How to Get Dates as a Single Mother

I’ll tell you, point blank, that when I’m comparing women to date, having children is a check mark against them. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t dated single mothers but they have to have something very special about them to push past that situation. Basically since I don’t have children and have been very responsible about my sexual activities, I don’t want to be saddled with another person’s responsibility when I’m just dating the person. My rule is if I had a hand in making the kid I will accept any and all responsibility but if not, oh well—that’s your kid and your problem.

It sounds harsh but I’m not alone. Single men and women often want someone who is child free because there tends to be less complicated emotional baggage. Sometimes they want you to be childfree so that both of you can have children together and it be the first time for each of you. Whatever the reason, being a single parent requires good marketing.

That said, if you do have kids you have to strike a balance between being a good parent and investing time in obtaining, then maintaining your romantic relationships. I think as long as certain expectations are established early, things will work out much better than if they are glossed over.

Put your child first
They are your flesh and blood and they didn’t ask to be conceived. I think very, VERY little of a woman or a man that doesn’t step up to their responsibilities. (I actually hesitate even using the word “woman” or “man” to describe them.) Any guy who doesn’t understand that he will always be second is not a guy you want in your life or your child’s.

Don’t expect a guy to become your child’s daddy.

It’s your call if you want to see whether or not your son or daughter interacts well with your boyfriend/date but my suggestion would be that you don’t want to do this too early (prior to 6 months). Children can become attached to adults and if you break up, it can potentially affect them. Also it’s unfair to expect, right out the gate, that his interest in you includes an interest in your offspring. Talk about what relationship, if any, he is to have with your kid and hold to that standard throughout the dating phase of the relationship.

Be upfront

Don’t hide the fact that you have a kid then spring it on the guy. That’s the easiest way to get dumped fast. Let him be a partner in the decision making process of whether or not the relationship should advance forward. Remember there are some guys who are totally okay dating women with children.

Be kind to your child

One of the things I didn’t like about the girl I dated with a kid was that she was always yelling at her son and I couldn’t figure out what he was doing to demand that sort of response all the time. In my head I thought, well if she’s this unkind to her child, then how will she be toward me down the road? Don’t ever think that the child doesn’t see how you treat the guy in your life or vice-a-versa.

As the relationship gets stronger and more serious, define the guy’s authority

If junior is jumping up and down on the hood of your significant other’s car and you get mad at him when he scolds him then that’s a problem. If there comes a point where he starts to be affected by the child’s antics either give the guy more distance, severely punish any incidents of disrespect so they will respect all adults, or allow the guy to be able to assign time-outs or some other form of non-contact punishment. Some children will walk all over a prospective beau because they deem them the competition to their “real” father and hostility of that nature really needs to be dealt with quickly and swiftly or you will be alone for a long time.

Don’t be afraid of babysitters

When possible it’s a really good idea to go out and leave your child with someone you trust. Any guy who expects it all the time is selfish and not worth your time but if you’re never willing to be with him alone, it could put a major strain on the relationship.

I gotta tell you, if you are a single parent, I don’t envy you. It is a tricky balance between your child’s needs, your needs and the needs of the person you’re dating (in that order). Work hard to give each party the attention they need and deserve while maintaining your sanity.
 

Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species.

 

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