Wish me luck!

However we do share mutual friends and have to be in the same circles from time to time, historically in my previous vain attempts to walk from the who dire relationship, this is a situation where he would normally snare me again.

A week ago I knew we were going to have to be at the same party, seven weeks after cutting ties, I was petrified, I took a good friend not in that circle of friends as back up, just incase I wavered at any point, and I played it brilliantly, however I did find myself unable to even do the pleasantries of being polite to him, for which I promised myself before I went I would be polite in his company because it would make me look like I still cared if I didn’t at least smile and say Hi. However I surprising found myself with the feeling I had absolutley nothing to say to him, so didn’t say anything, not even hello.

The evening was a great success I had fun with friends I was genuinely enjoying myself, I didn’t stop laghing all night, basically because for the first time in a long time I felt free of his shackles. He did have a couple of attempts to muscle in where I was circulating, I tactfully made sure I didn’t give him chance to speak, and he, may I add strangely for him he slipped out of the party early without saying goodbye to anyone, when he was contacted to see where he had gone I heard he left because he wasn’t feeling well. To myself and everyone else he showed no signs of illness? Ok he may have been ill? But something is telling me otherwise, and I am taking solice in the fact that he couldn’t deal with the changed dynamics between us, don’t get me wrong not disillusioned in anyway that he is upset and will come running to me declaring undying love, even if he did I’d recognise instantly why he was doing it and wouldn’t be suckered in. I genuinely believe he couldn’t deal with the fact of the realisation that he was no longer going to get his ego stroke.

Ladies I am sharing this because I have read Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl, it has been my bible in the past couple of months and has got me through some of my darkest hours, however ultimatly it gave me the strengh to get to here with my EUM, and I used to think I would go insane at the thought I would never beable to get over him, but one thing I am learning fast is it really isn’t him, it’s me where the problem lies, and I have been hiding from my own issues by repeatedly martyring myself to the EU realtionships.

So friends with the EUM. I currently have a friendship with an old ex EUM and I’m nearly to the place where I can cut him out too. This guy fits the profile of more the emotionally distant/afraid type, doesn’t use women (wait, did I just write that? – yes he does- he uses me for an ego boost!). Okay he doesn’t use women sexually. Too uptight and rigid. But, we’ve been friends (and get this, exEUM told me to call him!) off and on over the years. And now I’m starting to get it. We are each others fallback. The validation is mutual, and there is very little real living friendship – no expectations.

I wrote this and posted it on my wall so I can look at it everytime I want to initiate contact or be friends “expectations are how we show love for ourselves and for others”. Even in friendship. “commitment liberates us to show deep and meaningful love to those that earn it”. Avoiding expectations and commitment (me or them) is avoiding love. Anyone else make this realization?

I’m done avoiding love with jerks that use me. And, I’m done using them for validation. I’m better than that. Thanks NML and all wonderful women here. If it wasn’t for you, I would still be waiting around for HIM to change instead of changing myself. Peace be with you all!

I made the huge mistake and thinking I was friends with my ex husband.

Men really aren’t interested in being just friends with women.

I think my good heart, naiveness, and thinking the best about people made me fail to see what was really going on when it was so obvious to those around me what really was.

I thought my ex husband and I were friends because we could have a civil conversation on the phone, he let me stay in his spare room while I was moving to another pace, he would pick me up at the airport at any hour.

All things that a friend would do.

I guess I forgot about the rotten things he had done after our divorce. Really rotten things.

It all came to a head last week when I called him to chat and mentioned that I had gotten married a couple weeks ago. I didn’t think it was good to mention it back then as he had just found out his cancer came back and he was terminal.

When I mentioned I had gotten married, he said he wished me well but he didn’t want to speak to me anymore and he hung up on me and that was that.

Later when I explained this to a couple of different female friends, they both said the same thing; that he wanted me back and thought I was going to come back and nurse him until he died.

He really wasn’t interested in friendship at all. It was all self serving and ego stroke for him.

His son is moving out soon and his daughter doesn’t really speak to him much.

He made his own bed by ruining his health all those years. He was extremely cruel and abusive to us for years. Now he’s all sad because he is alone and dying. He did it to himself.

I am sooo proud of you!!! You stood up for yourself and told that EUM where to go….YES!!! Dosen’t it feel GREAT !!! Because you’re always going to meet up with these men. I think for women like us who attract EUMs the universe likes to present them to us like a test to see if we really are setting boundaries, if we are really loving ourselves enough to say “hell no” to these men. Good for you.. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you that you resisted this clown. Keep up the good work you inspire us all!

strength to you, you are free now, you lucked out, he could still be treating you like crap!….. take a break, get healthy!! and for Goodness sake don’t hook up with a Spanish EUM!! , they are worse than the devil himself!!

Go on Holiday for you, forget men for awhile. Have fun.