How do you heal a broken heart?
March 27, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
Canada asks “How do you heal a broken heart? When you’ve really cared about a person and they unexpectedly end things with you, you can’t help but feel low and defeated.
How do you pick yourself up and move on even though you’ve got so many feelings for this person? What should you tell yourself to give yourself a bit of a pep talk and how should you approach getting back in the dating game? (when meeting someone new feels really scary and daunting and you really want to avoid getting hurt again so soon)”
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Relinquishing Your Addiction To Someone
March 26, 2008 by Hot Alpha Female · 12 Comments
Hot Alpha Female writes…
Some say its love. Some say because it’s meant to be. But you want to know the real reason why you’re running back into the arms of your ex?
Because you’re weak. Because you’re needy. Because you have not yet remembered the enjoyment of your own company.
I know it’s harsh but the only reason why I know this place so well, is because I have been there. But I’ve learnt my lessons and that’s why I refuse to go back to that place ever again and that’s why I want to give you girls the strength to do it too!
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No Ex On The First Date
March 20, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
You’re on a date. You’re both nervous and you make polite chit chat. Maybe you order a drink and loosen up a little and you’re both tentatively finding out about each other. You start talking about dating/relationships/how you’ve come to be on this date and somehow the conversation slips into the shock infested waters of Ex Territory. Now I don’t care how you got to the conversation, exes do not belong on dates in any way, shape, or form, and certainly not on the first few. If you talk about your ex you might as well have brought them along with you and plomped them in between the two of you.
The most common misconception about asking about exes or blabbing about them is that people believe it’s an opportunity for either party to find out how the other ticks within relationships. People think that you can find out how ready a person is for a relationship, whether they are looking for something serious or searching for a shag, whether they are crazy, and how they think this person will behave if they were in a relationship with them. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to glean some information from conversations like these but there are two factors that skew any information that you get:
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Advice: Why won’t he contact me?
February 13, 2008 by NML · 30 Comments
Last month I advised Astelle with Advice: Help me understand how my emotionally unavailable man has been treating me and Advice: Why did he respond if he’s not interested in me?. To do a quick recap, Astelle was involved with an emotionally unavailable man who she wouldn’t hear from for long periods of time unless she made contact. Occasionally they would meet up and they would go through brief spurts of togetherness, but for the most part, it was very off. Astelle has stuck to The No Contact Rule since then and when she started this I explained that he was unlikely to make contact and now I explain why.
Astelle asks “In your response you said that it’s unlikely that HE will make contact with me. My friends tell me that as well, but I think they tell me that because they don’t want me to wait for him and they know he is a user and a piece of crap.
Read more
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Advice: What’s the difference between emotionally unavailable and he just wants to break up?
February 7, 2008 by NML · 12 Comments
“How can you tell the difference between a guy who’s emotionally unavailable and a person who simply decides to withdraw and breakup because there wasn’t enough there to make it a long term relationship? How do the two differ?
I’ve had my brush with a Mr Unavailable already - and it really broke my heart. I just want to learn the difference between the two situations and not jump to assigning the “emotionally unavailable” tag to a guy just because things don’t work out.
I really hope that I can learn the difference.”
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Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 3
February 4, 2008 by NML · 20 Comments
I won’t lie to you ladies; initiating and maintaining the No Contact Rule is hard. You need to grow balls of steel to support your willpower and be prepared to suffer the short-term pain for the medium and long-term gain. The No Contact Rule (NCR) is about putting yourself first and you need to do it because you’ve allowed his needs and inability to give you what you need and want to be placed at the centre of your universe.
Do not bother with the NCR if you are hoping to get back together with him because you are clearly not ready to cut the contact and make a run for it.
So how do you ensure that you ‘break’ and move on?
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Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2
February 1, 2008 by NML · 15 Comments
The No Contact Rule means that you have to go cold turkey but you put yourself in the driving seat, create your own closure, and you start to control the relationship that you have perceived as uncontrollable. It is an exit strategy and trust me, you will use the No Contact Rule if you truly want to exit a poor relationship and want to get back your sense of self.
In Part 1, I explained what the No Contact Rule is, why we avoid it, and some tips to get you started and in this post I am giving some guidance on when to apply the rule.
How do you know if you need to apply the No Contact Rule?
No contact is a pretty harsh way to cut things off but it’s increasingly needed because of the type of dating habits that both men and women are adopting. As women, we seem to love being with men that are disconnected and unavailable for relationship duty, and who can’t commit to being with us…and can’t commit to not being with us.
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Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 1
January 30, 2008 by NML · 474 Comments
A while back, Rose City Girl explained the No Contact Rule which drew in quite a few comments. More and more of you are writing to me wanting to know more about the ‘no contact’ rule and how to move forward.
The No Contact Rule is a delicate balancing act between taking back control, booting someone out of your life (even if they don’t know it) and not going crazy. You apply the No Contact Rule (NCR) when you are in a relationship that just won’t die a death even though it’s dead as a dodo, when a guy likes to boomerang in and out of your life whenever it suits, and especially when you keep flogging a dead horse and chasing the guy around even though he is mistreating you.
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Advice: Is it my fault that we broke up?
January 25, 2008 by NML · 4 Comments
I met a guy last year who had been separated for six months after being married for nine and had two kids. He was upfront about this on the night I met him. I’d approached him in a pub by telling his friend I liked him. The following day he rang me constantly, which was scary so I didn’t reply until later, and then we texted for a week, then met up for a date.
I explained that I’d been hurt before, was reluctant to get involved, and that I needed to take things slowly. He explained his ‘baggage’, and the fact that his wife had left him and was taking him to the cleaners.
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Advice: Help me understand how my emotionally unavailable man has been treating me
January 19, 2008 by NML · 11 Comments
On Thursday, Astelle wanted to know why her emotionally unavailable man (Mr Unavailable) kept returning her contact when he wasn’t interested. In a follow up to the advice I gave her, Astelle has some more questions
1. Is it Astelle he doesn’t want or he doesn’t want any woman?
He doesn’t want any woman. Emotionally unavailable men are caught up in themselves and trust me, even if it was Angelina Jolie, until he resolves his issues and decides to be available, he is not going to want to give himself. He likes the idea of being with you and likes you per se, but doesn’t actually like you enough to change. He is incapable of accessing his emotions and he purposefully keeps himself at a distance from everything that has the potential to tax him emotionally.
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