Dressing To Impress For Dates - What Not to Wear (From the archives)

Dressing for dates is a tricky business because not only can bad choices leave us dreadfully uncomfortable but they also create a first and sometimes lingering impression. From looking like an Oompa Loompa, flashing thong, showing too much breast, wearing ill-fitting clothes, to dodgy bodily hair and VPL’s, here is my rough guide to what you should be avoiding and I’ve thrown in a few suggestions too.

You are what you are. This should go without saying, but wear things that suit and flatter you, not the woman that you saw in a magazine a few hours ago.
Wear clothes that fit. It doesn’t matter what size you are, if you wear ill-fitting clothes, you will get unsightly lumps and bumps where you didn’t know you had them.
Dress for the date. This can be difficult if you genuinely have no clue as to where you’re going but don’t go out dressed in the type of gear that you’d reserve for a dinner dance if he’s taking you to the local restaurant. You’ll feel and look out of place which will hamper your mood for the evening.
Tits out, tits in. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your breasts but unfortunately when we make them the focal point with the clothes that we wear, the guy will make them the focal point with his eyes and sometimes his conversation. Wear a bra that fits, wear a top that fits and go for a hint of cleavage which leaves an air of mystery.
Easy on the fanny-skimmers/growler grazers. Yes I do mean the front one. It’s great that you have a great pair of legs but a skirt or dress that goes a few inches lower than the start of your front fanny is usually a good start.
Leave the tracksuit in the gym bag. No, no, no. JLo can’t do it and neither can you. No matter how great you think you look in that tracksuit, it will fail to impress on the date and a lot of guys seem to have an aversion to women that wear these outside of exercising or the home.
Don’t flash. I detest this in general but keep your thong inside the jeans. Yes they do ride up out of the jeans but you shouldn’t be sporting your thong as day wear for the world and its dog to see.

Less of the clown impressions. If you need a shovel to put it on, don’t wear it. Make up is supposed to enhance, not mask the person within, unless your plan is to hide away. Go for make-up that is more natural with lipstick, eyeliner and mascara to liven things up. If your neck is milky white and your face is orange, you’ve got issues.
I wanted a tan but turned into an Oompa Loompa. Your going on a date, not auditioning for a part in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It’s probably not a wise idea to try out self-tan or sunbed for the first time when you have to go on a date.
Bad hair day. Sort your barnet out. Skewed wigs, dodgy weaves, unwashed greasy hair, bad hair extensions don’t set the best of impressions. Go for a hairdo that won’t involve you fiddling with it to keep it under control all evening.
White bra, black top. This induces chest pain for me when I see women doing this. Wear purple or something if for some reason you have an aversion to wearing black bras with black tops, but white says you couldn’t be bothered to make the effort and get changed properly.
Bushtucker Trials. Grooming of bodily hair is a good thing. No you probably won’t be showing your beaver on the date, however leg hair, armpit hair should be tamed and shaved if they are going to be visible. Unless he’s said that he has thing for hair on those parts, he probably doesn’t.
Visible Panty Line. Don’t wear knickers that make it look as if you’re storing a parachute in your clothes so that you can jump out the window and make a fast getaway. Wear the appropriate underwear and if you don’t do thong, do seamless.
No Whiff. Jaysus I cringe to think that some people don’t wash in this day and age, but if you’re not going to a date straight from work and get to go home and change, have a shower and smell good. B.O and fillet of fish odour don’t belong on dates. Ugh!
Don’t Play the Ugly Stepsister. Remember when they tried to squeeze their feet in that slipper for the prince? Don’t go out on a date in a pair of shoes that are ill fitting whether that’s way too small or way too big. Guys don’t get it and you’ll look odd doing your Whoopi Goldberg/Tina Turner walk and not very flattering.
Some suggestions

Work outfits – Sometimes you have to go straight from work and this can relieve the hassle of faffing around deciding what to wear. You can accessorise the outfit to make it more evening style and if you’re in full suit, you can always leave the jacket behind and put on a really nice cardigan or pashmina. Skirt, shirt and heels, skirt, shirt and FMB’s (F*ck me boots/knee high boots), or trousers and a nice top/shirt.
Jeans – They are the life saver of most going out outfits but some are more suitable for dating than others. Avoid really baggy, casual styles that are suited to the grungy trainer look and go for well cut jeans that flatter your bum, thighs and legs and look great with heels, boots or even flats like ballet pumps. Denim skirts at a flattering length to suit your frame and legs also go down a treat.
Dresses – It depends on where you’re going but wrap-around dresses are great and instantly sexy. Avoid the pantyhose line by wearing hold-ups and depending on the style wear a nice slinky vest underneath in either a contrasting but flattering colour, or the same colour as the dress. These dresses look fab with heels, knee high boots, or certain styles of flat shoes like ballet pumps but it is key to wear a style that suits your leg.
Tops & Shirts – There is such a vast array of styles out there that you should be able to find at least one style that suits you and buy several so that you’re never stuck for a date outfit. Pretty and feminine, slinky and sexy, loose but hugs the boobs, and a multitude of fabrics means that there has never been a better time to dress. I tend to prefer short-sleeved and figure hugging (but not ill-fitting) with a nice cardigan, because if you get too hot, you can remove one of them and still look good. Tight black shirts can be very sexy and flattering. If in doubt, try on lots of different styles till you find that look that suits you.

Good luck

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim

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The Modern Guide to Dating

Over at Mercurynews.com, Mark de la Viña has come up with some termininology that describes the different types of dates that we go on in the crazy world of dating. I have selected a few of the funniest:

“The Shame Date

Perhaps you’re nervous because it’s been a long time since you last went out, so you have a drink to take the edge off. And another. Unfortunately, you forgot to eat. You meet your date and the rest the night is a blur, aside from the hazy memory of riding a mechanical bull to a Kenny Chesney song. You wake up the next morning with a stranger in your bed, a hickey on your neck and an uprooted ficus tree in your hallway. What it means: After the hangover clears, you’d better start writing some letters of apology.

The Lit Date

One made at a bookstore reading. “I think these are the best dates in the world,” Shapiro says. “Most of them are free. They’re usually 40 minutes. They give you something smart to talk about. And if you don’t click with the person, you’ve at least heard an author read and learned something.” What it means: You’re among the few people who don’t religiously watch “American Idol.”

The Preemie Bomb “When can I see you again?” Lisa Tsai, 27, a social worker from San Jose, experienced this when an hour into a first date, her male companion asked if they were destined for a second. “It ruined the moment,” she says, “and killed the prospect of a second date. I thought that he was in a hurry to find somebody for a long-term relationship. Way too premature.”

What it means: Someone likens a date to a sales call and is intent on locking in the account before it’s too late.

The Job Interview Date

When someone is so goal-oriented about finding a partner that they grill you as if you were applying for a job. Not fun if you A) didn’t graduate from an Ivy League school B) do not earn in excess of $250,000 or C) have any family history of diabetes, heart disease or diverticulosis.

What it means: You left your romantic aspirations at the door.

Read it in full at MercuryNews.com

[tags]attraction, conversation, date, dating, dating advice, dating guide, first date, love relationship, lust, matchmaking, relationship dating, single[/tags]

[dels]attraction, conversation, date, dating, dating advice, dating guide, first date, love relationship, lust, matchmaking, relationship dating, single[/dels] 

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Should we have sex before we know what we’re getting from the relationship?

Sex is a contentious issue. People measure all sorts of things by how little or how much sex they are having and everyone puts different levels of thoughts into sex. Many people can have sex without giving it and the potential consequences a second thought. Many others spend a lot of time agonising over the ’should they or shouldn’t they’ scenario and for others, they hold onto their virginity until marriage or until they think they have found a deserving recipient. Right now, there are probably hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people wondering whether the person they slept with for the first time last night will call. It’s clear that most of us are thinking about sex to greater and lesser degrees, which begs the question: Should we have sex before we know what we’re getting from the relationship?

If a relationship is what you would like or are expecting from the person, you need to give due thought to the sex issue. If you have sex too soon, you’ll place yourself in the Justifying Zone – that place that women go to when they have sex too soon and then have to justify the sex by sticking with the guy despite his apparent faults because it deems her actions worthwhile. There is also the Orgasm Zone – the other place that women go to when a man makes them cum and they suddenly place their life in his hands because they’re thinking with their libido.

It is question of priorities: Are you looking to get laid or are you looking to meet someone that has the potential to lead to a long term relationship?

Ultimately, why close the door, after the horse has bolted?

Imagine sleeping with a guy and then discovering afterwards that he only wants you for sex. To be fair, you could probably have found out this little nugget of information without ever having to spread your legs unless he is one of these creeps that feigns serious interest in the name of getting your knickers down.

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How long should it take for a man to call after a first date?

I’m not keen on ‘rules’ but I am wise enough to know that there is a lot of confusion between the sexes about when is the most appropriate time to call.

If a man calls the following day or even the same night of a date, some women disregard him as being too eager and too nice.

From the moment that the date ends until he finally calls, a lot of women spend the time burning up brain power trying to figure out if and when he’s going to call.

If he calls 3 days later, some women will be pleased but will also wonder how interested he really is in her.

A lot of guys have talked amongst themselves and some of their friends say to leave it for a week, some say 3 days, some say 5 days, some say don’t bother…

A lot of women don’t make the call themselves as they think the guy is supposed to make the first post date call and they don’t want to upset the dynamics.

This is just a sample of what we think about telephone etiquette but it gives some insight into how easily it is to be wrong footed.

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First Date Mistakes

1. Putting sex on the agenda - Vagina’s and penises in an ideal world should not make an appearance on the first date. I’m not saying that relationships haven’t materialised after sleeping with each other on the first date….but it’s not as often as some of us would like to think… Sex confuses things and I’m loathe to believe that anyone can get to know anyone so well in one evening anyway. Keep the zipper up and the legs closed….

2. Indecisiveness - Merciful hour! Make a frickin decision and stick with it. There is nothing worse than turning up for a date that you’ve been asked out on, only to discover that the asker hasn’t arranged something and is flip flapping over what to do…on your time. Women, in particular, do derive unassertiveness from this and it screams too nice…or weak. Be.A.Man and take charge. I was telephoned two days before a date and asked if I wanted to go to the cinema. I agreed and he said he would choose the film and get it arranged. Lo and behold we rocked up to the cinema on the date and I was outraged to discover that not only had he not chosen and booked the film, but everything was sold out. If you go to the trouble of asking someone on a date, whether you’re a man or a woman, grow some balls and organise one!

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Bad Date Conversation Topics

When they tell you to be yourself on dates it is NOT an excuse to verbal diarrhea. Not everything should be on the conversational menu - as someone who has been on a date with a guy who revealed that his father was a criminal, his mother was a crackhead, his two brothers had done things to do with guns and drugs plus lots of self absorbed stuff about money and some women that he had slept with, all in less than an hour of the date, I am here to tell you that some times it’s better to shut the f up….

1. Politics and religion - If you’re the type of person who can’t have a conversation about these subjects without getting into a debate that is more like an out-and-out argument, I suggest you keep it zipped. These are tenuous subjects even around people that you know very well - maybe you should get to know the person before you both get up on your soapboxes….

2. Money - Talking about money is crass under most circumstances. Unless you are actually on a date with a golddigger, most people will be unimpressed and turned off. Steer clear of going on about your salary, your inheritance, and the things you own - you’ll just look like a twat…

3. The Future - I went on a date once where within half an hour he was talking about us moving away together and having babies with me. Some women may be turned on by this but I lost what little mojo I had rapidly. No-one likes the smell of desperation and unless you have actually gotten to know each other, talking about the future beyond a few dates can be quite scary. Talk about the future as in you want to indicate that you’ll be going on more dates. Steer clear of weddings, moving in together etc.

4. Your Conquests - No date needs to know who you’ve shagged, snogged, whatever. Like talking about money, this is completely crass and very unnecessary. So you shagged someone, big deal! Boasting about this type of stuff is very high school and if you can’t find something better to talk about, you shouldn’t be on the date. You may also give off the vibe that you’re a playa…and why would you want to do that!?

5. Easy on the addictions - I’m not asking you to lie and mislead but why would a date want to listen to you go on about your addiction to crack cocaine or penchant for getting drunk before going to work? Trust me when I say that these things will be found out anyway, but they aren’t very good conversation starters and someone is going to less willing to be supportive of you if they barely know you.

6. Exes - Exes belong where you left them - in the past. If you keep talking about them, might as well you brought them on the date with you! My golden rule of dating: No discussion about exes on the first date. In fact, if you can make it to the third date without going into any intensive discussions about them, all the better. Surely there is so much to get to know about you that you shouldn’t need to talk about your ex for a date? Also, it’s one thing to speak briefly about an ex (hell, we all have a past), but it’s another thing if they make it the centre of the conversation and start asking for advice or crying. Run!

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Great Date Ideas

One of the most popular questions is about what to do on dates and About.com has come to the resue with an A-Z of date suggestions. Never be stuck again if you’re looking for something out of the ordinary to do.

‘Interesting’ suggestions include:

Bocci Ball - huh?

Embroidery - Something says that with the best will in the world, many women will jump to conclusions about their date…nuff said

Engagement Party - Not one I recommend for first dates…talk about making a guy nervous…

Judge Judy Reruns - I do this type of thing with my mum, not a date!

Nudist Colony - Ooh, saucy!

Others include bingo, volunteering at an elderly home, hula hooping, ice scuplting, igloo making and the list is endless…Well you never have an excuse not to have something to do on a date ever again…makes me wonder what people really do when they go on dates?

Check out all of the date suggestions here

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Vixen’s Guide to: Dressing to Impress

The saying that first impressions do last is utterly true. The way you look every time you step outside your door has the power to either negatively or positively influence how to you feel about yourself in certain situations. Most of us have learned to dress from our tender years of teen emancipation, however once in a while I have come across a few people that have no idea how to dress properly.

As women we are different and come in varied shapes and sizes. What looks good on your best friend might not necessarily look good on you. Also, what used to look good on you while you were in college might not even be able to fit properly now.

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No Fly Zone- Topics To Avoid On a First Date

Conversation is a hallmark of the dating experience and at no time is talking more important than when you are trying to make a good first impression.
First impressions can have a lasting impact and make, or break, future romance. So bringing up relatively “heavy” subjects, when you are just meeting someone for the first time, could cause friction or even repulsion. Your first date isn’t supposed to be where you gauge deeply held convictions and personal views; it’s meant to be an opportunity to gauge compatibility and general attractiveness. The discourse should be light and airy.

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First Date Ditching

Recently, I hid backstage at a concert until my date thought I had left so that I could get rid of him succinctly and painlessly. Now TD, you may say, that is not a very nice thing to do to someone who has taken you out. To which I would reply, “I betcha you would have done the same.” Which brings me to today’s subject: Reasons to Dump Your Date.

Let’s use my recent ditch as an example:
1. He wore “man jewellery.” Now, man jewellery is a term I’ve coined for any sort of accessory that is not a class ring or a sexy ear piercing. In this instance, it was a chain. It was large and shiny, and it belonged around the neck of my local gas station attendant. And the reason I saw so much of the chain leads us to the next no-no.
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