!!!!!!!! [remember, he told he he was not looking for a relationship with anyone] And get this! He explained to me that he had always faniced a particular girl since the age of 21 [he is now 33] but nothing happened between them back then. But in May this year, he randomly bumped into her on the street and he asked her to be his girlfriend on the spot. They did not even court and they had not seen each other in 12 years!!! And she accepted his girlfriend invitation.

Well, this man has continued to sleep with me since the arrival of his new girlfriend. I hated myself for doing this but i just couldnâ€™t stop it. It was like i was addicted to him, the sex and the physical attraction. But the more i continued to see him, the more i became disgruntled at having to be his SIDE SHAG whilst some other girl [who, unlike myself, has invested zero time in him] takes the glory of being his official girlfriend who gets to be paraded in front of his friends and family.

So when he called me last week for a booty call, I TURNED HIM DOWN. Because i rejected him [i rarely do] he told me not to contact him again. But i did. In fact, i was so angry and hurt by the disrespectful way iâ€™ve been treated for 22 months, i started to text him everyday since our phone-call, sending at least 3 a day! I know girls! I turned *psycho* on his ass, telling him how hurt i am about him taking up with the new girl, and it felt like a dagger to my heart. I also accused him of being cold and selfish and having no consideration for me and my feelings. I also told him that him and the girl will not last and that he is going to miss me and want me back in his life. I couldnâ€™t help myself. I knew sending him all these texts was the wrong thing to do but i felt compelled.

I received NO reply whatsoever to my textsâ€¦.. until today! after i sent him yet another 2 texts. The last time we were together [around 2 weeks ago] he was telling me that he would like to be having sex with me long into the distant future [even around 10 or 20 years from now]. I did not say anything at the time, but today his words crossed my mind and i became angry. Since he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that we will never be a proper couple, I felt that he was assuming i was going to be dumb enough to continue being his secret side-shag for the next 20 years of my life.

So my 2 texts this morning addressed this issue and i told him that he was absolutely crazy and he would never get me to waste my life, fulfilling his pathetic pipe dream as his bit on the side [whilst he gets on with is life, building a proper life with another woman], and if he was going to be sleeping with me 10 or 20 years from now, it would be because we were HUSBAND AND WIFE, not as a side shag!

As soon as the texts were delivered, he immediately called me, but i did not answer. He then left a voicemail message on my mobile telling me that my all texts are now pissing him off and we need to go our separate ways. I replied, cursing and swearing at him, telling him iâ€™m glad i finally pushed him over the edge. I also told him to leave me the f**k alone now from now on.

Needless to say, he never replied to that one!

I have his girlfriends phone number and for a hot second i felt like calling her an telling her all about me and him. I even dialled her number but there was no reply. Now, i have thought against contacting her as i know itâ€™s not going to bring me any satisfaction.

I hate myself right now, for being such an idiot to let a man treat me so badly for the last 22 months. This is not my pattern at all!! I still donâ€™t understand how this man got to get away with murder. I am usually a woman of high self esteem, high expectations and firm boundaries. I know it sounds hard to believe but i am actually used to good treatment from guys!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME????????????

When i used to tell my friends about me and him, theyâ€™d look at me like i am MAD to stay with him. I started to feel judged so i stopped talking to them about us.

I really do hope i will be able to forgive myself, as i feel so ashamed to have allowed such blatant liberties to take place.

But now that I FINALLY got a reaction from him after all those texts, i feel like i can start to heal and move on now. [yes i know that sounds pathetic as i should not have to wait for him to tell me to leave him alone before i decide it's over].

Day 1 of â€œNo Contactâ€ starts tomorrow.

Wish me luck girls! I am about to go cold turkey. I feel itâ€™ll be successful though because i have now angered him so i dont think heâ€™ll be contacting me now anyway. And i am now too embarrassed to dare contact him again.

On the other hand, we have gone through worse incidents in the past and we still got back together so i really donâ€™t know for sure whether or not heâ€™ll try contacting me again in future.

If that time does roll around, i really do hope i will have the strength to tell him to go to hell.

By: JC

JC — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:56:29 +0000

I’m considering breaking NC my ex-EUM to tell him to stop contacting me! I’ve done everything, blocked e-mails, Facebook, I don’t return his calls, and I had the “have a nice life, don’t ever call me again” conversation. He waited a few months then started calling. I was able to ignore him until he tricked me recently by calling from a number I didn’t recognize, I had to be cordial because I was at work, but I ended the conversation quickly. He had nothing valuable to say, just the typical “I want to make sure you’re okay/still alive” conversation. By the way, we broke up two years ago! We went through about 4 mos of trying to be friends, but I realized I was just holding on, so I totally cut all contact, even changed my number.

His behavior is weakening my resolve because I’ve always wondered if he’d change. Should I continue to try to ignore him, or do I call him and tell him (again) to never ever call me? Or heck, is it possible that in two years he’s grown enough for me to consider giving it a try?

By: Nikki

Nikki — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:24:48 +0000

Yesterday, I told my Aquarius boyfriend to leave. It felt so dam good and honestly I think I should have done it a long time ago. This past weekend my car was given me problems, so he took it to go get fixed. He called me around 5:00p.m. and told me a little things that was going wrong with it and he said he would call me back. I didn’t here from him till Sunday morning around 10:00a.m. The sad thing about it was that I had to call him. He doesn’t have a cell phone(it’s broke) and he said that he was over his mother house. I did call and his brother and he said that he wasn’t there the first time I called. Then I called again and he said “my bad girl I was knocked out that boy is out there working on that car” I didn’t believe that one bit. I really think that the car was fixed on Saturday. He didn’t even have the nerves to call me to say that he was going to spend the night over his mother’s house. I have been so good to him. I have three kids of my own and I even took care of his two kids not to keep him, but because their mother is on drugs and have no part of their lives. I cook, clean, take care of the family and have been faithful to this man. He’s all over me one day and the next day he isn’t. I told him to leave while I was at work. When I got home he was gone….he left his DVD player and some clothes in the washer. I don’t know if he just forgot it or did it on purpose. I truly love this man and I wish that we could work it out, but he has got to get it together. I don’t ask for much so how could he do me this way. He left me a letter telling me that he will always love me and my kids with all his heart(I wonder did he mean it) Do you think he will call? Do you think he’s hurting? Do you think he miss me? Help me please someone…..

By: prettyyetsostupid

prettyyetsostupid — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 02:31:09 +0000

How do you do the no contact rule if you both work together (he is a superior) when leaving jobs is not currently an option.

He will go weeks when he is all over me and I am the center of his world, then POOF he drops me in an instant and is extremely cold and disattached to me. But I am so in love that I keep putting my hand in the fire only to end up burnt. This cycle has been going on for a year and a half and I don’t know how to end it other than no contact. But I can’t leave my job at this time. What to do?

By: Movinonatlast

Movinonatlast — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:53:47 +0000

too was in a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable and played around and I wanted that too change and kept hoping one day it would, and then would end the realtionship and start the NC but always gave in when I didn’t hear anything.
I realise now that however much I miss the person it did’t and wouldn’t work and I have to move on from the denial and am concentrating on my self esteem and my self respect and know I am worth more.

By: Movinonatlast

Movinonatlast — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:49:12 +0000

I am so glad I have just found this blog, I have lasted so far with the NCR for 4 weeks and feel really good about it,I

By: MzPnyQT

MzPnyQT — Sun, 03 May 2009 05:23:14 +0000

You know you really want to get over a guy when you go online and research on how to get over a guy. I am so glad to come across this one.

My situation is… I’m a serial “sleep with a guy who’s not looking for a relationship but end up falling for them anyways”. For the last 3 1/2 months, I’ve been sleeping with a guy who from the beginning told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Like any other blind mistake, I have this delusional glimpse of hope that he’ll change his mind. So I stay around and settled with late night booty-calls. A few weeks into this booty call I brought up the subject of relationship. I asked why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he said he wanted “Friends, Freedom, and Fun”. Then he asked me the same questions and my reply was, “I really don’t want to be in a relationship. I just want to sleep with a guy knowing he’s not sleeping with someone else”. So with that, we decided to be monogamous f-buddies. (My second mistake). After awhile, my emotional needs starts to mix with my physical needs (Red Flag). I start to get jealous, question him, get angry with him, you know… I didn’t like what it was turning me into. I would obsess on checking his facebook or his friend’s facebook to see what he’s been up to. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t shut him off. So what did I do? I told him I didn’t want to talk to him… 3 different times. Now I’m the Boy Who Cried Wolf (My third mistake). When I say I don’t want to talk to him he replies “Ok.. talk to you later”… which he turns out being right. I just can’t seem to get myself away from him. I would find a reason to talk to him and justify it (falsely). It needs to stop.

I’m to a point where I’m so distracted with thoughts of him I can’t focus in class, fall asleep and/or stay asleep, and be productive with what I need to do in life. I’m already unstable with going to one phase in life to another (young adulthood to just adulthood) and this distraction is definitely unneeded. I know what to do… my fault is I can’t seem to act on it. I have unknowingly tried NC before and it has worked. Hopefully this time around, it’ll work its magic again.

By the way, he’s not a bad guy at all and he doesn’t directly treat me like crap… I just feel like it sometimes because he doesn’t do what I want him to (aside from committing). Like walk me to my car on a late dark night in the city… We’re in different parts of our lives and we want different things… I just need to move on from him so I can have what I deserve.

By: movingonfromfools

movingonfromfools — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 16:54:02 +0000

Hi All,
I’ve been dealing with an EUM for about a year or so now. Its amazing how I could have been reading this website on and off for about two years now and STILL made all the classic errors listed here. Mind you, i have applied the NCR rule with this idiot before, even though eventually, I would accept contact from him again. We don’t live in the same country, and he won me over initially with hour plus long phone calls, various times a week, no small feat I figured since he lives in the UK and I live in the Caribbean. He talked a whole lot about getting a job in my country, moving down etc…a fair amount of interest considering that at that point, we’d never even so much as held hands, he just so enjoyed talking to me… Let’s just note that at the time i was in a relationship with someone who i got with after my previous relationship of 5 1/2 years crashed and burned. This guy was really nice, but somehow,something was missing. drama perhaps? Looking back i can now see how very EU i was in my relationship, which became on and off again with the nice guy! What to say? the details of my “relationship” with the EUM are so embarrassing! He cancelled at the last minute on our trip to Europe where we were supposed to get to know each other better! I was pissed and cut him off for about 3 months. But when I finally did make the Europe trip I met up with the EUM and ending up sleeping with him becuase he was just so contrite and told me how sad and upset much my cutting him off had made him! Then he blew hot by Facebooking me for the duration of my Europe tripe (which i spent with the dependable nice guy) and showered me with attention via telephone to find out if i’d reached back to my island okay. Lots of attention when it seemed there was danger of me forgetting about him! But when i told him that i missed him…he blew cold and dropped out of sight for another 3 months. one may think that i’d had enuff…but true to form he popped up just in time for the major festival that he and his crew fly in for in my country. I’d hoped to be out of the country but my plans went arwy, and i’d just been through two breakups with the nice guy and another dude i’d started seeing after. Wasn’t two sad about that, because i had applied the “boundaries in relationships” set of rules and sent that man packing. Nice guy remained on the fringes but i did us both a favour and didn’t lead him on. So the EUM popped up just in time…he had to work a little harder than usual to get me, and it seemed shaky there, but sure enough, hours after we slept together, on the final day of the festival when I am going home alone…I just happen to see him with some other female in tow, clearly just “playing himself”. At that moment for me I had had enough…So i implemented NCR once again. He’s called to ask me if he did something to uspet me, and I just told him it didn’t matter and not to contact me again. This because i bloc\ked him on msn, dropped him from facebook, but before that, dleted all links of me on photos that he has up, and then deleted all photos of him or us that i had…and even that of his wingman..who called to try and give me the scoop of how their holidays had gone at the next island that they went to for a sun and sand vacation after the festival.AGGGH. I cut the Wingman short and he arrogantly told me that I could call when I was ready….LOL. i’ve deleted all phone numbers so they may grow old and grey waiting for that call. I am so embarrassed that its taken me this long to get this fool out of my life…and so far its been almost a month of NC. But amazingly i find myself missing him? WHY???? I know he will call at some time, but what concerns me more is that I know I’ll see him in the UK at some point? what to do then? act frosty and cold? (but doesn’t that scream that I still care?) , ignore him (childish?), pretend he’s stranger? I am confused about that and having read what I’ve been reading i wouldn’t want to set myself back. Or am i just worrying about this crap far too much?????
what do you guys think???

By: finallyseenthelight

finallyseenthelight — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 15:44:20 +0000

I was re-reading my comments from back in November…and I realize that I was doing better then than I am now. It was NCR. I was 2 months into NC in Nov and then in Dec he contacted me and I broke the NCR by speaking with him and seeing him once (not sleeping with him). I’ve been NC now for 2 months again, however it was a MAJOR SETBACK. It hurt me so much and felt like I was going through the breakup all over again. I see how much work it takes to feel good about myself again. We were speaking almost everyday for a few weeks and this was a huge falling off the wagon so to speak. So, my point is stick with NC…going back will only make you feel worse. This is a huge wake up call for me. All of the work I did to move on was just thrown out of the window. He hasn’t changed…if anything I see him for the real playa he is…I allowed myself to be in denial of who he really was and wore rose colored glasses…I was in La La land with thinking he was the one for me. What I wanted him to be was not in reality who he was or who he wanted to be. It still hurts and everyday I think about him and how I let this relationship take over my emotions. 3 years is a long time and I don’t expect to be over it in a minute, but I know, I’ll never let him near me again.

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:26:18 +0000

Another thing you can do instead of simply saving him as “Assclown” in your phone, name him “Dont Answer” …it helps if you’ve given out your number to creepers @ clubs before and saved them as “Dont Answer” also, so you never know if it’s a random creeper or the real meathead Assclown. (I’m not saying do it, but I have friends who just can’t say no to these people). Same goes for bill collectors… LOL

By: Cynnie

Cynnie — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:56:38 +0000

Stephanie

You are being mean to this guy. End the relationship and focus on yourself for the time being. Why are you punishing this guy for the crap your EUM did? That’s what it seems like….

I also think you’re addicted to the drama (…interested, because I love the constant attention…). You’re not getting the drama from EUM, so you’re creating it with New Guy.

Take some time to reflect on you and what you really want. Until then, no dating!

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:08:23 +0000

It’s good to get your head together and the only way you can do it is on your own. Perhaps when you’re in a better place this guy will seem more attractive.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:02:56 +0000

I know your absolutly right. I think that I just wanted to be in a “real” relationship so I picked a guy I knew could give that to me. But if I am not ready to give it back then it still is not “real”. I think being on my own and working on me is best for now.