The hardcore No Contact Rule is really the ideal way to extricate yourself from men that don’t want to break and just bring a whole load of drama to the table, but for some of you…breaking up is hard to do, even when you say it’s what you want to do…. If you are sure but you know that it’s not going to be easy to do whether it’s because you know you’ll be suckered in, there are things to sort out (could be financial for instance), or because he’s a persistent bugger that will up the ante when you cut him off, the Get Out Plan can help you.

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Tell another colleague…or pretend you have I don’t mean go to a manager but the more people that know that you were involved and that now you aren’t, the less opportunity he has to operate under a veil of secrecy and the more likely he is to come under scrutiny. These guys don’t like people knowing their business, not only because their Mr Wonderful image gets dented but also because they can’t try it on with another woman in the office if the word is out about him.

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I’ve written about red flags before, but I wanted to cover the subject especially in the context of drama seeking and helping you recognise inappropriate, abort mission, sprint in the opposite direction, take off the Rose Tinted Glasses and the Bruised Ego Fur coat.

A red flag is a signal in the other parties behaviour or about the relationship which flags a serious problem in the relationship, whether that is straight away or further down the line.

It is likely that a red flag will deal a fatal blow to your relationship - It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but soon, although many women continue with the relationship regardless, because they have travelled too far down the road and are heavily emotionally invested, or just plain scared of walking away. Or the sex is too good…

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I have decided to take a typical 12 step AA programme and create a drama reduction one.

1. We admit that we are Drama Seekers - that our relationships and sense of self have become unmanageable.

2. We are in charge of ourselves and our relationships. Drama can be as big or as little as we want it to be. The choice to engage is our choice alone.

3. We have come to believe that there is a greater power than drama or an assclown - that is ourselves. We will restore ourselves to sanity and take charge of our experiences.

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Brad K explains how in essence, drama reduces communication in a relationship and essentially, are you both happy and are you good for each other?

Is he as happy as he was when you met? Is he as content, as secure emotionally? Are you?

The people around us should improve, if we are good for them. We should be enabling them to grow, to be secure and happy, to be of service to themselves and others.

When the drama builds, when the relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere ask “Am I getting more secure, more content, more sure of myself?” If the answer is “Yes!” then give the guy a hug, and skip this message.

So I assume there is a problem. Ideally, each day, each encounter with a significant other, should add another layer of trust, respect, of contentment. I won’t say much about ‘in a rut’ or ‘we aren’t growing’, since so many cosmetic companies, magazines, books, and professionals make a living shamelessly convincing ordinary, happy people that their lives are incomplete without *their* wonder product or advice. So being unhappy about being *just* content is a valid complaint, sometimes, but more often a problem is invented to sell a product. It gets difficult to separate the problems from the marketing debris.

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Lisa Q writes…

Just yesterday my good friend decided that the drama that was her relationship had to end. Drama dude not only lived with her without paying rent, he also stole money from her 7-year-old son. He wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked him in the face and has been cheating via phone sex with a girl he met online in another state. She called me in the morning to tell me it was time. I went to help pack his crap and to provide moral support

Now, I have to give the girl credit. She had her stuff lined out. She had a friend coming over with new locks and another friend’s hubby coming to install them. But here was the drama kids. Drama dude was asleep upstairs while we were packing him up and changing locks! Can you say awkward and weird?

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Today on day 24 of the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series, Brad K offers up an empowering and highly insightful perspective of having friends and now allowing disrespect…..

When you find yourself in the midst of disaster, when you are hurt by those you trusted, do you keep the drama in, and avoid letting anyone […]

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Drama had a friend in my ‘bad voice’ - a bit like Good Cop/Bad Cop, with Good Cop being my ‘gut’. Drama has a friend too in your own Bad Cop or the Voice of Unreason..

But the more you start to feel good, the less room ‘the bad voice’ or The Voice of Unreason has to enter into your life and when it does, the gut with ‘The Voice of Reason’ kicks in.

The Voice of Reason is powered by higher self-esteem, intuition, self-awareness, and the ability to judge a situation without lust, libido, or insecurity getting in the way.

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Today on day 22 of the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series, Hot Alpha Female wonders what your tipping point for drama is…

So in the short time that I have been giving advice through my blog I have had a lot of people ask me question specifically to do with their situation.
Usually it goes something […]

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The more women I speak with and the more comments I read, is the more I discover that many of our fears and our reactions to them are based on assumptions and a total lack of reasonable questioning. On the surface though, many women assume that they are communicating but in actual fact they suffer with Women Who Talk Too Much Syndrome, talking for the sake of talking but never actually deriving any action from it.

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