Baggage Reclaim » News

Video: Happy New Year!

Natalie (NML) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 19:53:27 +0000

Just a quick note to say happy New Year – the full post is by video today! Thank you for taking the time to read Baggage Reclaim and helping to make it bigger and better. I’m incredibly grateful to not only be sharing my journey with you but to be sharing in so many of your own journeys. I’m very lucky to have an amazing community of people that make me laugh, cry, forgive, be compassionate, think, thrive, strive, inspire, and sometimes snort tea up my nose

Whatever you’re up to today (make sure it doesn’t involve waiting around or giving yourself a hard time – and that’s not just for today but for every day), do it with love, self-love at the heart of it. Spend it with people you give it a damn about, even if that ‘people’ is you.

I’ll be back in a couple of days – I’m off to have a karaoke evening in our living room. Saria, my 4 year old does a tear jerking rendition of the chorus from Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ which does make me think of quite a few BR readers!

Love and hugs

Nat xxx

In NYC From This Weekend: Come To Workshops, Meet for Tea + more

Natalie (NML) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 17:44:12 +0000

Hello! Well if you didn’t know already, I’ll be in New York from this weekend to finally launch my workshops next week. There’s You’re Not Going Crazy, They’re Unavailable on the 1st, a crash course in understanding unavailable relationships, It’s Broken, You’re Not on the 2nd, which focuses on recovering after the end of a relationship with your self-esteem in tow so that you can move on, plus a very supportive friend has arranged for me to speak on emotional unavailability at the Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture on the 3rd (you can call her or visit the ticket store direct, details are on the workshop page) – I’m excited! Thanks to all of you who have supported and brought tickets so far – it’s very humbling! Also a big thank you to those of you who have taken the time to suggest locations for future workshops.

I will be in New York from late Saturday night for several days and hope to see you at the workshops. As I did the last time, I will also arrange a tea meetup (no it’s not a workshop!) which is a chance to hang out with a few readers for an hour or two. The last time I did it, it was at The Tea Spot in the West Village (love it) and thoroughly enjoyed bonding with readers – I am of course open to trying somewhere else – suggestions welcome! I’m thinking either Sunday or Monday. Mail me on natalie AT baggagereclaim.co.uk

Before anyone asks: Next London workshop is 22nd February (will get details up in the next couple of days) and next US workshops will be in mid-ish March with likely spots being Chicago, DC, Baltimore plus possibly further south. West Coast is likely to be May.

If you want to ensure that you’re notified of when a workshop is near you, pop your details in this form.

If you have any queries regarding tickets or are buying more than one or want to attend more than one workshop (discount available) or need a student discount, drop me a line on natalie AT baggagereclaim.co.uk

As usual, you know I’m partial to the shops (I have thought about Crate and Barrel a lot!), so as usual, fill me in on your shopping hotspots!

I am sans kids and the boyf which will be the longest I’ve ever been away from them for but I’m going to enjoy my adventure away from home…and hopefully have some undisturbed sleep!

Nat xx

PS My 3 year old Saria took this picture (with some mama help) of the view from our hotel when we were there in November

Happy New Year – Thoughts For 2011

Natalie (NML) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 20:04:46 +0000

Greetings from the cosy confines of my duvet – yes, for the first time in a long time, we won’t be doing anything for New Years as I’m sick with some flu-ey type thing that seems to be doing the rounds. Thank you for all of your lovely congratulations messages – I’m grinning from ear to ear about our engagement although it’s been tempered by the fact that a family member is really unwell in hospital. A very bittersweet time.

I want to thank you all for being a part of my life journey and taking the time to read my thoughts on relationships and self-esteem. Your support means a lot and I’m humbled that I’ve been able to be a part of your own journeys and that what I share with you here is helping you have better self-esteem and more positive relationships.

Life is an ongoing journey and you never stop learning, with the same situations being thrown at you until you heed those lessons.

We only get one ride through this life so we should be conscientious in who we choose to make our journey with, especially when they detract from us, hold us back, or take us down a rather shady path. Ultimately, we’re all in charge of ourselves, even if it feels like others are behind the wheel – they’re not, you’re just taking a bit of a hands off approach. When we own our choices, both good and bad, we’re no longer powerless and are in a position to seek alternative solutions and take action because we realise that if we wait around for others, not much is going to be happening. We’ve got to focus our efforts on what we can control – US.My lessons this year have mostly revolved around family (I had to stand firm about my boundaries which meant my mother and I didn’t speak for most of 2010 although Christmas and the engagement has brought a ‘thaw’) and work (I’ve been overwhelmed and very time poor and have had to make uncomfortable decisions and realisations and also set boundaries and expectations with others). One of the things I realise, is that much like in painful times gone by, while it would be ‘easier’ for me to learn without feeling the pain, the experiences and being honest with myself has been 100% worthwhile.

There are no shortcuts.

We want to do the same thing time and again and generate a different result instead of getting uncomfortable, we want to be the exception, we want to love without limits and not have those limits busted. We want to date someone else to feel better about the rejection from another, and we want to numb the pain by immersing ourselves in another relationship or in Other People’s Problems. We want the solution to lie in someone else’s hands, we want it to be someone else’s fault, and we want to attach ourselves to people who are not capable of giving us what we want and somehow magic up a prince or princess and live happily ever after. We want to be cautious, withheld, distant, afraid of being vulnerable, distrusting, fearful, and basically emotionally unavailable and have someone else come along and prove themselves to us so that we can think it’s worthwhile to be different. We want to choose someone based on looks and how much our libido fizzes and then for the values, qualities, and characteristics that we think we need for a relationship to be automatically there. We want to either love without risk or take a punt on a three-legged horse and love and trust blindly.

There is no shortcut. You’ve got to start loving and liking yourself instead of looking for others to fill you up and challenge the very beliefs that are governing your relationship patterns anyway. You’ve got to address your beliefs and how they tie into how you see relationships, love, and yourself, you’ve got to be prepared to go on a Bullshit Diet and be honest with yourself instead of living in lies, and you’ve got to be emotionally available.

You can be and do all of these things. Within each and every one of you is the power to address these things and be different and start living and feeling the life that you want to live. I’m not saying it’s easy but actually it’s a damn sight better and easier than continuing to resist and avoid getting uncomfortable. You know the deal by now – you can keep doing the same thing and expecting different results, but that would be insanity. You also have a back history of experience to draw from that shows that it doesn’t work. If you can’t date or have a relationship without being able to love, trust, respect, and care for yourself with healthy boundaries, always choose you; don’t choose them. Don’t sell yourself short.

There are people finding love at all ages all the time. Someone I know who is in her fifties, divorced, three kids told me recently she could easily have given up especially after the guy she met on dating site didn’t work out and the next load were all imbeciles, but she decided she had nothing to lose by trying again. Eighteen months on, she’s very happy with someone else she met online. I’m no fan of dating sites but I know of a lot of men and women like her that take care of their emotional wellbeing, back away from inappropriate situations, and are prepared to take their time and get on with enjoying their lives in the meantime. Their lives are rounded and they derive their happiness from various sources. The difference – they believe there is healthy love out there for them somewhere in spite of any painful past experiences and they’re prepared to keep learning and take action.

Wishing you all much love, light, and happiness. See you in 2011.

love Nat/NML x

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays

Natalie (NML) — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 20:46:40 +0000

Well it’s about that time to say Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! I’ll be back in a few days! I thought I’d include a photo of me with my girls, Nia 20 months and Saria 3.5 years taken a short while ago.

Whatever you’re doing and whoever you’re doing it with , whether you’re spending it with Me, Myself, and I, with family, friends, a romantic partner, or dare I say it, a reluctant partner, take care of you, enjoy yourself if you can, and remember to be present in mind, spirit, and physicality, and not mentally away on some alternate drama universe.

Remember – don’t spend the whole time checking your phone for emails and texts. Please don’t keep locking yourself away in a room making tense phonecalls. Please don’t keep checking to see if there’s a line fault. Most of all – don’t go expecting miracles where someone is going to deviate from their normal rule of behaviour. Don’t forget my tips on surviving Christmas.

If you’re feeling low (a lot of people do at this time of year) don’t be afraid to talk to somebody like a friend, family member or external source of support, but I would caution you on looking for an ex to do it as you’re likely to regret it. Exhaust all other avenues before you seek out an ex.

Don’t forget – even in the frustrating things, there’s something to be thankful for. Count your blessings in disguise and take care of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs, Nat xxx

A selection of posts

I’m in NYC later this week! Let’s Meet!

Natalie (NML) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 18:27:41 +0000

I’m bursting with excitement but I shall be in New York from Wednesday to Friday this week with my three year old, thanks to Microsoft who invited us to attend the launch of their Kinect for Xbox – if you’ve not heard of it, it’s a device that responds to your movements so you can use your body to play the game without controllers. If you’re thinking ‘Jaysus Nat, how the hell did you wangle that?’ it’s because aside from writing about dating and relationships, I’m also the founder of Bambino Goodies where I basically, along with a couple of pals, track down cool stuff for kids and their discerning parents – I know, I’m a busy woman!

As many of you know, I’m running the first You’re Not Going Crazy, He’s Mr Unavailable workshop in London tomorrow, and a good friend has organised for me to visit the venues we’ve been researching for the New York workshops and I plan to finalise one while I’m out there, as well as squeeze in some shopping and take Saria (pictured left) to some cool spots.

Of course, I would love to say ‘hey!’ to some readers while I’m out there, and while I don’t think I have time to miraculously throw together a workshop, if you have time for a coffee (actually I drink tea) or a drink, then tweet me @baggagereclaim or @nataliemlue, or drop me a line at natalie AT baggagereclaim.co.uk or you can even post a Facebook message, or hell, just leave a comment. I don’t know my exact itinerary yet but it’ll be Thursday/Friday.

Also, if you have any brilliant recommendations for the shopaholic within me, don’t keep your shopping hotspots to yourself!

This (hopefully) marks the first of many adventures out to the US as the next time I come out there, it will be to do workshops – don’t worry, I will be doing beyond New York!

***Updated 8am GMT 2nd Nov*** Apologies to everyone about the problem with the commenting system overnight. It has now been fixed!

A selection of posts

You’re Not Going Crazy: He’s Mr Unavailable London Workshop plus Online Workshops

Natalie (NML) — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 14:48:22 +0000

Hello! A few months back, I mentioned that I was looking for a way to get out there and start meeting readers and hosting workshops and talks. Well after much tooing and froing, the summer of vertigo, and me finally realising I needed someone to help me (delegation is the key to work happiness), the first workshop – You’re Not Going Crazy: He’s Mr Unavailable is happening on November 2nd in London – Yay!

Aimed at anyone who has every wondered what they did to scare someone off, why they can’t go back to how they were in the beginning, and why they won’t commit and other such things that consume copious amounts of brainpower, think of this as a 90 minute crash course in understanding emotional unavailability and why you’re involved with someone who can’t and won’t deliver, and of course tips and tools for handling these situations and moving on to better relationships. I’ll be hanging out before and afterwards plus there’ll be a Q&A session too. Find out more.

I know overseas readers, especially US and Canadian readers have been on my case about getting over there and after a series of false starts, I now have a very good friend working on getting the workshops up and running so watch this space! A number of people have got in touch about the possibility of hosting a workshop – email me on events AT baggagereclaim.co.uk and let’s talk!

In the meantime, I have also put together some online workshops which I hope to meet UK and overseas readers at. I’m holding a couple of support groups for No Contact, which are half hour sessions that are free of charge with a quick inspiring chat and answering questions. Spaces are already zipping out the virtual door so sign up.

There’s also an online workshop on Lovenomics: Adding the Values To Your Relationships, and this is a crash course in understanding how you can find yourself with someone who appears to tick your boxes but you’re actually incompatible, and how to work out what your values are, what to look for when you meet a partner and more. Check it out.

I will be announcing some more online workshops over the next few days. I’m still trying to crack the timing thing with days and time differences so do let me know what works for you and I will try my best to accomodate it.

Happy 5th Birthday Baggage Reclaim

Natalie (NML) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 16:26:51 +0000

Today is Baggage Reclaim’s 5th birthday! I’ve recorded a little birthday message (below) and basically I want to thank you all for your ongoing support and I look forward to being around for more years to come. I have various birthday delights coming up over the forthcoming days and weeks but for now, it’s just about recognising the journey.

lots of love and hugs to you all, Natalie/NML xxx

A selection of posts

Download Get Out of Stuck: A guide to transforming your beliefs

Natalie (NML) — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 23:00:03 +0000

Jaysus, I’m knackered but one of the projects I have been working on this summer is finished – drum roll – Get Out of Stuck is my guide to getting out of relationship insanity, carrying the same beliefs, baggage, attitudes and choosing same person, different package and then expecting different results. I want to help you transform your beliefs and basically, get out of stuck.

This month, Baggage Reclaim is five, yes five years old and I’ve been on quite a journey since I first started this blog when I myself was unravelling my own beliefs and experiencing major epiphanies about my love habits and interactions. I really didn’t like myself that much and I was desperate to be loved but at the same time I was scared sh*tless that they’d discover my flaws. I had a lot of stuff rattling around in my head but truth be told, when I stopped believing even just one of those beliefs, it started to call others into question. I want you to tackle your beliefs and call yours into question too.

Now…as it is Baggage Reclaim’s 5th birthday, all you have to do to get your copy is sign up to the get out of stuck mail. Aside from getting your copy, you’ll also get updates about new worksheets and get invited to participate in online clinics, attend seminars, plus tips etc.

To get your copy and sign up:

Note – I don’t share your email address with anybody.

Let me know how you get on with Get Out of Stuck. I will be tweaking it and creating new worksheets and there will be a site set up for it.

I will be announcing the first online clinic in the next day or so. Basically, I will be letting a certain number of people submit up to 3 beliefs to get a summary feedback via email. It will also help to create more worksheets in the future and provide more live examples.

In the meantime, let me know how you’re doing!

Woohoo! Baggage Reclaim Shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog Awards – Thank You!

Natalie (NML) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 16:25:54 +0000

Major thanks to you all as you have got me shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog Awards after I wrote about it last month. Your support means a hell of a lot and my work reaching a very different audience of the Cosmo reader is helping me spread the Baggage Reclaim message – offload your baggage and discover and love a you that has boundaries, values, and doesn’t let anyone treat her like a fool!

Of course the work is not over yet as you now need to cast your votes to help me win the sex and relationships category.

Vote for me please!

Thank you!

Love Natalie/NML x

A selection of posts

Oops! Contact Form Has Been Broken!

Natalie (NML) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 07:55:09 +0000

At the back of my mind I’ve been wondering why I’m not getting notifications about people using the contact form. It turns out that at some point, possibly during the system upgrade, the plugin I use ‘broke down’. Unfortunately after checking at my host, it seems that I have none of the messages so if you have used the contact form any time in the past few weeks, I don’t have your message. I apologise. Because I’m still getting a ton of email from readers that I can’t keep up with, the form not working didn’t quite register…. I blame the kids

I have created a new form, one that is not at the mercy of the system. If you have tried to contact me via the form in the past month or so, please use the new form or email me natalie AT bagagereclaim DOT co DOT uk

A selection of posts

Would Like To Meet You: Coming To a City Near You & Web Seminars

Natalie (NML) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:54:07 +0000

Now that the second baby, Nia, is, well no longer a baby (she’s 15 months now and a handful!), I am finally getting a handle on planning to do some seminars/talks initially planned for the UK and the US. This is something I’ve wanted to do for ages but actually takes a lot more planning and organisation than I realised! This is where you guys come in!

I need to find out where I should be going and what you’d like to hear about. If you are able to point me in the direction of where I should be speaking or can even host, I want to hear from you via the form below please – thank you!

I will also be doing some web seminars but I am looking forward to getting out, meeting, and helping people!

Thank you to all of you who have already responded via Facebook – you will get replies from me this week! I am excited to be embarking on a big adventure in spreading the word about everything from boundaries, to Mr Unavailables, to of course, getting happy and having better self-esteem so you can break your patterns and stop the relationship insanity. I hope to meet as many of you as possible so spread the word!

Vote For Me in the Cosmo Blog Awards

Natalie (NML) — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 14:42:03 +0000

A few days ago I attended the launch of the inaugural Cosmo Blog Awards where they want to track down the best blogs across a variety of categories including beauty, fashion, gadget tech, and of course, sex and relationships, which is where you come in. Between now and August 4th is the nomination period and I’d love it if you’d nominate me ‘Baggage Reclaim’ in the sex and relationships category. The Cosmo website has over 600K readers a month and if we can get Baggage Reclaim out there, it’ll help in spreading the word on reclaiming yourself and offloading baggage such as dodgy love habits and assclowns and Mr Unavailables. Vote for me on the Cosmo site.

A selection of posts

Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl – Get 20% Off Before The Price Increase

Natalie (NML) — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:51:58 +0000

In a rather long overdue move, I will finally be putting up the price of Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, my ebook on emotionally unavailable men and the women that they default to or ‘fallback’ on for a shag, an ego stroke, a shoulder to lean on while becoming the man of diminishing returns.

The price will go up on Monday (it’s currently £12.50 which is around US$18.38 or euro 15.19 – currency automatically converts at the checkout ) and until midnight on Sunday ( I get confused with the systems timing but I think it’s West Coast USA timing so European readers etc will still get the offer for part of Monday), you can also use the code IAMNOTANOPTION to get an additional 20% off. After that the price will go up.

I have received a tonne of mail over the last few months with some great words of praise for it – thank you! Here are a small selection…

I would just like to give you some feedback.. OMG OMG OMG.. I CAN’T stop reading the ebook, especially the chapter on the other woman (OW). I have been the OW for around 8 weeks… I saw the red flags before I down loaded your book, but now it is even MORE clear that he is a ASSCLOWN. Love your work. – Donna

You have done an incredible job of so clearly deconstructing the games played by the Mr Unavailable but more importantly, my epiphany moments of personal clarity and seeing the WHY of why I signed up for those games has done more for me than getting inside his head. Victoria, Arizona USA

First off all let me express my admiration of your power of convincing and also of the your skills for the very profound analysis. I red a lot of books on this subject. And very honestly found them quite primitive. I usually do not find something that can give me the elements for the prospectives. This is really first time I am so impressed and even beside the fact that it helps me emotionally and making decision, but I really enjoy it intellectually. Thank you so much! It is really a breath of the fresh air. – Francine, Canada

I am an ex journalist and have worked for major newspapers and magazines, and, since reading, or rather sobbing my way through BOTH of your impressively insightful books, have come to the conclusion that I am a textbook Fallback girl with the emotional intelligence of an ant! – Karen, UK

Thank you this is the best thing I’ve ever purchased. It has given me alot of insight about myself. Thank you very much! – Janet

I am (finally) getting some help in (my little sis is coming to work/intern for me) now that she’s graduated and looking for a job which means I can actually get some work done and I will be sharing lots more snippets from readers – thanks for your support – it means a hell of a lot!

Oh and did I mention that Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is going to be available on the Kindle? It’s actually on Amazon already but need to do some tweaks…

Have a great weekend! Nat x

Get almost 50% off the Get to Grips With…Values & Common Interests Bundle

Natalie (NML) — Tue, 18 May 2010 13:50:24 +0000

First of all, thanks to each and every one of you who has emailed me over the past couple of weeks and in particular over the past few days about the new ebooks on values and common ground in relationships. A hot subject after I wrote several posts on these tricky subjects, I took the original combined 11K words and expanded on the subject with over 45K words across the two ebooks to help people get to grips with what really makes people compatible for relationships – values.

You can find out more about the Values & Common interests bundle and until midnight GMT on Sunday 23rd May, you get about 47% off and the bundle includes a couple of extra worksheets as well. Use the code VALUES. This means instead of the usual price of £19 for the two, it’s £10 (approx US$14.77/euro11.63). All currencies are calculated at the checkout.

Thanks and enjoy! Natalie x

News! Update on Values & Being Valued in Relationships eBook & Lots of Extras

Natalie (NML) — Thu, 13 May 2010 17:00:51 +0000

Hello! Over the next few hours, if you emailed requesting one of the limited number of free copies of my Get To Grips With…Values & Being Valued in Relationships ebook , you will receive a reply and potentially an ebook. I got absolutely inundated that it was a tad overwhelming! Thank you also for some of the unbelievably heartfelt emails I received from quite a few people – very humbling!

Right! Now for more news. There’s now a companion ebook to go with the values one, Get To Grips With…Common Ground in Relationships, which has two extra worksheets to go with it which will let you really discover just how much common dubious stuff that your partners share. I have also done a mini ebook on The Quick Guide to Some Very Common Beliefs.

I will now start sending out emails to the winners of the Values ebooks and will notify you if you didn’t win.

If you have purchased Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl or The No Contact Rule, you will receive an email from me in the next few hours explaining how one of these eBooks comes free of charge as an extra to your purchase, how to claim one of a small amount of free copies, and also relevant discount codes. If you have purchased today, don’t panic, you will receive what you’re supposed to!

Please be patient and until it is midnight here in the UK, please don’t send me an email because I have over 3K in my inbox already!

I will update all the book pages on the site to make it easy to find everything (I will update this post so you can always check back) plus I will add discount codes also. If you’re an existing purchaser of my ebooks (thanks very much!), you get a larger discount which will be on the mail.

Laters x

You can find out more about the get to grips bundle where you can get 50% off for a limited time.

Baggage Reclaim » News

Video: Happy New Year!

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In NYC From This Weekend: Come To Workshops, Meet for Tea + more

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Happy New Year – Thoughts For 2011

Life is an ongoing journey and you never stop learning, with the same situations being thrown at you until you heed those lessons.

There are no shortcuts.

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Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays

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I’m in NYC later this week! Let’s Meet!

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You’re Not Going Crazy: He’s Mr Unavailable London Workshop plus Online Workshops

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Happy 5th Birthday Baggage Reclaim

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Download Get Out of Stuck: A guide to transforming your beliefs

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Woohoo! Baggage Reclaim Shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog Awards – Thank You!

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Oops! Contact Form Has Been Broken!

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Would Like To Meet You: Coming To a City Near You & Web Seminars

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Vote For Me in the Cosmo Blog Awards

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Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl – Get 20% Off Before The Price Increase

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Get almost 50% off the Get to Grips With…Values & Common Interests Bundle

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News! Update on Values & Being Valued in Relationships eBook & Lots of Extras

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