Bullet Wounds & Another Use for Fishing Line… (a true & anonymous story)

October 31, 2005 by NML

She and her adventurous partner had been drinking heavily one night and then came home to start a kinky sex-adventure with each other. Things were heating up in the sack, and the toys came out and the duo was having a great time. They were getting adventurous and experimental when HE apparently requests that SHE become a bit more adventurous with a certain toy. To be specific, HE asked for “The Bullet”. Rarely one to turn down a special request, SHE willingly and enthusiastically indulged his request.

If you’re not familiar with it, “The Bullet” is sort of an entry-level vibrator. Yeah, we really use them for working out the kinks in our necks. Lets not lie to each other now, ok? In any event, if you’ve been living in a Monastery or Convent and don’t know what it looks like, here’s more info: “The Bullet” is a slender, sometimes ribbed, cylindrical and tapered vibrator made of hard plastic. Imagine an egg on the end of a magic marker, only a bit more aerodynamic. Usually, they’re about 7-8″ long. One end is where the batteries go; it’s about 3/4″ and screws on. “The Bullet” end is a bit bulbous and then it tapers down to the end. So, it’s shaped much like a bullet — at it’s thickest, it’s about 1″ in diameter. When used with lubricant, my friend claimed that “the bullet” was very slippery and hard to hang on to.

So, back to the Kinky Couple. HE requested that SHE use “the bullet” on him. They are hot and bothered; they are having an amazing time. Keep in mind that there was allegedly a great deal of alcohol involved, so any inhibitions they may have had have gone completely out the door. No one is thinking of anything except how hot they’re getting and how great the sex is. So, she relays to me that SHE is using “The Bullet” (incidentally, this is where she tells me that she’s just put in new Energizer Batteries too). She has inserted the end in HIS anus and he’s loving it. He’s talking dirty to her, admitting how he likes it in the ass. She said that it really turned her on, and they were having a wonderful time and they were thrashing around on the sheets with each other. She says all of a sudden, he’s on top of her and is pushing down on “The Bullet” that she’s holding onto. She says the next thing she knows, “The Bullet” has slipped from the ends of her fingers and has totally disappeared.

She said that she stopped immediately and interrupted HIS moans of pleasure and carnal ecstasy and said “Oh my God. It’s gone.” to which he replied “No, baby, don’t stop, it feels so good.” To which she replied “Oh God, it’s gone.” To which he slowed a bit and said “No it’s not baby, it’s under me. I can feel it.” and she says “Oh my god, it’s gone and it’s still on.” Apparently there was enough alcohol in his system that he didn’t quite understand the implications of what had occurred. She said she sobered up immediately when she laid her head on his abdomen and could hear “The Bullet” still vibrating. Inside HIM.

She said that she explained the levity of the situation to him, and then the kinky couple proceeded into the bathroom in an effort to extract “The Bullet”. At one point, she’s relating how HE is leaning over the edge of the tub in a drunken stupor. Butt in the air, she’s trying to grab “The Bullet” with two fingers, but it’s slippery and it’s shape isn’t conducive to easy extraction. She admitted that at one point she even considered the use of kitchen gadgets in an effort to grasp the slippery bullet, but gave up on the idea after his protests that his ass hurt. Eventually after several failed attempts to remove the bullet, the kinky couple decides to give up and deal with it in the morning once they’ve sobered up. Keep in mind, the bullet is still on. Oh, and she said you could HEAR it.

The next morning (more like several hours later), SHE gets up and dressed and starts calling Urgent Care clinics outside of their geographical area to determine if there’s some secret method for Bullet Removal that she’s not aware of. She’s scoured the Internet for information, has studied diagrams of anatomy and has determined that “The Bullet” is lodged in the anus and is being held there by his Coccyx. She attempts bullet removal one more time, but HE is complaining about how his ass hurts and can’t do it anymore… so they drive to an Urgent Care. In an area where they do not live.

She said what happened next was nothing short of amazing. She said that the Urgent Care people were very professional, very understanding and very amused. When they got there and got into the room, the Urgent care nurse asked them what the problem was. The Kinky Couple explained that they had gotten really drunk the night before and got a little adventurous and lost a toy. At that point, the nurse apparently looks at him, then at her and then at him again. She apparently pointed at him and said “It’s in you, right?” And then they were treated to the Urgent Care Nurse’s history of horror stories of what people have gotten stuck in their anuses.

The Urgent Care Doctor comes in and completes a cursory manual exam and confirms that “The Bullet” is indeed stuck. At this point, she’s describing to me that the Urgent Care Doctor has the largest hands she’s ever seen in her entire life. He’s sympathetic to the sensitive nature of the dilemma and is trying to save the Kinky Couple the embarrassment and cost of traveling to a hospital and undergoing surgical removal of the implement. So, he dons a pair of rubber gloves and with his larger than normal sized hands attempts to manually extract “The Bullet “– which according to his stethoscope exam is still running. She confirms to the doctor that she had just replaced the batteries prior to this excursion into the consequences of carnal knowledge.

She says in the meantime, that HE has sobered up considerably and is realizing the serious nature of the situation. (That he’s on his stomach with two men playing with his ass trying to extract an implement). She says that he’s got tears in his eyes and he’s lying on the table with a doctor’s assistant holding his asscheeks open and the doctor is trying to grab “the bullet”. She also said that both of those people had larger than normal hands. She also commented on how thankful she was that HE was the one with the Bullet Wound and not her… “They would have had to knock me out”. As it was, HE has requested something for the pain; however since they had been drinking heavily the night before, The Doc wouldn’t give him anything. She said the best they’d do for him was a lidocaine based lubricant and a lot of KY.

After several failed attempts at extraction using his larger than normal hands, various surgical implements and lots of lidocain and lube, HE is squirming on the table. The Urgent Care Doc informs HIM that they can try it one more time before he will give up and refer HIM to the hospital for surgical removal. The Urgent Care Doc devises a plan to make a loop out of fishing line (apparently the Urgent Care Doc was quite a fisherman) and then somehow loop it around The Bullet in order to extract it. Use of this unusual method would require a great deal of dexterity, expert placement and one more foray deep into the once uncharted area of HIS ass.

Urgent Care Doc throws on a new set of latex gloves and relubes for the final attempt to remove “The Bullet”. The trusty Urgent Care Doc Assistant grabs HIS asscheeks, the nurse stands over them all with a tube of lube in each hand. The fish line is inserted and then the delicate business of looping it over the end of “The Bullet” begins. After several unsuccessful attempts and a few placement pokes, the Urgent Care Doc says to HIM “relax and quit squeezing because my hand is cramping and this will be easier for you” HE says to the Doc, “F*ck you, you try to relax when you’ve got my hand shoved up your ass trying to pull out a God Damn vibrator.” It was shortly after that outburst that the loop was dropped over the end of “The Bullet”, a pull and a grunt later and “The Bullet” was successfully removed.

So, not that you’ll ever need this information, but now you know the non-surgical method for improperly placed bullets. I still talk to HER occasionally, SHE has told me her story for humorous reasons, and because she knew that I would help to spread her message of love: “If you’re going to do anal play, make sure that there are safety lines, big bases and NEVER, EVER, EVER use anything that you can’t hold onto firmly, because losing a toy is what?????

A PAIN IN THE ASS!
Visit Kel’s Blog (She’s the author not one of the people in the story!)