To love someone is to know and understand them. It takes time and experience.
Sometimes we believe or assume that we know someone (or they us) but it becomes patently clear over time that there’s an understanding gap.
Much as we might feel loving feelings towards someone whom with just met or haven’t been with for that long, it’s not love. Even if that same person claims to feel similarly, what we have to ask ourselves is: Does this person truly know and understand me? Or is it that they love what they think they know or that they love the best bits?
What we all want as humans is to be accepted and we all fear rejection. When we truly know and understand a person and are open to knowing and understanding them further, we are accepting that person, not just for who they’ve been so far and who they are right now, but who they might be in the future. Conversely, when we’re willing to know and understand ourselves and to allow us to be seen and heard as part of that process, we are accepting not just of who we are right now but also our past and future selves.
When we pretend to be perfect or stress over why we can’t be perfect for a partner, we are shutting down knowing and understanding, and so closing down love and acceptance.
When we pretend to be someone that we’re not or refuse to know ourselves or even refuse to reinterpret our previous judgements of us, we’re also closing down.
The moment that we seek to blend in or to appeal to the other party in an effort to be who we imagine would be the ‘right’ woman or man for them, we’ve just blocked love.
One of the things that we forget when we discard who we are is that by blending in to be like ‘everyone’ else, we are losing our appeal. The partner with whom we can experience a mutually fulfilling relationship with love, care, trust and respect is not looking to be with a face in the crowd. They are not looking to be with the homogeneous version of girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse. They want to be with us.