Guest post: How to demagnetize a Drama Magnet…
April 3, 2008 by Cheekie · 10 Comments
On Day Four of the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series, Cheekie shares a very funny, but highly useful perspective on not being a drama magnet….
Drama Magnet….Yup. That’s me.
Honestly, I could be sitting here, knitting or something equally as tame and BAM!
An email/comment on Facebook/text/phone call…and suddenly the drama machine is in overdrive.
How do I handle it? This constant stream of fodder for my neuroses?
Sometimes, not very well. But I realize when I am not dealing with it well, and conversely, when I am.
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Thirty Days of Drama Reduction
March 28, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
On Monday, I’ll be starting a Thirty Days of Drama Reduction series. Every day I’m going to post an insight and tip about the inadvertent quest for drama and how to overcome your drama seeking tendencies so that you can learn to gravitate towards healthier relationships and also give a boost to your self-esteem.
There are so many accidental Drama Seekers out there and unfortunately, seeking out situations that cater to the drama meter only serve to sabotage any possibility of happiness, whether that be on your own or with someone.
Many readers are hooked on dysfunction. Many are hooked on the emotional rollercoaster. I get women telling me that they want to be happy and that they can’t bear the madness…and then throw themselves head first into situations that drive them crazy. Too many women are seeking out the fairy tale and everything around us seems to be telling us that if we’re not trying to create adrenaline rushes through all of this drama, we are lacking something in our lives.
All of this ends up having us believing that we are in love with a guy when in actual fact it’s the familiar feeling of drama that he brings to the table.
It’s time to get real. It’s time to put yourself on drama control! It’s time for a change!
If you have any specific issues or questions you want tackled, now is the time to put them forward!
Look out for posts from fab bloggers such as Hot Alpha Female, Lisa Q, Lance from Honey and Lance and more!
Have you got insights or tips to share? Have you written a post about drama? Would you like to include a guest post? Drop me a line and I’ll include you in the series.
Your thoughts?
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No Ex On The First Date
March 20, 2008 by NML · 3 Comments
You’re on a date. You’re both nervous and you make polite chit chat. Maybe you order a drink and loosen up a little and you’re both tentatively finding out about each other. You start talking about dating/relationships/how you’ve come to be on this date and somehow the conversation slips into the shock infested waters of Ex Territory. Now I don’t care how you got to the conversation, exes do not belong on dates in any way, shape, or form, and certainly not on the first few. If you talk about your ex you might as well have brought them along with you and plomped them in between the two of you.
The most common misconception about asking about exes or blabbing about them is that people believe it’s an opportunity for either party to find out how the other ticks within relationships. People think that you can find out how ready a person is for a relationship, whether they are looking for something serious or searching for a shag, whether they are crazy, and how they think this person will behave if they were in a relationship with them. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible to glean some information from conversations like these but there are two factors that skew any information that you get:
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The truth about Nice Guys
March 17, 2008 by NML · 11 Comments
The dating world is a complicated one full of dodgy dates, misconceptions, and pigeon holing galore, and none more so than with the quintessential hard-done-by Mr Nice Guy. But…are ‘Nice Guys’ really that ‘nice’?
Trust me, it’s not because you’re the Nicest Guy On Earth™ why you can’t pick up women – it’s either because you’re barking up the wrong tree, you’re mistaking certain qualities or characteristics for ‘nice’ when they are actually hindrances, or you’re actually just not that nice.
I believe there are four types of ‘Nice Guy’:
Assclowns, Bastards, and Jerks in Nice Guy Clothing
Men have far bigger egos and more self-esteem than women, which means that they often do not see themselves as they really are. Even if they’re cheating, beating, stealing, and generally dishonest, these guys would STILL sit there and tell you what a great guy they are. There are so many forums full of disgruntled men that blame ‘bitches’ that love Bad Boys for everything that’s wrong with their universe who have decided that they’re not playing nice and they’ll sleep with prostitutes from now on…What’s so nice about this?
Quick solution: These men need to get real about who they are and stop fronting. Only then might they actually learn to deal with their assclown selves.
Read more
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Attraction: 4 key things that make you attractive…or unattractive…
March 6, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
When it comes to dating and relationships, ‘attraction’ can be a word that automatically let’s us off the hook for engaging our brain in any rational thinking. “I’m so attracted to him; I just can’t fight it” she says even though she really should fight ‘it’ because he’s treating her like a booty call even though she thinks he’s her boyfriend. “She’s just…she’s just so damn attractive” he says about the woman who refuses to even acknowledge his existence. What becomes clear is that ‘attraction’ means different things to different people but I find that four things can certainly affect attraction in the first instance…
Make an effort with your appearance
I would be lying if I claimed that the surface doesn’t come into ‘attraction’. The exterior is what most of us notice first but the reality is that unless you are the shallowest of the shallowest, you will take the whole package – looks, character, and personality – into account which can actually affect your perception of their ‘attractiveness’. At the end of the day there is no point looking like Angelina Jolie if you you’re a nasty person within.
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You Are Not Worth My Time!! - How To Know When To Ditch That Guy
March 5, 2008 by Hot Alpha Female · 20 Comments
Hot Alpha Female writes
So life is going great. You’re doing the flirting, meeting the people, and enjoying your dates. Then SMACK! …..You find a guy that you’re crazy about and your world comes crashing down, but in a kind of good way. You can’t stop thinking about him and the fairytale romance you see in the movies might just be a possibility…
Yep you’re in lust. Some people call it love. I call it – rose tinted wonderland or being on drugs…. Whatever floats your boat …
Now let me explain the problem here. Being in this state of lust can cause a little delusion, insanity and insomnia. Being in this state of lust usually stops us from seeing what is really going on.
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I’m not seeing anybody else….Yes but he’s not actually with you either!
March 3, 2008 by NML · 10 Comments
One of the things I learned about dating is that in order to survive, you need to be able to smell the BS coming from a mile away otherwise assclowns a plenty will suck up your time, reduce your self-esteem, and end up making you believe that dating is for suckers. One of the classic BS lines is when a guy tells you by way of reassurance that he’s not seeing/dating/sleeping with anybody else.
Now this should be good news….or is it?
The only time when this is good news is when he really isn’t with someone else but he is actually in a bonafide committed relationship with you, or is making a concerted effort to date you and move things forward. If either of these things are absent, it is likely that you will take the information, swallow it whole, and live under the misguided assumption that if he’s not with anyone else, then he must be with you.
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Happy Valentine’s Day…boo….
February 14, 2008 by NML · 7 Comments
If you’ve been reading this blog for long enough, you’ll know I’m not a big fan of this Hallmark day. Too much expectation and drama and not enough emphasis on the basic idea behind the day in the first place - celebrating your love. And that doesn’t have to be just for your significant other, that should be for yourself. However, love yourself and show yourself due care and concern 365 days a year, and don’t just wait for a commercially appointed day to dictate the ‘romance’ in your relationship.
But obviously, if you are celebrating, enjoy! In the meantime, here’s a few love links in honour of the day…
How to tell if you’re boyfriend’s a psycho - This video of tips for sussing out your boyfriends psycho meter is hilarious. Just be careful because if he really is a psycho, you may get waaaay more than you bargained for… [Howcast]
But just in case you think you have any psycho tendencies…there’s a video for the ladies too [Howcast]
Check out my 10 Tips for Surviving Valentine’s Day Whether You’re Single or Attached [Ask Dan and Jennifer]
10 Naughty Things To Do On Valentine’s Day When You’re Single
10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Let Valentine’s Day Stress You
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Is women loving jerks and Bad Boys really a dating myth?
February 11, 2008 by NML · 31 Comments
I’ve been reading a couple of thought provoking posts over at one of my favourite blogs 40s Singleness, in particular a post about women loving jerks being a dating myth, and of course it’s got me thinking.
Women do love jerks, i.e. the perpetual ‘Bad Boy’. Or if we put it in a language that makes us a bit more comfortable: we love men that create drama. We want excitement, passion, fireworks, and whilst we sometimes get that, we often get plenty of mistreating, emotional unavailability, and ambiguity. ‘Nice Guys’ aren’t claiming a rough ride for no reason; it’s because they often get relegated into the friend zone for behaving half way decent and being available.
Very few women would hold their hands up and say they like assclown Bad Boys and those that do, well they’re a different, rather honest kettle of fish, but every day women blindly pursue relationships with men that reflect the negative things that they believe about themselves, love, and relationships.
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Being The Other Woman - The Lessons I Learnt - Part 2
January 23, 2008 by NML · 9 Comments
on this post
Yesterday, in the first of my three part series about what I’ve learned about being the Other Woman (OW), I talked about how you’re an escape from reality, that all the cheating guys are liars, that the situation is far from being unique, that these guys are manipulators, that they rarely leave their wives or girlfriends, and that as women we treat the dysfunctional relationship we have with these men like a competitive sport.
But of course there is more.
I relate to Oprah’s admission that she felt pathetic and powerless. Often, when we are involved with attached men they reduce us to feeling or acting pathetic and they remove your power. I remember often feeling helpless and I attributed it to this overwhelming amount of feeling I had for him, but in fact, the helplessness arose from being stripped of everything I knew that was right and wrong about relationships, and also the good things about myself. All the arguing, discussing, crying, threats, ultimatums, crying, screaming, and whatever else you’re doing reduce you to feeling utterly powerless as you go round and round in a vicious circle where he never does leave ‘her’ but he keeps screwing with your mind to keep you invested. But what gets me most is that aside from feeling deep regret about my actions with him, I look back and see not only how pathetic I was at times but also remember the pitying looks that some people use to give me. How often did I hear the words “You can do better.”; “He really isn’t worth it” and “What’s a great girl like you doing with a lying cheat?”
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