Great Date Ideas
July 20, 2006 by NML · Leave a Comment
One of the most popular questions is about what to do on dates and About.com has come to the resue with an A-Z of date suggestions. Never be stuck again if you’re looking for something out of the ordinary to do.
‘Interesting’ suggestions include:
Bocci Ball - huh?
Embroidery - Something says that with the best will in the world, many women will jump to conclusions about their date…nuff said
Engagement Party - Not one I recommend for first dates…talk about making a guy nervous…
Judge Judy Reruns - I do this type of thing with my mum, not a date!
Nudist Colony - Ooh, saucy!
Others include bingo, volunteering at an elderly home, hula hooping, ice scuplting, igloo making and the list is endless…Well you never have an excuse not to have something to do on a date ever again…makes me wonder what people really do when they go on dates?
Check out all of the date suggestions here
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No Fly Zone- Topics To Avoid On a First Date
March 23, 2006 by Special Dark · Leave a Comment
Conversation is a hallmark of the dating experience and at no time is talking more important than when you are trying to make a good first impression.
First impressions can have a lasting impact and make, or break, future romance. So bringing up relatively “heavy” subjects, when you are just meeting someone for the first time, could cause friction or even repulsion. Your first date isn’t supposed to be where you gauge deeply held convictions and personal views; it’s meant to be an opportunity to gauge compatibility and general attractiveness. The discourse should be light and airy.
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First Date Ditching
March 2, 2006 by The Tattoed Debutante · Leave a Comment
Recently, I hid backstage at a concert until my date thought I had left so that I could get rid of him succinctly and painlessly. Now TD, you may say, that is not a very nice thing to do to someone who has taken you out. To which I would reply, “I betcha you would have done the same.” Which brings me to today’s subject: Reasons to Dump Your Date.
Let’s use my recent ditch as an example:
1. He wore “man jewellery.” Now, man jewellery is a term I’ve coined for any sort of accessory that is not a class ring or a sexy ear piercing. In this instance, it was a chain. It was large and shiny, and it belonged around the neck of my local gas station attendant. And the reason I saw so much of the chain leads us to the next no-no.
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Navigating Your Next Blind Date
March 1, 2006 by Special Dark · 1 Comment
If you or someone you know is about to be involved in a blind date situation, please consult this article carefully.
The thing that works against you when you are set-up on a blind date is that there’s automatically an additional layer of tension and anxiety due to the limited information you have to go on. Sure your mates may know you pretty well, but even if they are able to nail the problem of compatibility, it is impossible for your friends (or family) to gauge who’ll have good chemistry with you. Hell, there are probably times when you don’t even know who you’ll have chemistry with until you are placed in a situation that tests it. Since you can’t always know, anyone else’s guess is a shot-in-the-dark, at best.
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Stimulating Conversation During Dates
There are ways to have a good chat and there are ways to ensure that the date goes down the toilet and you don’t end up seeing them again. Hopefully, these handy tips should keep the date on a positive note.
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First Date Commandments
November 14, 2005 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
Some guys wonder why they never get a second date. Perhaps it’s because they failed horribly on the First Date…or broke one of the first date commandments. Here it is listed in black and white, so you can study up and never fail on the first date again.
- Show up on time. Don’t be late and if you are, call me ahead of time.
- Plan well. Planning and preparation shows that you actually put thought into this evening. Know where we are going and what we are doing. Surprise me, think outside the box and come up with an original yet fun and interesting plan for the date.
- Smell good. BO/MO are unacceptable in any shape or form. Bathing is essential. Don’t try to cover BO with gallons of cologne/aftershave. Mints can be provided upon request.
- Dress well. Don’t wear baggy, slouchy, grungy, wrinkled, unironed clothing. Anything that makes you look like a homeless waif won’t put you in my good graces.
- Compliment. Compliments increase the positive aura around the evening. However, excessive flattery does come across as empty noise.
- Open doors. Yes, I can do it myself, but chivalry still wins the day.
- Converse intelligently. Topics like current affairs, weather, music, movies and pop culture are good starting points. Avoid controversial topics that might lead to dissension. Avoid sharing too much information.
- Listen. Pay attention to what I’m saying. Active listening skills must apply. Don’t stare at my breasts while listening and don’t try to form some witty response while I’m talking. Don’t interrupt me. Just listen…you might learn something that will get you to date 2.
- Avoid excessive alcohol. Don’t try to get me drunk and don’t get yourself drunk.
- Treat well. “Treat the waitstaff nicely. It was once said that you can know how the person is like, and how he will treat you in future, from the way he treats them ~skybellz”
- No Bobblenecking. Don’t leer at other women, even the waitress. For this hour, the only woman that should exist is yours truly.
- Tip well. Don’t bitch about the waiter and try to shortchange him. And yes honey, it takes two to play, and one to pay (You)…at least on the first date…did you think it was going to be any other way?
- Touch well. A touch on my arm or hand is not going to send me screeching in the other direction, so don’t be afraid to touch me. However, groping is NOT acceptable under any circumstances.
- Kiss well. Don’t swallow my tongue, don’t lie in my mouth like a dead fish, don’t slobber and lick all over my face.
- Leave gracefully. Don’t invite yourself up, or try to get me back to your place.
- Follow up. “Call to thank me for a wonderful evening ~ Monica “
It is possible to get to Date Two. You just have to know what to do, and do it right.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide
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Losing Interest After First Date Sex
Why is it that when a man sleeps with a woman on the first date, the woman is seen as promiscuous and the man is seen as, well, a man?
A male acquaintance went on a first date with a woman and they slept together that night. He has completely lost interest in her. He defended his position by saying that he felt that things were happening far too fast. I asked him what he would have done if she had said, ‘You have 2 choices. We can go and do what you have suggested, or you can come back to mine and I’ll shag you.’ He said he would have shagged her. ?????????????
Apparently when a man is offered it to him on a plate he will almost always take it. It’s sex after all.
Men still get a kick out of it when a woman offers them the opportunity for sex. It is very difficult it seems for them to turn down sex. This is because it doesn’t happen very often unless you’re a singer/movie star/very loaded. Women are always being come onto by men. This has been happening since we were in our teens so it really doesn’t make us jump in delight when we get propositioned. In fact, mentally we’re probably thinking ‘F*ck off’ the majority of the time.
Do the litmus test and ask some men how many women have made eyes at them this week, chatted them up, or propositioned them for sex, and the answer will be zero, or a very low number. Ask most women and they can probably speak of a few encounters. It’s just how the world works!
Naturally all of the guys think that the guy in question is completely right not to be interested in her anymore. Their answer: ‘He’s realised that she’s just not his kind of girl’. It’s a shame he didn’t realise that before he had sex with her. Oh that’s right - He liked her until she gave it up!
I would like to send a ’stiff’ reminder out to guys that it takes two to tango and it is wrong for you to sleep with a woman and then put her down for doing so. If you don’t have enough respect for her to still like her after you’ve had a mutually fulfilling experience, you shouldn’t be dipping your willy in there in the first place.
Women make the mistake of assuming that because the guy is just as up for it and engaging in the act, that it will be OK in the morning. The majority of the times it won’t be, trust me.
When guys sleep with women knowing that they don’t respect women who sleep with them on the first date, it is gratuitous sex, which is had at the expense of the feelings of the woman. It is so off that men put down women for knowing what they want in the sex department and going for it. Men do it ALL the time and in my 28 years, I am yet to hear of a guy that gets put down by other men for having sex on the first date, or just being plain ‘ole promiscuous.
Men get patted on the back for racking up another conquest and women get a verbal kick in the teeth.
Now it is unfair of me to just be hard on the guys and women must take responsibility too. Be honest with yourself about what it really was that you wanted out of the date, because it is no secret that the majority of guys struggle to look at first date sex as anything that can go beyond that, so you must be clear about what you expect to happen. Unless you know this guy really well and trust him, or there has been a meeting of the stars and you’ve both decided that it’s love at first sight, then keep your legs firmly closed.
I knew a woman that slept with almost every guy on the first date, despite claiming that all she wanted to do was settle down with a husband.
“I just don’t understand NML” she wailed. “They seem like nice guys, we have great chemistry and I just get so horny and they do too. I never hear from them again or get a load of excuses.”
I knew that it was now or never and required bluntness.
“It’s because you keep f*cking them on the first date. You have to make a choice here: Do you want a husband or do just want to get laid?”
She looked outraged and I thought it had fallen on death ears, but it must have done something, because she’s settled down with someone after years of wading through a wasteland of first date sex partners.
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The 10 Rules of Engagement - Phone Etiquette for Dummies
Calling a perfect stranger for the first time is quite difficult, and takes guts and finesse on both parts. Having dated both online and in real life for several years now, I’ve realized some things that should enhance the situation and not make it worse.
First of all, bear in mind that I gave you my number, which means there must be something that I liked about you. However, you can still blow it just as easily if you don’t call with prudence. Before you pick up the phone to call me for the first time, before you dial the digits, you have to keep these tips in your mind. Failure to proceed with utmost caution and respect will never get you a date or future conversations. Consider the first discussion as an interview. It’s a first impression that can never be changed. And despite contrary opinions, first impressions do last forever.
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First Dates
September 5, 2005 by NML · Leave a Comment
The first date following a break-up, or the first date with somebody full stop, is a nerve wracking and embarrassing experience.
Whilst they can be fun and exciting, and a great way to pass an evening, I constantly hear tales which suggest that there is less of the latter and more of the former. Without jumping the gun and thinking about whether you could walk down the aisle with a potential date, how do you judge if somebody is suitable date material?
When I went on my first date four months after a painful break-up, I was nervous and felt slightly dehydrated, and kept fiddling with my hair, and my heart skipped beats. Until ten minutes before the date I felt fine, and then it suddenly occurred to me that I had not been on a proper date for over two years. I also realised that I hadn’t actively dated or played the field for about six years! Fate (or alcohol) have always conspired that when I have gone on dates in the past six years, they’ve ended up being boyfriends.
About ten minutes into the date, he told me about his hopes of moving back to his very far away home country. Twenty minutes in I heard about how he was tired of the dating game, and was looking to settle down. Thirty minutes in, he asked me how I would feel about living in the said country. One hour in, and he had mentioned marriage, babies, and all things commitment related. I hadn’t even got to my main course!
I must admit that I found it all rather funny. Some of the things that he said could only be described as ‘smooth’, and I told him as much. My comments made little or no difference. He then questioned me on my exes, and general life, and used my answers to convince himself, and me, that we were destined for each other.
The evening continued in this fashion, and I must say that while some of his comments unnerved me and made me feel a little ill at ease, it was quite a humorous evening, and I tried not to take things too seriously. When we got to the bar, and started to dance, this resolved the chatting issue, as the music was far too loud. We both danced, but now that he was unable to talk, he decided to try and talk with his body and tried to press up against me at every opportunity. I determinedly danced on my own sometimes, and with him at others to show that I needed a little space.
It all went downhill when he made a move on me as we were walking out of the bar on the hunt for a taxi. He stopped in the street, and sort of smiled to himself, and then grabbed my hand really tightly and pulled me toward him. I actually said, ‘Oh gosh, you’re gonna make a move aren’t you!’ He then kissed me twice on the lips, and just as I thought it was going to be brief, he pushed his tongue in and did what I can only describe as an attempt to clean my tonsils, and the rest of my throat, never mind the wetness all over my poor face!
My expression was set to stun when he finally pulled away and we walked up the street. For
once in my life I could barely speak! He even tried to grip my hand and I shook it off as politely as I could, and it still didn’t pierce his happy mood! I managed to escape his clutches and jump on a night bus minutes later, but not before he tried to pull me into a dark, dank doorway near Leicester Square. I very firmly pushed him away, and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, and jumped on the bus. Necking in the dark streets in the cold, was a pastime I attacked with gusto in my teens, but it is not an activity I wish to partake in now.
Whilst I think that I am quite a good judge of character, I find it really difficult to tell how viable a date with someone will be, when I first get talking to them. Whilst there are certain people who behave oddly when you first meet them, most people have a social personality, and sometimes it takes several dates before you see beneath to the real personality. Also what seems attractive with great conversation when you’ve had a few drinks, can be very unattractive with limited conversation in the cold light of day or in a one on one date situation.
A male friend of mine went on a date with a ‘nubile, stunning blonde that looked good enough to shag’. Whilst she was considerably younger than his usual lady, they had managed to have a decent enough conversation when he met her in the bar, although I don’t think the ‘conversation’ was top of the agenda. They went on their date the following night, and the only word he was using to describe her then was ‘thick’. Even the looks had faded in his mind by the end of the date, and he said that there were such long periods of silence in the evening, he wondered if he was on a sponsored silence! He held up the conversation for most of the evening, and the first time she became talkative was when she decided she wanted to bed him.
Another friend went on a first date with a guy that she had met at a party. She hadn’t been on a date for a few months and thought it might be because she was too choosy, so when she got talking to what seemed a quiet, sweet, clever guy that didn’t fit her normal profile, she agreed to meet him for a drink. On the date, he gave her a filthy look for having a vodka and tonic, whilst he sipped on lemonade, and the conversation had more holes in it than a pair of fishnet stockings. Whilst he was only three years older than her, he made her feel as if she were a child and he was so much older, and proceeded to slag off all of the women he’d either dated or been in relationships with. Mr Negativity scored serious minus points on the dating scorecard that night. Needless to say, that date, was the last.
Generally what first attracts a person to someone is looks. Unless you have been observing someone in action, it is difficult to tell if someone has a great personality, good sense of humour and is perfect relationship material. Looks will more than likely determine whether you will speak to the person in the first place and engage in a conversation. Once a conversation starts, this is where personality can kick into gear, and it will either reinforce what impact the looks made on you, or cause you to alter your view/opinion of the person, whether it’s good or bad.
To add further confusion to the mix, a few drinks can equal beer goggles/night vision glasses, and both signal a deterioration in judgement. After all, if the law says that more than two drinks is over the limit, and incapacitates is to drive, surely it’s safe to say that you’re unlikely to make wonderful judgments while under the influence?
I’m not mad enough to say that you can’t meet the person you end up marrying while out on the piss. What I and many people have learnt is that there is no set way of judging whether a person will be a great date. It helps if they are attractive, but looks don’t hold up a conversation on a one-on-one organised date, and they certainly don’t create a relationship. The best thing to remember is that there is no harm in going on a date. Much is made of whether an invitation to dinner, drinks or a film should be accepted. When I think back on some of the conversations I’ve had or heard regarding the possible acceptance of a date, you’d swear that a date signalled the embarking of a relationship, and in extreme cases it’s almost treated like a marriage proposal. It’s just a date!
I could very easily have decided after my disastrous first date to steer clear of dating guys I’ve met a parties, barely know etc, but I’ve since been several disastrous dates, and I put it all down to experience, and my friends think it’s hilarious. I don’t take it seriously, and I recognise the experience as fun. Admittedly I may feel very differently if I end up doing it hundreds of times, but optimism means that I bury that thought.
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