Comments on: Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 3

By: billy

billy — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 23:38:07 +0000

You should contact his girlfriend. She deserves to know what kind of jerk he is. I wish my wife’s lover had contacted me. It would have made things much easier.

By: billy

billy — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 23:06:45 +0000

What you’re describing is emotional blackmail, not the NCR. You’re playing games.

Sorry, but I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.

By: lm

lm — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 01:49:14 +0000

i broke up with my narcissistic ex for the 6th(i think?) time. i always get sucked back in when i see him crying and acting a mess. this time i told him ‘do not contact me unless you agree to go to therapy with me’, knowing he’ll never go.

he emailed me telling me i’m his best friend, his favourite person, the times with me were the best times of his life and that it ‘kills’ him that i am not his friend. i called him (for the last time ever) and told him that i don’t want to be friends, that i want a real relationship and to go to a counselor together to work on our shared issues. he said he ‘didn’t do shrinks’ and that he needed time to think about it. then i pulled the plug for good! i told him it’s too painful for me to continue with this, that there will be no contact between us and that i am not interested in male friends at this point in my life.

yay for me! i feel so good.

i feel amazing!

By: katikins

katikins — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 17:48:03 +0000

Just at the lovely place where I own the fact that ‘yes I fell for an emotionally unavailable man’ I knew he was and told him so, I kept him at a distance and after a few months he seemed to respect me for it…I say seemed because it just made him more determined to ‘win’ me! I ket down the barriers and what happened? He made promises, borrowed money, lost his flat thru not paying rent, moved in without asking…the first time I finished with him…got another flat, lost it, then even tho i knew all his words meant nothing i STILL didnt get rid of him. At one point I ould set aside a few mins every day just to cry! So I eventually waited until he went out last week and locked all doors and threw his stuff into yard! It took a visit from the police but he is gone!! I deliberately waited until i knew he had no money for a few days and his mobile stopped working before i did it cos I knew I may crack. So a week on and i have had time and space to be myself again…i missed myself and knew he was trying to stifle all the positive vibes that initially attracted him! All inall he is a troubled man who I NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR!! For anyone in the hell i was in…stay strong and recognise your own worth, only your children deserve unconditional love from you! xx

By: brenda

brenda — Tue, 18 May 2010 03:30:56 +0000

How can I apply da nc rule if there is a child involved. How do i cope wit a break up when there is a 4 month child involved? It makes it almost impossible to get over him!

By: Zwarvskyiana

Zwarvskyiana — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 14:10:41 +0000

My man was a fun male in Tampa. He was a trucker (short distance). He called me every day, sometimes 3 times a day. We spoke every morning at 8 a.m. He called me, I called him. We met at a bar and and made out in the parking lot. We continued to have one hour conversations on the phone at least once a day, often more. We did this for two months. I drove to Tampa and he took me to his favorite outside bar on the water. We had a great time, drinking, talking with people, and holding hands. We made passionate love that afternoon in a rainstorm. He continued to call every day, and I called him. But he could never come see me on the weekends. He always had some excuse: his Uncle in Texas died, his mom had a heart attack, his car was in the shop, he had to make a delivery… He always had an excuse and the whole time told me that he wasn’t dating anyone else. Well, after two months of being in a dead-end relationship, I found this website. Thank God! Now I understand all of the dynamics that have been going on. I wrote him an e-mail and told him that I wasn’t going to play the game anymore. He wrote back and explained how he couldn’t see me because he had an “emergency” delivery on Saturday. I have not e-mailed him back nor will I. I will not call him (as has been my pattern). We have “broken up” 3 times already because he keeps standing me up. But I was the one who kept e-mailing him to reignite the relationship. I feel so empowered now, after reading all of this information on being a “Fallback Girl.” I have never been one before and it was new to me. But I’m a mom and have been single for so long because I’m older and more cautious. I didn’t even know that I was in a relationship with an unattainable man. He was perfect for me. We clicked emotionally, sexually, and intellectually. But he was unattainable, still is, and always will be. Thanks so much for this website because with knowledge comes power.

By: NML

NML — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:42:44 +0000

Please post your stories in the forum if you are looking to discuss your issue or get personal advice. Thanks

By: Ria

Ria — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 02:27:20 +0000

Okay so here’s the deal -today was day 25 of NO CONTACT with my ASSCLOWN who treated me so bad, disrespected me and pretty much made me feel like i was nothing/nobody!! i wanted him soo bad and he made it very clear to me that he did not want a relationship with me and that i would never be his gf-which in turn made me question time and time again what the hell was wrong with me that i just could not make this guy see me for the sweet nice girl that i really am and make him want to feel for me what i felt for him-after deciding that it was not only a good idea but actually very necessary for my state of mind and overall well being to let this guy go i decided the no contact rule was the best way to go actually the only way to go…

The first week was probably the hardest because i was so used to calling/texting/messaging him every single day that it felt weird not to do anything at all but as the days went by it got a little bit easier and i started to think about him less and less and even today although i did think about him i knew that there was NO WAY i would initiate any contact with him and its made me feel so strong and proud of myself BUT then today my phone rings and who happens to be calling well none other but THE assclown..i was very surprised to say the least and for a minute i thought maybe i shouldn’t bother picking up but two seconds later i did-and with that i broke the no contact rule!!:(( but at least it was him calling me and not me calling him..anyways i just answered because i was curious to see what he wanted maybe he missed me, maybe he felt like seeing me and talking about things, or trying to work something out…hahah i should of known better than that!! the reason he was calling was to ask me for “a favor”,,,which sounded all too familiar because last time i hadnt talked to him for a long stretch of time he called asking me for “a favor”..not a favor that involved seeing him or anything but just getting him some information that he needed and this time he is calling me for the same reason-so being the sweet nice girl i am i agreed to do this favor for him..but my QUESTION is this-am i making a mistake by helping out this guy who has hurt me so much?im still not completly over him but i would like for him to realize what he’s missing and show him that despite everything i am the bigger person??should i call him back and give him the info that he needs or not even bother??does no contact mean never seeing or speaking to him again?? is he actually just testing to see if the “door is still open” or just make sure that i dont forget about him???who knows but i do need some much needed advice as to what to do before i fall for what may just be a trap and go through the cycle of hurt and pain all over again -thank you!!!!!!:)))

By: Sweetie187

Sweetie187 — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:58:17 +0000

I have just received a voicemail message on my mobile from my long standing assclown. I have been seeing him for 22 months [since November 2007] and he always told me he never wanted a relationship. On top of that he hardly ever took me anywhere, and whenever we did go anywhere it was always me who instigated it [and paid]. Basically, i let this poor excuse of a man use me for all that time and i got miniscule crumbs in return. And very poor treatment at times.

Then in June this year, he randomly announced that he had a girlfriend!!!!!!!! [remember, he told he he was not looking for a relationship with anyone] And get this! He explained to me that he had always faniced a particular girl since the age of 21 [he is now 33] but nothing happened between them back then. But in May this year, he randomly bumped into her on the street and he asked her to be his girlfriend on the spot. They did not even court and they had not seen each other in 12 years!!! And she accepted his girlfriend invitation.

Well, this man has continued to sleep with me since the arrival of his new girlfriend. I hated myself for doing this but i just couldnâ€™t stop it. It was like i was addicted to him, the sex and the physical attraction. But the more i continued to see him, the more i became disgruntled at having to be his SIDE SHAG whilst some other girl [who, unlike myself, has invested zero time in him] takes the glory of being his official girlfriend who gets to be paraded in front of his friends and family.

So when he called me last week for a booty call, I TURNED HIM DOWN. Because i rejected him [i rarely do] he told me not to contact him again. But i did. In fact, i was so angry and hurt by the disrespectful way iâ€™ve been treated for 22 months, i started to text him everyday since our phone-call, sending at least 3 a day! I know girls! I turned *psycho* on his ass, telling him how hurt i am about him taking up with the new girl, and it felt like a dagger to my heart. I also accused him of being cold and selfish and having no consideration for me and my feelings. I also told him that him and the girl will not last and that he is going to miss me and want me back in his life. I couldnâ€™t help myself. I knew sending him all these texts was the wrong thing to do but i felt compelled.

I received NO reply whatsoever to my textsâ€¦.. until today! after i sent him yet another 2 texts. The last time we were together [around 2 weeks ago] he was telling me that he would like to be having sex with me long into the distant future [even around 10 or 20 years from now]. I did not say anything at the time, but today his words crossed my mind and i became angry. Since he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that we will never be a proper couple, I felt that he was assuming i was going to be dumb enough to continue being his secret side-shag for the next 20 years of my life.

So my 2 texts this morning addressed this issue and i told him that he was absolutely crazy and he would never get me to waste my life, fulfilling his pathetic pipe dream as his bit on the side [whilst he gets on with is life, building a proper life with another woman], and if he was going to be sleeping with me 10 or 20 years from now, it would be because we were HUSBAND AND WIFE, not as a side shag!

As soon as the texts were delivered, he immediately called me, but i did not answer. He then left a voicemail message on my mobile telling me that my all texts are now pissing him off and we need to go our separate ways. I replied, cursing and swearing at him, telling him iâ€™m glad i finally pushed him over the edge. I also told him to leave me the f**k alone now from now on.

Needless to say, he never replied to that one!

I have his girlfriends phone number and for a hot second i felt like calling her an telling her all about me and him. I even dialled her number but there was no reply. Now, i have thought against contacting her as i know itâ€™s not going to bring me any satisfaction.

I hate myself right now, for being such an idiot to let a man treat me so badly for the last 22 months. This is not my pattern at all!! I still donâ€™t understand how this man got to get away with murder. I am usually a woman of high self esteem, high expectations and firm boundaries. I know it sounds hard to believe but i am actually used to good treatment from guys!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME????????????

When i used to tell my friends about me and him, theyâ€™d look at me like i am MAD to stay with him. I started to feel judged so i stopped talking to them about us.

I really do hope i will be able to forgive myself, as i feel so ashamed to have allowed such blatant liberties to take place.

But now that I FINALLY got a reaction from him after all those texts, i feel like i can start to heal and move on now. [yes i know that sounds pathetic as i should not have to wait for him to tell me to leave him alone before i decide it's over].

Day 1 of â€œNo Contactâ€ starts tomorrow.

Wish me luck girls! I am about to go cold turkey. I feel itâ€™ll be successful though because i have now angered him so i dont think heâ€™ll be contacting me now anyway. And i am now too embarrassed to dare contact him again.

On the other hand, we have gone through worse incidents in the past and we still got back together so i really donâ€™t know for sure whether or not heâ€™ll try contacting me again in future.

If that time does roll around, i really do hope i will have the strength to tell him to go to hell.

By: JC

JC — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:56:29 +0000

I’m considering breaking NC my ex-EUM to tell him to stop contacting me! I’ve done everything, blocked e-mails, Facebook, I don’t return his calls, and I had the “have a nice life, don’t ever call me again” conversation. He waited a few months then started calling. I was able to ignore him until he tricked me recently by calling from a number I didn’t recognize, I had to be cordial because I was at work, but I ended the conversation quickly. He had nothing valuable to say, just the typical “I want to make sure you’re okay/still alive” conversation. By the way, we broke up two years ago! We went through about 4 mos of trying to be friends, but I realized I was just holding on, so I totally cut all contact, even changed my number.

His behavior is weakening my resolve because I’ve always wondered if he’d change. Should I continue to try to ignore him, or do I call him and tell him (again) to never ever call me? Or heck, is it possible that in two years he’s grown enough for me to consider giving it a try?

By: Nikki

Nikki — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:24:48 +0000

Yesterday, I told my Aquarius boyfriend to leave. It felt so dam good and honestly I think I should have done it a long time ago. This past weekend my car was given me problems, so he took it to go get fixed. He called me around 5:00p.m. and told me a little things that was going wrong with it and he said he would call me back. I didn’t here from him till Sunday morning around 10:00a.m. The sad thing about it was that I had to call him. He doesn’t have a cell phone(it’s broke) and he said that he was over his mother house. I did call and his brother and he said that he wasn’t there the first time I called. Then I called again and he said “my bad girl I was knocked out that boy is out there working on that car” I didn’t believe that one bit. I really think that the car was fixed on Saturday. He didn’t even have the nerves to call me to say that he was going to spend the night over his mother’s house. I have been so good to him. I have three kids of my own and I even took care of his two kids not to keep him, but because their mother is on drugs and have no part of their lives. I cook, clean, take care of the family and have been faithful to this man. He’s all over me one day and the next day he isn’t. I told him to leave while I was at work. When I got home he was gone….he left his DVD player and some clothes in the washer. I don’t know if he just forgot it or did it on purpose. I truly love this man and I wish that we could work it out, but he has got to get it together. I don’t ask for much so how could he do me this way. He left me a letter telling me that he will always love me and my kids with all his heart(I wonder did he mean it) Do you think he will call? Do you think he’s hurting? Do you think he miss me? Help me please someone…..

By: prettyyetsostupid

prettyyetsostupid — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 02:31:09 +0000

How do you do the no contact rule if you both work together (he is a superior) when leaving jobs is not currently an option.

He will go weeks when he is all over me and I am the center of his world, then POOF he drops me in an instant and is extremely cold and disattached to me. But I am so in love that I keep putting my hand in the fire only to end up burnt. This cycle has been going on for a year and a half and I don’t know how to end it other than no contact. But I can’t leave my job at this time. What to do?

By: Movinonatlast

Movinonatlast — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:53:47 +0000

too was in a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable and played around and I wanted that too change and kept hoping one day it would, and then would end the realtionship and start the NC but always gave in when I didn’t hear anything.
I realise now that however much I miss the person it did’t and wouldn’t work and I have to move on from the denial and am concentrating on my self esteem and my self respect and know I am worth more.

By: Movinonatlast

Movinonatlast — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:49:12 +0000

I am so glad I have just found this blog, I have lasted so far with the NCR for 4 weeks and feel really good about it,I

By: MzPnyQT

MzPnyQT — Sun, 03 May 2009 05:23:14 +0000

You know you really want to get over a guy when you go online and research on how to get over a guy. I am so glad to come across this one.

My situation is… I’m a serial “sleep with a guy who’s not looking for a relationship but end up falling for them anyways”. For the last 3 1/2 months, I’ve been sleeping with a guy who from the beginning told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Like any other blind mistake, I have this delusional glimpse of hope that he’ll change his mind. So I stay around and settled with late night booty-calls. A few weeks into this booty call I brought up the subject of relationship. I asked why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he said he wanted “Friends, Freedom, and Fun”. Then he asked me the same questions and my reply was, “I really don’t want to be in a relationship. I just want to sleep with a guy knowing he’s not sleeping with someone else”. So with that, we decided to be monogamous f-buddies. (My second mistake). After awhile, my emotional needs starts to mix with my physical needs (Red Flag). I start to get jealous, question him, get angry with him, you know… I didn’t like what it was turning me into. I would obsess on checking his facebook or his friend’s facebook to see what he’s been up to. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t shut him off. So what did I do? I told him I didn’t want to talk to him… 3 different times. Now I’m the Boy Who Cried Wolf (My third mistake). When I say I don’t want to talk to him he replies “Ok.. talk to you later”… which he turns out being right. I just can’t seem to get myself away from him. I would find a reason to talk to him and justify it (falsely). It needs to stop.

I’m to a point where I’m so distracted with thoughts of him I can’t focus in class, fall asleep and/or stay asleep, and be productive with what I need to do in life. I’m already unstable with going to one phase in life to another (young adulthood to just adulthood) and this distraction is definitely unneeded. I know what to do… my fault is I can’t seem to act on it. I have unknowingly tried NC before and it has worked. Hopefully this time around, it’ll work its magic again.

By the way, he’s not a bad guy at all and he doesn’t directly treat me like crap… I just feel like it sometimes because he doesn’t do what I want him to (aside from committing). Like walk me to my car on a late dark night in the city… We’re in different parts of our lives and we want different things… I just need to move on from him so I can have what I deserve.