Dating Strategy - Dating Hiatus
June 1, 2006 by NML · 2 Comments
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, go cold turkey if you feel that you have a consistent bad habit. I recommend a minimum of a month but ideally at least 3 months where you don’t go on any dates and say bye bye to sex. You can only see the impact of engaging with emotionally unavailable men when you are able to view things objectively, which means you should do it from a distance.
A dating hiatus means no online dating, no physical dating, no booty calls, no getting together with exes, and certainly no sex. It’s a detox and the aim of the game is to change your habits and heighten your awareness about what is creating your patterns and to also learn how to be less interesting to Mr Unavailable’s. Mr Unavailable’s get a lot of air time with women who are missing something else in their lives, aren’t too keen on being on their own, or have a fear of commitment.
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NML’s Roughguide to a New Relationship
May 19, 2006 by NML · 14 Comments
In almost two years of blogging I learnt a lot about myself, dating and relationships, but the past two months with my boyfriend (yay) has been an eye-opener. I am in a bonafide, committed relationship and it is….amazing. There is no ambiguity, I know where I stand, he calls me, I call him, we both make an effort, we both want it to work and there’s no BS and playing games. There’s no undercurrent of anxiety and there’s zero drama. I’ve also realised that if anyone had the power to balls things up, it was me.
We are our own biggest danger when it comes to relationships!
I don’t profess to have all of the answers based on two months with him, but between blogging, and mine and other people’s experiences, there are a number of things that you need to know so that you can keep on the straight and narrow.
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Vixen’s Guide to: Dressing to Impress
April 10, 2006 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
The saying that first impressions do last is utterly true. The way you look every time you step outside your door has the power to either negatively or positively influence how to you feel about yourself in certain situations. Most of us have learned to dress from our tender years of teen emancipation, however once in a while I have come across a few people that have no idea how to dress properly.
As women we are different and come in varied shapes and sizes. What looks good on your best friend might not necessarily look good on you. Also, what used to look good on you while you were in college might not even be able to fit properly now.
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The Window of Opportunity
The window of opportunity is the timeframe that we have to act upon an attraction before the moment passes and the person moves on to someone else. People tend to act after they are ‘out of the frame’ i.e the window has passed, and feel confused because they know that the person had feelings for them and have now moved on.
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Vixen’s Guide to: Public Displays of Affection.
April 6, 2006 by NML · Leave a Comment
Spring is in the air and with it the young lovers of the day emerge from their winter hibernation and come out to play. There are couples everywhere, that sometimes it’s so sickly sweet. There is a fine line between public displays of affection and public displays of lewd acts. Here are my rules that I feel most two-somes should adhere to in order to keep walking the line between cute and nauseating.
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When He Doesn’t Return Your Calls
April 5, 2006 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
You happen to be ’seeing’ this guy who you think you might have potential together. All of a sudden, he stops calling you. Of course, after a couple of days, I’m sure that you take the initiative and call him back but you get sent to Voicemail. You try at different times of the day, trying to get in contact with him and leave a couple of messages to no avail. He’s not returning your calls.
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More on the BS Meter
March 31, 2006 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
The question of the day: Why can’t men say what they mean and mean what they say?
Answer: Actually they do, it’s just that we are NOT LISTENING.
A guy will let you know the kind of person he is. The red flags start to show from the first date, when little subterfuges and lies send your Sixth Sense screaming. However, most of us project what we want to see and hear onto the guy and keep those rose tinted goggles on.
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Vixen’s Guide to: Having a Sugar Daddy
March 29, 2006 by Vixen · 2 Comments
A sugar daddy is a man that spends more than the average male when in your presence. This is usually a wealthy and affluent male who has a lot of cash to spread around. Nowadays, sugardaddy/baby relationships are automatically synonymous with Gold-digger and Prostitution however this is a gross over-generalisation.
The sugar daddy is a man that has achieved a lot of success in his professional life, and this is mainly because he has focused all his energies into achieving this. He doesn’t have the time to date, talk for hours on the phone or do any of the normal dating rituals. He’s focused on business and work and yet he eventually he does want companionship as well. Most women are incapable of having such a limited relationship, and this is why he might introduce shopping sprees, cash, trips and other benefits into the equation.
Most sugar daddies don’t want to pay for sex. If they wanted a prostitute, I’m sure that they could hire one for much cheaper than getting a sugar baby. They want a pseudo-relationship, a relationship that is at their convenience and a lady who understands and doesn’t bicker and argue with him when he doesn’t call. If the relationship progresses into a sexual one, then, yeah, they aren’t going to turn you down, but initially it’s not about the sex.
The question remains, how do you get a sugar daddy? Well, you could respond to some ads on Craigslist, but they will most probably net you sugar daddy wannabes. A real sugar daddy wouldn’t use a free service–he would most probably use a paid one with more secrecy and professionalism involved. Do a websearch to find a site…most sites charge you for their use on a monthly basis like any other dating website.
Most of the time, the men aren’t pre-screened, so the screening is up to you. Use your discretion and go with your gut, just like you would if you were meeting a guy on the internet. Once you have put up your ad/responded to one, you generally should move at a fast rate if you want to nab the sugar daddy. Remember, these are busy people and their interest wanes quickly. Plus, there are probably other ladies out there trying to get him as well. Most SDs are in their late 30s, 40s and 50s. Arrange a meet as soon as you feel comfortable.
Meet in a public place. Please take your own transportation and be safe at all times. Most of the time, he will pick a location that he’s more comfortable in, like a really nice restaurant or bar. Dress up like you would for a regular date and be prepared to have fun! The initial meet is usually like a first date, both of you sizing each other up. This is a fast track relationship though, so be prepared to talk about your current relationships (if any) and your expectations from the onset.
He may/may not have other relationships and might be fine if you date other people when he’s not available. Be prepared to be pampered and spoiled to your heart’s content. If you have issues accepting gifts then this isn’t the relationship for you. If you don’t like a man paying your way, then don’t even plan on this. He’s generally a gentleman from the old school; he’ll take care of all the bills, bring you expensive presents and generally is very extravagant.
You must be yourself at all times. He wants a real woman, one who can understand the rigors of his business and one that knows how to play. You are his safe haven from the turmoil’s of the day, so you have got to be your most entertaining, playful best. Leave your negative energies at the door put on your happy face. It might be hard at times to be the goddess of delight when you just want to be a bear, but it’s totally essential to the relationship. If you don’t think you can be playful and nice, feel free to reschedule your date.
If the relationship progresses (like any other) into a sexual one, then just take it as you will. Remember, just because a man spends money on you doesn’t make you obligated to sleep with him if you don’t want to. This still applies in this relationship. His gifting doesn’t give him the right to treat you badly in any way while with him and you still have full autonomy in deciding what to do with him. However, this isn’t the type of relationship where you can play games. Just be honest from the beginning, if you are having second thoughts, say so; if you can’t go through with it let him know. Most guys are really understanding and give you the space needed to develop the relationship.
As always, the standard dating/relationship rules apply. It’s all about communication and honesty, and you will find out that this worldly, educated, financially independent man is fully capable of that.
The main drawbacks are that you don’t have a real boyfriend. He’s not the one to come over and defrag your hard-drive or pick you up if your car breaks down. He’s more likely to hire a computer technician to do it or send a limo to come pick you up. You can’t call him whenever you want because he will be busy with his job. You probably won’t meet his family or have him meet yours. You won’t have a ‘real’ boyfriend when you need one, but when he needs his Sugar baby, you have to be down for his company. Also while in this situation, it’s very hard for you to say no to certain things. However, you have to bear in mind that you have the right to say no.
It is possible to have a sugardaddy you just have to be prepared for everything else. Good luck.
Check out Vixen’s blog
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Attractiveness Scales: Seeking Balance
March 22, 2006 by Special Dark · Leave a Comment
This article skirts dangerously close to superficiality. For that I apologise in advance. But, the truth of the matter is that some things (when it comes to dating) operate more on surface reactions than substance reality; which leads me into the topic for this time.
I have dated women who I thought were much better looking than I am. Now the observation itself is not a self-esteem issue, it’s just that these women (regardless of my or their personal bias) were viewed as good looking by a large majority of the people, both male and female, that they’d encounter. These were women who could more readily get dates over and against normal looking folk. They had a vast array of options and, as such, had access to a higher quality of dating choices—at least insofar as appearances.
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Friendly Fire - One-sided attraction between friends
March 15, 2006 by Special Dark · Leave a Comment
Whether it happened in childhood or in your adult life, at some point an uncomfortable situation probably has reared its ugly head. The scenario: you have this friend who you are comfortable with and whom you like. Well one night you’re at the movies, the bowl-a-rama, or just hanging out at home and she gets a little closer than normal. You think nothing of it until her head’s on your shoulder. When you turn to ask if everything’s okay you see that she’s staring at you and her eyes are locked with yours. That’s when, even as a normally oblivious guy, you start thinking… uh-oh.
What you have here is a friend who’s developed the hots for you.
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