Relationship Advice: Am I addicted to my lying, cheating ex Mr Unavailable?
Steph asks: “Your post on “When he tells you that he wants to break up versus when he treats you badly till YOU break up!”…… was right on as usual. I was stuck with the second kind of EUM…who would never have ended it until we were both eighty. But he cheated on me and [...]
Relationship Advice: Help! I’m not part of his life plan and he wants to move out and sofa surf!
Catherine asks: “I am six years into it with an emotionally unavailable man. It is not that he was dishonest about his unavailability, or that there were any of the red flags missing. He was separated, had lost a a baby, was in the process of divorcing his wife. But we got along so well, had very similar worldview, politics, lifestyle, music, really a great time was had. At least I have that.
Now he has told me that he is thinking about moving out of his apartment. This is where we spend most of our time together, because it has been my custom to ride my bike or bus over, stopping by the grocery store to pick up something to cook. I am an outstanding cook, and it is one of my main ways of expressing love, for my friends and family as well as him. He doesn’t like my house because it is old, worn down, and I’m kind of slobby. I have asked for a more grown-up domestic middle-aged type lifestyle and romance, but he is firm about the No Cohabitation Rule, and besides I’m messy.
5th December: How To Lose An Assclown in 90 Days…
Well it’s later than planned but I finally have a date for the print version of Get Over Him: How To Lose An Assclown in 90 Days….
So what is it about?
Right now, millions of women feel like they’re losing their minds over ‘assclowns’; men that mistreat women, are unable to commit anything yet insist on [...]
Reader Question: Why can’t Mr Unavailable’s either let go of their ex or return to them?
Why is it that emotionally unavailable men/assclowns are unable to let go of or return to the ex wives?
My former assclown has been divorced for over five years and is choosing not to move on from his previous life. They have two adult children (one still in college) and continue to do get together for family events (every other month) and all holidays events. This is the reason we broke up, he refuses to include me in these events and would not cut the ex out for the sake of the kids. I also found out that he continues to do her annual taxes.
He claims he had been hurt very much in the marriage and rejected repeatedly but continues not to move on with his life. The ex had asked for a reconciliation a year back but he refused. I don’t understand this?
He claimed to have loved me and told me that we were working towards a relationship but with typical assclown behavior he never came through. All words no action!!!!
Reader Question: Is it normal to want revenge on my married assclown?
I always thought I was such an intelligent woman with an astounding amount of common sense, until reading Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.
Is it normal to want revenge on “my” assclown?
I work with him, so we have contact all day long. I want to expose him somehow, some way. After putting “2 and 2″ together, I think (know) he’s cheating on me and his wife.
Sometimes I feel like I’m starting to go off the deep end and want to follow him or have one of my friends spy on him. If I could just know for a fact that he is shagging someone else besides me and his wife, I feel that it might finally get me to the “absolutely pissed off” stage I need to be at to push him out of my life. He’s quite the charmer and I am starving for attention so it’s always back and forth with him. Story is waaaaayyyyy too long to go into detail but right now I’m feeling extremely pathetic and want revenge. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Passive Aggression in Relationships - Part 3
So earlier this week over the course of two posts I looked at passive aggressive behaviour, looking both at how a Mr Unavailable or assclown may behave, but also how a woman might behave in some very common situations.
In today’s post I’m going to look at some ways for dealing with passive aggressive behaviour and [...]
Relationship Advice: Should I cut contact, try out a new guy, or be alone?
I have a classic NML - He won’t even commit to a relationship with me. After nearly a year, and several halfhearted attempts on my part to break it off with him, I finally sat him down and told him enough! I was really hurt but relieved. The next day he called me insisting that he was working on being a better person ( I think this is true, just not with me) and he asked if we could talk in about a month after I’d healed and spent some time away from him. I reluctantly agreed.
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda - Could my relationship have been different?
When I used to spend my time going out with assclowns and Mr Unavailable’s (or guys who were both), when things were over or were approaching ‘The End’, I’d start to wonder if things could have been different if only I could have let certain things slide, been less assertive, been the one to change etc etc.
This is a common thought pattern for a lot of women and it arises from the big 3:
Passive Aggression in Relationships - Part 2
A couple of days back I explained how a typical Mr Unvailable or assclown (or maybe he’s both) uses passive aggression in the relationship to absolve himself of any responsibility but also to do nothing. But…would you be surprised to know that we can indulge in our own passive aggressive behaviour too?
Passive aggression is about trying to get your own way by essentially doing nothing, or doing exactly what you intended to do, even though you may have made noises to the contrary to the other party.
Now it’s safe to say that part of the reason why women get involved with men who are passive aggressive is because his behaviour mimics patterns that they are all too familiar with from their childhood.
Passive Aggression in Relationships - Part 1
When you’re in struggling relationships, especially with emotionally unavailable men (Mr Unavailable’s) and assclowns, something your are likely to experience is passive aggression=.
According to Wikipedia:
“Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following through with expectations in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible. It is a defense mechanism, and (more often than not) only partly conscious. For example, suppose someone does not wish to attend a party. A passive-aggressive response in that situation might involve taking so long to get ready that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.”
Now I receive quite a few emails that describe the guy as passive aggressive but actually, in struggling relationships that drag on, this is behaviour that both parties can be guilty of, but for part 1 of this post, I am looking at his behaviour.
